by Sandie Jones
‘It had to come from him,’ says Ali, spitting the last word out. ‘But no matter what I did to make him do the right thing, he refused.’
Rachel looks at her, too stunned to speak.
‘So I gave him an ultimatum that he had until the wedding to end it with her, or I’d tell you, because I couldn’t bear the thought of all six of us being together, for what should have been a happy occasion, knowing what was going on between them.’
‘So that’s what all the furtiveness has been about?’ asks Rachel, dumbfounded.
Ali nods. ‘I gave him one final warning at the airport on our way out,’ she says.
‘When you lost your passport?’ asks Rachel, the pieces slowly falling into place.
‘I hadn’t, but I thought it was the only chance I was going to get him on his own.’
Rachel remembers Jack striding back into the terminal with a face like thunder.
‘I told him that if I felt, for just one second, there was still something going on, I’d tell you when we got back.’
‘And?’ asks Rachel, ashamed that she doesn’t know the answer herself.
‘I’m so sorry . . .’ starts Ali, as Rachel’s heart cracks.
‘Please, no,’ Rachel begs, as if doing so means Ali will change the narrative.
Ali grimaces, clearly wishing she weren’t the one delivering the devastating blow. ‘I’m so sorry, but they were together last night.’
Rachel crumples, falling into the wall for support. ‘They couldn’t have been,’ she cries. ‘You’re wrong.’
‘I wish I was,’ says Ali. ‘After Will left for the hotel, it was just the three of us left. I was never going to leave the two of them on their own, but I was so tired and neither of them were going to give in. So I went to my room and waited for a while, hoping that when I went back up, they’d have gone to bed. They weren’t in the living room where I’d left them, and for a moment I thought that whatever they had was over. That they’d taken my threat seriously and put an end to it.’
The weight on Rachel’s chest starts to lift, just a little, as she allows the possibility that none of this is as it seems.
‘But I could smell smoke,’ Ali goes on. ‘And I followed it up to the roof terrace.’
‘Roof terrace?’ questions Rachel, desperate to find a flaw in her story.
‘Yes, there’s a jacuzzi on top of the villa,’ says Ali. ‘I only found the stairs by accident, not knowing where they led, but they were up there.’
Rachel wants to ask what they were doing, but Ali’s face says it all.
‘I tried to go back to sleep, knowing that I had no choice but to tell you when we got home, but I couldn’t bear the thought of you finding them there, doing what they were doing.’
Something lodges in Rachel’s chest, making her feel as if she can’t breathe.
‘So I got back up again to confront them, but they’d already gone.’ Ali looks repulsed. ‘And all that was left to show for their indiscretion was Jack’s watch.’
Rachel shakes her head wryly. So that’s where she’d got it from.
‘You were in our room yesterday,’ says Rachel, keen to hear what Ali’s excuse for that is. ‘When we came back from shopping.’
Ali nods sheepishly. ‘I told him he was skating on thin ice.’
Rachel looks at her inquisitively.
‘The previous evening when we were all sitting around the fire talking, he and Paige were texting each other.’
The blatant deceit winds Rachel. ‘While we were all together?’ she says. ‘Right in front of me?’
Ali nods. ‘You wouldn’t have noticed, but knowing what was going on between them, I could see it a mile off.’
‘They could have been messaging anyone,’ reasons Rachel.
Ali shakes her head. ‘When I asked Paige what she’d done that she wasn’t particularly proud of, she typed a message on her phone. Jack’s screen lit up and he smiled as he read it.’
Rachel dreads to think what it might have said. ‘That could be pure coincidence,’ she says.
‘When I pushed you to share what you and Jack were getting up to in the bedroom, Paige told you to keep it to yourself.’
Had she?
‘And she refused to look at him or talk to him for the rest of the night,’ adds Ali. ‘As if she was surprised that you had such an active sex life.’
‘Did she know you were on to them?’ asks Rachel.
‘Well, I assumed that Jack would have told her, but she seemed shocked when I confronted her on the beach this morning.’
‘That’s what you were talking about?’
Ali nods with a confused expression. ‘She told you I’d spoken to her?’
‘She said that she was warning you off Jack,’ says Rachel.
Ali shakes her head. ‘I wanted to give her the same chance that I’d given Jack: to end it or I’d tell you. But she just laughed and turned everything around on me. Telling me that I’d got it all wrong. That the only reason I was making something out of nothing was because I wanted Jack for myself. It seems that, like you, she presumed that something might be going on between us.’
For a split second, Rachel is comforted by the loyalty Paige had shown in her attempt to save her and Jack’s marriage, but then she is hit by the harsh reality of it not being her relationship with Jack that Paige had been trying to protect.
‘What were you doing there? On the beach.’
‘I knew she was going to meet him,’ says Ali. ‘Do you remember how they mentioned going for a run, so casually, over lunch yesterday?’
Rachel frowns. ‘And you jumped straight on it and said you’d go too.’
‘To try and stop them from having time alone,’ says Ali animatedly. ‘I knew what they were up to and I just couldn’t stand by and let it happen.’
Rachel thinks about how Jack had manipulated her into not bringing her trainers, how Paige had nonchalantly asked if he’d already left, and her body language as Ali had spoken to her on the beach.
‘I followed Jack down to the beach and knew she’d be close behind, and sure enough, twenty minutes later, they met.’
‘But maybe they just happened to bump into each other,’ says Rachel, clutching at straws.
‘Have you not heard anything I’ve been saying?’ asks Ali, not unkindly. ‘They’d arranged it like that. They kissed when they met and held hands as they walked.’
‘But Paige said you and Jack were together on the beach.’
Ali laughs wryly. ‘She would, wouldn’t she?’
‘So where did Jack go?’ asks Rachel.
‘Well, as per usual, he scooted off, like the spineless wonder he is,’ says Ali bitterly.
‘And he hadn’t told Paige you were on to them?’
Ali shakes her head. ‘No, I don’t think so, otherwise she would have been better prepared. It was only when we were out there,’ she tilts her head in the direction of the cliffs, ‘that she seemed to realize that I would follow through on my threat to tell you.’
‘Which is probably why she reacted the way she did,’ says Rachel.
Ali nods and a tear escapes onto her cheek. She raises a shaking hand to wipe it away.
‘I thought she was going to throw me off the edge. She had me by the shoulders and went to push me.’ Her shoulders cave in and her chest convulses as she sobs. ‘I’m sorry,’ she cries. ‘It’s really shaken me up.’
Rachel refrains from going to her, a part of her still not convinced that she’s telling the truth. Yet how can she not be?
Tears spring to Rachel’s eyes as she realizes that all the time she thought Paige was looking out for her, feigning concern that something was going on between Ali and Jack, she was only ever protecting her own interests. She clenches and unclenches her hands, desperate to feel something in her numb stupor.
‘Does Will know . . .?’ she whispers. ‘Does he know what’s going on?’
Ali shakes her head. ‘I haven’t told him because I was hoping th
at Jack would come to his senses. I thought if Paige was out of the picture, we could go back to how the four of us used to be and I didn’t want Will to lose respect for his brother. Though, I’m beginning to regret that now because if I’d been honest from the outset, he wouldn’t have insisted she come to the wedding, and we wouldn’t find ourselves in this situation.’
Rachel looks at her through blurry eyes.
‘What are you going to do?’ asks Ali.
Rachel sniffs and wipes her nose with the back of her hand. ‘Firstly, apologize,’ she says. ‘I’ve thought the very worst of you, only to find out that you’re probably one of the kindest, most considerate people I know.’
Ali looks at her suspiciously, waiting for the killer blow that’s sure to follow.
‘I’ll deal with Jack and Paige in my own way,’ Rachel goes on. ‘But I just want to ask you one more thing.’
‘Sure,’ says Ali, quietly.
‘That thing with Noah,’ says Rachel, not knowing how best to broach it. ‘Whatever you may have seen or heard last night wasn’t what it looked like.’
‘Noah’s a lovely man,’ says Ali.
‘Yes, he is,’ says Rachel. ‘We go back a long way.’
Ali nods her head knowingly. ‘You must have made quite a pair.’
Rachel doesn’t like her intonation. Amongst everything else that’s going on, she could really do with knowing that whatever Ali thinks might be going on between her and Noah is nothing more than it is.
‘We’re good friends,’ says Rachel.
‘You know he’s still in love with you, don’t you?’
Rachel looks around, panicked, as if that’s the line in this whole conversation she doesn’t want anyone to overhear.
‘I . . .’ she starts. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’
‘It’s not a crime to have had other relationships before getting married,’ says Ali. ‘But it is a crime not to follow your heart.’
‘It’s not like that,’ says Rachel.
‘I think you’ll find it is for Noah,’ says Ali.
Rachel feels fresh tears spring to her eyes.
‘And I don’t doubt that you feel the same,’ Ali goes on.
Rachel pulls herself up, waiting for the autopilot she’s trained so well, to kick in. She’d come to rely on it over the years, to protect her from the feeling she got whenever she’d see Noah and Paige together. In the beginning, it was like a red-hot poker being driven into her chest; a pain so intense that she didn’t think she could be part of his life anymore. But the thought of never seeing him again was too much to bear, and so she had learnt to build an invisible barrier around herself, that had, until now, kept her true feelings at bay.
‘It’s not like that,’ she says again, though with little conviction.
‘You’ve not done anything wrong,’ says Ali.
Rachel’s eyes fill with tears. ‘I have,’ she says, wiping them away as they fall onto her cheeks.
‘Do you know for sure that Josh isn’t Noah’s son?’ asks Ali, looking at her intently.
The weight of the question bears down on her, pinning her to the wall. So she had heard it all.
‘No. I don’t know – he might be – but I don’t think so. I just . . .’ She falls to the ground with her head in her hands.
‘Ssh,’ says Ali, coming to kneel beside her. ‘You did what you thought was right. I’d have done the same, and if anyone tells you any different, they’re lying.’
‘Ali?’ calls out a voice that sounds like her mum. ‘Are you out here?’
‘Coming!’ Ali shouts back.
‘Will you be okay?’ asks Ali, sincerely.
Rachel nods as she pulls herself up and brushes her dress down. ‘I’ll be fine.’ She sniffs, wiping under her eyes. ‘Thank you for everything that you’ve tried to do for me, even when I couldn’t have been easy to help.’
‘I’m just sorry I couldn’t do what I set out to do,’ says Ali, pulling her in for a hug. ‘But I’m always here if you want to talk.’
‘Ali, come on,’ shouts her mum. ‘The fireworks are about to start.’
‘Go on,’ says Rachel, forcing a smile. ‘Go and enjoy yourself. It’s your wedding day.’
‘Are you sure?’ asks Ali, reluctant to leave her.
‘Yes,’ says Rachel. ‘Go and start your new life, because this part’s over.’
They squeeze each other’s hands, and Ali’s gone.
25
Everyone is out on the terrace by the time Rachel feels strong enough to emerge from her hiding place. She’s surprised to see that, while her entire life has crashed down around her ears, everyone else is still going about theirs, without a care in the world.
The wind is whipping up again, and hearing the sound of the Atlantic waves crashing against the underside of the structure they’re standing on makes Rachel shiver. She can no longer see the caves further along the cove, lost to the dark and the rising tide that is steadily climbing the cliff face.
She glances around for Jack, but doesn’t want to see him, because she doesn’t know how to look at him anymore. If she sees Paige, there’s no way she can disguise what she now knows and the thought of having to go back to the same house, and then travel home tomorrow on the same plane, fills her with a dread so unsurmountable that she can’t even begin to comprehend it. It’s almost as if something even bigger than what she’s dealing with needs to put itself between the now and then, because without it, she can’t see a way through.
‘Oh my God,’ cries Ali. ‘But how . . .?’
‘It’s okay,’ says her mum, pulling her in tight. ‘It’s going to be okay.’
Rachel looks on with a sense of dismay. It must be her grandmother, who was too poorly to travel. Her heart breaks along with Ali’s.
‘But how could that happen?’ asks Ali.
‘I don’t know,’ says Maria, as the pair of them look fervently at a phone. ‘But it’s definitely come from her.’
Rachel can see the rising panic behind Ali’s flickering eyes as she looks around.
‘Chrissy!’ she calls out, having to shout above the sound of the sea and bass of the music that’s still playing inside. ‘Chrissy!’
‘Is everything okay?’ asks Rachel, going over to her, feeling compelled to offer help in any way she can. Though, she can’t dispel the growing sensation that this might have something to do with her. It seems that everything has something to do with her.
Ali looks at her, with wide eyes, as if momentarily weighing up whether she can be trusted or not. Rachel nods at her, to silently assure her that she can.
‘What is it?’ she asks gently, putting an arm around her shoulders. She looks to Maria, who has tears in her eyes.
Ali shows Rachel her mother’s phone where the photo of her and Chrissy as teenagers is presented in glorious technicolour.
‘I don’t understand,’ says Rachel. ‘What’s the problem?’
‘Th-that’s . . .’ starts Ali, before looking to her mum, who nods slowly. ‘That’s me.’
‘Yeah, I know,’ says Rachel ambivalently.
Ali’s mouth drops open and she physically takes a step backwards, holding a hand to her chest. ‘How do you know?’
‘Because Chrissy showed me earlier,’ says Rachel, without thinking. Though, even if she had, she’d have never been able to foresee the problem.
Ali looks at her mum, unable to stop her bottom lip from sticking out. Giant tears teeter on the rims of her eyes, reminding Rachel of a six-year-old Josh, when a bully had stopped him from using the slide in the park.
‘How could she?’ cries Ali.
‘Who?’ asks Rachel, still none the wiser what the problem is. ‘What’s happened?’
‘Look!’ says Ali, her voice high-pitched. She swipes down from the photo of her and Chrissy to show one of her today, in her wedding dress, with the text message, ‘The two faces of Ali Foley. Who knew?!?’
Rachel looks at it, confused. ‘Chrissy sent you this
?’
‘Erm, Ali . . .’ says Kimberley hesitantly, as she approaches them with her phone in her hand.
Rachel knows what’s coming.
‘I’m not sure why, but I’ve just received this . . .’ She shows them the screen with the same message and images.
‘Sh-she’s sent it to you too?’ cries Ali, hoarsely. ‘So, who else . . .? Who else has she sent it to?’ Her arms flail and she spins around with her hands on her head.
‘Darling, please,’ says her mum. ‘Please try to stay calm.’
‘How can I?’ says Ali. ‘I’ve spent all my life trying to leave that time behind and now it’s back to haunt me . . . on my wedding day!’
‘It was a long time ago,’ says Maria. ‘You don’t ever have to go back there again.’
‘Is that why you were bullied?’ asks Rachel, unable to understand why kids are so cruel to each other.
Ali nods.
‘She’s always struggled with her weight,’ says Maria. ‘It was only a few years ago, after the accident, that she decided to do something about it.’
‘But you told me that you never had to worry about what you ate,’ Rachel says to Ali gently.
‘Because I didn’t want you to think any differently of me,’ says Ali.
‘But I would never have done,’ offers Rachel.
Maria takes her daughter’s hand. ‘You have to understand that it was a life that she worked hard to get away from. She never had anything to be ashamed of in her appearance, but she couldn’t stand how it reminded her of being bullied. She never learnt to love herself the way she looked back then, and so she left the physical person that made her so unhappy behind and forged a new identity. She created a persona she could feel proud of and what you see now is that woman. She wears the clothes she wears because she never dreamt she’d be able to, and she speaks her mind because she’s not used to anyone listening. She’s always felt invisible and now she feels seen.’
Rachel looks at the woman in front of her with new eyes. All this time, she’d had Ali down as being vacuous, so full of her own self-importance that she was unable to relate to anyone else. Yet, behind the facade of overconfidence, and under the pretence of having skin as thick as a rhino’s, she’s fighting to get away from a past that plagues her every waking moment. She can see it now, as the real Ali emerges from the shadow of the caricature she’s invented to protect her.