by Ali Parker
I didn’t want him to know how much power I had given him. I had given him the keys to my happiness and that was a very dangerous situation. I was the parent and I had to be the one running the show, but in this one thing, I was giving him a little leeway.
I pulled on some jeans, not caring much about how I looked. I wasn’t up for putting on my slacks and buttoning up a dress shirt. I didn’t give a shit that I looked rough around the edges. It took too much effort to go through all my usual motions. Jeans and a t-shirt were all I had the energy for.
I went back into the bathroom, trimmed my beard and brushed my teeth before heading downstairs. I didn’t bother knocking on Olin’s door to wake him up. He’d be down about two minutes before he had to leave. I was certain that was another intentional move. He didn’t want to be around me any more than he had to. We’d gone from cooking fried chicken together to him not wanting to breathe the same air as I.
I went through my normal routine of making coffee and toast before stepping outside to drink it. I sat down in one of the chairs facing the lake. Usually, looking at the lake had a cathartic effect on me. Not that morning. I stared at the bench where Leila and I had snuggled under the blanket, sipping wine and eating cheese. The fond memories were going to get me through this.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her and the night before. It had been one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I had seen the hurt on her face. She’d fought her battle to be with me and a few hours later, I was dumping her. She’d played it cool, pretended it wasn’t a big deal. I knew it was. Even after I told her we couldn’t see each other anymore; she was still offering me helpful advice.
“Dammit Leila, why did you have to be so damn good?” I breathed.
It wasn’t cool, what I had done, but I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do. There were too many changes in Olin’s life. He was faced with the loss of a mother, a new city, and then a new woman in his life. It had been too much, too soon. I should have known better and taken things a little slower.
I supposed I had gotten caught up in the excitement of living in Texas. I loved the changes, but Olin didn’t share that same happiness. If I could just get him into baseball. He’d get a good group of friends and it would make him feel like he belonged. It would give him some roots. He was still drifting. He’d been drifting since Carlie’s death. All my attempts to throw him a life preserver had been rejected.
I had to find a way for his sake and my own. I couldn’t live my life feeling the way I did in that moment. I needed something to look forward to. I needed a friend. I wasn’t meant to be alone. I wanted Leila. Wanting what you couldn’t have just made the wanting all the stronger.
I hoped there was a future for us. I didn’t want to get my hopes up too high, but I was hoping I could get things ironed out with Olin and then try again with her. It was callous and presumptuous to assume she would want to be with me after what had happened, but I was a glutton for punishment. I would put myself out there a hundred times if that’s what it took. She was worth fighting for. Just as soon as I got my shit together, I was damn well going to fight.
I finished the coffee and checked the time. I frowned when I realized it was about ten minutes later than my normal time. I must have missed Olin coming downstairs I thought. I had been so lost in thought I didn’t hear the usual door slams or the stomping through the kitchen. I went back inside and noticed there was nothing in the kitchen to indicate he’d even come down to grab his usual frozen waffles.
I shook my head. “Dad fail number one thousand and one,” I muttered under my breath. I grabbed my keys, phone and books and headed for the garage.
I opened the door and frowned. Olin’s car was still in the driveway. It explained why I hadn’t heard him come down or leave. “Shit,” I muttered, realizing he had overslept.
I left my briefcase with my books by the door and jogged upstairs and knocked on his bedroom door. “Olin! Olin, you’re going to be late,” I hollered.
I waited a minute before knocking again. “Olin, come on. You need to get up and get a move on. I’ll go get your waffles started, hurry up.”
I headed back downstairs and popped two waffles in the toaster before grabbing a Gatorade from the fridge. It wasn’t exactly a five-star breakfast, but it was better than nothing at all. I slapped some butter on the waffles and wrapped them in a paper towel, leaving them on the counter next to the sports drink.
“Olin,” I shouted from the kitchen loud enough for him to hear me upstairs. “Come on!”
I growled, now frustrated that he was ignoring me. I stomped back upstairs and knocked on his bedroom door again. I respected his privacy, but if he was going to blatantly ignore me, I’d change my ways. I pounded on the door with my open palm. “Olin!”
I put my ear to the door and heard nothing. I tried the handle, found it unlocked and pushed the door open. I knew immediately the room was empty. I walked inside, immediately noticing the closet door was open. His bed was unmade which told me he had slept in it at some point last night. I went to the adjoining bathroom, hoping he was in the shower.
“Olin,” I called out while knocking on the door. “Hey, buddy, are you in there?”
I knew he wasn’t. I turned around and headed back downstairs, checking the living room. I hoped he was playing a video game with the headphones on. He always had the thing up so damn loud he would never hear a plane landing on the roof.
“Olin!” I shouted as I moved through the house.
I refused to panic, but I could feel something was wrong. I went back outside, checking the pool first. He was old enough not to fall in the pool, but it was still a concern. When I didn’t see him there, I jogged down the path to the dock. He wasn’t sitting on the bench. I looked up and down the beach, searching for any sign of him.
“Shit.”
I walked back to the house and headed for his room to search for some kind of clue that would tell me where he was. The second time in his room, I snooped. I pulled open the top drawer of his dresser. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for, but I looked anyway.
I slammed the drawer and that’s when I saw it. I stared at the handwriting on the envelope. My blood ran cold. There were so many things the letter could say. I couldn’t take my hands off the handles of the dresser drawer.
My mouth had gone bone dry. I finally mustered up the courage to reach for the letter with ‘Dad’ scrawled on it.
My hands were shaking as I broke the seal and pulled out the folded sheet of notebook paper.
“Dad, I’ve gone back to Minnesota. I left my car in the garage so you can’t yell at me about driving on the freeway. I Uber’d to the airport. Have a nice life in Texas. Please, leave me alone. I’ll be fine. Goodbye.”
I reread the note several times, the sound of my own voice sounding foreign to my ears. After the initial shock and the relief he hadn’t done anything to hurt himself, I tossed the letter on the dresser and pulled out my cell.
I called his number. It went straight to voicemail. “Olin, what the hell are you doing? I’m coming to the airport. We need to talk about this. You can’t just run away when something doesn’t go your way.” I stopped talking, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to lecture. Please, stay put. I’ll be right there.”
I ended the call and headed back downstairs. I made it to the garage door before I called his phone again. Once again, it went straight to voicemail. I hung up. I knew that meant there was a good possibility he was already in the air.
I called Leila. I don’t know why I called her, but I did. I needed her to talk me off the ledge. I was freaking out a little. I couldn’t lose my son. I had thought we were finally making some headway. Leila’s phone went unanswered.
Of course; why would she answer? I had dumped her last night and here I was calling her because I was freaking out. I didn’t get to have it both ways. It was an either-or situation. I had said I wanted to be friends but we both knew that wasn’t really
going to work. There was no going back to being just friends after what we had shared.
Instead of rushing to the airport only to discover his flight had departed hours earlier, I got online and did a quick search. Then, I called him again. Nothing.
“Shit,” I whispered. “I’m sorry Carlie. I really fucked up this time.”
Chapter 47
Leila
My phone vibrated on the desk in my office for the third time. The first two calls had been from Kami. One call to ask if I got out of bed and the second to ask if I wanted to get dinner later. The woman woke up at four every morning and assumed the rest of the world did as well. She was usually very good about not calling me until at least six, but she’d broken her rule today.
She had called me and woken me up on a morning I really, really didn’t want to be up early. The wine had left me feeling a little icky. I had planned to sleep in, but after the second phone call, I knew it was never going to happen. I stared at my phone, knowing it was her.
I sighed, snatching it off the corner and instead of a huge cupcake that I used as Kami’s caller ID, it was Christopher’s number. “Oh no, I don’t think so,” I whispered.
He didn’t get to have a change of heart. I had been hurt and felt miserable, but a night of wine and thinking led me to the conclusion he was right to end things. I did not want to be in the middle of something with him and his son. The two of them needed to work their stuff out without me stirring things up.
It was for the best. I slid my phone into my pocket and packed up my things to head over to class. I had woken up feeling sad but almost relieved. I was absolutely bummed Christopher and I weren’t going to work out, but in a way, it was better. I didn’t have to worry about the dean, and I didn’t have to worry about negatively impacting a father-son relationship.
I was making my way into the building when I saw Alan, a student from last semester. He was on the phone as he walked. I offered a small wave but didn’t say anything to interrupt his phone call.
“I’m sorry to hear that, Christopher,” he said, and my ears perked up. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”
He ended the call and looked at me. I knew I was openly staring at him. He’d been talking to Christopher. It had to be my Christopher. I knew few other men that went by the full name. Most preferred Chris.
“Hi there,” he greeted.
“Hi,” I said unable to keep myself from butting my big nose in. “Is everything okay?”
He had a frown on his face. “I’m not sure. That was a friend of mine. He wanted to know if I knew anyone who worked at the airport. His son apparently ran away and he was sure he was trying to catch a flight out of Texas.”
I stopped walking. “What?”
He shook his head. “Teenagers,” he said with a tone of exasperation. “They have no idea what they put their parents through.”
My heart was pounding in my chest. “I’ve got to go,” I whispered.
Alan looked at me. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. “Yes, I just, I’m not feeling well. Take care.”
I rushed to my classroom and quickly scrawled out a note saying I had a family emergency and classes were canceled for the day. I would deal with the dean later. I knew it wasn’t the way things were done, but I couldn’t possibly be at work.
I rushed back to my car. I tried to call Christopher back, but it went straight to voicemail. I didn’t know what to do. If I showed up and Christopher had found Olin, it would likely send Olin running away again. The kid was running because he didn’t like me. He didn’t like the idea of me and Christopher together. My presence would only make matters worse.
“Dammit,” I said, slapping my hand against the steering wheel.
I needed to help him. I felt guilty and responsible. If only I would have kept my ass in bed that morning. I felt so horrible for Christopher. He was dealing with so much and his kid had no idea. Hell, maybe I would find Olin myself and talk some good sense into the kid.
I found myself parked in front of the bakery where I hoped Kami was working. I walked in and sighed with relief when I saw her loading a case with fresh doughnuts. She popped her head up and scowled at me before checking her watch. “What are you doing here?”
I shook my head, not wanting to give her the details with an audience. She nodded in understanding. “Coffee, please,” I said.
She poured me a cup, handing it to me and shooed me away when I tried to pay. “Mom!” she shouted loud enough for the people across the street to hear. “I’m taking a break.”
Nancy came out of the kitchen wearing an apron covered in flour. “Kami, you just got here,” she scolded. When she saw me, she smiled. “Oh, Leila, I didn’t know you were here.”
“Which is why I’m taking a break,” Kami said. “I’ll be back in five.”
“Fine.”
“Outside,” I said.
“Wow, this must be big.”
“Very big,” I replied. Once we were outside, I looked around to make sure no one was listening.
Kami had a concerned look on her face. “You know I said I would help you bury a body, but I was kidding.”
“I’m not hiding a body. It’s much worse than that.”
She leaned away from me. “I think I’m intrigued, but I don’t do blood.”
I reached into my pocket and pulled out the sixty bucks I had pulled from the ATM before showing up at her shop. “I need you to take this and go to that store over there and buy a phone.”
She looked at the money and then me. “What?”
“Please, Kami. I don’t have time to explain.”
She snatched the money from my hand. “You are so fucking weird.”
I leaned against the building and watched her walk away. The butterflies in my belly felt like a giant pterodactyl. If I let myself think too hard about what I was about to do, I would vomit all over the sidewalk.
Kami returned a few minutes later waving the phone. I grabbed it out of her hand and tore open the packaging as I walked around the corner. I shielded myself in the alley, holding the phone in my hand. I was breathing hard, like I had just run a marathon.
“What are you doing?” Kami hissed. “You’re freaking me out.”
“I have to make a call,” I said, using my real phone to do a quick search for a phone number.
“Why not use your phone? Is this some kind of teenage prank?”
I looked at her. “Kind of.”
I found the number and dialed it on the prepaid phone. The nerves were threatening to get the best of me. I held the phone in my shaking hand, not pushing the button.
“Stop, Leila, tell me what’s happening,” Kami said, touching my wrist.
I shook my head. “I have to do it.”
“What do you have to do?”
I bit my lip, drew a deep breath and pushed the send button. I held my finger to my lips, telling Kami to be quiet. I listened to the phone on the other end ringing. When a man answered, I did my thing.
“There’s a bomb. It goes off in thirty minutes.”
Kami was staring at me. Her eyes wide as saucers. I dropped the phone on the ground and stomped on it, over and over until it was nothing more than a pile of broken black plastic. I picked up the pieces and moved down the alley. I dropped some in one of the dumpsters and kept going.
“What are you doing?” Kami shrieked behind me.
“Getting rid of the evidence,” I replied.
I tossed another piece into a garbage can and kept moving until I was around the block, empty-handed and back in front of the coffee shop. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins. I couldn’t believe I had just done what I did.
Kami reached for my arm, stopping me from going to my car. “Stop. Tell me what the hell is going on.”
“Christopher’s son ran away,” I blurted out.
She shook her head with confusion. “So, you called in a bomb threat?”
“He’s trying to fly back to Minnes
ota—I think.”
“You think?” she shrieked. “What the hell is wrong with you? What are you doing?”
“Christopher called me. I ignored the call. Then I happened to be walking by one of his friends at school who was on the phone with him. I overheard part of the conversation. Alan told me Olin ran off and Christopher thought he was trying to get on a plane back to Minnesota.”
She put a hand to her forehead. “Did you just hear that same sentence. You think? He thought? That is a lot of assumptions. You just committed a federal offense because you think?”
“Shh,” I hissed looking around us again. “Don’t talk so loud.”
“When you put it like that, it sounds crazy.”
Her eyes widened. “Because it is crazy.”
I sighed, rubbing my temple. “I know.”
“What happened? What would prompt you to do such a thing?”
“He dumped me,” I muttered. “I lied straight to the dean’s face and then he dumped me. He said we can’t see each other because Olin doesn’t like it. He wanted to try and fix things with his son before we could pick up again—if we ever picked up again. Ever since Olin found out about me, he’s been giving Christopher a really hard time. I don’t blame Christopher. He’s a good man and a good father. He’s doing what’s best for his son. I don’t know what happened to lead to Olin running away, but I know it must be turning Christopher inside out. I don’t want to be the cause of him running away. I don’t want to be the reason father and son have a falling out.”
I was nearly crying by the time I finished explaining. My guilt and my worry for Christopher was turning me inside out. She pulled me in for a hug.
“This isn’t your fault,” she assured me. “Olin has some issues, but they are not because of you.”
“I feel like I made them bigger,” I told her.
“Sweetie, he’s a teen, dropping a doughnut on the ground can be life-ending for them,” she teased.