by Belle Aurora
I didn’t know his real name. I doubted most anyone did apart from his family and a select few. What I did know of Pox was that he was once a doctor who was a part of something that led to him losing his license. I didn’t know what he did to get his license revoked, but I guess it didn’t matter. He no longer practiced medicine in a traditional manner, lending his skills to firm, syndicates, outfits, and gangs all over the state.
He was trusted enough to have his number saved in the phones of some of the most dangerous men in the country. His nickname stemmed from the pock-marked skin on his cheeks, and although I didn’t always feel comfortable calling him Pox, he never seemed to mind it.
This was one of those moments Sasha had referred to. And as I scrolled to find his number, I counted myself lucky to have a man as discreet as Pox at my beck and call.
A quick phone call to the man and I had an appointment booked in to see his sister, an OB/GYN, that afternoon. It was all moving so quickly. I didn’t have time to think too deeply about anything. I didn’t want to think too deeply about anything. Not until I saw the doctor.
I thought to be inconspicuous, but when I made my way over to Lev and Mina’s to find a full house, I found it hard to act right. Letting myself in, I called out, “Hello?” but got no response. It was easy enough to figure out why when I heard conversation coming from the kitchen.
My stomach flip-flopped when I saw him.
The father of my child, the one true love of my life, sitting there without a clue as to how our lives were about to change.
“Hey, there she is.” Vik straightened in his seat. I spared him a small smile, my fingers glancing his shoulder as I passed, gratitude in my touch.
A murmur of greetings followed. Vik and Anika sat at the table with Lev and Mina while Sasha stood off to the side, standing close to where Alessio sat on a stool at the counter, holding our chubby little Lidi, who looked about ready to fall asleep with her head on his shoulder. Not surprisingly, Cora sat on the stool beside him, looking over him with love shining brightly in her eyes.
Alessio caught her stare and frowned down at her. “You need something?”
“No.” She grinned widely. “I’m good.” Then she rested her head on his free shoulder like it was her God-given right.
It didn’t pass me over that although he seemed annoyed by the attention, Alessio let her.
When I approached, I gave him a light peck on the cheek, and he showed his appreciation by uttering, “Heard you barfed everywhere the other night.”
Jerk.
“I didn’t barf everywhere, thank you very much. I barfed once, and I made it to the toilet in time,” I muttered, taking Lidi’s curly pigtail and twirling it around my finger. “And I’m feeling much better, thanks for asking.”
Vik’s mouth pulled down. “You’re not working tonight, are you?” Before I could respond, he looked to Sasha and prompted, “Don’t you think she should take the night off?”
Sasha crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s up to Nastasia.”
Cora wrapped her fingers around Alessio’s upper arm and snuggled into his free shoulder. “She looks okay to me.”
“She has regained color.” Anika leaned in, observing me closely.
Mina looked me up and down, as if trying to spot if I was dying or not. “Maybe we should call Pox.”
Lev, as always, said the right thing at the right time. “Did you eat a banana?”
God. Why did I even come here?
I put my hands up in surrender. “Firstly, I’m good. Really. Secondly, no, I won’t be working tonight. And thirdly, I’ve already called Pox and have an appointment with him this afternoon.” My bored stare landed on a worried-looking Mina. “Just in case.”
“Do you want me to drive you?” asked Mina sweetly.
I responded just as sugary. “No, because I’d like to get there in one piece.”
Her face bunched. “I’m not that bad a driver.”
“You stopped in the middle of the highway,” I deadpanned. “Slammed on the brakes. Almost caused a pile up.”
“I thought I hit something!” she exclaimed.
My brow rose. “And what was it, Mina? What did you hit?”
At least she had the grace to look embarrassed.
“Balled up socks,” she mumbled.
“Ha!” came from Cora. Her body shook as she laughed out loud.
“Socks,” I confirmed. “You held up traffic for dirty, old socks. Yeah. I’d rather ask the crackhead at the mall to drive me, honey.”
Mina turned to Lev, wide-eyed and moping, as she let out a hushed, “I thought it was a kitten.”
Vik spoke then. “I’ll take you.”
And I balked.
Oh hell no, he wasn’t.
I feigned ease. “I’m good, really. Thanks.”
He looked at me then, as if seeing right through me. “Not a question. I want to take you.”
And because I would have done anything to avoid that situation, I looked to his sister, at the vacancy in her eyes, and said, “Anika will go with me. Right, Ani?”
She blinked back into focus, turning to face me. I shot her a look. She must have read between the lines, because she nodded almost immediately. “Of course.”
Phew.
“See?” I reassured Vik with a smile. “No problem.”
He didn’t appear satisfied. In fact, his lips thinned in displeasure, and his body language changed, became more rigid, inflexible, but he let it go. I had a feeling his need to care for me had to do with his inability to stay with me when I was sick. As though he was trying to make it up to me, which was super sweet. It pained me to keep this secret, but he was not going to find out about this pregnancy until I was ready for him to know.
My inkling was confirmed when it was time for Anika and me to leave and Vik saw us out. As I walked out of the house, Vik reached out, taking hold of my wrist between gentle fingers. Anika’s gaze flittered down to where her brother held me, and her eyes rested on the spot before she looked up and said tonelessly, “I’ll go wait by the car,” then off she went.
The warmth of his hand on me had my stomach clenching. More so when he asked, “Are we good?”
The way he looked at me, with uncertainty in his eyes, had me feeling like a jerk.
No hesitation. “Always.”
Vik blew out a long breath, his expression frustrated. “Then why do I feel like you’re pulling away again?”
Pulling away again?
Confusion swept through me, but more than that, my chest squeezed in a way that said the accusation may not have been so farfetched. That I’d been exposed.
That hand tugged, drawing me closer. “I thought we were doing okay.”
We were. “We are.”
His voice rough, he ordered gently, “Then stop pushing me away.”
I wasn’t. Was I?
I didn’t know what to say, and so Vik filled the space. “I know I’m not the smartest man, but I know the routine you spin. Old habits, right? Every time you pull away, you make me work so fucking hard to have you again, and just when I think we’re good, just when I start to feel content, you distance yourself. A constant push and pull. You’re playing tug-o-war with my heart.”
No, I wasn’t. I didn’t.
When he stepped back, I felt the tremendous loss of him. “Not a fool, kiska. You’ve said it before. That I can’t commit.” He put his hands to his hips, and the unhurried, pained way he spoke damn near broke my heart. “Baby, I can’t believe I have to explain this to you, but I’ve been committed to you for almost thirteen years with the hopes of having you forever and always.” My heart both swelled and sank simultaneously. But it dropped completely when he uttered a dejected, “And I’m starting to think it’s you who can’t commit to me.”
Vik left me there on the porch, alone with my thoughts, and what a mess they were.
He wasn’t right, of course. He couldn’t be.
Isn’t he?
No.
Because that would make me the bad guy here.
Then why is your heart beating so fast?
Sure, I had a habit of detecting a risk before there was one. I took preemptive measures to protect myself, my heart. And every time I felt that niggling feeling that something wasn’t right, I—my chest squeezed with the acknowledgement—ran.
My mind buzzed. That comprehension sat a while, and it festered.
I loathed to admit it, but… but maybe he was right.
Regrettably, I could only deal with one thing at a time, and I had a doctor’s appointment to attend.
28
Nastasia
“I thought you said you were going to the doctor,” Anika said quietly, almost nervously, as we took our seats in the waiting room of the clinic.
“She is a doctor,” I quietly responded.
Anika frowned. “I know, but—”
“Nastasia?”
Anxiety had my stomach churning almost violently. I stood and looked up at the tall, willowy woman with big glasses and a messy bun atop her head.
She smiled easily. “Ah, yes. I remember you. Why don’t you follow me? You can fill me in.”
I was already nodding when the doctor spotted Anika, who weirdly enough seemed to be hiding her face behind the open pages of a magazine.
“Anika?”
My brow lowered as Anika sighed, put down the magazine, and sighed softly. “Hello, Dr. Henley.”
Wait. They knew each other?
I looked between them a moment. There were some weird vibes thrumming through the small, white room.
And then the doctor spoke quietly. “I’ve been trying to reach you.”
Anika returned just as hushed, “I know.”
“You need to come back and see me.”
My brow lowered in confusion. What the hell was going on here?
Ani huffed out a short breath. “I really don’t want to.”
“We can figure this out,” the doctor said quietly. “Just lend me your time.”
My heart clenched.
Was something wrong with Anika?
But Anika’s hollowness returned, and she uttered a dismissive, “I’m just here for my friend.”
The doctor, however, was determined. “Ten minutes. That’s all I’m asking for.”
And Anika’s mask faltered, revealing the cracks she so desperately tried to hide. It took her a while to respond. Until, finally, she let out short breath, avoiding the doctor’s gaze while muttering a cool, “Ten minutes.”
The doctor smiled with relief. “Don’t disappear on me, okay?”
Perplexed beyond belief, I was thankful that Anika didn’t offer to come in with me and followed the doctor into a sterile-white exam room. The moment she closed the door behind us, before she had a chance to sit, I blurted out, “I’m pregnant.”
And Dr. Henley blinked, then sat, and her careful gaze searched my face. She motioned to a free chair, and her soothing voice said, “Please.” At long last, I sat, and she guessed, “Not a planned pregnancy, I take it?”
“Not even a planned seduction.” I slumped back in the chair, running a hand down my face.
She began to type on her computer. “And you did a home test?”
“Yes. Ten.”
She kept typing, but her mouth pulled down. “Ten what?”
“Ten—” And as though it just hit me at how psychotic that sounded, my voice faded slightly. “—tests.”
Her brows rose. “Thorough.”
Feeling a little sick to my stomach, I folded in on myself, lowering my head between my knees and uttering a strained, “I just wanted to be sure.”
“Do you know the supposed date of conception?” I told her, and she nodded, typing still. “So.” She straightened, setting her watchful eyes on me. “What’s the plan?”
I knew what she was hinting at. I rose, sitting up once more. “I want to keep it.”
She smiled softly at the certainty in my tone before reaching into her drawer, pulling out a little cup, and wiggling it. “Fill ’er up.”
I took it and made my way to the attached bathroom, filling it as best as I could with shaking hands. When I returned, the doctor took it from me, did her own test, and then we waited in silence.
I was hardly surprised when she looked down at the result and revealed a cheerful, “It’s a baby.” My nod was solemn. That changed remarkably when she walked over to a curtained-off area and opened it, revealing an exam table, then said, “Want to meet him?”
What?
Could we do that?
Oh shit. Was I about to cry?
What a weak-ass bitch.
I nodded once more, not trusting myself to speak.
The doctor instructed me to remove my pants and panties, leaving me a thick white sheet to cover myself with before closing the curtain behind her. When I was ready, she joined me, and I lay back on the cold bed as she brought a rectangular machine close.
Dr. Henley removed a long phallic-looking object, and I balked. She noticed, and her eyes laughed. “I know. It looks—” She thought on her choice of descriptive. “—impressive, but it shouldn’t hurt. If it does, just say the word, and we’ll stop.”
I looked up to the ceiling as she talked me through what she was doing. “I’m going to need you to bend your knees for me. Yes, like that. And now I’m going to insert the transducer. It will likely feel a little uncomfortable but, I remind you, should not hurt.” My face twisted as the cold lube-covered object was inserted. “That’s it. You’re doing great.”
The screen was turned toward me, and as I lay there, my brows furrowed as I tried to spot any sign of life. But, “I can’t see anything.”
The doctor squinted at the display, slightly moving the device inside me to a point where she was happy. Once she found what she was looking for, her eyes smiled. “There.” The little black sack on the screen pulsed as the doctor spoke. “Size is good. Strong attachment. Solid heartbeat.”
“I don’t hear anything,” I hurried out.
Dr. Henley reached out to turn a nob, and suddenly, the sounds of fast-paced whooshing hit me. And my lips parted in awe as it hit me.
There was a baby inside me. And that baby had a heartbeat. A strong heartbeat. It was growing and forming every second of every day. And it was mine.
I laughed, but it came out watery.
Dr. Henley handed me a tissue, smiling softly.
“Wow,” I whispered, dabbing at my eyes.
She began to nod herself. “Yeah. Never gets old. It really is a miracle.”
I thought I was badass until this moment. Turned out, there was no room for badassery when it came to being pregnant. My emotions were a mess.
“Holy shit.” My smile stretched and wobbled as I glanced at the screen. “That’s my baby.”
A whole freight of emotions rushed through me at once. Love. Fear. Pride. Terror. Tenderness. Dread. But mostly… wonder.
Dr. Henley snuffled out a laugh. “I’m happy with how everything looks, Nastasia.” She removed the device, then left me to clean and dress. Once I was done, I walked around the curtain to find her sitting at her computer, typing away. I sat, and she talked. “I’d like for you to start taking these.” She tapped on the bottle beside her. “Prenatal vitamins. I’d also like for you to eat well and get a decent amount of sleep.” I frowned, and she spotted it before asking a careful, “Is that going to be a problem?”
I ran the bar at a nightclub. I also didn’t cook. Yeah, it was going to be a problem. “No. No problem.”
“Good. I’d like to see you again in four weeks to see how everything is coming along. Eat well, sleep well, do moderate exercise. Nothing fancy. Walking is great. And if you start spotting, head to emergency room and call me immediately, okay?”
“Spotting?” I asked, suddenly fearful.
Dr. Henley was kind but forthright. “Spotting is generally not a good sign when it comes to pregnancy. It can indicate a miscarriage.”
Cool.
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“Right.” My stomach turned. “Right.”
“I’ll see you in four weeks,” she said in a reassuring way.
She walked me out, and I saw the relief in her face to find Anika sitting with her hands in her lap, wearing a void expression. I thanked her and watched as my friend stood without a word, picked up her purse, and followed closely behind the good doctor.
As she had done for me, I waited.
Fifteen minutes passed, and Anika came out with a small plastic bandage inside her elbow, with the doctor saying, “I’ll call with the results.”
When Anika didn’t bother to wait for me, I walked after her. “Hey.” Her speed rose, and then I was jogging. “Hey!”
Halfway down the block, with a glower to end all glowers, she spun on me before taking something out of her purse. “You left these behind.” She held up a white paper bag, and when she shook it, I knew what was inside. “The doc asked me to give them to you.”
Her attitude was overkill. And then realization hit.
Resentment sliced over me like slow rolling waves of lava flowing down a volcano. My eyes blazed, and I ground out, “You looked in the bag?” What an asshole. “You asshole!”
“Prenatal vitamins?” she hissed in return, clearly as pissed at me as I was at her. “You’re pregnant?”
And I opened my mouth to respond, but all that wanted to come out were sour words from a bitter heart, so I said nothing.
Some of the anger fell away. Now, she just sounded sad. “Is it Vi—”
Oh my God. She did not just attempt to ask me that. She did not.
My hackles rose. “Finish that question, Ani, and I will hack your hands off with a rusty spoon.” Her silence was a blessing. I glared as I said, “You know I’ve only ever slept with the one man unprotected.” My stare was deadly. “Of course it’s his.”
Well, by the looks of her loosening posture, she looked relieved. “Are you planning on telling him?”
“No, what I thought to do was wait ’til I got as big as a whale, then give birth on the edge of his bed, like a cat,” I deadpanned.