by Megan Slayer
* * * *
The next morning, Jordan woke in a room he didn’t recognize. He blinked and drank in the details of the space. A photograph of a little boy hung on one wall. He recognized the kid. From where?
Jordan glanced over at the person beside him. The man’s ass dug into Jordan’s hip. A man’s ass…Colin. Holy shit. He’d spent the night with Colin Baker.
“Hi, sleepyhead.” Colin stretched. “It’s six in the morning. Did you sleep okay? My bed is a little lumpy.”
“Colin, it was fine.” Jordan sat up. “You need to take Gage to school, don’t you?”
“No. I texted Farin. He said he’d take him. That’s the nice thing about having my brother next door. He’s handy. I’ll meet him at the store in forty-five minutes. Plenty of time for a shower and coffee. I assume you’re a coffee man.” Colin climbed out of bed and strode nude across the room. His ass wiggled just a little with each step. “The auto function on the coffeemaker kicked on. Should be ready in five.” He disappeared through one of the doorways. “Want a shower?”
“Sure.” Jordan scrambled out of bed and snatched his briefs from the floor. He debated putting the underwear on, but why? If he was going to grab a shower, he’d have to take them right back off. Besides, Colin had marched into the bathroom in the nude. Why couldn’t he do the same? They’d had sex. It wasn’t like Colin would see something new.
Jordan crept into the bathroom. Steam billowed from the shower stall. Colin stood in front of the mirror.
“You have no idea how old you look until the morning after.” He rubbed both hands over his face. “I feel like a million bucks, but my face looks like hell.”
“No.” Jordan wound his arms around Colin. “You’re very handsome.” He kissed Colin’s shoulder. “I believe the word you used was sexy.”
“You flatter me.” Colin turned around in Jordan’s embrace. “I like it.” He nipped the corner of Colin’s mouth, then dragged him into the shower stall. “I never thought we’d get this far. Until this morning, I was still convinced this was a dream and you’d tell me to get the fuck away from you.”
“Nah. I’ve evolved.” Jordan splayed his hand on Colin’s chest. He’d never be the same again.
Water sluiced over their bodies and matted down Colin’s hair. Even wet, the man was hot. Jordan squeezed Colin’s ass. It was like they’d been together for years, not hours. They worked together well. Like two old married people. Was that how love worked? Did love make one think silly thoughts like coming out and not worrying about who knew?
Jordan smiled. If what he felt, the tingling in his chest and the surge of endorphins in his brain, was real, then he was completely infatuated with Colin Baker. They were moving fast, but wasn’t that what love did? Come in crazy, furious and ready to sweep them away? If so, then that was what he was—in love. Uncertainty came into play. Was he in love with the high-school crush or the man with a kid and an ex?
Chapter Nine
Colin admired Jordan’s body. He’d seen Jordan nearly nude plenty of times, but that had been in the locker room. This was fifteen years down the road. They’d both changed. Both were stronger, more mature guys. He trailed his fingers down Jordan’s torso. Scars littered his skin.
“You’re battle-tested, aren’t you?” He slid his thumb across one of the silvery lines. “What happened?”
“Guy pulled a knife on me. Outside Mellaro’s Bar. He was drunk and I’d been called to get him out of the bar. My then partner, Delaney, claimed he’d patted the guy down. Wrong.” Jordan shrugged. “He got two good slashes in before I wrestled him to the ground. Sucked, but we got him.”
“I’m sorry.” He continued to caress the line. “We’re different people, aren’t we?”
“What did you expect?” This time Jordan grinned. “I went off to college, got a degree in criminal justice then went to the academy. I was never meant to play professional ball. What about you? Where’s the soap? Were you ever tempted to try your hand at the pros?”
“Here.” Colin squirted the blue goo onto the washcloth. He created suds, then wiped them along Jordan’s chest. He’d lived his life but rarely thought about discussing it. “The pros weren’t in my plans. I went to college and got my bachelor’s in finance. The bookstore thing happened because Farin wanted to sell comic books, but he didn’t want to be the typical comic book guy. He knew I loved books. I helped him get the place set up, then went to Indiana with Nicolas. We had eight good years together and planned to get married once it was legal to. Well, no, I thought they were good years. He’d have given us seven. The last year he’d been hooking up with someone else. They ran off to Italy, I believe, after they got married. He left me with custody of Gage—not that he was terribly interested in being a dad. Gage and I moved back here to be with Farin and to help run the store.”
“What about that group you mentioned? What’s that?” Jordan took the washcloth from Colin. “I’ve heard of it, but didn’t know the people actually met.”
Colin rested his back against the chilly tile wall. “I started the group for gay men who were already parents to get together and talk. You’ve seen the shit we have to put up with. One day that crap will drive me crazy, but it helps to have others who understand what we’ve been through. I tried to expand the group and convince the one set of lesbians to come, but they refused. I figure anyone who is gay can be a part of the group, but they weren’t interested.”
“Lesbians don’t come because of gay men.” Jordan snorted, then laughed. “Sorry. Bad joke.”
“That was awful, but I don’t mind.” Colin splayed his hands on Jordan’s belly, then smoothed his palms to Jordan’s sides. “Did—did you ever think about me?” God. That was a stupid question. “I mean, not like, in a romantic way, but…” Oh, hell. What did he mean?
“I did.” Jordan pinned Colin to the wall and ground his cock against Colin’s hip. “When I got to the academy, I used to wonder about you. What would’ve happened if I’d been more honest with you and with me. You’ll probably laugh, but I’d jerk off thinking of you.”
“You did?” Colin dropped to his knees in the still-hot water. “Then here’s something to add to your spank bank.” He nuzzled Jordan’s pubic hair. The scent of the soap lingered on his skin. The coarse hairs brushed against his nose. He glanced up at Jordan.
“Colin,” Jordan groaned. He braced his hands on the wall and balled his fists. “Wow.”
“I haven’t done anything yet.” Colin kept his gaze fixed on Jordan’s as he slid his tongue along the underside of Jordan’s dick. When Jordan nodded, Colin swallowed Jordan’s cock to the root.
Jordan’s muffled groan spurred Colin on. He balled his white-knuckled fists even tighter.
Colin released his hold on Jordan. “Relax. I’m not going to bite you.” He caressed Jordan’s balls, then eased one finger back to Jordan’s hole. “Calm down. I want you to like this.”
“I do.” Jordan’s brow knotted. “Just—I’m okay.”
“Yeah?” There was something else to the look in Jordan’s eyes—something haunted—but he’d press the issue later.
“Yes.” Jordan managed a smile. The light returned to his eyes and he nodded.
Colin resumed his ministrations. He curled his lips around Jordan’s dick and bobbed his head. He kept his hand on Jordan’s balls, massaging the sensitive skin. Jordan shuddered and shifted his hips. He moved in and out of Colin’s mouth.
Another groan and another shudder in Jordan. He finally unballed his hands and reached for Colin twice before he finally placed his palms on Colin’s head. He didn’t direct the action, but instead held on for the ride.
Colin tipped his head, switching up his actions. He swallowed when he sucked Jordan to the back of his throat and tapped Jordan’s asshole. He used his free hand to stroke himself in the same rhythm he used to blow Jordan. He whimpered around Jordan’s cock and glanced up at his friend.
Jordan’s forehead crinkled, and he gritted his teeth. He
twitched and hunched over. “Colin.” He drew out Colin’s name. “Fuck.” He tensed some more, then yanked his cock free of Colin’s mouth. Cum shot across the shower stall and landed on the floor, washed away by the cooling water. He slid down the wall and crouched next to Colin.
“Good?” Colin asked. He wasn’t entirely sure. He didn’t doubt his blow job skills, but he worried about Jordan’s reaction.
“I’m just rusty.” Jordan sighed. “I lied about who I was for the last year. I pretended to date a woman so no one on the force would know I was gay. Fucked-up, I know.”
“Nah.” Colin turned the water off. “You have an image to protect.”
“What if I don’t want to? What if I want to be myself?” Jordan sobered. “I know what I want to do, but I don’t know how to do it. It’s like…being the man I see when I look in the mirror is what is expected of me, but I’m dying to follow my heart.”
“Then do that.” Colin stood. He offered his hands to Jordan and pulled his friend to his feet. “I’ll support you. Unless you’re going for a one and done. Then I’ll hate your guts. Kidding. It’s hard coming out and having a relationship.” He bobbed his eyebrows and toweled Jordan off. “We don’t have to rush.”
“I kind of want to rush, though. We wasted fifteen years.” Jordan dipped his head and wound his arms around Colin’s waist, stopping Colin’s movements. “But I get it. You’ve got more to consider than just a warm body in your bed.”
“I want to include Gage. Like I said, he and I are a packaged set. He’s got to be okay with us. We’ll go slow.” Colin kissed him, then resumed drying them both. “Well, slow for us. Compared to others, we’ve moved at warp speed.”
“I’m sorry.” Jordan disengaged from Colin and headed into the bedroom. “I like to hold tight to the good things in my life.”
“I didn’t get that impression before.” Colin pulled a long-sleeved T-shirt from the dresser. “Hey, we wasted a lot of time, but there’s still plenty to figure out what’s happening. I’m not going anywhere. Yes, I want to keep my kid in the loop. I want you all to get along, but you’re right. We should slow down. I need to know Gage doesn’t hate you before I proceed.”
Jordan shook out his pants and boxers. He gripped the waistband of the denim. “Have you ever met someone who likes to hand over control? With my job, it’s hard. I have a ton of stress when I step on the job. When I’m with someone, I want to know I can be myself and be vulnerable. Until a very short time ago, I haven’t been able to do that. My ex-girlfriend kept thinking, even though she was my beard, that eventually I’d change my mind. We never had sex and only went out with groups, but she swore she’d get me to not be gay. It didn’t work.”
“I get the power shift, but you keep saying you are someone you’re not. Should you be telling me more than you are? I have a kid to consider,” Colin said. He grabbed a fresh pair of boxer briefs from the drawer. Jordan’s uncertainty made so much more sense. Maybe he wasn’t into anything heavy, but the control shift was healthy for him.
“You should consider your child first,” Jordan said. “I can’t seem to explain myself, but, for example, my last boyfriend, who wasn’t more than a three-week relationship, couldn’t handle being with a wimpy cop. His words, not mine. He’s not the only one. Most guys want that tough, kick-ass officer. When I’m on the job, I am. When I’m off, I’m just me.”
“I can handle that. I’ve seen the asshat side of you when we were in school. But you’re right. You’re not that guy. I don’t know what it’s like to be in the closet that long. You’re more. I feel safe when I’m with you.”
Jordan stood in nothing but his jeans and watched Colin. “You’re really ready to forgive our past? Let it go?”
“I am.” Colin bridged the gap between them. “I’m back in my hometown. I don’t know. I’ve got a feeling this is what’s supposed to happen. Slow, steady, but we shouldn’t shortchange ourselves yet.” He believed in his heart he’d made the right decision in being with Jordan the night before. Were they destined for forever? No idea, but he wasn’t ruling the possibility out.
Jordan’s grin started small but grew. “Here’s to a new beginning for old friends.”
“And here’s to second chances for guys who should’ve been honest with each other to begin with,” Colin replied. He’d never been so sure of anything in his life. He finished dressing and walked with Jordan out to the driveway. “You’re working tonight, correct?”
“I am. My next afternoon off is Sunday. Maybe we can catch breakfast? Something at the coffee shop next to the store?” Jordan asked. “With Gage?”
“Sounds good.” He kissed Jordan on the mouth, then watched as he drove off. He crossed his arms and smiled to himself. He should’ve known. The hate wouldn’t last. The old feelings had come back in a rush. He cared about Jordan the same way he had when they were in school. He paused. Well, no, not the same. He didn’t just care about him and this wasn’t puppy love. The feelings ran deep.
Jordan doubled back to Colin’s house. He couldn’t remember if he’d left his wallet there. He stopped at the traffic light, then rounded the block to Colin’s. As he stopped in front of his friend’s place, he noticed his wallet. Well, fuck. He’d worried about something that wasn’t missing.
He started up again, but with his heart lighter. He’d slept with Colin and had his dream come true. When he pulled away from the curb, he noticed another vehicle on the street. The man behind the wheel slowed down and stared at him.
Was the guy shocked to see the cop out of uniform? Jordan chuckled. Cops didn’t live in their uniform. He drove down the street. He didn’t have second thoughts about sleeping with Colin. Quite the opposite. He loved that they’d bridged the gap and found common ground.
But a thought niggled at him. He didn’t care if people paid attention to his life when he was in his role as a cop. He had a job to do and did it well. But his private life…he wanted to keep that…private. He didn’t want anyone else butting into his business. How many other folks in Cedarwood had to put up with leers and stares? Probably every gay person in town. Not cool. No one should have to put up with such judgment. Would the antigay people have a fit with him openly dating a woman? No. They’d encourage the relationship.
Fucking double standard.
Was the guy who’d stared at him just being nosy? Maybe he thought he recognized Jordan? Possible. What if the guy was part of the antigay group? Damn it. He wasn’t thrilled with one group of people deciding for everyone how individuals should conduct their lives. He knew what was right for him. But more than that, he didn’t want anyone to push him out of the closet until he was ready. Coming out was his job—not anyone else’s.
Until Colin had come along, Jordan had kept his boyfriends and gay romances on the super down-low. No dates in town, only meet-ups at gay clubs and he refused to date anyone in the county. If no one knew what he was doing, then no one could judge him.
Now he lived in a small town and had a blossoming romance with a guy who was prominent in Cedarwood. They couldn’t hide the relationship if they tried. Everyone knew everyone else’s business. Sooner than later, his father would find out and what would the head of the police department say about his gay son?
Christ. The last thing Jordan wanted to do was let his father down. He stopped at another traffic light and scrubbed his hand across his mouth. He worried about how his father would react to him coming out, but how in the hell would Colin feel about parading his boyfriend in front of Gage? He wouldn’t like it. Gage routinely dealt with animosity at school because his father was gay. Add in a boyfriend for his father, one that happened to be a cop, and the kid would never survive.
But he liked Colin. He liked Gage. Playing family was fun. He’d never seen the true rough edges of having a kid, but the idea of being a dad, even in a long-shot kind of way, intrigued him. Could he really be the step-parent for Gage? He wasn’t sure, but he wanted to explore the option.
He and Colin needed
to talk. There were too many other factors involved in them getting together. He didn’t doubt his desire for Colin, but he needed to know Colin wanted this to continue, too.
Jordan stopped in the parking lot in front of his apartment. God damn it. He’d confused himself and whipped his emotions into a frenzy. He knew what he wanted, but not how to go about making a relationship with Colin a real thing. He parked and left the truck. From now on, he’d keep his romances behind the scenes. Trying to come out was just too fucking hard.
“Jordan?” Delaney rushed up to him. “Hey.”
“What are you doing here?” Jordan held his keys and stood on his stoop. “What do you need?”
“I forgot you lived here.” Delaney rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.
“Whatever you want to tell me, just spit it out.” He stared at his fellow cop. If Delaney was at the apartment complex, then he must have a reason. Cassidee? “You’re seeing Cassidee and I said I didn’t mind.”
“I wanted to make sure you hadn’t changed your mind.” Delaney shuffled from one foot to the other. “Christ. I’ve got plenty of confidence when I’m on the job, but talking to you now is scary as fuck.”
“You’re fine.” He bit back a groan. “What do you want to tell me?”
“I’m seeing her and we’re going out again. I know you hate me, but she and I are good together.” Delaney met Jordan’s gaze. “I want her to be happy and you to not put up roadblocks.”
“You have my permission, but the moment she finds out you asked me, she’ll kick you in the junk.” He stuffed his key into the lock. “She’s not a possession. Treat her right.”
“I will.” Delaney nodded. “Thanks.”
Jordan shook his head and watched Delaney stroll off. He wasn’t fond of Delaney, but he couldn’t hate the man for having a relationship with Cassidee. She deserved a good man and Delaney wasn’t a bad guy. The thing that rankled him was how Cassidee and Delaney could be in public together. They didn’t have to worry about prejudice.