by Ali Parker
“He’s so easy to talk to,” I gushed. “I feel so comfortable with him. I feel like we’ve been friends forever. You know how people talk about meeting soul mates?”
She grimaced. “I’ve certainly heard the term, but really? You don’t actually buy into that nonsense, do you?”
I shook my head. “I’m not saying we are soul mates. I’m saying I just felt this connection to him. I understand why people say they have found their soul mates. It’s this crazy connection like our souls know each other. It’s hard to explain but it just feels so right.”
She had a huge smile. “Wow.”
“What?”
“You’re way into him. I didn’t think you would ever find a man that gave you that glow, but you have. Leila, you have to see this is too good to walk away from. He’s made you smile. You’re glowing. You’re into him. Don’t deny yourself the luxury of falling in love and being loved in return.”
I sighed, wanting to buy into the idea but it was scary to think of loving another person. I didn’t want to be abandoned—again. I wasn’t necessarily jaded, but I was guarded. “I don’t know if he could love me. After seeing his house and learning he is a widower, I think we’re from two very different worlds.”
She shrugged a shoulder. “So? Opposites attract. Hell, if he is well-off and you do lose your job because you hooked up with him, he can take care of you.”
“No. Absolutely not. No one is taking care of me but me.”
“I want you to forget all those preconceptions you have. I want you to pretend you were born yesterday and you came from a perfect family with all the love and support you needed. You just stepped into the big, wide world and you can do anything and be anything. Now, if you met Christopher as the new you with a blank slate, would you go for it? Would you let him take care of you and love you? Would you love him?”
“That’s a lot of hypotheticals,” I pointed out.
“Sometimes you have to live in a hypothetical world to better understand your reality,” she replied.
I leaned back, letting my mind drift. “You make a lot of really good points. I don’t have to confess to the library incident. I know Christopher well enough to know he isn’t going to tell anyone. That will be our little secret.”
She was smiling and bobbing her head up and down. “Exactly. And?”
“And, I will ask him if he plans on going back to the university,” I said, the wheels slowly turning and picking up speed as I ran with the idea. “If anyone asks, we got together after his class ended.”
She reached over and slapped my arm. “Yes! Now we are talking!”
“Ow,” I complained, rubbing my arm.
“You don’t even know if he’s going back, right?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t ask him.”
“Even if he does go back, he won’t be in any of your classes, right?”
I nodded. “Highly unlikely. I could tell him not to take anymore just to be certain we aren’t crossing any lines.”
“Yes, you could and if he wants to continue to see you, he would agree.”
“What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if we’re just one of those couples that hook up on occasion in a very casual manner?”
She scoffed. “There is nothing casual about you. I saw the way he looked at you last night. Trust me, he doesn’t see this as a casual thing. How long was he married to the wife?”
“I didn’t ask.”
“How did she die?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t ask that either.”
She frowned. “Maybe you should make sure he didn’t kill her.”
I rolled my eyes. “Now you’re being ridiculous.”
“I don’t know. The rich folks tend to be a little different. Haven’t you watched any TV? They kill each other all the time.”
I laughed. “He didn’t kill his wife. That I do know.”
“Good, then there’s nothing holding you back,” she said with a satisfied grin.
“You set me up.”
“I had to make you admit there’s nothing wrong with your hunky student. If old guys were my thing, I would totally take a run at that.”
“Vulgar. You are so vulgar. Your mother would absolutely die if she heard you talk like that.”
She giggled. “You’ve never heard her and the ladies talk at one of their bridge games. They could make the most hardened sailor blush.”
“I don’t know,” I said, still holding onto the doubt.
“Yes, you do know. We both know you know. Just quit second-guessing everything and enjoy life!”
“I’ll think about it. I will need to talk to him and see where he’s at with everything. I don’t want to make an ass out of myself and pour my heart out if he’s only interested in a casual fling.”
She nodded. “Okay, but don’t be shy. You have to speak up for what you want.”
“I’ll try, but you know that is not my best trait.”
“I do know that, but I want you to be happy and I think this guy could do that for you.”
“Thanks,” I said with a smile. “I know you totally set me up last night.”
She shrugged. “I didn’t know he was going to be there. I wouldn’t have left you with anyone else, but I saw the sparks. There was no denying what was happening there. You two had this little impenetrable bubble around you. I was not about to get in the middle of that.”
“Thank you. It was a very good night and it will be a New Year’s I won’t soon forget.”
She smiled, reaching over and patting my leg. “You’re welcome. Now, I need to get home and shower.”
“Yeah, you do,” I teased.
“Don’t think too hard,” she said before walking out the door.
I felt better about things. I felt like I was ready to try to make a relationship with Christopher work. Assuming that’s what he wanted. When he called, and hopefully he did call, I would tell him I was ready to see where things went.
The idea terrified me. I would be putting myself out there. He could very easily reject my offer. I could have played a little too hard to get and burnt my chance with him.
Chapter 32
Christopher
As I pulled off the road onto my long driveway, I saw an unfamiliar car. At first, cold, icy fear rested in my gut. A strange car was never a good thing. When I saw Olin get out of the car and wave, I was immediately flooded with relief. Olin was home. He was in one piece. I hadn’t realized just how nervous I had been until I saw him walking into the house.
I parked inside the garage and caught a glimpse of Olin’s ride driving away. I watched through the small windows in the garage door, appreciating that the driver was traveling slowly. That made me feel better about Olin riding with the kid. I went inside, anxious to see how his night had gone and to make sure he was in good health. I was trying to be the cool dad, but I had been worried about him. If he was hungover, I was going to be pissed. I’d try to keep it cool, but I didn’t need the kid partying like he was a frat boy.
“Olin!” I called out as I walked in from the garage.
“In here,” he answered.
I headed for the kitchen coming around the corner just in time to see him down orange juice straight from the container. I raised a disapproving eyebrow. He put it down and grinned. “I was thirsty.”
I studied his appearance, trying to determine if he had a hangover. He didn’t look too bad. His skin had good color and his eyes weren’t bloodshot. “Have a headache?” I asked.
“No.”
“How was your night?”
He shrugged. “Good.”
He wasn’t giving me much. That wasn’t unusual, but I needed to know. Last night had been a test. I wanted to be able to trust him.
“Did you get drunk?” I asked directly.
“No, not really.”
I tried not to cringe. “But you drank?”
“I had a beer or two. It wasn’t a big deal. You didn’t specifically tell me not to
drink. It was a party and it was New Year’s. Isn’t that kind of a given?”
I nodded, trying to remember I was a cool dad. I was a good dad that put limits on him, but I wanted to be an understanding father as well. I tried to remember what I was like at his age and what I would have liked my parents to say and do. It was hard to remember that far back.
I let out a long sigh. “I wish you wouldn’t drink. Not yet. You’re still young and not only is it not good for you, but it’s also illegal. You could get in trouble.”
“I didn’t really like it. I didn’t drink a lot. It was just a little and no one was going to be calling the cops. We were at a house and didn’t go anywhere.”
I sighed. “As long as you understand that alcohol can lead to some pretty poor decision making.”
“I know. I got it. Mom had the talk with me numerous times. I used to go out with friends back home all the time. It was way worse.”
That time, I actually cringed. “Then I’m glad I don’t have to worry about you doing that anymore.”
“I’m not one of those wild teens,” he said.
“I know. I know I can trust you. How are things going with the girl?”
“Fine.”
I could see him losing interest in the conversation. I had learned I usually got about a good three minutes of conversation or maybe three questions before he grew bored and wanted to walk away. I always tried to choose my questions carefully in order to get the most information. I never asked open-ended questions if I could help it. It led me nowhere.
“Did you stay with her?” I asked almost dreading the answer.
“She went home with her friends.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew we had already covered the birds and the bees, but I wasn’t ready to be a grandpa. “Don’t be pissed, but I have to ask.”
He groaned. “Don’t. Don’t say it.”
“You have condoms?”
“Yes, Dad.”
“Use them.”
“I know.”
I was a hypocrite. I knew it. He didn’t need to know it. I vowed to remember to pull out that box of condoms I had tucked away in my bathroom and put them next to my bed. I had gotten out of the habit of using condoms. Hell, I’d been married for twenty years and never had to. I would now.
“What time did you go to bed?”
He grinned. “Like four.”
“Ouch. You must be hurting. I’ll make you some breakfast and then you can sleep the day away.”
“I’m good,” he said. “How was your night? Were you in bed by ten?”
I chuckled. “No, but I was in bed at a decent hour. I hung out at the bar and then came home.”
It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t the whole truth, but it wasn’t a lie. I couldn’t explain why I felt so guilty about having Leila stay over, but I did. Eventually, I would have to talk to Olin about the idea of me having sleepovers in the future. It just felt so weird.
“I think I just want some frozen waffles,” he said when I started pulling out eggs and bacon.
“You sure?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I’m kind of tired.”
“Got it. So, I wanted to let you know I’ve done some thinking and I am going to go back to school next semester.”
“Good. You should. You need to get out of the house and get a life.”
I smirked. “Thanks.”
“I’m serious,” he said taking a seat on a barstool. “There’s no reason for you to sit around here all day while I’m at school. I’m thinking about doing baseball and I’ll be gone a lot more.”
“Really? That’s awesome. I look forward to watching you play. I’ll make sure I take a light class load so I can be at all your games.”
He nodded. “Don’t go too light. Seriously, you can’t sit here all day thinking about Mom.”
“How do you know that’s what I do?” I asked.
“I know you. I know you’re trying to figure out what comes next. I told you before, it’s time to move on.”
“And you’re sure you’re okay with that?”
He shrugged. “I am. I don’t want to know details and I’m not going to call anyone Mom and I don’t want some chic coming in here thinking she’s going to be bossing me around, but I’m cool if you spend time with a lady.”
I chuckled. “God forbid anyone tries to boss you around.”
“You know what I mean.”
I nodded with understanding. “I do. I’ll make sure any woman that comes home with me knows she is not to boss you around—within reason.”
He made a growling sound. “Dad—”
“I get it, I do, but as long as you are respectful of anyone that comes through that door, I will be okay with it.”
“Fine,” he answered.
I handed him the buttered waffles and the container of syrup. “Anything else you want to talk about?”
He smirked. “Yes, how about that car?”
“I’m still thinking about it, but know this, I won’t be buying you a fifty-thousand-dollar car.”
“You can’t buy me a clunker,” he complained.
I laughed. “I don’t have to buy you anything. You could get a job and buy it yourself.”
He rolled his eyes. “Wouldn’t it help to have a car to get to work?”
“That’s what public transportation is for.”
“Dad,” he whined.
“I’m thinking about it. We’ll have to have some ground rules and I want to make sure you understand the responsibility.”
“You let me drive back home,” he argued.
“I did until I didn’t,” I said reminding him of why he’d lost his privilege to drive any of my vehicles. I didn’t tolerate irresponsibility or neglect. He’d done both.
He looked properly ashamed. “I know. That’s in the past. I promise I learned my lesson.”
“I’ll do some checking later. We still have a couple of days before you have to go to school.”
He grinned. “Thanks, Dad.”
He stuffed the waffles in his face with record speed, finished the carton of orange juice, and practically raced upstairs. I cleaned up, thinking about the car he was going to need. If I was going to be in school, I needed him to be able to get to and from practice just in case I had a class or something.
Truthfully, when I took away the driving privileges back home, part of it had been because I was terrified he would get hurt. We’d just lost Carlie. Her accident had been unexpected and not her fault. You just never knew when something like that could happen. I didn’t want to get another phone call like that about my son.
It had taken several long months before I realized I couldn’t protect him from everything. It had been a freak accident and I had to believe the chances of it happening to our family again were slim. I wouldn’t survive another loss.
With the dishwasher running, I grabbed my laptop and took a seat in the living room. I pulled up the website for the university, knowing I was way behind on registering for classes. I doubted there would be a lot of openings left, but that was okay.
I was dabbling. I wasn’t pursuing a career and I didn’t have a timeframe. I could take my time and explore a mixture of majors if I chose. That was a benefit to having money. I didn’t have to worry about the expense of dabbling in school.
I clicked on a class I knew was in the same building where Leila taught. I added it to my list along with a couple of others and went through the process of enrolling. I used my credit card to pay, and voila, I was officially a college student.
It was a new year and I was ready to start making some positive changes that would help me grow and hopefully find happiness again. If Leila decided she didn’t want to see me, that was fine. However, I wasn’t a man who gave up so easily. I’d at least get to see her a couple of days a week. That would have to be enough.
With my classes scheduled and out of the way, I quickly ordered the books I would need. Again, I was pushing it a little with my procrastination, but I was g
lad I had waited. I felt confident in my decision. I closed out of the bookstore screen and opened up a search for cars.
“Here goes nothing,” I muttered, putting in my search parameters and waiting to see what popped up.
I knew what Olin wanted and I knew what I wanted for him. We’d gone around and around about the car he would ultimately end up with. In my opinion, if I was buying it and I was gifting it to him, I got the majority opinion. And I was Dad. That counted for at least a seventy-five percent vote.
I was the kind of buyer that had to do all the research before I made a purchase. I looked at reviews and safety ratings and weighed all the extras. With my choice narrowed down to three cars, I felt accomplished. I would let Olin sleep a bit before I told him the news.
I put the laptop away, feeling very accomplished. Life was finally looking up. I thought about Carlie’s favorite saying. It had been taped on our refrigerator. “New year, new you,” I said aloud.
It was a new me. It was one of the first days I actually felt truly hopeful that life would be good again. The stuff that had happened was behind me. I was looking to the future. I was thankful I had a future, and I didn’t want to squander a single day. I was going to appreciate all the little things, and I was going to take time to enjoy the people in my life and not the things in my life.
It was the people that mattered, and I wanted them to know it. That included Leila.
Chapter 33
Leila
I put on my painting clothes and gathered my supplies. My hair was pulled up in a wild ponytail that kept it off my neck. I had dunked the tips of my hair in paint too many times. I didn’t want to be trying to pick it out again.
Today was the day. I was going to tackle the door once and for all. I hoped the paint was still good. It had been sitting in my shed for a year. I hated that I was such a procrastinator. I told myself it was because I was too busy. I was, but not that busy. I was going to kind of miss having the damn thing hanging over my head all the time.