by Jayne Hawke
The water suddenly turned icy cold, and I gasped at the shock of it. Stepping out of the shower, I grabbed my towel and dried myself off. A quick look in the mirror confirmed my fears. The wounds were already healing. Anger and an intense sadness bubbled up. There had been a small shred of hope that I’d been clinging onto like a life raft. There was a tiny chance that I hadn’t been turned, that the magic hadn’t taken. That was gone now. I was officially a garou. I cursed up a storm as I stomped the short distance to my room and dug out a pair of pajama bottoms with adorable penguins on them and a cami top. I needed comfort and familiarity - pajama bottoms were the epitome of that. Jake and I had known each other since we were babies and lived together since we were eighteen. Going without a bra and looking scruffy wasn’t something I even thought about with him any more.
I’d kissed Jake when we were sixteen. It was a hot, passionate kiss, right up until he jumped back. He said he couldn’t, he was too worried about getting me hurt with him being the son of a fae prince and all. Our feelings for each other had only grown since then, but unfortunately so had his stubborn determination to not act on them due to his father’s being a fae prince. He slept around with every girl in a two hour radius, while I’d put my life on hold waiting for him to realise I wasn’t some delicate little flower. It was my choice, but I’d been regretting it more and more recently. I was twenty-four, and I’d only had a couple of short flings. It was increasingly feeling like I’d put my life on hold for Jake, and he was never going to give me what I so desperately wanted.
I grabbed my phone and reached down deep for the righteous anger that came with what had been forced on me. I hadn’t asked to be turned into a garou. I hadn’t asked for my dreams to be ripped from my fingers. This had been done to me without warning or consent. The anger rose like a wildfire within me, and I wrapped myself in it like a safety blanket. Anger kept away the sadness and the intense feeling of being adrift in a dark sea with no idea what to do next.
DAMN GAROU LURED ME OUTSIDE AND BIT ME. BLOOD MOON TONIGHT. WORKED WITH SOME FAE.
I put my phone down and turned my focus to satiating the ravenous hunger that was filling me. My body was burning through a lot of calories while it healed the deep wounds the garou had inflicted. I dropped as much bacon into the pan as I could squeeze in there and proceeded to cook it while I gripped onto the edge of the kitchen counter. My head was throbbing, and my vision was growing increasingly blurry. I’d read that born garou didn’t have this problem as much, something to do with control over their body. I really hoped that I’d be able to heal without feeling like I was passing out. Being a garou needed to have some upsides. I supposed there was the long life, speed, and strength. Taking a deep calming breath, I closed my eyes and listened to the cooking bacon trying to focus past the spinning and increasing nausea. This really wasn’t my night.
3
By the time Jake got home, I’d already eaten every bit of meat I could lay my hands on and was busily making French toast. I barely noticed him come in the door, I was so focused on watching the food cooking. I was so close to satiating this ridiculous hunger.
“I’m sorry, Rosalyn,” he said softly.
I didn’t turn to face him. I’d been focusing as hard as I could on everything but what had happened. It was so much easier that way. His words dragged me back to reality. Tears pricked the corners of my eyes, and I swallowed hard, fighting for control. I’d cried in front of Jake. It wasn’t that. I didn’t want to accept it, and I certainly didn’t want to feel weak and foolish for what had happened. The only way I was going to get through this transition was to hold onto whatever strength I could and get through it with my teeth gritted and shoulders back.
The sound of his keys being placed on the wooden kitchen table behind me cut through my thoughts.
“How’re you feeling?”
“I’m starving. I’ve already eaten the bacon and sausages. The rogue bit really deep, so my body’s working hard to heal itself,” I said.
My voice sounded weirdly tinny in my ears, as though it was coming from someone else. I caught the lack of emotion there and fought back the tears again.
He put his arm around my shoulders and kissed my temple. Part of me wanted to swat him away. The last thing I needed was a reminder of what I couldn’t have, but he was also my anchor. I leaned against him and sighed. I needed whatever strength and support I could get right then.
“I only know of one garou in the area. We’ve barely spoken to Cole, why would he do this?” I said as I flipped the French toast over.
It seemed very unlikely that Cole Loxwood had bitten me. He was a brooding alpha that didn’t really interact with the local community as far as I was aware. There was a tragic incident with his family a few years back that I’d heard about, but I wasn’t great on the details. Cole was a respected alpha. Rogues weren’t. They were vicious, uncontrollable beasts that needed to be put down for the sake of everyone around them. If Cole had gone rogue, it would have been all over the Grim.
Jake squeezed my shoulder and moved away to lean against the counter. My skin felt cold without his touch. It was taking every ounce of control I had to keep my emotions in check.
“It must have been a rogue. No pack garou would be stupid enough to do this. Turning someone is a rare occurrence, and you know the council will be up in arms," Jake said.
I curled my lip. The council was made up of stuffy asses who loved nothing more than paperwork - and control. I’d never done that well with authority, and the idea of the council breathing down my neck did nothing to help my mood. As a human merc, they’d left me alone. I was nothing to them. As a supernatural, I fell firmly under their jurisdiction.
“They lured me outside. I didn’t think rogues had that much thought left in their heads? They knew where I lived and planned it well enough to get the fae involved,” I said as I put the French toast on a plate.
Jake crossed his arms and his face twisted into a sexy brooding expression. I really needed to get a grip. Logically, I knew that it was natural and normal to seek solace in the arms of someone hot and trustworthy after a big shock like this, but the last thing I needed was for him to reject me again.
“It doesn’t make any sense,” he finally said.
“I know,” I said sullenly around my last bite of toast.
The toast had filled the last of the chasm in my stomach, and I could finally stop eating.
Jake sat down opposite me and rested his elbows on the table. His dark hair was messy where someone, and I bet it was some hot blonde, had been running their fingers through it. The situation was bringing out the worst in me. My emotions were all out of place. Anger was the easiest thing to grasp onto, but I refused to be angry with Jake. It wasn’t fair on him.
Deep furrows had formed between Jake’s eyebrows, and the corners of his mouth were tugged down. He was blaming himself for this. I reached across the table and wrapped my hands around his as best as I could. He had always been so protective over me, but he needed to understand that I could look after myself. That wasn’t something he was really going to accept right then, given the whole garou thing, but it was stifling watching that deep frown. Knowing he thought I needed his protection rather than standing at his side as his equal.
“This isn’t your fault. It’ll turn out to have been some witch from years ago who hated my sneakers when I delivered her package or something ridiculous. You know how conniving the older supernaturals can be,” I said with a stiff laugh.
A small smile flickered across Jake’s lips.
“At least now you won’t get as much trouble on Grimoire. You’re officially one of us now,” he said softly.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. We both knew that wasn’t the case. Everyone on the Grim knew I was only there because I worked with Jake. I took on the jobs that were too small for them to have any interest in them. They’d made it pretty clear I was below them, and having a rogue turn me into a garou would only make that worse. M
aybe if a pack had accepted me and I’d been turned intentionally it wouldn’t have been as bad, but as it stood it was about as bad as it got.
Jake’s expression softened.
“We’ll figure it out together. You know I’m always here for you.”
I found myself gritting my teeth. He meant well, but that caring tone was grating on me. The anger was growing stronger and easier to latch onto. I closed my eyes and tried to push it away. It wasn’t fair to snap at Jake; he was doing his best to be supportive through a difficult time.
I nodded and stretched, needing to look away from him and refocus on something other than the slight pity in his eyes. It was probably in my head, but that didn’t make me feel any better.
“I should get some sleep. I expect word will be all over Grim by the morning," I said with a fake smile.
He stood up with me and walked around the table to pull me into a deep hug. I leaned into him and rested my head against his strong chest. It was something I’d done millions of times before. We often ended our day with a gentle hug and reminder that we had each other, no matter what happened. That night I couldn’t entirely relax into him, I couldn’t find the solace that usually came with being in his arms. It was too easy to see the little things between us that annoyed me. They’d been building over the last few months in the back of my mind, possibly longer. My anger and deep sadness at being turned were being laser-focused on those things. He stroked my hair and kissed my temple. I made myself accept his affection. He needed it as much as I did, possibly more. I refused to hurt him.
“You’re not in this alone, Rosalyn. Get some sleep. I’ll see what we can do in the morning.”
Tiredness practically radiated off him, but it didn’t hide the sadness that filled his eyes. I just hoped that it was sadness for me, not because of what I was.
I kissed his collarbone and stepped away before the flood of exhaustion and emotions made me do or say something I’d regret in the morning. The reality was that I might lose him over this. He was still a fae, and our relationship might not be able to withstand this change. My heart broke at the thought of it. We weren’t perfect, but he was still my best friend and anchor. I’d be lost without him.
4
I woke up with the distinct understanding that I was no longer entirely myself. Everything came rushing back, and I pulled the bedspread up over my head with a groan. I was a garou. I felt sharper, my desire to hunt and be aggressive far higher than usual. Not that I normally had a desire to hunt. Sometimes I wanted to go and kick some ass, but this was different. When I poked around my mind, I felt something new there. A feeling of fur and fangs. My fur and fangs.
As much as I wanted to hide in bed for the rest of the morning, my stomach was growling, and things needed to be done. I threw the covers off and pulled a hoodie over my little cami. I felt weirdly vulnerable. I wanted to be covered and sort of hidden around Jake. He’d been kind and sweet the night before, but I felt different in myself. Even if he did continue to treat me the same, I don’t know if I’d be able to maintain the same relationship. I was far more aware of things I’d been ignoring or missing before. It was changing how I viewed the world. How I viewed him.
The smell of cooking meat filled my nostrils, and I smiled. I’d never been a carnivore, I ate vegetables without too much complaint, but now my mouth watered at those smells. It wasn’t that unusual for Jake to make breakfast, but it usually consisted of Pop-Tarts or waffles. I loved Pop-Tarts, but nothing was going to compare to a plate full of meat that morning.
I headed into the kitchen to find that Jake had re-stocked the fridge with lots of different meat products, including steaks. The temptation to sink my teeth in the raw steak took me by surprise. I’d always been a medium-rare girl, the couple of times I’d been able to afford steak that is. Now I wanted it slightly warm and very bloody.
“There’s coffee in the pot,” Jake said as he turned to smile at me.
Sadness filled his eyes, and his smile didn’t rise quite as it usually did. I wasn’t sure if he was blaming himself for my new state, or if he was sad that he was inevitably going to lose me thanks to this. I poured myself a coffee and tried to figure out how to handle everything. Sitting around obsessing over every stupid little detail was a waste of time. I needed to get my head in the game. The council would need to be informed, and I’d have to deal with the news spreading across the Grim. I hadn’t looked at the social media site yet, but I could imagine what the posts would look like. The mocking, the laughter, and the snide comments. It made me feel more alone. Jake was all I really had, and that hit me harder than it ever had before. I slumped down in my seat at the kitchen table and glared at my coffee, willing it to cool quicker.
“We have an appointment with the council this afternoon, and I handled the Grim for you,” Jake said as he placed a large plate full of cooked meats in front of me.
I didn’t want to know what he’d said on the Grim for me. It would likely be something protective and sweet, but whatever it was would only be a reminder that he saw me as someone delicate and fragile. Being a garou was an opportunity to change that. I took a sip of my coffee. It burned all the way down. The rogue had changed me against my will, but I refused to let that destroy my life.
I squeezed Jake’s arm and smiled.
“You’re far too good to me.”
As much as I hated our relationship status, or lack thereof, I couldn’t be mad at him. Not really. He never failed to be sweet and thoughtful, even when I was a dick - and I had no doubt that I was being a dick as I focused on the impact this was having on me when it couldn’t have been that easy on him either.
I bit into my sausage and closed my eyes as the rich flavours filled my mouth. He’d splashed out and gotten the really good ones with the extra herbs and things.
He took his seat opposite me and ate at a reasonable pace while I stuffed the food into my mouth. I was dreading speaking to the council. I’d heard about them, but I’d only dealt with one of the low-level paper pushers. That was when I registered as a merc. This would mean dealing with the actual council, though. Thankfully, it would only be the territory council. That was made up of chosen leaders from each supernatural faction. Then one of those members also sat on the state council, and select state councilmen sat on the national council. I hoped to never deal with the national council. You were in really deep trouble if they knew you existed.
I put the dishes in the dishwasher and tried to get my head straight. I could feel Jake’s tension and worry. It was making me tense. I hadn’t been that aware of him and his body language before. It must have been a garou thing.
“I’ll be there with you at the council meeting.” He put his arm around my shoulders. “I’m getting notes from the hot red head this evening for today’s classes.”
I wanted to roll my eyes and say something biting, but that wasn’t fair on him. It wasn’t me, either. I leaned against him and accepted the support he was offering.
“Thanks. I’d be lost without you.”
“You’re the Sam to my Dean. I’d go to Hell and back for you,” Jake said with a quiet grin.
He kissed my forehead. “We’ll go and visit Cole after your shower.”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you saying I smell bad?”
I couldn’t keep the grin off my face.
He laughed. “I’m saying you smell of stress, and if I can smell it, it’ll drive Cole insane.”
I wrinkled my nose. He had a point. I trudged off to the shower to douse myself in lilac shower gel.
It took all of ten seconds for me to understand why garou and shifters didn’t wear perfume or really use scented products. I was coughing and felt as though I’d been overloaded with lilac scent when I’d barely started washing. It was completely overwhelming, as though someone had dunked me in a vat of very strong perfume. I couldn’t breathe without the lilac scent coating my tongue in a weird film that made everything taste of chemicals. I’d have to get some unsc
ented gel later.
The heightened sense of smell seemed to come and go, which was distracting to say the least. One moment the lilac was everywhere and made me nauseous. The next moment I could barely smell it. I really hoped that wasn’t going to become normal. Werewolves on TV could usually control their senses and use them in badass ways. I was really hoping that was close to reality.
I dressed in a pair of old faded blue jeans and a Supernatural t-shirt that was close to hand. There wasn’t a chance in hell I was going to make an effort for Cole Loxwood. He was an arrogant dick. Sure, he had a tragic backstory, his family was killed in a huge blood sacrifice by some crazy Aztec or Mayan blood witches. I never could remember much, we didn’t really cover that in school. As far as I was aware, he was the last remaining garou in the town, which meant that he was my only source of information and advice.
There would be people on the Grim more than happy to tell me all about life as a garou, and a lot of them would feed me lies just because they thought it was funny. If Cole tried anything, I’d be right there in person to kick his ass.
5
Jake drove a nice sleek black Challenger that was barely six months old. He was a trust fund brat, which was how he could afford to pay two thirds of our rent and keep a roof over our heads. I was grateful for everything he did for me, but it still stung my ego. A lot. I paid as much as I could; unfortunately, trainee bakers were paid a pittance. That’s what I got for trying to get the job of my dreams instead of a nice sensible job.