Betty was becoming more, more attached to the baby, and more depressed at the idea of never seeing her baby again.
“You two have to help me please,” she begged when it was time for her to go to her parents. She had a hard time leaving and asked Shelly and Amelia to find a family who would let her visit with Gina so she could see her grow up. They told her what a monumental task that was and probably not fair to any family who would take Gina or to Betty, or to the baby, but Amelia promised she would try and find some family who would consider that.
Secret thoughts: (I’m going to try and do my best for Betty and Gina although I know I could never give up my own baby. I want to tell Betty that I think that down the road she will be very sorry she gave Gina up though I dare not say that to her God knows how guilty I feel about all this.)
[ Chapter 33 ]
Amelia did not tell Chad about the baby, he knew there was something bothering her, and he could hear it in her voice. Each time he talked to her, he felt there was something she was leaving out. He wondered if she had a form of PTSD after the girl’s traumatic event. Amelia sounded to him as though she was very tense, and a little depressed. He was away so long this time and they only had the phone and email with which to communicate. He asked her several times if there was anything the matter and her response was always the same. Nothing really. Chad was worried, were her feelings for him changing? Did she find someone new and didn’t know how to tell him? He felt guilty about not seeing her as often as he wanted, but there wasn’t much he could do about that for a while. I wonder if I should ask her outright and save all this agony, I’m putting myself through. Just as he mustered up the courage to call her and ask her if he was now a problem for her, he would be called on a mission or training session and have to concentrate on the job.
Chad was very worried. He had seen Amelia only twice, in the months since the stalking incident and she seemed to be happy to see him. Her kisses were certainly the same and sometimes ever more exciting than he remembered. As soon as this mission is over, I’m going to ask for leave and go to her he decided.
The baby was several months old when Chad called to surprise Amelia with a visit, he told her he would see her in 30 minutes.
“Honey, what a great surprise, I can’t wait to see you.”
“Chad was relieved when she gave him such a positive response, but there was still something in her voice his gut told him all was not right.
Shelly was coming to get the baby for the weekend she had arranged with one of her married friends to care for Gina. They were going to try and find a permanent babysitter or family to take the baby, but Betty’s requests were hard to meet. Amelia was helping with the baby all she could because she loved Betty and felt so guilty too.
Chad got to the apartment before Shelly arrived to pick up the baby.
Amelia opened the door and greeted him with a kiss and hug. They told one another how good it was to see each other and sat on the sofa.
“Before you say another word,” said Chad, “what’s the matter honey, are you unhappy about something? Is it something I did, or do you have someone else or what, or anything, it’s been driving me crazy, I can hear it in your voice.”
“Your right there is something Honey, it has nothing to do with us, it well, I will tell you the whole story and then you will see the problem and understand.”
“Please tell me that it’s not me,” he said, “you don’t want to dump me or anything?”
“Babe I never want to dump you what makes you think that?”
“Well for one thing I’m never around when you need help. I’m hardly ever around at all in fact, and it’s hard on me too, it not going to be that way forever. I’m so glad you still want me. I was sweating it out when I thought you changed your mind about me. Dear John letters are common in the military because long distance relationships are so hard to maintain.”
As if on que the baby started to cry.
“What’s that?” Asked Chad, “It sounds like a kitten or a baby.”
Amelia took him by the hand and took him in the bedroom. There in the cradle was Gina fussing probably with a wet diaper. Chad was totally unprepared for what he saw. He sort of staggered a little with surprise and got pale.
“Who is that?”
“This is Gina,” said Amelia, “enjoying the look of surprise and shock on his face.”
“Honey, Babe,” I uh! Chad swallowed hard and looking uncertain, “is, is, she yours, honey? He gasped out.”
Amelia convulsed with laugher, “You should see the look on your face,” she said, “It looks like someone just gave you a fist to the gut.” Chuckling she said, “No, Babe Gina’s not mine. I told you, you are the only man I have ever been close to and we haven’t made love yet. She’s Betty’s.”
“Hearing that he grinned and let out a whew! And pretended to mop his brow. So that’s what you have been so upset about.”
“How did you know I was upset?” She said.
“I could hear it in your voice sweetie, I know it so well now.”
“Shelly is coming to get her and then I will tell you the whole story, let me change her and get her to stop fussing.”
Shelly came in a few minutes and then they were alone. “I didn’t tell you because Betty didn’t want anybody to know and swore Shelly and me to secrecy. Of course, I would have told you the minute I saw you, but I didn’t feel comfortable writing it.”
Amelia told him the whole story about how she and Shelly discovered that Betty was pregnant and started having the baby in the bathroom and what a fiasco it was because they didn’t really know what to do. How lucky they were that Shelly had a friend and his mom was a nurse midwife and was able to come to their rescue.
“Shelly and I have been taking care of the baby and we’re worried. Shelly is ready to go back to school and I’m working so how are we going to care for Gina?”
“Do you want to keep the baby honey?”
“Chad, someday I want to have a baby and I love little Gina, but I’m not ready for a baby and neither is Shelly. I’m on such a guilty trip about the stalker thing I just couldn’t say no to Betty’s wishes. She refused to have an abortion and doesn’t want to have the baby raised by just anyone. We’re trying to find a family that will go along with Betty’s wishes to see the baby as she grows up.”
“That’s a tall order,” said Chad, “I admire her for her convictions, but it’s almost an impossible problem to solve.”
“Babe,” said Amelia, “what would you have done if I said the baby was mine.”
“I won’t lie, it sure took me by surprise, I must admit. My heart was in my throat and I will say I was very disappointed, when I thought you wanted someone else and had a baby with him. I would want to know why the guy didn’t want the baby, I probably would have said, let’s find a place to get married so the baby will have a name, I love you so much nothing matters except that you want to be with me.”
“You are the sweetest man, I love you.”
“You said you love me, Mellie, that the first time you have said that to me. I’m breathless, I hoped but I, Oh I love you too, so much my darling, I was afraid to say it.” He picked her up and held her as tight as he could.
I love telling you that I love you, and I have wanted to say it for a long time, usually the man says it first, but you are very cautious, I know because you feel badly about being away so much.”
“I know,” he said, “you know how I feel about that.”
“Yes, I do.”
“One day we will be together, and I will never leave you.”
“Kiss me honey,” she said, “I miss your sweet and sensual kisses, and I want to get next to your body and hold you as close as I can.”
“How did you ever get so sexy?” He said.
“I think of you and your kisses and I feel sexy and cared for and l
oved. It’s a wonderful feeling, one I haven’t had with anyone else before.”
“Are you going to make love to me tonight?” she whispered in his ear.
“I want to with all my heart,” he said, “I thought we would wait until the time is right, because I love you so much and respect the fact that you have never been with a man. Right now, I want to kiss you and hold you next to me.”
In the morning when they awoke, he said, “I think I had a brainstorm.”
“What honey?”
“Did you tell me Deana was trying to have another baby and was having a hard time?”
“Yes.”
“How about if we call and ask if she would be comfortable with Betty’s rules about seeing the baby and let, she and Roger take it from there? We would have to tell your parents the truth though the whole town would think that it was our baby you know that.”
“I guess you are right about that,” said Amelia, “I don’t care about that, you and I and our families will know the truth that’s all that matters.”
“You are so smart, that’s why the army doesn’t want to give you up,” Mellie replied.
Secret thoughts: (I don’t know what I expected from Chad when I showed him Gina. I was utterly blown away when he explained what he would do if Gina were mine. How did I ever get so lucky to love a guy like him?)
[ Chapter 34 ]
Amelia called Betty first and explained that Chad was there, and she told him about the baby. “Betty, Chad has an idea about a family for Gina,” Amelia explained about Deana and Roger. “What do you think about that?’
“I think it would be a good idea, except Deana and Roger are so far away,” said Betty.
“I didn’t even think about that,” said Amelia, “so back to the drawing board.”
“Chad’s there and I could hear how happy you are,” said Betty. “Let’s get together and all go out to dinner this evening,” said Betty.”
“I will have to check with Shelly and see if she could get a babysitter,” said Amelia, “she has Gina.”
“I want to go out to dinner because I want to talk with the both of you.”
Amelia called Shelly and asked her if she had plans for this evening.
“I don’t have plans, but I’ll have to find someone to watch Gina.”
“Betty wants all of us to go out and see if we can come up with some new ideas for the baby. We had one, we thought my brother and sister in law could take her, Betty says that’s too far away, and she wouldn’t be able to see the baby.”
“Gosh,” said Shelly, “that sounds like it would be perfect for Gina.”
“Well we have to put on our thinking caps on and try harder.”
“You know, Amelia we are doing the best we can.”
“I know,” said Amelia, “let me know if you can make it tonight.”
Shelly called to say, she got a friend to watch Gina, so she was able to go. They went to the small Italian Restaurant and then came back to the apartment. Betty was a bit miffed that Shelly didn’t bring Gina. Shelly held firm saying, “You agreed not to take care of the baby or see her until she was placed with a nice family.”
“Your right,” said Betty, “it is so hard not to see her. I want the best for her, but I want her raised in a good family situation and I don’t have that to offer now. I know it sounds selfish of me to want to see her and that could become a problem, I can’t have her totally out of my life.”
“Betty,” said Chad, “I know you are in a tough spot, but people have things happen and you have to overcome them.”
Chad squeezed Amelia’s hand. “Amelia has had some things in her life that she had to face and has worked so hard to get where she is now, I admire her, Betty. Amelia and I have talked about the whole thing. I’m sorry about the way it all happened, but we can’t change that now. I will say that when I came here the first day not knowing the entire story and saw Amelia with the baby, I was taken aback because I thought the baby was Amelia’s. Even at that after the first few minutes of shock and surprise, I knew I loved her more than anything and could accept the situation for what it was. If all that happened to you Betty, had happened to Amelia, I would still want to be with her, I love her so much. Even if there were no circumstances, as there were with you and she just had a baby, I would stand by her because I know she loves me. If everything goes the way we are planning, maybe we could take Gina in the future.”
“Chad,” said Betty, “that is the nicest thing I have heard in a long time. I’m sure Gina would be well taken care of, but I don’t know what to do, I’m so uncertain of what my future is going to be like. I will be on my own after graduation and I don’t know if I could handle a baby without the support of a husband and my family.”
“Why are you so sure they wouldn’t accept Gina?” asked Chad.
“My mom is so prim and proper, and she has her heart set on “the big wedding” and all the pomp and ceremony and I’m the only daughter. I would hate to disappoint her. My dad would have a fit after all the money he has spent on me to go to college and the apartment and me changing my major every two minutes. I know it wouldn’t please him.”
“What about Darrell?” Said Chad, “You know it is almost inevitable, that he will find out one day. Do you want to start out your married life with a lie and apprehension of him finding out, and worse, sometime down the line when he does find out maybe a separation or divorce? That’s a burden no one should have to carry.”
“Chad thank you for that, I think you are the perfect match for Amelia and I’m so happy that you are together and would even consider taking Gina someday. I know she would have a good life with both of you, but I want to think about everything before I agree to anything permanent. What you just said made me want to rethink my feelings and Darrell’s ideals. I once thought he was the perfect guy for me that might not be so.”
“Betty, this is from a man’s perspective, why don’t you give the guy a chance? He may be so engrossed in starting his career and getting his life on the right path for the two of you that he is oblivious of a lot. Don’t forget he hasn’t been a part of any of your troubles and maybe the fact that you didn’t share them with him, would hurt him. I know if Amelia and I didn’t share all that has happened in our lives we wouldn’t be as close. Maybe you need to level with the guy and then see what happens.”
Betty said to all of them, “There is one thing I do know, I know that we will all be friends the rest of our lives because without all of you I know I would have fallen apart. I don’t have my act together yet, I’m going to start working harder on it. I’m going to go now and think things over and take a hard look at my life and ask myself what’s really important.”
[ Chapter 35 ]
It was early May and the situation with Shelly, Amelia, and Betty remained the same. Betty saw Gina once a month, Shelly, and Amelia found Alice, a young mother who was married to one of the professors and had a year-old baby. She wanted to stay at home with the child, so she was glad to care for another child in her home. She fell in love with Gina. It worked out well for Amelia and Shelly because if they were late in picking up Gina or needed to work beyond normal hours or attend an unexpected meeting, Alice would keep Gina overnight.
The girls were so excited about their graduation. Their situation wouldn’t change much because Shelly and Amelia would continue to live in the apartment together. Amelia was looking for a job in a laboratory and Shelly would be in med school nearby. Betty was going to graduate school. The apartment was an easy commute to the city and the rent more reasonable that being right in the city.
Amelia sent the graduation date to Chad as soon as it was announced so that he could try and get the time off. When they talked on the phone, he was very excited for her, but alluded that a big mission was being planned and he was hoping that it would not happen at the same time as graduation. Amelia was unha
ppy that he might not be able to be there and tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice.
“My darling,” he said, “I hear the disappointment in your voice, I’m going to have to ask you to have confidence in me that I will do everything in my power to be there. I know what you have had to do to get to this point and how hard you have worked and only something beyond my control will keep me away. I know you would be very sad if I can’t make it, but let’s try and have faith I can make it.”
“Babe, I know you will, it’s that it means a lot to me, but it would mean even more to me if you were there. I trust you and I know if there is any way you can, you will be there. I had an email from your mom and she and your dad won’t be able to make it, it’s so far to travel and she is not in the best of health. My family will not be coming because it is too expensive for them. They are doing ok, but the extra expense would be a big burden.”
“Honey, I’m sorry they can’t come, but I know they will be cheering for you at home.”
“Shelly and Betty’s families will be there, and they have invited me and you, if you come, to a graduation party at Betty’s parents,” she said. I won’t be by myself I’ll be with good friends and I could take some pictures and send them to you.”
“Let’s not give up hope yet there are still a few weeks left and things change quickly around here. I’ll have the sergeant and the guys put their ears to the ground to see if they can find out anything. I love you my sweet, I wish I were there with you now, I’m saving my kisses for you.”
“Even though you are not here you are with me, I touch my locket and close my eyes and can almost feel your kisses. I loved your email yesterday, I read it over and over, and you were so right when you told me email doesn’t measure up to having you here. I love you, my boy.”
They were at graduation practice, the weather was beautiful and warm, and the football field had dried up nicely. They had marched to the low stage once and practiced accepting their diplomas, the band finished playing, and they were marching out. Amelia’s cell vibrated and she answered it. It was Chad, he was almost in tears, and Amelia could hear his voice tremble. The squad had been out on a mission, but Chad hoped to be back in time for the graduation ceremony. He was calling to say he didn’t think they wouldn’t make it back in time.
Secrets of Amelia Page 21