Sometime during this reasoning, I noticed a figure in the distance, walking up the sidewalk in my direction. I wondered absently why more people weren’t out taking advantage of the weather; I’d be outside all day long if I could. I squinted at the approaching figure, who increased in size and clarity the nearer he came. My heart leapt. I recognized the face, but most of all the hair, shining gold in the sun. It was Philip.
“So we meet again,” he said, smiling, as he reached me. He didn’t sound at all surprised. I smiled back, not wanting to say anything quite yet, not wanting to betray my delight. Philip swung around to walk beside me.
“Mind if I walk with you?”
“You are,” I replied as our footsteps fell into rhythm.
“Going to work, I suppose,” Philip said with a sigh. “How dull. What a waste of a beautiful day.”
“It is,” I agreed. But I was thinking I didn’t have to step into the bookstore if I didn’t want to. It wouldn’t take much to make me drop my resolve.
“Why don’t you take the day off, then?” Philip stopped walking and I paused, turning to face him. My steps lingered, part of me wanting to stay, the other part urging me to work. “I know,” Philip continued, his face lighting up, his words growing with enthusiasm. “I’ll show you around Lorens. How about it? My car’s just across the street. We can cruise the town—anywhere you want to go—just name it. What do you say?”
He stood there waiting with eyes bright, daring me to refuse. I forced myself to catch my breath. I was flattered by his offer, which was more than enticing, but . . . “I’d love to,” I said, taking a small step backward, “but I really shouldn’t. I have to work.”
“Oh, come on,” he scoffed, “do you really think your uncle can’t get along for one afternoon without you? You only just got here. What do you think he did all the years before you came?”
“It’s not that—I know he can get along without me—but I need the money.” I took another step back.
“One day won’t make a difference.” Philip’s eyes never left mine. Wow, I thought, does he ever blink? “Besides, work can’t compare with what I’m offering you: a chance to enjoy the day, get to know me, have some fun . . .”
He crossed his arms, and the way he looked at me made me feel as if he could see right into my thoughts. “When was the last time you did something just for the heck of it?”
My silence was his answer.
“Too long,” he said quietly. And before I knew it, he’d covered the steps between us and had my hand in his.
Suddenly, there was nothing I wanted more than to spend the day with Philip. As for work, I’d already missed half the day—why not miss it all? Today I would break away from all the pressures, worries, and responsibilities that had suddenly appeared in my life—things I had not asked for and did not want—pressures that had made the nightmare return.
“Let’s go,” I said.
“I knew you had spirit.” Philip flashed a sparkling smile before catching me by the arm and leading me off the sidewalk and onto the street.
“Run!” he yelled, and we tore across as if a semitruck were bearing down on us. I could feel the blood coursing through my veins, and I thought, This is the feeling of exhilaration. Philip opened the door of a shiny red convertible, and my eyes widened.
“She’s a beauty, isn’t she?”
I could only nod agreement.
“A BMW,” Philip said proudly.
He gunned the engine and we sped away from the curb. The wind ripped through my hair. This was my first ride in a convertible, and I expected to feel thrilled.
Instead, my heart dropped inside me. I froze. Then I started shaking. I didn’t know what was wrong. Only, I was going too fast, flying out of control—couldn’t take it. I fought for air. My heart pounding against my chest, I fumbled for the seatbelt and somehow managed to yank it on.
Slight as it was, I think the restraint of the belt helped. In a few moments I began to get used to the speed, and my hands unclenched themselves. I couldn’t understand why I had reacted so strangely. Only . . . it had felt like the dream. I shuddered. I glanced at Philip, but he simply looked at me and smiled. Good. He hadn’t noticed.
I pressed my back against the seat, determined to enjoy the ride. This is a convertible, I told myself sternly. Enjoy the ride while you can. Everyone is envying you. I looked around. Well, that is, they would be if we weren’t the only ones on the road.
I lifted my head, purposely turning into the wind. My heartbeat accelerated as the air rushed past my face. I took gulping breaths and thought, This is freedom!
“No pressures, no worries, nowhere special to go—you can’t beat this!” Philip called above the roar of the wind. When he pressed harder on the accelerator, I smiled harder. I knew he was showing off, but I also knew he was doing it for me, and that made me feel more special than I could ever remember feeling.
Eventually he slowed down enough so I could actually see some of the town. But there was nothing much to see: a little library, a post office, a bank. I counted three rummage sale signs. We drove past a red brick school, where kids were running wild outside; and a park, which would surely be taken over by kids once school let out, but right now it looked peaceful. We bumped over a railroad track and the next moment I gazed out at a lake. “The grand beach,” Phillip announced.
But I was looking beyond the scanty stretch of sand to an island not far from shore. “It’s like an overgrown potted plant.” I imagined rowing out to have a picnic on it.
Phillip nodded. “They light fireworks from there, and people crowd the beach and pier and hills to watch. One year it caught on fire.”
“What did everyone do?”
“Don’t know. I wasn’t living here then. Just my luck to miss all the excitement.”
Leaving the lake behind, we passed a garden nursery, then took a rambling road past more quaint buildings and out of town. Houses became less frequent and the land rolled into country farms with red barns and black and white cows grazing lazily behind fences. It’s a cute little place, I thought, but nothing compared to California.
Philip turned to me. “Had enough?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “Then how about lunch? There’s a great little restaurant not far from here. You’ll love it.” I was sure I would because in my haste to leave the house, I hadn’t eaten breakfast.
Settling back, I let my cares sail away with the wind. I was aware that this was temporary, that this contentment couldn’t last. But right now, with Philip behind the wheel, I didn’t care. I closed my eyes, thinking I could ride beside Philip forever, content in the moment and feeling young and alive, enjoying all I had been missing for much too long.
The car stopped with a jolt, making me bounce against the seatbelt. My eyes snapped open to see a low, dark building with blinds drawn. “This is it?” I asked.
“It’s even nicer inside,” Philip replied.
It was dark inside. I stayed close to Philip, but my eyes shifted nervously through the restaurant. Smoke hung thick in the air of an adjoining room, from where I could hear loud voices, laughter, and clinking glasses. As we passed, a tall man with slits for eyes smiled at me, and, feeling ashamed and not knowing why, I moved my eyes away. They fell on a waxy-looking plant near an unlit window. Surrounded by swirling smoke, the plant didn’t look too perky. I knew how it felt. I tried not to breathe, but smoke still entered my nostrils; it mingled with a faintly odd, exotic aroma that might have been from food or perfume.
I tried to keep my head high, but my ears were burning with self-consciousness. Only Philip, so tall and confident beside me, gave me the courage to keep walking.
In a dim corner near the back, we were seated at a table for two and given menus. At least I couldn’t see the bar from here. But those crazy smells stayed in my nostrils. With a pang of alarm, I felt I was going to be sick, but I turned to the menu and my nose forgot the odors.
The prices were ridiculous. And I didn’t want Steak au Po
ivre for lunch anyway. Soon I wasn’t seeing the menu, but recalling yesterday, comparing Justin and the dinky diner to today and Philip. Then, realizing what I was doing, I frowned. Justin had no right to force himself into my memories. Especially when I was trying to enjoy myself with Philip. But the more I tried to push Justin out of my mind, the more I remembered him and his notebook and pencil and strange questions. Typical that he would be as stubbornly annoying in my thoughts as he had been in reality.
“Something wrong?” I looked up to see Philip regarding me quizzically. I flushed and looked down at my folded linen napkin.
“No,” I fingered the coarse material, “everything’s fine. I was just thinking that—this is a very fancy place.”
Philip’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled. “Don’t worry about it.”
“I’m not. It’s just that—”
A waitress swooped in to take our order, and I bit my tongue. Nothing on the menu enticed me. I ordered a small salad.
There was silence when the waitress left. And, of course, darkness. I continued fiddling with my napkin. What kind of people eat lunch at a place like this? I wondered. I was tempted to stand and open the blinds. What was the point of having windows if you couldn’t see out of them? Maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea to come here after all. Wouldn’t my uncle be wondering where I was? A thought struck me. What if he called the house and no one answered? Would he go looking for me?
“Robin,” Philip reached across the table and covered my hand with his, “relax. Enjoy yourself.”
But it wasn’t as easy for me to be reassured in these gloomy surroundings as it had been outside in the bright sunlight. I was flustered that my uneasiness was so obvious. Now Philip probably knew I wasn’t used to dating. Suddenly, I had no desire to continue this facade; all I wanted was to escape.
“This is very nice of you—” I began.
“I know it is.”
“But maybe . . . a fast-food restaurant might have been a better idea.”
Philip glanced around, and I hoped he was seeing our surroundings for what they really were. “Fast food? That’s boring.” His eyes focused on mine, making me shift in my seat. “I’m sorry if you don’t like this place. Maybe I’m trying too hard to impress you—but I wanted to give you a new experience, a chance to see something different.” He squeezed my hand. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Yes, but . . .” Underneath Philip’s hand, I twisted the napkin. “But this wasn’t what I meant. I don’t think I should be here.”
Philip’s mouth, and his mustache, turned strangely. “Oh? Your uncle wouldn’t approve?”
My chin shot up. “That doesn’t matter.” My blood began to churn hot inside my veins. “What I decide to do is my own business.” I paused. “But at the moment, I am dependent on him. Until I can get back to California.”
“California,” Philip repeated, “now there’s one of the few places I’ve never been. But I’d like to go there someday. Tell me about it.”
“You’d love it,” I said. I even attempted a smile. “The way you drive, you’d fit right in.” But I didn’t want to get sidetracked. I glanced over my shoulder. “You know,” I said hopefully, “they’re taking an awfully long time to get our food. Why don’t we just leave? I’m not that hungry anyway.”
Philip frowned. “Now look, Robin, what’s really the matter?” He eyed me closely. “Is it me?” He withdrew his hand. “That’s it, isn’t it? You don’t trust me.”
I didn’t want to admit it, but my hesitance to answer gave me away. Philip set his jaw. “Our food’s coming.”
I wanted to say something, but decided I’d be better off if I kept my mouth shut. I always managed to say the wrong thing. It was true I didn’t feel comfortable here with Philip, but the truth was I wouldn’t feel comfortable with anyone in a place like this. At least, not with someone whom I’d only just met.
For Philip’s sake I pretended to enjoy my salad, even though the lettuce tasted like paper and the carrots crunched like wood. I got through it somehow. Then I sat waiting, the food sitting like lead in my stomach, while Philip took his time cutting his steak into tiny chunks and chewing each piece a million times.
I wondered why I couldn’t relax like any other normal person out on a date. That’s just the problem, I told myself miserably. I’m not a normal person. It’s all my mother’s fault. Living with her paranoid precautions, she’d affected me with her suspicious nature until now I couldn’t trust anyone. Was this how I would be for the rest of my life?
I let Philip pay the bill. After all, this had been a true date. My first real date. Too bad I’d ruined it.
Outside, sunshine flooded over me, bringing with it a sense of relief, and things no longer appeared so threatening. I realized I could still make things right between Philip and me if I really wanted to.
I caught his arm as he opened the car door. When he turned, I looked into his eyes, being careful to keep my own eyes steady. He had to know I was sincere. “Philip, I do trust you.” It took all my courage to go on, but I knew he needed to hear it. “And the more I get to know you, the more I like you.”
“Well, what’s this?” For an awful moment I thought he was going to laugh. But when he continued, his voice was serious. “I’m glad you feel that way, because I feel the same.” Our eyes held, and for an alarming second I thought he was going to kiss me.
But he didn’t. Maybe it had just been my imagination. I hoped so, and hopped into the car. Things were fine just the way they were; I didn’t want them moving too fast.
“Look at that.” I pointed at a parked car with the license plate LV LRNS. “‘Love Lorens’? Someone actually paid to have that put on?”
Philip drove out of the lot. “People do funny things in the name of love.” The tone of his voice told me he wasn’t talking about cars.
I couldn’t help wondering if this day was a dream, and I was almost afraid to let myself enjoy it for fear it would disappear and I would awake to find I had an eight-hour shift awaiting me at the bookstore.
As we sped along, Philip turned to me. “Well, where to now? It’s your call. I said I’d show you around Lorens, but I’ve done that already. It doesn’t take long. Anywhere special you want to go?”
I almost shouted, “Keep your eyes on the road!” Horrified at how prudish that would sound, I quickly answered, “Yes!” And suddenly I had an idea. “Do you know where the Ingerman Mansion is? It’s supposed to be on the outskirts of town.”
Philip’s eyes darted to mine and I was afraid I’d said something stupid. But he only nodded and said, “Sure thing.”
I felt the car surge forward with a burst of power. It took my breath away. No doubt about it, Philip was exciting to be with. He was just what I needed. The romance of the situation intrigued me, and I felt like a heroine in a book, being swept away by a dashing buccaneer.
We rounded a bend and bumped along a rutted dirt road. Trees tightened in around us and sunlight filtered through the leaves, sprinkling us with shreds of light. Little white puffs floated through the air—seeds of some sort—and I was fascinated as we sailed through them.
“Is this what snow’s like?”
“Ha! I wish.”
Then there it stood before us: the Ingerman Mansion, set off alone on a vast expanse of shaggy lawn, surrounded by trees and scraggly bushes. I thought the mansion, old as it was, looked grand in a forgotten sort of way. Once upon a time, it must have been a glistening white with crystal clear windows; but now it was a grayish color with cloudy dark windows. I sat unmoving in the car, my eyes riveted to the immense structure, until I realized I was being stared at. By Philip.
I scrambled out of the car, but I could still feel Philip’s eyes on me.
“How did you know about this place?” he asked, joining my side. “I thought you were new in town.”
“I am.” My eyes returned to the mansion. “But my uncle told me about it . . .” I let my voice trail off. I was
so intent on the mansion, I hardly heard my own words. I was listening to the wind stirring the leaves of the trees, making a sound like rushing water. “This place is just like I imagined it to be,” I said, almost in a whisper.
Philip laughed and sprinted ahead. “Come on! Let’s get a better look!”
I ran to catch up, tearing through the long, tangled grass and dandelions. Dandelions everywhere . . . some were fluffy white, but most were still yellow, covering the lawn like a thousand gold coins.
“There’s no one else around, is there?” I called. The thought struck me that we were trespassing. “It doesn’t really matter if we’re here, does it?” I wanted to be reassured that we weren’t doing anything wrong.
“Not as long as no one catches us!”
Philip smiled at my alarm. “It’s not as bad as all that. But surely you don’t think this is an open park? A place for just anyone to come? No—if you want to get technical, we are trespassing. But no one cares. The Ingermans are all dead and this place is abandoned. There’s no one around for miles. Don’t worry so much! Where’s your sense of adventure?”
I glanced about me uneasily but said, “I’m not worried.” And to prove it, I bounded up the stone steps, past a formidable looking statue of a hawk, its beak broken, to the massive front door. I felt tempted to use the tarnished, old-fashioned knocker, but I shook my head and put my hand on the door handle. If Philip was willing to take a risk, so was I.
“Not that way. It’s locked, of course. But if you want to check out the inside, there’s a way through a window in the back. Come on.”
I turned, then halted on the steps. “How do you know? You’ve been here before?”
Philip grinned. “I’ve been any place that’s worth checking out in this town. That’s why I’m the guy to show you around. The first thing I do when I get to a new place is find out what’s hot and what’s not. For Lorens, this mansion is about the hottest it gets. You know—haunted house, ghosts, and all that jazz.”
Past Suspicion (Christian Romantic Suspense) Page 7