by steve higgs
I parked right in front of the office's glass fronted reception area and went to the door. As I pushed it open, a photographer on the other side started taking pictures of me and a tall lady with her hair pinned up came to shake my hand.
‘Lily Hallett.’ She introduced herself while the photographer took more pictures.
‘Amanda Harper.’ I replied and handed her my card. She was looking out the window though and not at me.
‘Did he travel separately?’ she asked.
‘I’m sorry?’
‘Tempest Michaels. Is he in his own car?’ she motioned for the photographer. ‘Go outside so you can get his picture as he arrives.’
The photographer scuttled forward and out the door.
‘Tempest is not coming, Mrs. Hallett.'
‘What?’
‘He is currently not available. I am the other detective at the Blue Moon Investigation Agency and will be handling your case.’
‘Oh, I’m not sure that will do at all.’
‘Why ever not?’
‘Well, Tempest is quite famous, you see. All that business recently with the Phantom and the Vampire gave him notoriety in the supernatural community.’
‘Is that important?’
‘Err, no. No, of course not.' Mrs. Hallett was acting strangely.
‘Shall we press on then, Mrs. Hallett?'
‘It's Miss Hallett, or Lily, please. My husband absconded with a younger woman and will not be returning. Come this way please.' Lily led me through the reception area to a back office. The two rooms appeared to be the entirety of the business premises. Probably the customers gathered in reception before setting off. The poor photographer was still outside waiting for Tempest.
‘So, Lily, please tell me what has been happening and what outcome you are hoping to achieve.’
Miss Hallett took her time answering as if she needed to give the question some thought first. Then she led with, ‘Are you sure Tempest is not available? I would really like to meet him.’ Then she realised that she was being a bit rude. ‘Sorry, I don’t mean to suggest that you cannot do the job quite adequately, of course.’
‘Of course.’ I replied coolly. ‘Tempest is, however, not available.’
‘Most disappointing.’
She fell silent again and I had to prompt her once more a few seconds later when I began to wonder if she planned to speak or not. ‘The case, Miss Hallett?'
‘Oh yes, Yes, of course. Since you are here, we shall have to make the best of it. It is Halloween, so as you might expect, tonight is our busiest night of the year. The whole weekend has been busy in fact. With Halloween falling on a Monday we have been able to draw our activities out over several days.'
‘What is it you wish me to investigate?’ I prompted again. I was beginning to tire of Miss Hallett’s rambling.
‘Yes, I should get to the point, shouldn’t I? We have suffered attacks by a real ghost during our tours. It started three weeks ago. On October 12th to be exact. We always have a couple of hidden figures on our tours to jump out and scare the guests. It always goes down well, apart from one time when a lady had a heart attack and we had to halt the tour while the paramedics tended to her. We had to give everyone a refund and…’
I had to interrupt her flow and steer it back onto the subject in question once more. ‘You were telling me about the extra ghost.’
‘Yes, yes. Well, I was conducting the tour that day myself and there was screaming suddenly when I was not expecting it. A young man who was there with his girlfriend claimed that something had touched him. I was polite about it, but I was convinced he was making it up.'
‘Then it happened again a few days later, this time a pair of ladies that were around my age. Gwen was taking that tour, but she was quite shaken when she returned here with the party at the end of their tour. The ladies reported they had been touched by something cold and that it had whispered something to them.’
‘What did it say?’ I asked. I was making notes and also recording the conversation on my phone.
‘They couldn’t make it out. It was too faint they said, but it might have been Sir Chelios.’
‘Sir Chelios?’
‘Yes. He was a knight in the eight century that was murdered by his squire and is said to haunt the grounds of Thornton House. We go through the grounds on every tour. It is just around the corner. I dismissed what they said, but the next night two different ladies said they heard the same thing and that they were touched by something cold.’
I finished writing and looked up. Miss Hallett was looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to ask a question perhaps. Before I could form one she started speaking again. ‘So, should I call the papers?’
‘Whatever for?’
‘Oh, ah. Never mind then. Will Tempest be back soon? Should we wait until he returns and maybe the two of you can tackle this together?’ I was certain she only included me because she knew it would have been rude to tell me she wanted him and had no interest in me. I was curious about what was driving her desire to have Tempest involved.
‘Do you have any footage of the tours that might be of use? It says outside that you film every tour.’
‘Yes, I guess we do. I hadn’t thought of that.’
‘I will need to see that footage, please. Can you have it compressed and emailed over to the address on the card I gave you please?'
‘Anything else?’
‘I really need to speak with the persons that reported being touched and hearing the voice. Can you provide a list of their names and phone numbers please?'
Miss Hallett was beginning to look nervous. About what I had no idea. I was curious enough to ask though, ‘You seem on edge, Lily. Is something bothering you?’
‘Err, no. Nothing at all.’ I was dubious.
Please provide me the list of names and numbers and the footage as soon as you can. I will start analysing it as soon as I can. I will also see if I can find out when Tempest will next be available and if he can accompany me when I return.’
‘Oh, that would be super.' Lily beamed. I had no intention of doing that at all, but I had wanted to see how she would react to the suggestion.
I stood up, putting my things back into my bag. I thanked Lily for her time and headed for the door.
The poor photographer, a downtrodden looking man in his late forties was still waiting outside where he had been instructed to go. I waved goodbye to him as well, slipped into my car and thumbed the ignition.
Then I remembered that I had Brett coming tonight. How could that major fact have possibly not been at the front of my mind? I needed underwear, a wax, and condoms. Well, a wax job was out, just in case I reacted to it. I would do some tidying with a razor instead. The idea of new underwear was enticing, but I considered my bank account and changed my mind. I had a couple of negligees that had not seen the light of day for a long while, I could pick one of those. I did need to get condoms though, I would feel much safer going into the evening if I had taken care of that element myself.
I could walk to the shops in Tonbridge Wells from where I was parked, but I did not wish to linger here in case Miss Hallett had further questions for me. I had spent far too little time investing in myself recently. I reversed from my parking space and spun the little car around. In my rear-view mirror, the photographer was peering through the window now, possibly hoping Lily would see him and let him go back inside.
How Hard can it be to Buy Condoms? Monday, October 31st 1547hrs
I had been blithely oblivious of the time until I pulled into traffic and checked the clock on the dashboard. I had more time than I thought. I was caught between the crush of mums on the school run if I headed back to Maidstone now or the crush of workers going home if I waited. I flipped a mental coin and set off.
I didn’t really know Tonbridge Wells, so although I was sure I could find a pharmacy and get the product I wanted, I knew where I was going in Maidstone and that seemed easier.
The road to
Maidstone was busy but moving, so although it was a bit slow in places, I managed to get home in under an hour. It felt like it had been a long day already. I was fatigued and wanted to spend some time relaxing before Brett arrived, but I had no time to waste. I parked in Fremlin Walk. Boots the Chemist would have what I needed, plus I could run through the lingerie department in the department store that dominated the shopping precinct and see if they had something on sale in my size.
Hustling through the town, I had limited time to complete my tasks before the shops closed so I didn’t hang around or allow myself to get distracted by the closing down sale at the shoe shop I had to pass.
Going into Boots the Chemist I realised that it had been so long since I last bought condoms that they had changed the shop around and I couldn't find their new location. I checked my watch. I had been around the shop twice and not spotted them, so I looked for an assistant to ask.
I spotted the familiar white coat the staff in Boots wear one aisle over. ‘Excuse me?’ I said when I got to him.
He had been pricing up shampoos and putting them on a shelf but turned to face me now. He was maybe seventeen years old. I was instantly uncomfortable asking him about contraceptives.
‘Uh, never mind. Thank you.’ I managed as my cheeks flushed. I went to the counter at the front of the shop where a short lady in her sixties was working. ‘Hello.’ I tried.
‘Hello, dear. How may I help you?’ she asked, all professional courtesy and good manners.
‘I am looking for condoms, actually. Can you point me in the right direction please?’
‘Oh, whatever do you want those for, my dear?’ she said, disdain etched on her face. ‘In my day we just used to abstain. Much cheaper too.’
‘Erm.' I managed. I hadn't expected to have my sexuality questioned. It was the 21st century for goodness sake.
‘Hey, girl, what you up to?’ called Patience from behind me. She had just come into the shop.
My cheeks were still flushing red trying to work out what to say to the shop assistant. Patience flared her eyes at the assistant, grabbed my elbow and pulled me away from the counter. ‘Are you buying condoms?' she whispered, trying for once to accommodate my embarrassment. When I nodded, she wheeled me around and led me down the centre aisle of the shop. ‘Cock tubes are this way, Amanda.' She announced loudly so everyone in the shop could hear.
I shot her a look, but she just grinned at me.
‘Getting ready for the big date?’ she asked.
‘Trying to.’
‘Did you buy underwear yet?’
‘Yes.’ I lied.
‘No, you didn't, you big fibber. Which is fine if you plan to wear none at all, but don't you be telling me you bought something saucy because I have seen you get undressed before girl and you wear granny pants.'
‘No, I don’t.’ I shot back defensively.
‘Girl do you have on, right now, a pair of slinky, silky panties that a man would want to peel off with his teeth? Or are you wearing the sort of pants you could play sports in?’
I mumbled my answer as we arrived at the small section of shelving that contained birth control products.
‘What was that?’ she asked, miming that she couldn’t hear me, and I needed to speak up. ‘Was that: Sorry, Patience, you are right. Please take me to buy underwear next?’
I snatched a packet of condoms from the shelf.
‘Not those ones. Don’t you know nothing, Amanda? You want these ones.’ Patience lifted a box and showed it to me. There was a couple on it, scantily clad and in an embrace. It said featherlight on the label. ‘The ones you got are for men with a hair trigger. You don’t want those unless you know more about him than you are letting on.’
A woman with two small children hurried them away with a look at me that suggested Patience and I were two prostitutes discussing oral sex in detail.
‘Let's just get them and get out of here.' I placed the box I had picked up back on the shelf, took the ones Patience had and went back to the front of the shop where the tills were located. I selected a self-service till, so I could avoid the opinionated older lady still serving customers but, of course, the product was an age-restricted item, so the till began flashing to draw the attention of a shop assistant to approve the purchase.
The woman had a queue of people to serve so pressed a buzzer to call another assistant over. It was the teenage boy.
‘Shopping for yourself?’ he asked conversationally as he swiped his pass card to approve the purchase.
Behind me, Patience sniggered as yet again my cheeks coloured.
‘Get on with it or lose a kidney.’ I hissed quietly. As his eyes widened at the threat, I swiped my card, threw the damned condoms into my handbag and stomped out of the shop.
‘That was fun.' Patience claimed as she joined me in the street. ‘So, underwear?' When I didn't respond she pressed me, ‘Girl you need to impress that boy of yours. He is fine, maybe too fine to hang out with your skanky, Maidstone living ass even if you are a fine woman.'
She was giving voice to the fears I already had. Brett Barker was wonderful. He was rich, he was handsome, he was brilliantly clever. He could have any woman. How soon before he decided the pretty policewoman was nothing more than that?
‘Okay, let’s get underwear.’ I conceded.
There were shops to suit all budgets in Maidstone, however, Patience pointed out that this was not a time to scrimp on money. Now was the time to splurge it on something that would take his breath away. I could not fashion an argument.
Two minutes later we were walking through the House of Fraser department store to the lingerie section at the back of ladies' wear. In front of me were mannequins wearing wispy threads of lace and silk and hangers of outfits that were designed to be on the floor seconds after being revealed. The thought made a beeline to my doo-dah.
‘Oh, hold on.’ Patience said, stopping so suddenly that I bumped into her.
‘What?’ I asked. ‘Patience, what are you doing?’ she was trying to hide behind a mannequin while peeking around it at a woman ten feet away holding up a pair of red panties.
I squealed in surprise as Patience grabbed my jacket and yanked me behind the mannequin with her.
‘What are we doing?’ I whispered since it was clear we were hiding.
‘That’s Shaniqua Vincent. She totally stole my baby sister’s boyfriend a few years ago. She is a complete whore.’
‘Patience is that you?’ Shaniqua had spotted us.
‘Shit.’ Patience cursed. Then she stood up because the mannequin wasn’t achieving anything. ‘Hey girl, how are you? I haven’t seen you in ages.’ Patience’s face was filled with false enthusiasm.
‘Were you hiding back there? You're not still sore about your sister's boyfriend, are you? He was ditching her anyway.'
‘Mm-hmm.’ Patience replied, her tone guarded.
‘So, you in here to buy underwear? They probably have things in your size towards the back.’
‘My size?’ Patience was squinting at her now. ‘What are you saying about my size?’
Shaniqua cocked her hip. One hand on it, one hand still holding the hanger with the red panties. She was the same size and shape as Patience, even her boobs were the same gravity creating dimensions.
‘I’m saying you need to look in the big girl section, Patience. It’s not like you could fit into these?’ she said holding the panties aloft.
It was like a red rag to a bull.
‘Bitch you so fat you put on your belt with a boomerang.' Shaniqua’s eyes bugged out and she opened her mouth to retort, but Patience wasn't finished. ‘You're so fat it looks like you had a twin but you ate her. Your ass is so big that George Lucas used it as the trench on the Death Star. Your head's so fat even your eyebrows need to lose weight.'
Shaniqua had heard enough. ‘Bitch you wanna watch your mouth.' She dropped the panties, stepped out of her slut heels and pushed up her sleeves. Then she started taking out her earrings a
nd I knew it was about to go down.
The exchange had drawn the attention of several shoppers who had hurried away and from shop assistants, one of whom had scurried off to find a supervisor. A man in a suit was heading our way.
As Shaniqua advanced, Patience reached into her handbag with one hand then nonchalantly dropped the bag to the floor. In her hand was her police baton; something we are not allowed to carry when not on duty. The man in the suit arrived, but as he opened his mouth to speak, Patience flicked the baton out to full length startling him. Now he was standing next to me with his mouth hanging open.
Thankfully, before I had to step in between them, three security guys from Fremlin Walk ran into the shop. As they ran at Patience she held up her Police ID. I guess she had grabbed that from her bag as well.
‘Well done, guys.’ She said as they skidded to a halt. ‘I caught this one shoplifting.’
‘What?’ Shaniqua squealed.
‘No need to bother with an arrest or taking her to court. The skanky ‘ho clearly has no money. Just escort her back outside.' She turned to the man in the suit. ‘Good reaction time. Your staff are well trained.' She slapped him on the shoulder. ‘Well done. You run a tight ship.' The poor man's face was confused about what it was supposed to be doing.
As the security guards were trying to get her out of the shop, Shaniqua was loudly protesting her innocence. Patience called for them to stop.
‘One last thing. Your face is not a colouring book. Chill with the makeup.’
Shaniqua dove at Patience, a torrent of bad words filling the air. The three security guards had to drag her away while Patience smiled sweetly and waved at her.
‘You really should be more careful about who you let in.’ she told the man in the suit. ‘Oops, time to go.’ she grabbed my arm and yanked me toward the lifts.