It was a decent hike back to the ditch, but Ramsey would have walked through lava on two bloody stumps to make Thea happy.
“Ugh, fine.” He took the leash and gave it a tug, trotting off across the grassy field with Hairy in tow.
As soon as he was out of earshot, Thea pounced. “So, who is he?”
“Who’s who?”
“The boy at the creek who you’ve been hanging out with and hiding from your brother?”
I suddenly froze.
So, yeah… I’d, um, kinda, sorta decided not to mention Camden to Ramsey. Part of that was because he was overprotective and no doubt would have shown up at the creek and given Camden the third degree. Trust me—it was for the best. I’d seen my brother in action and he could be a hell of a lot scarier than a frog.
The other part was because I liked having someone of my own.
Ramsey and Thea had been best friends for years, and I’d always been a tad jealous of what they had. I mean, I could have lived without all the kissy crap they’d been doing recently, but before that, they’d been a team who had each other’s back no matter what.
Sure, Ramsey was on my team too, but he was my brother. He was born into that position and took his duties very seriously.
Camden was different. Every day, when he showed up at that creek with a giant grin on his face and sweat beading on his forehead all because he’d been so excited to get there that he’d run the entire way, Camden chose me.
I wasn’t one of the popular kids.
I wasn’t rich.
I wasn’t even one of the pretty girls.
To everyone else, I was just Nora—Ramsey’s little sister—Stewart.
But to Camden, I was just Nora—ham-pickle-and-mustard-sandwich-making, ten-dollar-bill-hiding, hero frog wrangler, free to be whoever the hell I wanted to be—Stewart.
And I would have done absolutely anything, including lying to my brother and Thea about him, to keep it that way.
“I don’t know who you’re talking about,” I replied, praying my newfound ability to lie also worked on her.
“Oh, really? So, when I went by there yesterday and I saw you laughing your head off with a boy who has curly, light-brown hair and chicken legs, you’re telling me it was just my eyes playing tricks on me?”
I clamped my mouth shut and swallowed hard. There would be no lying my way out of this one. Unexplained anger seemed like the next logical response. “Why the heck were you at the creek?”
“Uh…because Ramsey is currently doing what Ramsey does best and freaking the freak out because you’re still sick and hiding it from him. So he made me promise to go check up on you. I would have said hey, but I didn’t want to interrupt.” She smiled and it reminded me so much of my brother, it was as if they were starting to meld into one person. “So spill it. I want to hear all about this new boyfriend of yours.”
A wave of panic struck me so hard I shot to my feet, ready to bolt. “Camden is not my boyfriend!”
A slow grin crept up her face. “Oh, his name is Camden, huh?”
“Just drop it.” I stole a quick glance over my shoulder. Unless Ramsey had taken Hairy on a walk to Hawaii, he was entirely too close for this conversation. “Look, I need to go. Did you tell Ramsey about him?”
“Best friend law doesn’t allow me to keep secrets from him, but no. I haven’t mentioned it yet. I wanted to talk to you first.”
“Good. Then don’t. I’m allowed to have a life, you know. I don’t need permission from my brother to have a friend.”
“What are you talking about? We don’t care if you have friends. Ramsey would probably throw this Camden kid a party if he knew there was someone you finally liked.”
“I don’t like him!” I yelled so loudly that it felt as though it ripped from my soul. And based on the sharp pain it left behind in my stomach, it was definitely torn from somewhere vital.
Thea stood up and took a step toward me, lowering her voice. “Then why are you acting so weird? I just asked who he was.”
I had to go. There was still a little while before I expected Camden back at the creek, but sitting there alone had to have been better than this.
My stomach rolled again, and I grabbed my backpack and slung it over my shoulder. “He’s nobody.”
She planted her hands on her hips and arched an eyebrow. “You sure about that?”
I had no idea what deep, dark drawer in my head the words came from, but they flew from my mouth faster than if they’d been fired from a gun. “It doesn’t matter who he is because he lives in Alberton, and he’s never coming back!”
And there it was, the constant knot in my stomach, the heavy weight in my chest, the sleeplessness, the inability to breathe—all of it verbalized for the universe to hear.
I’d known since the day I’d met him that the clock on our time together was ticking.
Camden leaving was going to suck no matter which way you cut it.
But the most excruciating part was: What if he didn’t come back?
What if this was it?
What if this was all I got?
One freaking summer to be happy, and now he was leaving? And I had to stay in that stupid town with my stupid father and a brother who was being forced to take care of me because our stupid mother had taken off and didn’t even care enough to take her own children with her.
My throat closed and I stumbled forward, propping myself up on the tree. Why couldn’t I breathe? Where the hell was all the air?
Thea looked just as startled as I was, but her face got soft as she rested her hand on my back. “Jesus, Nora. What’s going on?”
“People don’t come back for me,” I croaked, my throat raw as though the confession had been made of razor blades.
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true and you know it.”
Hooking her arm around my shoulders, she bent over with me, careful to keep her voice low. “No, it’s not. Your mom was a selfish bitch who didn’t care about anyone but herself. That is her problem. Not yours.”
I wasn’t so sure about that. I was only seven when she’d left, and for the first few months, I’d spent hours every day staring out the front window, waiting for her to come back. I’d imagined over a dozen scenarios where she’d suddenly burst through the front door, her arms full of presents and boxes of candy. She’d drop them all on the floor and wrap us in a tight hug, repeating over and over again how much she’d missed us. Her stories would range from simple things like losing her cell phone to the farfetched in which she’d been away on a secret mission with the FBI.
But in those daydreams, she’d always promise to never leave again.
As the months turned into years, I’d struggled with the idea that maybe I’d done something wrong to make her leave. At night when I climbed into bed, I’d bargained with a God I wasn’t sure existed to bring her back. All I needed was one chance and I could make her love me again.
Ramsey told me repeatedly how she was never coming back, but at that age, I still viewed mothers as faultless superheroes. I hadn’t even known it was possible for a mom to leave her kids. Dads, sure. I knew at least three people on our street who didn’t have a dad.
But everyone had a mom.
Everyone but me.
“But it is my problem!” I yelled, years of pent-up emotions sliding down my cheeks. “She left me here. And I waited for her every day. And now Camden’s going to leave me here too. I can’t do this again. I can’t. I just can’t.”
“Stop,” she breathed, wiping my hair out of my face. “He’s not leaving you. He’s a kid. This isn’t his choice.”
“But it would be his choice if he didn’t come back. He has a whole life in Alberton. What if he wants that more than he wants me? He has a family and a mom. He probably even has a few friends. He won’t choose me, Thea. Nobody ever chooses me.”
I was going to lose him—my one and only escape from reality. It didn’t matter how bad things got at home, I’d always be
en one sunrise and two sandwiches away from Camden and forgetting it all.
And, now, he was leaving, going back to a life where I didn’t exist, and there was nothing I could do about it.
A tremble worked its way through my body like a shockwave, but Thea was right there, linking her arm through mine. “Okay. Okay. Let’s both take a deep breath. You’re wrong about this. Me and Ramsey would choose you every single time no matter what. But I get it. Boys are hard to read sometimes. Have you talked to him about this? Does he know about your mom?”
I shook my head. “I don’t… I mean, me and Ramsey, we don’t…talk about her to other people.”
She blew out a loud sigh. “You Stewarts and your secrets. You know Ramsey didn’t tell me at first, either. He just held it all in and then one day he blew up on me like a volcano.”
Boy, did that sound familiar.
I offered her a tight smile.
“Right. Okay. Well, Camden hasn’t left yet, has he?”
I shook my head. “Tomorrow.”
“Good. Then you have time.” She released me and looked at her watch. “You’ve got six hours, fourteen minutes, and thirty-five…no, thirty-four seconds left in today. I highly suggest you make the most of it. Is he the reason you’re going to the creek tonight?”
She was a sage thirteen, so I nodded, desperate for any and all advice she could give me.
Resting her hands on my shoulders, she looked me straight in the eye. “Okay, here’s what you’re going to do. Talk to him. Give him a chance to choose you. He can’t stay, Nora. And you can’t expect him to. Leaving is out of both of your control. But maybe he’s scared you won’t want him to come back. A lot can change in a year. But he’s going to Alberton, not Zimbabwe. Telephones exist. I know you guys don’t have one because your dad is the literal worst human being in history, but I have a phone at my house that you can use sometimes. And there’s letters. Maybe even a visit at Christmas. But you have to give him a chance. If for some stupid, idiotic reason he doesn’t choose you, that’s his loss. That is not on you though.”
“What’s not on her? Why are you crying?”
We both froze at the sound of my brother’s voice.
“Shit,” Thea mouthed.
I closed my eyes and dropped my chin to my chest.
It would only be a matter of time before Ramsey knew everything about not only Camden, but my little meltdown too. He and Thea shared everything from secrets to spit. Honestly, it was a miracle she hadn’t told him about Camden through telepathy the minute she’d seen me with him at the creek.
Filling my lungs, I prepared myself to spill it all.
Thea got there first. “Nora got her period.”
“What!” I shouted.
It was followed by my brother’s, “What the hell! Why would you tell me that?” He used a hand to block us from his view as if we were the blinding sun.
I hooked my arm through Thea’s and gave her a hard tug. “Yeah, Thea. Why would you tell him that?” I leveled her with a pointed glare and finished with a mumble only she could hear. “Especially since it’s not true.”
She kept her smile aimed at my brother but whispered to me out of the corner of her mouth, “Because you’re my friend, and I will always choose you.”
My throat got thick. Tears over Camden still streaked my cheeks, but a whole new set welled in my eyes.
“Is that why you’ve been sick?” Ramsey asked, devastating hope filling his voice.
“Yep,” Thea replied, popping the P.
His whole body relaxed, his relief almost palpable. “Oh, thank God.”
Yeah, it was safe to say my brother loved me something fierce. As much as I hated how he worried over me, his reaction filled my empty chest in unimaginable ways.
Patting over his heart, he tipped his chin at Thea. “You still can’t die from that, right?”
“Nope.” She winked. “Nothing to worry about. Nora and I were just having a girl chat about…things.”
He nodded at least a dozen times. “Do we, like…need to go to the store for you or anything? I mean, is there, uh, anything we should do? Or—”
I faked a gag. “Ew, God. Ramsey, stop. I’m not talking about this with you.”
He lifted his hands in surrender and backed up a few steps. “Yeah. No. Not talking about this totally works for me too. Forgotten. Done.”
Thea laughed, and to my oblivious brother, I’m sure it sounded sweet enough. To me, it was an evil cackle. I decided right then and there it was for the best she and Ramsey didn’t do secrets. He was not ready to play on that field with her.
Scrubbing my face with my hands to clear away any lingering emotion, I said, “I’m leaving. Thanks for making this awkward. I can always count on you guys.”
“Anytime,” Thea chirped.
Ramsey shook his head and handed her Hairy’s leash. Then he made quick work of scaling the tree and settling onto his branch.
“I’ll be right back,” Thea told him as she followed me toward the main road. There was a shortcut through Mr. Leonard’s property about half a mile up that was quicker than going back through the woods next to our house.
The grass crunched beneath our feet as we walked.
“Thanks for doing that back there. I’m totally embarrassed, but thanks for covering for me with him.”
She smiled. “I meant what I said, Nora. I know you think we’re only friends because of Ramsey, but I’m always here for you if you need anything.”
“Thanks,” I whispered.
She stopped at the edge of the road and turned to face me. “Now, can I say one last thing before you leave?”
“I’m scared to say yes.”
She chuckled. “I can’t imagine losing Ramsey. If he lived in Alberton, I’d be a mess too. But if this Camden kid has even half a brain, he won’t just choose to come back next summer. He’ll spend his whole life trying to come back to you. Maybe just cut him some slack for a few years until he gets a driver’s license, okay?”
I didn’t know it then, but Thea had proven herself to be something of a fortune teller, because that night was only the first of over a decade of excruciating goodbyes for me and Camden.
“Come on, Mom. I gotta go.” I impatiently bounced on my toes.
She continued to spoon banana pudding into a plastic container slow as molasses. “Honey, relax. The creek isn’t going anywhere.”
No. The creek wasn’t, but I was. My time with Nora was dwindling by the second.
I’d been dreading the day all summer. Going back to Alberton was going to suck on epic levels. Middle school was a nightmare on its own. I couldn’t imagine it would be any better now that all the kids in my class had spent the summer hanging out without me.
Don’t get me wrong; I regretted nothing of my days spent with Nora. Honestly, those humid mornings chilling by the water were some of the best of my entire life.
Originally, I’d felt like I was taking care of her, doing everything I could to make her forget about her piece-of-crap dad at home. I stayed later than I should have each afternoon and had to wake up super early in the morning to get all my chores done before I was allowed to go back each day. But it was worth it.
As time passed, Nora started taking care of me too. She might not have had much, but she gave me more than anyone else ever had: real, honest friendship.
It wasn’t about ham, pickle, and mustard sandwiches. Though I did appreciate those. It was about how she noticed I never ate the crust. She didn’t ask me why or tell me I was dumb. She just showed up the next day with the crust cut off.
We’d spent nearly a week trying to get a rope tied to the branch hanging over the creek. When we were finally successful, I chickened out on the very first swing. She didn’t call me a wimp or harass me into giving it another try. She just spent the day using it to do flips into the creek and arguing with me when I scored them below a perfect ten from my towel on the bank.
I’d spent so much of my life trying to
fit into a mold of who others thought I should be that I’d lost sight of who I truly was.
But Nora didn’t want me to be anyone. She just liked that I was there.
We didn’t get along about everything. She picked on me relentlessly about the sci-fi books I’d read while she got lost in a magazine from two years ago. But in the next breath, she’d plop down beside me and ask me all about it, just to be sure it was something she wouldn’t like.
With Nora, I was free to be whoever the hell I wanted without consideration or consequence, and losing that when I went back to Alberton terrified me.
But all good things come to an end, right? At least that was what Mom had said when I’d begged her on my hands and knees to let me stay at my grandparents’ and go to school in Clovert. It was an argument I’d never fathomed having three months earlier.
Dad had chimed in with a booming, “Have you lost your mind, boy?” He didn’t even bother to read the three-page report I’d stayed up until four in the morning writing, detailing all the reasons why it would be beneficial for me to stay. None of those reasons mentioned Nora. I didn’t figure confessing that my first, only, and best friend was an eleven-year-old girl was going to win me any points with him.
Without any other way to convince them, I’d accepted defeat, asked my mom for a double serving of banana pudding, and then browbeat her into letting me stay out past curfew. She had a million questions about what I was doing and where I was going. I lied, telling her I needed to turn in the last of my worms and clean up all the stuff I’d left behind at the creek.
Based on her squinted glare, she didn’t totally believe me, but as she wrapped two spoons in two napkins and set them on top of the plastic container filled to the brim with banana pudding, she gave me all the permission I needed.
“Thanks, Mom.”
She smiled and shot me a wink. “Now, go on. Get out of here before your dad sees you leave.”
She did not have to tell me twice. After taking the container and spoons, I darted past her to the door, slowing only long enough to sling on my backpack.
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