by Belle Aurora
Vik held onto me until we got into his car. Once there, he pulled me close enough that almost all parts of our bodies touched and smiled into my soft mouth, kissing me restlessly, impatiently, until my lips were pink and swollen.
Just as originally planned, I went to prom alone.
Anika and I spent the afternoon getting our hair and makeup done. Her dress was a cream satin number with thin spaghetti straps and swept along the floor behind her. My dress was long, black, and formfitting. It had a sweetheart neckline and thick straps. Anika wore her hair up with a few loose strands of hair curled at either side of her pretty face, while I wore mine down, parted in the middle.
Neither of us would be getting a corsage this evening. It kind of dulled the experience, but it was what it was.
There would be no limousine. Only the two goons in the black SUV parked outside who were expected to see to our safety. And once Anika’s parents had taken a hundred and one photos of us, we were on our way.
Anika’s eyes met mine in the back seat. I smiled sadly. She returned it with a light shrug before peering out the window with a soft sigh.
In disappointment, we were matched.
Perhaps it should have felt different than it did. I thought it would be exciting. Instead, it felt like a chore.
No dates. No flowers. No limo.
We were sharing half of an experience here, and it was noticeable.
I hadn’t seen Vik that evening. Truthfully, I hadn’t expected to. It was a Saturday night, and my father needed him. Chaos was a growing syndicate, and they needed all hands on deck if they were to develop the sprouting heads into fully formed blossoms.
We understood you were only strong as a united firm. The men had obligations to attend to. That usually translated into time away from family, but the wives understood. You did not marry a member of Chaos without considering the sacrifices that came with such a role.
Perhaps it was sad, but I already knew the way of things. Vik would be there when he could. And that meant I wouldn’t always get him when I wanted him.
Tonight was one such night. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t saddened by it.
From our table, I watched Anika dance with her cheer friends, and I smiled, knowing she was happy in her element. Unfortunately, I was so far out of mine that it almost pained me to sit alone at our table.
I didn’t feel as though I belonged here. I never felt like I belonged anywhere.
I was the daughter of Anton Leokov. I was Sasha’s sister. I was Anika’s friend. I was the girl with the addled brother. The one whose mother disappeared in the middle of the night. I was a constant plus-one. Always someone’s “something.”
Eternally the other.
Never the one.
It got boring after a while. It also made me sadder than I cared to admit.
If I wished hard enough, perhaps one day, someone might put me first. I held that belief close. I had to. I just had to.
A few boys asked me to dance. I politely declined. And as I sighed, sitting with my chin resting on my upturned hand, I scraped my nail down the thick fabric of the linen tablecloth in pure boredom as another tried his hand.
“Wanna dance?” came from behind me, just barely heard over the music.
Without even turning, I responded a gracious but uninterested, “No thanks.”
“You’d rather just sit there all night?”
Oh, come on, buddy. Let it go.
“Yep,” I said, popping the P.
My brow furrowed when the chair in front of me was rudely pulled out. My eyes almost popped out of my head when Vik lowered himself into the seat and said, “Here I am thinking she’s gonna be over the moon.” He placed a plastic-boxed corsage gently on the table. I blinked up at him in wide-eyed wonder. He shook his head slowly and uttered, “And to think I wore this penguin suit for you.”
Oh my God.
He’s here.
Glee filled me.
He’s here!
But then my fractured mind got the better of me.
Why is he here?
But before I could think on it, my gaze passed over the tux, and I all but swallowed my tongue. Everything else faded away until it was just him.
He looked… He looked…. Lord. I couldn’t even comprehend how he looked.
The tux looked expensive. While all the other boys wore white shirts and black ties, Vik never did things the usual way. Choosing instead to wear a black tux, a black shirt, and a black tie with his high-top Vans. And as I glanced down at myself, it made me wonder if he’s coordinated himself so we were matching.
He looked amazing.
A stray thought crossed me, and there it stayed.
He looks like my future husband.
Words failed me. Vik filled the empty air around us, taking the corsage out of the box. “You kept going on and on about the dress. You were so excited about it.” He took my hand and slipped the crimson-red roses onto my wrist, turning my hand to secure the ribbon with deft fingers. “I don’t get it myself, but it turns out that anything that excites you excites me. I mean, I knew you were gonna look good, because you always do, but damn, baby.” His eyes looked me over appreciatively, and my heart stammered. It beat completely out of time when he rumbled a flattering, “You’re a knockout.”
Ugh. He was too much. I couldn’t deal.
My voice soft, I asked, “What are you doing here?”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m here.”
“You had work.”
“I skipped.”
My gaze narrowed on him. “Why?”
“Jesus, Nas.” The words came out purely exasperated. “I guess my priorities have changed.”
White noise whooshed in my ears.
What did he just say?
I struggled to breathe right as I thought on his annoyed statement. The words and their intent were clear.
For once in my life, I was a first choice.
Vik chose me.
My chest ached in a melancholy happiness. I was a priority to someone. Hell, I could have cried. And from the way my nose tingled, I was about to.
Nobody had ever put me first. Nobody.
It warmed my heart and gave me hope. It had me thinking for a split second that maybe—just maybe—we could figure out a way to make this work. Because a life without Vik was a life lacking, and I refused to exist in a world deficient of him.
A love that I could never have imagined began to snake and curl protectively around my heart. I was filled with it. So full, it threatened to overflow.
A soft smile threatened to break free on my lips.
“Now,” he uttered, irritated beyond belief. Putting his hands to the sides of my chair, he dragged it forward until my knees settled between his and our faces were close. He looked me deep in the eye and said, “Let’s not worry about the details, okay? I’m in a suit. You’re looking like royalty. Seems a shame to waste it, sitting at this table all night.” His warm gaze swept over my face, and he reached out to play with a lock of my hair. After a moment, he ordered gently, “Dance with me.”
The way he looked at me then was beyond compare. Like I was something precious, a rare jewel to be treasured.
“You don’t dance,” I reminded him, reaching up to fix his skewed bowtie.
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, turns out I’d do just about anything to make you happy, so—” He took my hand and folded his fingers around it, standing and taking me with him as he began to walk toward the dance floor. “—let’s dance.”
On the dance floor, we were surrounded by seniors, the music booming, but I saw none of it, heard nothing, because when Vik cloaked me in his arms, I found nothing else mattered. It was as it always had been.
Him and me.
A tug of my hand had me stumbling into him, and taking my chin between his fingers, he drew me up to meet his lips for a gentle, loving peck. As our lips continued to touch, he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. But when he pulled back to look
at me, he frowned down into my face.
“What is it?” I asked carefully.
He shook his head slowly as if to clear it and began to stroke my hair. Feeling utterly cherished, I put a light hand to his chest, rested my head on his shoulder, and closed my eyes, taking in this beautiful moment.
I didn’t think anything could top it.
That was until Vik put his lips to my forehead and spoke against my skin. “I will never take you for granted.”
He ended on a tender squeeze, and I smiled into the wall of his chest, feeling lighter than I had in my entire life.
The whispered words were a vow. A promise. And I swore to return it tenfold.
10
Nastasia
Present
Sleep was very important to me. If I didn’t get enough of it, I wasn’t the easiest person to be around. And as I woke in two-hour intervals throughout the night, the woman sitting on the edge of my bed smiling serenely at my dozing form was the stuff of nightmares.
My heart hadn’t stopped racing since she first made an appearance two days ago.
And now, as I waltzed into the small café I frequented, wearing black yoga pants, an oversized sweater, and casual sneakers, my hair up in a messy ponytail, and my face covered with oversized sunglasses, I hoped no one would notice just how much of a mess I was.
I was tired. I was restless. I was irritated.
The trifecta of bitchiness.
So, when I saw him sitting at a table by himself, I stilled midstep, and my annoyance grew.
Seriously?
Why, God?
How dare he look so good when I could barely find matching shoes this morning.
He brought his espresso up to his lips as he read from the newspaper he held in his hands. I didn’t know why that got to me. Maybe because he looked so effortlessly relaxed, and my fragmented mind was being split in a flurry of puzzle pieces, none of which fit back into their original spaces.
My body rigid, my feet started moving, and they didn’t stop until I stood in front of him with a cold expression that could’ve set off the next big freeze. Before he even looked up at me, I hissed quietly, “This is my spot.”
Vik simply peered up at me with a furrowed brow. “No, it isn’t.”
Uh, excuse me? “Yes, it is. This is my spot. My café. You go get your own.”
And his grin had my heart racing with anger. “Firstly, I brought you here, so if we’re getting technical, you wouldn’t even know about this place if it weren’t for me.”
My neck flushed.
Oh, right. I’d forgotten about that.
Feeling stupid, I huffed out a short breath, threw up my hands, and said, “Fine. I’ll leave.”
As I turned to walk away, Vik’s hand shot out and gently but firmly circled my wrist. I twisted back to find his gaze had darkened some, and he uttered, “Stay.”
It wasn’t a plea nor a demand. I might’ve been delusional, but to my ears, it sounded like a wish.
My rigid stance loosened mildly.
Only one word out of his mouth, but I felt the caress of it all over.
I peered down at that hand. It held me firmly as his obsidian gaze locked me in. “I heard you’ve been spending time at Laredo’s. I know you’re smarter than to try to get the attention of a particular Frenchman, so I won’t warn you against it.” Those eyes sliced over the length of me. “You know better, don’t you, baby?”
Every fiber of my being screamed to sit and stay, but the insecure part of me told me to leave before we hurt each other. Against my better judgement, I sat opposite him, and because I often had trouble keeping my mouth shut, I said smugly, “Sounds like you might be jealous.”
The hand on my wrist flexed, and Vik held me down with his glacial gaze. “Wanna test that theory?”
My chest squeezed.
My ego was a petty bitch and hooted loudly, all for it. My heart thought nothing would be more romantic. But my brain, on the other hand, knew what Vik plus jealousy was capable of. And it wasn’t pretty.
Don’t get me wrong. I was never the target of his anger when he got like that. The men standing in his warpath, however, usually ended up with a split lip, a broken nose, or a concussion, or all three. And after it was all done and dusted, Vik would then take me home, take my mouth, and then take me roughly against the nearest surface, all while maintaining eye contact.
Ugh. It was so fucking hot.
The memory had my knees snapping together under that table, trying in vain to ignore the thrumming warmth that suddenly lit in my core.
Hmmm. Maybe we should test that theory after all.
No.
But—
Not a good idea.
My inner self pouted and called me a prude.
Not so smug anymore, I cleared my throat and asked, “What do you want from me, Vik?”
Refusing to let go, his thumb gently caressed the sensitive spot at my inner wrist, and without hesitation, he responded one word that shattered my resolve.
“Everything.”
The way he said it, with zero hesitation, had my heart aching. I wanted that too. If only the stakes were even. If only he had as much to lose as I did. My heart was on the line. I wasn’t sure if Vik even knew how to access his.
Placing my hand on the cool surface of the table, he released me. As if he only just noticed something, his brows lowered. “You look tired.”
I was. So tired. The bottoms of my feet hurt too.
What am I doing here?
“Thanks,” I scoffed, because… what an ass.
But his brow furrowed. “Take off your glasses.”
Oh crap. “I don’t want to.”
“Nas.” A warning.
I could do two things here. I could take off my damn glasses and show the dark bags under my eyes, or I could leave. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to be close to him. So, I slowly removed my glasses and peered down at the table.
“What the fuck?” Alarmed, he shuffled closer to me. Like it was nothing at all, he put gentle finger to my chin and propped my head up, looking further alarmed when he took in the state of me.
My voice turned whisper-soft, and I didn’t miss the way it trembled. “I haven’t been sleeping well.”
There must have been something about the way I said it, because immediately, he stilled.
His tone was gentle, but he didn’t hesitate to ask, “Is she back?”
I played dumb, looking anywhere but directly at him. “Who?”
A weary sigh left him. He released my face, and I felt the loss immediately. “I knew it was getting close to that time, but….” He drifted off.
All I could do was shrug.
“It’s been years, Nas.” I knew that. “Why is she back? Why now?”
I blamed what I said on the exhaustion. Refusing to look at him, I tapped a light fingernail onto the tabletop and shared miserably, “I think it’s because I’m lonely.”
Desolation.
It was the only word I could use to describe Vik’s expression. Funnily enough, my appearance matched his own. And as we sat across from each other, so close together yet feeling so distant, my chest ached with the realization of what I just admitted to.
And my mother’s laughter echoed throughout my head.
Fool.
I was a fool.
This man was lying to me. Hiding things from me.
Why the hell hadn’t he told me he moved?
Why was it a secret?
Why?
I was so confused.
Standing so fast my head spun, my heel stung wildly as I picked up my sunglasses with shaking hands and slipped them back onto my face. “I just realized I’ve got somewhere to be.”
“Nas, wait.” He stood, calling out after me as I made a hasty retreat.
The smile I wore was nothing but a mechanical stretching of my face. No warmth. No emotion. “See you at work.”
But not if I could help it.
I wasn’t safe
anywhere. No matter where I turned or where I tried to hide, there she was. I went into my closet, and she stared back at me in the mirror. If I fled down the stairs, she was there waiting for me, blocking the front door. I asked her to go away. Begged her to leave me alone. But nothing worked. And now, as I sat sobbing with my back inched into a bare corner of my room, knowing she couldn’t sneak up behind me, I kept my blurry vision on her as she sat smiling at me. But the decay had begun.
Her face was no longer as pretty as it once was. Her eyes had dulled, a white haze within them. The color of her flesh was now a blueish-gray. Bits of her hair had fallen out.
And still, she smiled.
The torn hole in her cheek revealed her rotting teeth.
Yet she smiled.
I sobbed and rocked and pleaded for mercy.
Her smile remained unchanged, the very face of evil.
“Why are you doing this to me?” My quavering whisper seemed loud in the dark. “I was your favorite.”
Mother’s voice had deepened some, taking on an ethereal echo behind it. “I’m here because you missed me, dearest.”
I shook my head rapidly, closing my eyes, repeating over and over again, “I don’t miss you. I don’t miss you. I don’t miss you. I don’t miss you anymore.”
Time seemed to work differently when she taunted me. I wasn’t sure what hour it was, only that it was dark when I heard my front door open, then close. My eyes flittered over to the open doorway of my bedroom, and Mother’s movement mirrored my own.
The shadow in the doorway loomed, and I sank in on myself, my breathing turning choppy.
What if there were more of them?
The shadow began to move, came closer, and my breathing hitched when it stood directly in front of me and crouched.
But then I heard him, and the gentleness in his clearly concerned tone was more than I could bear. “I called. You didn’t answer. I texted. You didn’t respond. I got worried.” I couldn’t see very well, but I knew Vik was taking in my pathetic form. “Jesus, baby.” Then his hand came out to cup my cheek. “What is she doing to you?”