by Ana Ashley
“Oh fuck, Isaac. I need to feel you inside me. One last time. Please, baby.”
I took hold of his cock and pulled, applying a tiny bit of pressure. “What if I want you inside me?” I teased.
“Keep doing that and there will be no one inside anyone.”
As much as I wanted to play this cat-and-mouse game, I also didn’t want to waste any precious time I could be inside Max for what was likely the last time.
I turned Max so he was lying on his back with me flat on top of him. My heart was beating out of my chest as I looked into the dark pools of his eyes.
I kissed him like our very existence depended on it. It was easier than looking at him and blurting out that he should stay here with me forever. Besides, with him grinding his hips against mine, there wasn’t much blood left in my thinking head.
When I could tell he was close to coming, I eased our grinding, and moved slowly down his body, placing soft butterfly kisses on his chest and belly, his abdominal muscles contracting at my touch.
I loved the contrast between Max’s hard, defined muscles, and how ticklish he was.
He rested his hand on my head in warning, and I chuckled, then moved back up and bit his nipple. He let out a throaty sound I knew meant I needed to get on with it or he’d flip us over and fuck me instead.
I contemplated that for a moment. I’d love nothing more than to feel Max inside me, but my ass was suitably sore from last night, and I was more than willing to give him the same. I knew why he wanted it.
We were both hoping this feeling would carry us over until we were on our respective sides of the ocean, and by the time it subsided, there would be no other option but to carry on with our regular lives.
That thought made me snap into action. Max had already put a condom and the small bottle of lube on the bed, so it didn’t take long for me to suit up and start preparing his inviting hole for my cock.
He made it easy for me by grabbing hold of his legs and pulling them up to his chest. The sight alone was nearly enough to make me come, so I found myself thinking about anything but Max so I wouldn’t be tempted to get inside him before he was ready.
“Isaac,” he cried, “please, baby, I’m ready.”
I made one last pass of my fingers on his prostate.
“Fuck, fuck. Isaac!”
That was it; I’d taken it too far. In three seconds flat, I found myself lying on my back, and it was my turn to gasp in pleasure as Max straddled me and guided my hard cock into his hole.
I held my breath and rolled my eyes under my closed lids. He was so tight and warm.
“Look at me, baby.”
Max grabbed my hands and held them above my head.
“Max, I need all of you. Please.”
He leaned down and covered the rest of my body with his, wrapping his arms around my neck. I was pinned under him, his weight grounding me. I released my hands from his and placed them on his hips to keep him in place while he wrapped his arms around me.
“Baby, I’m close,” he whispered in my ear.
I was getting there, too, so I kept my pace slow and steady before placing my feet flat on the bed, which changed the angle I was coming at him with.
The first time my cock touched his prostate, he shouted. When I kept doing it over and over while increasing my pace, Max’s mutterings were nothing but unintelligible words.
We were both hanging by a fine thread. When my mouth ran away from me, and I whispered in his ear, “I love you, Max,” that was it. We both came simultaneously.
The explosion in my chest was like nothing I’d ever felt before. There were specks of light dancing in my eyes, my ears were ringing, and my chest pounding, but it was the undeniable feeling of love that was overriding everything.
“I love you too, Isaac.”
I should have panicked that I’d confessed my feelings for Max just as he was about to go back to Manhattan, but I didn’t. I’d expected some kind of moment, or revelation, but it didn’t come. All I felt was relief because, despite everything, loving Max was as natural to me as breathing.
Max’s eyes were locked with mine. His smile lit up my heart like a bonfire, and I knew then what I should have guessed all along. He felt exactly the same way.
We didn’t need to be at the airport until later, so we stayed in bed a little longer. Lying in each other’s arms, hoping time would freeze. When that didn’t happen, we got up to take a shower and get ready.
During our late breakfast, the weight of missing Max was already taking over. Even the cat seemed more subdued, which was very unlike him.
Fuck, this was going to be hard.
We arrived at Lisbon airport too early. Part of me wanted to draw out the time I had with Max, and the other part wanted him gone so I could hide away in my apartment feeling sorry for myself.
“Do you have any regrets?” Max asked.
“None at all. I would do this all over again given half a chance.”
“Me too. Anytime.”
We stood there in the area between Departures and Arrivals locked into an embrace neither of us wanted to break.
Around us, people were moving with purpose, eager to start their holiday or meet their loved ones, go away for work, or maybe come home.
“What are you thinking about?” Max asked.
“If all these people here had their hearts floating like a balloon above their heads, how many do you think would be full, deflated, or burst?”
“You are an amazing person. I never stood a chance, did I?”
“Of what?” I asked.
“Not falling in love with you.”
My breath caught in my throat, and it took me a while to recover. I knew my reply didn’t carry the lightness I wanted to convey.
“Well, I am pretty awesome.”
“You sure are.”
Max kissed me tenderly. It was a kiss that made me want to rip my chest open just to check there was still a heart beating inside.
I didn’t think there would be; after all, I’d given it all to Max so it would be traveling on that airplane back to Manhattan. I just hoped one day I could be reunited with it again.
Diogo arrived with his family shortly after. I watched as Max turned into the caring nurse, reassuring Diogo’s family that he’d be safe in Manhattan and that he had a family in the Liberty Center.
His uncle was in the process of working out a transfer to his company’s Manhattan offices. Hopefully, it wouldn’t take long.
I drove from the airport on autopilot. I couldn’t remember if the traffic was light or heavy, if I had the radio on as usual or not.
The image I had permanently etched on my mind was of Max’s face as he’d gone through the departure gates with Diogo.
The look in his eyes had told me everything he was feeling.
I knew we would see each other again, but it wouldn’t be the same.
We would just be friends whose best friends were a couple. Friends that had a shared history. But that was that.
When I opened the door to my apartment, Max jumped into my arms, and that was when I allowed myself to finally break apart.
I fell to the ground on my knees, holding my cat to my chest, letting the tears run free.
I jumped when a pair of arms pulled me into an embrace. I hadn’t even realized I’d left the door open.
The embrace was familiar; but while the arms, the aftershave, and the feeling of comfort were right in so many ways, it wasn’t what I wanted in that moment.
“Alex.” My voice was strangled and muffled against his shirt. “What am I going to do now?”
“Shh, let’s go sit on the sofa.”
Alex helped me up and guided me toward the living room.
The view from the balcony no longer had the same appeal.
I used to sit on the sofa looking out, but now all I could see was Max and I making love on the rug right in front of the balcony after seeing the sun setting in the distance.
Alex put a glass of
cold chocolate milk in front of me.
“I haven’t had chocolate milk since forever.”
“Chocolate milk makes everything better. Remember when you studied really hard for that test and then when you got to class, you realized you’d studied for the wrong subject?”
I remembered it. Days and days of studying my most hated subject, chemistry. I’d still done well in the test since it was history and I’d been obsessed with ancient Greece and Rome, but I’d come home furious with myself.
Alex had brought me our favorite drink, saying that now we could play with the games console all day because I’d already studied for the next test.
“I’m not sure it can make this better.” I drank it anyway, enjoying the cool milk as it went down my throat and settled in my stomach.
“Can I be the big brother for a moment?” Alex asked.
“You’ve been my little big brother for a long time now.”
“No. I want to be the big, big brother.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Go on.”
“When you told me about Max after you came back from New York, I was so worried about you. I wasn’t sure those feelings you described could be real. You’d just met him. But you were so happy. More than I’d ever seen you. Then you went into this dark mood like you’d lost everything.” Alex made a pattern with the condensation on the outside of his now-empty glass, like he was trying to find the right words before he carried on.
“Every morning I wake up a few minutes before Joana, and every morning I look at her face as she sleeps. Even after feeding Sofia in the night or getting up if she cries, Joana is still the most beautiful, generous, loving human being I’ve ever seen. She’s completely unaware that I selfishly steal those moments each morning. When she wakes up, I close my eyes and pretend to sleep. She always moves closer and gives me a kiss on each eyelid to wake me up. Then we both go to Sofia’s room and stand over her crib, looking at her soft pink cheeks, admiring how she can sleep in that weird position she likes with her butt up in the air and her knees pulled up to her chest.”
“Joana is the best thing that’s happened to you, Alex. You have the perfect family.”
“No, big brother, we’re not perfect, but we’re perfect for each other in our own special way.”
I didn’t understand why Alex was telling me all this. I knew how much he loved Joana. I’d been there since the very beginning, watching their attraction grow into love, and how they somehow made us all into a family.
“Isaac, I saw how Max looked at you. How you looked at him. It was like there was no one else around.”
I got up and stood facing the balcony doors. “It doesn’t matter.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. It is all that matters. You can work everything else out. But what you two have? That’s special. Don’t throw it away. Don’t make it less significant than it is in a bid to protect your heart.”
“How?”
“You know how.”
And with that last statement, Alex left me to my muddled thoughts and broken heart.
Did I have the guts to risk everything I cared about to follow my heart? I had a feeling I already knew the answer even before the question had formed in my head.
26
Max
Hamptons – October
Twice I’d been the one who’d been left behind. I thought that had been hard, but leaving Isaac at Lisbon airport was like my heart was ripped apart, sewn back together, only to be torn again in an endless cycle of pain.
I’d been back in New York for four weeks, and each day felt heavier than the one before.
I’d done my usual: back-to-back shifts at the hospital and spending time with Joel and David. I’d also been visiting Diogo, making sure he was okay until his uncle moved to New York to live with him, which had happened a few days ago.
The only place I had not been to was Liberty Center. Dorian had called several times saying the young guys and girls had asked about me. I calculated it would have been nearly six weeks since my last visit to the Center, but I just couldn’t do it.
I knew it would be too painful because everything there would remind me of the time I’d spent with Isaac.
After a week of non-stop calls from well-intentioned friends, I escaped to Jojo’s house in the Hamptons for the weekend. I was intending to eat my bodyweight in cookie dough and do nothing more than cozying up by the fire or walking on the beach.
My plans were unceremoniously crashed by Joel and David, who decided they needed to spend this weekend with me because they were due to fly back to Portugal in two weeks.
They’d arrived a couple of hours after me, and in the same evening, Dorian and Jean-Paul, who were flying to France in a week to spend the next two months with Jean-Paul’s mom in Paris, also turned up. Apparently, Halloween was a thing this year, and I couldn’t miss it.
I was angry with all of them for crashing my pity party. I wasn’t in the mood to socialize, especially not around two loved-up couples. Joel and David couldn’t keep their hands off each other, and even Dorian and Jean-Paul, who’d been together for years, had kicked the PDA up a notch. They’d been acting very secretive over this trip to France. They visited Jean-Paul’s mom at least twice a year but never for this long. Normally I’d poke and prod until I got the truth out of them, but I didn’t have the energy right now.
Our usual arrangement was that I kept an eye on the center while they were away, but this time, I hadn’t been asked.
After a morning of grocery shopping, brunching, and generally pretending to be happy, I’d finally found solace in the sunroom. The happy couples had disappeared, either for a walk on the beach or up to their room, so I had retreated to my favorite place in the house.
I loved the floor-to-ceiling glass windows that covered the round shape of the room. The only part connecting to the house was the door, so it felt like I was sitting right on the beach but with the benefit of keeping out of the chilly fall breeze.
The view wasn’t much different from what I’d observed weeks ago when I’d been here last. I wondered if it was always like this, families or couples walking on the beach, people walking dogs, kids playing on the sand.
Jojo would know the answer since she’d lived in the house for over fifty years.
The photo of a much-younger Jojo with her husband and son, Joel’s dad, grabbed my attention. I picked it up, looking at the details. They were on the beach with the house in the background, looking so happy. I missed her. She always had good advice regardless of whether someone requested it.
I placed the frame back on the side table and looked again at the choppy waters in front of me.
What is your plan, Max? I thought to myself. I needed something to keep me busy in the coming months. Maybe I could ask Dorian if there was anything I could do at the center. Since they’d be away over Christmas, I was sure I could at least help with the usual activities.
Or maybe I could do something that would occupy me for much longer than the next few months.
With all my friends away, I would have plenty of time, and I definitely didn’t want to focus on the lack of people around me.
Before Sílvia had died, I’d talked to her about training to be a pediatric nurse. She’d encouraged me to go for it, saying the ER would become too tiresome at some point and that I had a talent working with the younger patients. It had been a while since I’d thought about going back to school.
I made a mental note to check out colleges and funding when I got home tomorrow evening.
My heart skipped a beat when I saw a slim, curly-haired guy in the distance, but as soon as I caught my breath I remembered the guy from last time. Maybe he was a local or someone who had friends nearby, or maybe he just enjoyed visiting.
I laughed. If I was going to come here more often to relax while Joel was in Portugal, I was going to have to get used to seeing the guy around. I figured the only way to stop confusing him with Isaac would be to introduce myself. Maybe if I saw him
close-up, my brain would realize he was nothing like Isaac and stop skipping a beat every time he walked on the beach.
I got up and left toward the beach through the external door and the set of steps that led right onto the sand.
The wind was much cooler than I was expecting, and I felt the chill all the way down to my bones. I sped up toward the guy, tucking my face in the collar of my shirt to keep the wind from hitting as hard.
While I was walking toward not-Isaac, I wasn’t looking up, so with my increased speed to keep warm, I nearly bumped into him.
“Shit, I’m so—” I froze. Not-Isaac was not not-Isaac. Not-Isaac was, “Isaac!”
I shook my head and closed my eyes. Maybe the shift in temperature from the warmth of the sunroom to the cold outdoors had me seeing things.
“Max.”
That voice. It sounded so real I opened my eyes again.
“It’s really you?”
He was nodding fiercely, tears running down his cheeks. I made my legs move, and in a second, I had proof that Isaac was really there when I had my arms around him and could smell his familiar aftershave.
“You’re really here?”
“I’m really here. God, Max, I missed you so much.”
“Me too, baby, me too.”
I let go of him only long enough to place my hands on his face and kiss him.
I was like a starved man. His warm, soft lips moved against mine, opening to allow me to taste him. Our tongues dueled for control, and his ragged breath was warm against my skin. I didn’t want to stop the kiss for fear my mind was still playing tricks on me.
Oh crap, what if my mind really was playing tricks, and I’d been kissing the other guy?
I drew back, still with my hands on either side of his face.
“Jesus, Max, you’re going to make me come in my pants in the middle of the beach.” He laughed and then put his arms around me again, resting his head in the crook of my neck and inhaling deeply.
I lifted him up by the waist and let out a loud whoop as I turned around and around until I felt dizzy and had to stop and let Isaac’s feet back on the sand.