I had my own worries. Would Cameron ignore me or encourage Bruce to be pushier? I had to be saved from Liam’s bad influence and all that. I didn’t want to do something drastic, but at the same time, I didn’t want my privacy invaded more than it had been.
What I was going to ask Liam felt more drastic than it was, but it was a small change that would make us both feel better. “It’s not hard to change locks, is it?”
Chapter 17
Liam
* * *
William. Never Liam. Always William.
The way he’d pissed me off hadn’t faded overnight.
Fuck my dad. I’d offered the suggestions of the names Eli and Owen to Payton because they couldn’t be shortened. She’d agreed. Her warped way of thinking that would encourage me to stay with her.
The irony was that my mom had named me William Barron to coax Cameron away from his wife, to prove that I was his, but growing up the spitting image of the man had done that.
Fucking William. That was Cameron’s middle name.
No one called me William. Kenny occasionally used my full name, but the times she did were the only moments I didn’t mind being William Robert Barron.
I wasn’t going to let the run-in from yesterday sour my holiday. I was with Kennedy and the kids at a small lake outside Mandan. My kids splashed in the water. Each wore a little life vest that puffed behind their heads and around their little arms. Kenny had come armed with plastic pails and small plastic shovels. They were piled at the edge of the water. The boys alternated between digging to the middle of the earth and playing in the water.
Kenny reclined next to me on a blanket. I was out of my jeans and in blue trunks and desperately trying to ignore how short Kenny’s black boy-cut swim shorts were. It was as impossible as keeping my gaze off her swim top. It was like a tight-fitting tank top, but the point was that it was tight fitting. And lower cut than anything Kenny normally wore.
She scanned the beach. “It’s getting really full.”
The stark blue man-made lake was tucked into rolling hills. The sandy beach wasn’t large and was flanked by a boating dock on one side and a reedy fishing area on the other. We’d gotten here before the after-lunch crowd had arrived. The beach had been half full, but now it was filling back to the grassy slope that led up to the parking lot. Boats idled quietly on the no-wake lake, and kayaks crisscrossed in the distance.
“Wanna go into the water before it gets packed with people?” I’d already been in the water, but Kenny’d stayed behind to set up our little picnic area.
“Well, I don’t know… Race you!” She jumped up and sprinted to the water, her laughter trailing behind.
I grinned and chased her down. She let out a squeal, and the boys cheered as I swooped her into my arms and carried her into the water. I didn’t dump her in, though. She gasped as I sank until we were in up to our waists. I let her go.
There was a chance someone we knew was here, but Kenny hadn’t stiffened in my arms. Encouraging.
“It’s cold, but it’s not.” She didn’t float far, but held her arms out to Eli.
He paddled to her, and Owen paddled to me.
Playing in the water with my family was the most carefree I’d been for years. Since ever. This was perfect. Having Kenny be a part of us was perfect.
A floating station popped up not far from where we were. An inflatable yellow monstrosity with anchors to keep it in place, a puffy slide, and at least two ladders.
I didn’t see any kids playing around it and ignored it until I heard my name.
Holden was half rolled on his side. “Hey, I thought that was you.” He pointed to Owen, who was clinging to my back. “Owen, right?” His brows shot up when he spotted Eli on Kenny’s back. “Hey, Kennedy.”
“Hi, Holden.” Kenny smiled, but her shoulders were tense. After our run-in with Bruce and Cameron, we were both edgy. I would call the school when the holiday was over and deal with Mrs. Z. Kenny said I could ask for the boys to be transferred to the other kindergarten teacher.
Did Kenny hold her breath like me waiting for Holden’s reaction? This could be written off as just friends, but no one could deny that a day at the lake out of town was more than a quick lunch in Coal Haven.
Holden blinked, but he recovered quickly. “And there’s little Eli. Hey, big guy.”
“Can we play?” Eli asked.
Holden cocked his head. He either couldn’t hear or didn’t understand Eli. Speech therapy was working, but Eli’s new verbal skills hadn’t crossed into everyday speech yet.
“No, hon,” Kenny said, sensing the impending awkwardness. “They have their own group.”
Holden must’ve heard that. “Nah, we got plenty of room. Get on over here.”
I hesitated, but Holden beckoned us over. “It’s just going to be me and Nora and some of her friends from college.” His smile turned wry. “They needed me to haul and set up everything.”
I chuckled but wanted to give him another chance to get out of hanging with us. “Sounds about right. You sure? It’s not like I’m party boat material anymore.”
“This isn’t a party boat. It’s a cranky older brother making sure his little sister doesn’t get herself into trouble.”
Nora and two of her friends from college waded into the water, each in a bikini that showed more skin than Kennedy ever had in her life, but I didn’t have the urge to look. As for Nora, my gangly cousin had turned into a mermaid. She’d been a sullen thing whenever I’d seen her around town, but she’d blossomed in college.
Nora gave me a light hug. “I’m so glad we ran into you. Ohmigosh, Kennedy, it’s so nice to see you too.”
That made Nora the only Barron who liked Kenny being with me.
Nora patted me on the arm. “Don’t worry. We’ll deal with Mom if she finds out. Besides, she likes pissing off Uncle Cameron more than anyone.”
Both Nora and Holden were okay with me? Suddenly, anything my father might plan on doing to prevent me from getting a job around Coal Haven didn’t bother me. If two people close to him didn’t agree with how he acted, then there had to be more.
There had to be.
The afternoon flew by, and we stayed hours later than we’d planned. When we’d eaten through our stockpile of sandwiches, chips, Gatorade, water, and cookies, I helped Kenny and the boys off the raft.
“I’d better get these guys home.” I’d caught Owen digging through Nora’s cooler, and she’d already shared the snacks she brought. The boys needed a solid meal and a good night’s sleep.
Nora hung over the edge of the raft, waving at us. “We need to plan this again. When are you back?”
“I’ll be back the beginning of August. For good.”
“Hey, good to hear, man.” Holden slapped me on the back as we waded out of the lake. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do. I mean it.”
Nora was helping Kenny herd the boys to our spot on the beach. Her college friends stayed on the raft.
I took the moment to tell Holden, “I appreciate it. I really do.”
He did a double take when he noticed my solemn expression. “No problem, as long as it’s not too little too late. The more my friends left town after graduation and never wanted to come back made me take a hard look at my family. Maybe the younger Barron generation can keep from driving everyone away.” He glanced at the raft that was floating away, and his eyes widened. “Oh, shit. Those girls are going to drive me to drink.”
I walked toward Kenny and shamelessly eyed her ass as she bent and gathered up our items. Nora had run to help Holden rescue the raft and her friends.
She glanced over her shoulder and saw my gaze on her round ass. She mouthed “later,” and I groaned. I’d been thinking about later all day. She was sleeping over and would be all mine.
Once we drove out of the parking lot, AC blowing on us until Owen complained he was cold, Kenny dug out her phone.
“Oh. Holy crap.”
I couldn’t look as I
turned onto the highway. “What?”
“Sh—crap. Mom’s been trying to reach me.” She tsked. “I have a missed call from Cassidy too. Crap. Mom must be really worried. I hope nothing’s wrong.”
Her phone buzzed. She answered. “Hey— No. I’m fine. Fine. What? Why would he—” Kenny turned her luminous gaze on me. Her lips pressed flat. “No. You didn’t have to; I have plans.” A pause, then her tone pitched higher. “You’re at the house?” Another pause. “Because I changed them.”
Aw, hell. Her mom had been so worried she couldn’t get a hold of Kenny that she’d driven from Fargo to Coal Haven on the Fourth of July. And learned that Kenny had changed her damn locks. I hadn’t even helped her. We’d gotten our pizza, and she’d watched a few videos, asked me a couple of questions about tools and deadbolts, then gone home and changed both the front and back door locks.
She’d given me a spare key.
“I’ll be home in an hour.” She huffed and hung up. “Guess my plans have changed. Just like last time, my car was home and I didn’t answer the door. Bruce tried my phone, and when I didn’t answer, he called Mom. She and Benji are sitting in their car outside my house.”
That whole scenario sucked, but eventually they’d realize that Kenny wasn’t answering the door because she had a life. “They can come over and light fireworks too.”
She propped her elbow on the armrest, her head in her hand. “No. They’ll just fret and ruin the night.”
“They’ll do that anyway. Let them come see you have fun.”
Her lower lip disappeared between her teeth. “I really wanted to light fireworks with you.”
“We’ll still do that. Really, Kenny. I have plenty of burgers and buns. Tell them what you’re doing and that they’re invited.”
An adorable crease formed between her brows. “Okay, but I’m going to message her. Then I’ll have time to prepare for her arguments.”
Several minutes and even more miles went by before she slipped her phone into the console. “They’re coming.”
Good. Kenny had to realize that the more they witnessed her living the life she wanted to live, the sooner they’d come to accept it. This was one more step closer to being open about us. To everyone.
She peeked at her phone screen. “I think she wants to be nosy.”
“She can nose away. We’ve got nothing to hide. Well”—I stroked my gaze down her tanned bare legs—“maybe a little.”
“Liam.” She pushed at my arm, but I only winked and made her blush deepen. “Thank you.”
“Anything for you, Kenny.” And I meant it.
Kennedy
* * *
“Bruce is really worried.” Mom sat in a lawn chair. She looked like she was ready to go to a wedding instead of sitting on a folding chair in a gravel driveway and watching fireworks. She hadn’t mentioned what she and Benji had been doing when Bruce sent out the SOS, but she was dressed in tan linen pants and a wraparound blouse. Benji wore similar pants and a solid navy-blue shirt. Instead of whatever they’d planned to do in Fargo, they were out in the country, surrounded by bugs and eating s’mores.
Liam was helping Eli light his smoke bomb. It was an hour until sunset, but he was allowing them to light the smoke bombs and the snakes that looked like turds. Benji stood close by, ready to lend Liam a hand. Benji had latched on to Liam, hanging out by the grill and holding the lit punk for Liam when he needed both hands to help one of the boys unwrap their smoke bombs. Benji laughed and would exclaim about the color of the smoke with the boys. He was really enjoying himself; it helped defuse the tension from earlier. It was nice to see another person in my life treat Liam well.
I’d known this moment was coming, I just hadn’t known when. Knowing Liam and I were friends was different from seeing us hang out. Did Mom suspect there was more between us? I wasn’t ready to get into that yet. Not after Bruce had interfered in our afternoon.
When Mom and Benji had arrived, Owen had latched on to her, showing off his truck collection, moving to his action figures, and then outside to his favorite places to play. Eli was next to her the entire time, demonstrating the techniques he’d learned to say the letter S and S-clusters. He gave Mom words to coach him through practicing.
She’d been stunned by the way the kids had dominated her visit from the start but had rolled with it, even smiled like she was having fun. I wanted more of her like this.
Liam had been right. She’d needed to be here, to play a role that was more than caretaker. And I was having fun tonight, despite the reason behind their visit, and despite the fact that they were staying at the motel and my overnight with Liam had to be canceled.
“He was nearly frantic on the phone.” Apparently, she wasn’t going to drop the Bruce subject.
“Bruce saw me at my worst. It’s hard for him to realize that I’m not in that place anymore.” I pushed my sunglasses to the top of my head. “He asked to take over my finances, Mom.”
I monitored her reaction. She nodded at first, like it made all the sense in the world. Until she frowned. “Why would he do that?”
“He heard me listening to a self-help book on personal finances.”
“Oh.” She cocked her head. “Do you need help?”
I went with honesty. Telling them I was fine wasn’t working. Just like she was seeing me celebrate the Fourth, maybe she needed to know I was working through issues. “Not like that. Derek didn’t have much life insurance and I burned most of it during the year I didn’t work. The rest will get me through to the start of the school year, but still. It’s only one wage.”
“And you bought that house on two,” Mom murmured, nodding. “Well, if Bruce wants to—”
“I don’t want him to, Mom. That’s the thing. He helped me a lot last year, and I appreciate it, but you know what? I’ve been living on my own for nearly two years.”
Sadness fluttered through her eyes. “Yes, you have,” she said quietly.
“So, if, you know, if I have to get a teaching job where I commute, or I have to sell the house and get an apartment, or I have to move—I’ll do it. I don’t need to be saved.”
I put my sunglasses back over my eyes. Mom didn’t respond. She watched Benji and Liam work with the kids on lighting more snakes.
Finally, she said, “When you had Lyme, no one would believe something was wrong. And you were getting sicker and weaker. You needed saving then.”
I nodded. I had needed saving twice if I counted the basement debacle.
“And I guess…” she sighed. “It’s just hard. As a parent. We’re not far away, but when your kid is in trouble, each minute of that drive feels like an hour. And now you’re alone. I can’t just shut the worry off.”
“But you can give me space.” I met her gaze, a lighter brown than my own.
She dipped her head. “I’ll try. No promises.”
“At least call or text first before you stop in.” I gave her a small smile to let her know she was still welcome.
She chuckled. “I can do that.” An easy silence fell between us until she said, “You’ve been spending a lot of time with Liam?” She didn’t fool me with her innocent tone.
This was it. We were having an open conversation, our first ever. I could tell her. How would she react? Would she tell Bruce? Would it be too much too soon?
“When he’s in town, I hang out with him and the kids sometimes.”
Her eyes narrowed slightly, and she uttered a noncommittal, “Mm.”
I swallowed hard and ignored the slight sting of betrayal. I wasn’t ashamed of Liam. We were having such a nice night; I didn’t want it ruined by unnecessary conflict.
I was protective of him, and I was protective of us. It might be a little selfish, but I hated the thought that people could intrude on our peace. I loved this place. I loved the kids. And I loved Liam.
I fiddled with the string in my shorts. I’d loved Liam before Derek died. As a friend.
That was no longer the case. I could fina
lly admit it. Now I had to sit with it and think about how it made me feel.
I loved another man. So damn much. Panic like I’d experienced my first time with Liam roared back. My throat burned. The familiar pangs at the backs of my eyes spurred me out of my chair. “I need to run to the bathroom.”
I charged into the house and went straight to the bathroom. I peered at myself in the mirror. My face glowed from the sun, my skin no longer pasty and drawn. My cheeks had filled out, thanks to eating real meals. And the dead-behind-the-eyes look was gone.
I thought I would love one man in my life. Not only did I love Liam, I was crazy about him. I couldn’t wait for him to walk through the door. I wanted nothing more than to wake up with him in the morning. And when he touched me, I wanted to drown myself in the way he made me feel.
The final walls had crumbled. Overwhelming emotion poured through.
What would Sexy, Young, and Widowed say?
They’d tell me it was normal. All my feelings were normal. Falling in love again was normal. Dreaming about my husband being alive while planning for a future where I married another man and had the family I never got with Derek was normal too.
Too much too soon. My brain was moving faster than reality.
I drew in a steady breath. This was normal. I didn’t know how he felt. I had to process my emotions first.
I heard movement inside the house. Had Mom come looking for me? I’d practically sprinted away after she’d asked about Liam. I might’ve upended my world, but I didn’t need to overturn the night for everyone else.
I hadn’t cried, so I washed my hands like I’d used the bathroom and breezed out. Right into that broad chest I had planned to lick tonight.
Liam backed me into the bathroom. The light was still off, and we left the door open.
“I saw you talking to your mom and then you left,” he murmured against my ear like he couldn’t resist touching me one moment longer. His hands were around my waist, desperate to touch me in a more-than-friendly way like I had been today.
Make Me Whole: Oil Barrons, Book 1 Page 20