by Addams, Kat
“Hey there. I hope I didn’t wake you.” Rox sat at a table with her feet propped up on a chair, completely naked and eating cheesecake.
“No, I thought something was wrong. That’s all. Sorry, I’m still half-asleep.” I pulled up a chair beside her, grinning at the sight of crumbs falling down her bare chest.
“Want some cheesecake? It’s my comfort food. Sometimes, when I can’t sleep at night, I wake up, eat cheesecake, write poetry,” she said, holding up her fork and notebook.
“Comfort food? Is everything okay? I had a lovely night. Did something go wrong?”
“No. Not at all! Everything was perfect! I have a rattled brain still from all the stress of this week. I needed to pour it out on paper.”
“I see. Well, how about I make you what my mum used to make me on bad nights? We have our own version of comfort food in Australia. It’s called fairy bread.”
“That sounds interesting. What’s in it?”
“Bread, butter, and hundreds and thousands. That’s what we call sprinkles. I can run to my house and get it. Can I make you some?”
“I have all of that here! Have at it. Butter in the fridge, bread, and sprinkles—I mean, hundreds and thousands—in the pantry.” She nodded toward an open door in her kitchen.
I arose to my feet, flung the sheet off of me, and made myself comfortable, much to her laughter.
“What? Can’t a man make some fairy bread while naked in his neighbor’s kitchen just before dawn?”
“You can do anything naked in my kitchen or anywhere. Keep going. You’re giving me ideas.” She scribbled into her notebook, pausing to look up at me before writing down more words.
I gathered my ingredients and washed my hands. The cold water splashed on my bare abs, sending a chill straight down to my willy. It shrank into hiding. I turned my hips away from Rox, hoping she hadn’t noticed my poor little fellow, but the giggles I heard told me otherwise.
“Ahem,” I cleared my throat. “An Australian masterpiece is coming right up!” I announced as I spread butter across the bread and trimmed the crusts. I sliced it into triangles and generously decorated it with hundreds and thousands.
“You are an Australian masterpiece. With a body like that. You look like you’ve been carved out of stone.” She held her pen to her mouth, nibbling on the end.
“Thank you. You know I did see the statue of David in Florence. It was magnificent. Everything in Italy is magnificent.” I sat the plate of fairy bread in front of her.
“Carbs and sugar! You get me. Tell me more about your travels.” She picked up a piece of the bread and nibbled it, the hundreds and thousands falling onto her naked breasts.
I reached out, picking them off one by one and popping them into my mouth. “I’ve been all over the place. What would you like to hear?”
She licked her lips and pushed her plate of cheesecake toward me. “You eat that, and I’ll eat this. Living the life!” She laughed. “Hmm … I don’t know too much about history. Tell me what gave you the most feels when you saw it.”
“That one is easy. But it gives me the feels now more than when I saw it. Although when I saw it, I was awestruck too.”
“Go on,” she said, brushing the crumbs off of her hands and onto the plate and smacking her lips.
“Sistine Chapel. Specifically, The Creation of Adam. Do you know that famous part of the chapel where God is reaching out his hand to touch Adam’s? God’s finger is straight and full of life, and Adam’s is just hanging there, limp, lifeless. That’s how I feel now with you. There’s not any other way to explain it. I feel like you touch me and bring me to life. You awaken my mind, my body, my soul.”
“You’re going to nail this poetry thing.” She shook her head as if trying to shake off the pink that had crept across her cheeks.
“Maybe. You’re making it easier for me to find my words.” I grabbed the sheet and wrapped it around myself, holding it open. “Come on. Let’s watch the sunrise. I’m going to wrap you up and keep you snuggled safely next to me.”
She pressed herself against me, nuzzling her head under my chin. The tension from her body melted away as soon as I closed the sheet around us.
“Jay?” Her voice came out quiet and shaking.
“Hmm?”
“Thanks for calming me and comforting me and just being you. I’m so glad to have you in my life. I feel so lucky.”
“Me too, Kintsugi. Me too.”
Ten
Rox
Work at the shelter and with the taco truck had overwhelmed me to the point of exhaustion. Lucky for me, I had a new man who picked me up when I felt down and comforted me when I needed it—which was always. During the day, I would receive random text messages of audio recordings that ranged anywhere from happy pick-me-up songs sang in his sexy accent to dirty-talking recordings of what he would like to do to me the next chance he saw me.
I giggled my way through food prep. Betty and Nikki seemed skeptical of my new, bubbly mood, but Layla was amused.
“It’s magic! I can see that sparkle in your eyes! Nikki’s stones, they work! I put one in my panties last night, and I can’t say it was comfortable, but I finally got laid!” Layla clasped her hands together as if a prayer had been answered.
“By Aiden?” I asked.
“Heavens no! Some random dude at The Lounge! Aiden and I aren’t a thing. We’re just friends. Flirty friends.” Layla rolled her eyes.
“Friends? Yeah, right! You two seemed a lot flirtier than just friends. I can barely keep you two from drooling on each other when we’re making Shizzle Sauce!” Nikki interjected, shaking her head in disbelief. “Friends!” She laughed.
“I don’t get what’s so funny! Haven’t you had a friend you can get all flirty with without the commitment?” Layla asked.
“Since when have you not wanted the commitment? You’ve been planning a wedding since you were five.” Betty tapped her spatula on the side of the pan and side-eyed Layla.
“My wedding will have to wait for the right man. I don’t get the feeling that Aiden likes me like that. He flirts and all, but his eyes aren’t all puppy dog when he sees me. He looks happy enough to eat me up. And only eat me up. Not wife me up.” Layla sighed. “Forever a bridesmaid, never a bride.”
“You’ll still be the first to get married, Layla.” Nikki laughed. “I don’t think any of us are even close.”
“Hell no!” Betty smacked her spatula down hard onto the countertop. “Every woman in my family who has gotten married has also gotten divorced. Sometimes, two or three times. My aunt divorced four times! She has sworn off men and is now a full-on lesbian. I don’t blame her. I haven’t met one worth all the trouble they give.”
“What if they give you no trouble?” I asked, unhinging the back door to hop out and set up tables before officially opening the truck to taco orders.
“Then, you’re dating a woman! That’s not a man, but a woman! I can guarantee, they are less trouble. Ask Nikki,” Betty said.
“Oh jeez! It was only a short fling. And, yes, it was worth every second of it. But I’m addicted to peen. My lesbian days are over. Too bad she moved away. I enjoyed my time with her. I can say that women do make amazing lovers. I haven’t met anyone as thoughtful and romantic since.” Nikki sat her prepped food aside and climbed out of the truck to help me.
We gathered the tables out of the back of Layla’s van and began to set up shop. We were parked outside of a corporate park today, which meant we would sell out to customers who huffed down our tacos, all while conducting business meetings on their phones, too busy to interact with us. DTF let it roll off of our backs. We were all thankful we didn’t lead that type of life even if it would pay the bills more easily than what we were doing.
“How’s The Steamy Clam gig? Still paying off?” I asked Nikki while we walked back and forth, setting up seating.
“It is! I love it! I was going to see if you and the girls wanted to come out to my official debut as a Steamy Cla
m dancer! They want me as a regular on their weekends and during some weeknights. I told them to let me get some time to work out a routine. So, I’m thinking maybe two weeks from now, I’ll officially be part of their team and not just some part-time fill-in amateur.” Nikki bounced on her heels.
“Oh my gosh! That is amazing! Of course I’ll be there. I am so proud of you! I can’t wait to see what you come up with! Have you figured out your stage name yet?” I asked.
“Crystal Cream Pie. Crystal because, duh, but Cream Pie because I have this thing I’ve been doing with cream pies. The men love it. I love it. What’s not to love?”
“I think DTF will love it too! Can’t wait to see you perform!” I put my arms around Nikki’s neck and squeezed her tight.
To see the smile on her face when she talked about dancing made my day even brighter. Things were looking up for all of us. I wasn’t sure if it was from Nikki’s crystals or us growing older and more comfortable in our skin or because the worst of our lives were now past us. We had all dealt with enough shit to last a lifetime.
My phone buzzed in my back pocket, sending me into an even wider smile.
“Better get that.” Nikki winked. “Any man who can make you smile like that might just be comparable to a woman.”
I nodded in agreement, ducking away to take Jay’s call.
“I didn’t want anything, except to hear your voice and tell you that you’re beautiful. I know we’re both busy, so I’ll keep it short. You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever laid eyes on, and just the thought of you makes my knees buckle and my brain swim. I want to breathe you in, holding you in my lungs until I’m dizzy with the scent of you. Knowing that I’ve done that before and you’re still in my bloodstream makes me the luckiest man alive. Hope you have an amazing day, sunshine.”
I could barely catch my breath long enough to sigh into the phone, “Fuck! You’re good!” and tell him good-bye.
I was much less eloquent, but I figured he understood I felt the same as him. I slid my phone back into my pocket and turned our sign around to read Open, much to our line’s approval. I counted twelve people in front already, and we were just getting started.
The lunch hours passed by quick and busy, as usual. When we finally hit a slow point, we packed up and moved to our dinner location a few blocks away, near a music festival that was happening in a local park. We set up shop alongside other food trucks and started a quick prep before opening yet again to another hungry line of customers.
I didn’t mind the fast-paced business that came with what we were doing. Especially when my work office was inside The Pink Taco Truck at a music festival in a beautiful park, surrounded by amazing people. I looked out over the crowd toward the stage as I prepared orders. I watched as hoopers performed tricks, babies danced on picnic blankets, and teenagers laughed in their groups. My life had come full circle.
This time, not very long ago, I wouldn’t have noticed any of these things. My mind would have been too spastic to focus on anything, except for my problems and my easy waitress job back at the diner. And now, Betty had come into my life and Nikki and Layla and Earl—who I wouldn’t even have the taco truck without. I couldn’t imagine a better life for me. The icing on the cake was the new man in my life who seemed to have shown up out of nowhere, as if he had fallen from the sky.
The stars are aligning. I tried to shake the thought from my head even though the idea of it was beginning to grow on me.
Jay had done more for me in the short while that he had known me than any man had ever done for me. I felt good about myself with him—confident. He had lifted me and not once dragged me down. I knew he had struggled with his past just as I struggled with mine, so maybe I was his divine help for him too.
“I’m going to take a fifteen-minute break!” I told the girls as I hurried off to the front of the stage.
I wanted to get a closer look at the band and feel the music in my soul. I needed to file this moment in my memory bank because everything was right in the world, and this was what I had been striving for all of my life.
I wedged myself into the middle of the crowd, tossed my hair behind my shoulders, and swayed my hips to the music. I closed my eyes, feeling the beat pulse through my veins when I felt a body push up against me. I quickly turned around to Betty’s laughter. She held her hand out to dance with me as Layla and Nikki followed behind.
We all held hands, dancing in a circle and rolling our bodies to the music. I watched Nikki as she gyrated. I wouldn’t be surprised if she tore her shirt off and shook her boobs around. The thought of that made me laugh, which triggered a reaction to all the girls—a circle of laughter.
We were witches casting a spell of love and laughs out into the world. No more toxic bullshit! That was the spell. No drama. No negative energy. I’d hang a crystal on everything I owned and smudge myself every morning to continue feeling like this.
I shook my hair out, running my fingertips along my scalp to quiet my brain that had begun to be a buzzkill, bringing up what-if scenarios.
If things felt too good to be true, they usually were.
The brief moment of clarity killed my smile, but I didn’t stop dancing.
I pulled up to my house a little after three a.m., already planning on calling Betty in the morning to tell her that I couldn’t make it in today and to call in a stand-in employee if she needed it. Tonight had been the worst of the worst.
When the caseworker at the shelter had called me as we were closing up shop, I had a terrible feeling of dread wash over me. She told me that two new families came into the shelter, requiring immediate attention. She needed me and my skills there. She’d told me once a while back that I was relatable. She had urged me to tell survivors my story and comfort them with my whole been there, done that lifestyle.
I hated talking about it, but the more I talked about it, the easier it became for me to accept it. And helping others through situations I was familiar with made me feel more fulfilled than anything I’d ever done in life.
So, when I got the call to come and work my magic on the new families arriving this evening, I did everything in my power to get there and lighten their moods as much as I was able.
It worked too. I had gotten a few smiles out of the moms and quite a lot more out of the children.
If The Pink Taco Truck hadn’t worked out, I would have loved to get my degree in social work and do this sort of thing for a living.
I slammed my car door shut, noticing Jay’s light still on upstairs. A pang of guilt flashed through my chest as I realized he was probably waiting up on me. I stopped at my front door, pausing to reflect on that feeling. I didn’t want him to wait up for me. I didn’t want to feel like I had to be home at a specific time so that he could sleep. I didn’t want to feel tied down or controlled in that way.
Where is this coming from?
I pushed that annoying thought into the back of my head and dragged my feet inside. My eyes burned with exhaustion. I couldn’t wait for the morning, so I could tell Jay all about how I’d helped the new families and made them laugh. I had even shared some poetry with the kids and encouraged them to write their own. He would be proud, and maybe it would be the nudge to get him to write that damn poem he had promised to write as part of the treaty.
My phone buzzed, startling me out of my drowsy state as I readied myself for bed.
Jay: Are you okay? Where have you been?
I scanned the text four times, rubbing my eyes to make sure I’d read that right. My heartbeat began to quicken as an icky feeling overcame me. This situation was all too familiar.
Me: I’ve been at the shelter. Of course I’m okay. Why are you up so late?
Jay: I wish you would text me when you’re going to be gone all night. I got worried about you! I didn’t know if you were in a wreck or something had happened.
Like what? Am I at another man’s house or something?
My brain immediately thought of the scenarios Tommy had alwa
ys accused me of doing. I could be out buying shampoo, and Tommy would have told me I was fucking his best friend. I would never fuck his best friend. He had a beer gut the size of a keg and breath that smelled like rotted eel. I swallowed hard before texting Jay back.
Me: I am fine. No need to worry about me. I can take care of myself.
I began to grow annoyed. I was too tired to justify myself, and really, why the fuck was I explaining myself? I was a twenty-nine-year-old woman busting my ass, taking care of everyone, and I was proud of myself tonight. But now? Now, I felt pissed. The other night, Jay had left me feeling serene and calm, but tonight, the familiar dread that I’d felt with Tommy had risen in my chest the second my phone buzzed.
Jay: Okay. I worry, is all. I had a nightmare and thought maybe you weren’t okay. We can talk about it tomorrow.
Me: There’s nothing to talk about. I worked late. Are you okay? Are you worried I am with someone else or something?
Jay: No! Were you?
Me: You’re right. We can talk about this tomorrow. I’m tired. I worked my ass off too hard to deal with drama tonight.
I shut my phone off and slid into bed. I stopped myself from turning it back on to check his last words several times. In just a few short minutes, my night and my thoughts of Jay had been the polar opposite of what I had felt previously. I tossed and turned in bed, tired as hell, but my mind wouldn’t stop thinking back to the text that had triggered me. I realized being asked questions was a trigger for me that I needed to work on, thanks to my asshole ex-boyfriend, Tommy. But I hadn’t expected Jay to trigger me like that. Things had been going right, and he’d flipped out—or I’d flipped out. I was too confused and too tired for this.
I tried to take his past into account. The past that he still hadn’t told me much about.
How can I see things from his point of view if he never opens up about it?