“Hey, Ethan,” Dad says, holding out his hand to shake.
“Hello, Mr. Lawrence,” Ethan says, shaking his hand and giving me the chance I need to get away.
I manage to dodge Ethan for most of the evening. We have dinner and Vesper and Liam announce their good news, making Mom cry and Dad smile and pat Liam on the back for the job well done. The whole thing makes me cringe. I mean, our dad is basically cheering Liam on for screwing his daughter and knocking her up. I can’t be the only one who sees it this way!
But it makes me wonder what their reaction will be when I finally tell them they have not one grandchild on the way, but two. Just thinking about it makes my nerves kick in. My stomach rolls and my mouth waters. I know I’m about to lose my dinner, and I quickly get up and rush to the bathroom, making it just in time.
After several minutes of kneeling in front of the toilet, I stand and flush it before moving to the sink to rinse my mouth. Opening the cabinet, I find a bottle of mouthwash. I pour a little into a paper cup and gargle until my mouth feels minty fresh. Someone knocks on the door, and before I can answer, it opens…and in walks Ethan.
I spit out the mouthwash and turn to face him. “Please, not now, Ethan.” I hold up my hands in front of me.
“Just hear me out, please,” he begs, stepping in front of me when I try to step around him.
“I miss you, Aria,” he whispers, stepping up to me and cupping my cheek with his hand, forcing my eyes to his. His thick lips are only inches from mine, and even though there’s a lot between us right now, I want to feel them against mine, and be reminded of how good he makes me feel.
“I understand why you’re angry with me, and you have every right to be. I made you feel like you weren’t good enough to be seen with me. And you know that was never my intention. I want you. I’m just afraid that if we don’t work out, it’ll ruin my sister’s life.”
I feel my eyebrows pinch together. “Amy?”
“If I hurt you, you’ll tell your sister. Then it’ll cause a fight between Vesper and Amy, and your sister and Liam are part-owners of Amy’s coffee shop…”
“Ves and Liam would never hold that over Amy’s head,” I tell him, suddenly understanding why he’s been so adamant about keeping our relationship a secret.
“I hope they wouldn’t, but you never know for sure. I don’t care if your dad fires me. It’s not my life I’m worried about screwing up—it’s yours, and our families’. Don’t you understand?” His eyes are pleading with me.
“I do understand, Ethan,” I breathe out, my eyes fluttering closed.
The next thing I know, his lips are pressed against mine, his tongue sliding into my mouth. Instantly, I want to push him away, because there’s still so much we need to talk about. But my body melts into his. I no longer have control of my thoughts or my hands. All I can do is stand here and kiss the man I can’t get out of my mind.
His hands land firmly on my ass, squeezing gently yet firmly at the same time. Slowly, they run down my thigh and back up, lifting up my dress. His fingers wrap around the waistband of my panties and yank them down my legs.
“You have no idea how badly I’ve missed you,” he whispers against my lips as his hands work to free himself from his jeans. “And how badly I need you,” he adds on, grabbing my hips and lifting them so my ass rests on the edge of the countertop. As much as I want to be angry and resist him, I can’t. I’m a slave to his love.
His forehead is against mine, eyes locked with mine as he gets me ready before he slides into me. I hold on to his biceps as a relieved breath leaves my lips. His mouth smashes against mine, and he pumps into me fast and hard. We’re both letting out soft moans and pleas, but they’re muffled by the other’s lips that haven’t stopped kissing. It’s obvious he’s missed me, and it’s obvious I’ve missed him, even though I’ve been trying to deny it. I can’t ignore this man, and haven’t been able to since he walked into Daddy’s shop that very first day. He demands my attention without even realizing it.
His hands tour my body, massaging and squeezing every inch while his hips never tire. He rocks against me one last time, and we both fall off the edge of the earth together in a downward spiral.
We break the kiss to catch our breath, but neither of us moves. We’re stuck in place. Like this—connected—we’re one person in our own little world, but the second we part, we’re two people who could never work in this world. Neither of us wants to leave the little bubble we’ve created.
“Ethan? Where are you?” Amy asks, opening the door, but Ethan catches it from opening, allowing her to see only a crack of his face.
“I’ll be out in a second. Go warm up the car. The cold makes my neck hurt,” he adds on just to sell it.
“Oh, okay,” she agrees, turning and leaving so he can shut the door.
“I’m sorry. I completely forgot to lock the door.” He releases me, and we both rush to right our clothing.
“Ethan?” My heart pounds so hard I can hear it in my ears, above the ringing.
“Yeah?” he asks, looking up at me.
“I’m pregnant.”
He freezes, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. “You’re…”
I nod once. “Pregnant.”
He crumbles, falling into a sitting position on the toilet, elbows on his knees, hands in his hair, eyes downcast. This is not how I wanted to tell him, but it just came out of my mouth.
My stomach is in knots waiting for him to reply, to acknowledge what I’ve said. My breathing is rushing in and out of my lungs at an alarming rate—so quickly that it feels like my head is floating somewhere above my body, no longer attached.
“How? How’d this happen?” he finally asks, looking up at me.
I shrug. “I don’t know.” My eyes begin to fill with tears. “I’ve been on birth control for years. I’ve never missed a dose.” I squat down in front of him, locking my eyes on his. “I guess it’s just not one hundred percent, you know?”
He shakes his head and stands, causing me to fall backward. Luckily, the wall catches my back so I don’t tip over completely.
He tries pacing back and forth in the small room, but it’s too small. I can tell he feels trapped from the wild look in his eyes, the way his jaw is flexing in anger, and the way his hands are drawn up into fists.
“I’m sorry, Aria. I…I just…I can’t do this right now,” he finally gets out before turning and leaving me alone in the bathroom.
A sob escapes, but I push it away. He just needs time. I’ve known for a week and I still need more time to process what this means. I wish I could say his reaction is a surprise, but I can’t. I’ve heard stories of the way he grew up. Deep down, I know he never really wanted to be a father. But I never really wanted to be a mother, yet here we are.
I wipe the tears from my eyes and stand to study myself in the mirror. Forcing a smile to my face, I exit the bathroom, bumping into Vesper.
“Oh, hey.”
Her arms are crossed over her chest and she nods toward the front door. “He’s the father, isn’t he?”
My mouth opens to deny it, to fight to protect our secret, but no words come out. The tears I’ve been holding back finally overflow my eyes and run down my hot cheeks.
She knows the truth. She doesn’t say anything or judge me. She just pulls me in for a hug—a hug I need more than anything else right now.
Chapter 14
Ethan
She’s pregnant? Pregnant! How could this happen? How could I be so fucking stupid? Why didn’t I see this coming and avoid it? I’m not fit to be a father. I mean, what kind of example did I have growing up? My father ran out on us, turning my mother into a full-fledged alcoholic and leaving me to raise my little sister when I was still a kid myself.
I ran away from being a parent when I left for the army. I told myself that I was doing it to help support my family, but the truth is, I just wanted to escape my life. I wanted to be away from my drunk mother. I wanted a little sister, not a daughte
r. I wanted to be a kid, but once that was all taken away, I just wanted out. This time, there’s no getting out. I’m going to be a terrible father. I don’t know the first thing about taking care of a baby.
“What’s going through that head of yours?” Amy asks on our drive home.
“What?” I ask, tearing myself away from my thoughts.
“You seem upset or something. Everything okay?” Her eyes flash from the road, to me, and back.
I swallow down the fear that’s stuck in my throat. “Uh, yeah.” I shake my head. “I’m just tired. All the pain medication, you know?”
She nods once, and I get the impression she doesn’t believe it, but she doesn’t press further.
We ride home in silence, not speaking again until we tell each other goodbye as I climb out and head up to my apartment. When I step inside, everything hits me full force.
I fall to the couch and stare up at the ceiling. What the fuck am I going to do? What’s she going to do? Does she want to keep this baby? Has she considered adoption? If she does keep the baby, does she expect me to be a part of their lives? I’ve only recently gotten my life back. I was trapped for so long that I had to join the army to break free. Then I spent twelve years in the army doing everything I was told. It’s my time. This is my life.
I stand and start packing my things. I need to get away. I need time to think.
I’m at the cabin an hour later. I start up the fireplace and light the lantern for some added light. I grab my bottle of bourbon and fall to the floor, leaning my back against the brown leather recliner as I doze off, watching the fire burn bright.
I bring the bottle to my lips and tip it back, letting the warm liquid flow into my mouth, where I swallow it back quickly. I usually keep track of how much I drink. With a mother like mine, it’s something I’m always aware of—afraid that her past will become my future. But tonight, I need to get blackout drunk. I need to put things into perspective. I need to think about every angle in this fucked-up life of mine.
Why isn’t my life mine? Why was I even born? I’ve done nothing but take care of everyone around me. And the first chance I get to actually live for me, I fuck it up. I’m not a family man. I’m a loner. I want to be the crazy hermit who lives in the mountains. I never pictured myself settling down and starting a family. If anything, I saw everyone around me moving forward in life while I ignored the world.
I just want to be alone.
I take drink after drink, not realizing how drunk I’m actually getting. My vision is already doubling, my entire body is numb, and all thoughts of Aria and our baby have been erased. Now it’s just me alone in my cabin, just like I wanted it.
But there’s this feeling in my chest that tells me something isn’t right. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
My phone rings and I pull it from my pocket and answer without looking at the screen. I’m so drunk, I probably wouldn’t be able to make out the number or focus on the photo anyway.
“Hello?” I slur into the phone.
“Ethan?” Aria asks, letting out a sniffle.
“I can’t talk right now, Aria. I just need time to sort all this out. How long have you known?”
“A few days. I needed time to process and decide what I wanted to do.”
My anger spikes. “So you’ve already decided without even talking to me?”
“It’s my body, Ethan. It’s my baby. So, yes, I’ve made my decision.”
“And that decision would be?” The air halts in my lungs as I hold my breath and await her answer.
She lets out a long breath. “I’m keeping the baby, Ethan. I’m really scared, but I have a good support system here. I have my parents and Vesper. And Ves will be having a baby too, so our baby would already have a little cousin to play with. They could grow up together and be as close as Vesper and I are. They’d be more like siblings than cousins.”
I shake my head and pinch the bridge of my nose. “I can’t believe you made up your mind without me. I mean, did you consider what I would’ve wanted at all?”
“No.”
I scoff.
“I didn’t mean to discredit your feelings, Ethan. I just made up my mind based on what’s right for me, whether you’re involved or not.”
“You don’t think I’ll be involved?” I ask, letting my anger and alcohol get the best of my better judgment.
“I didn’t say that, Ethan. You’re twisting my words around. I’m just saying, if you want to be in our lives, great. If not, I understand, and no hard feelings.”
Tears fill my eyes and I shake my head, now annoyed with myself. “I have to go, Aria.”
“Bye, Ethan,” she whispers, hurt leaking through her words, and only making me hate myself even more.
I knew I’d end up doing this: hurting her. That’s why I tried avoiding her as long as I did. I knew I’d fuck shit up, and I’d end up hurting her after I’d taken what I wanted. I fucking hate myself for fucking everything up.
I tip the bottle back again, letting it pour into my mouth.
“Ves, you’re pregnant! Move before I hurt you. I’m going to rip his balls off!” Amy screams from somewhere outside.
What the fuck? What are they doing here?
I set the bottle on the floor and push myself up, stumbling to the door. The moment I pull it open to see what’s going on, Amy comes barging through.
“What the hell, Amy?”
She points her finger at me. “You’ve been fucking my best friend’s little sister?”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. My shoulders fall and my head lolls forward, eyes on the floor. “Yes,” I answer, not proud of my actions.
“And now she’s pregnant?” She’s still yelling.
“Yes,” I answer in a monotone voice.
Ves comes up to the door and steps inside. “Sorry, it’s cold out there.” She steps between us and takes a seat in the chair by the fireplace.
“What the fuck are you going to do, Ethan?” Amy asks, stealing my attention away from Vesper.
“I don’t know, okay? I don’t fucking know.” I slam the door closed and start pacing the floor in front of the fireplace. Vesper just sits back and watches me.
“How can you not know?” Amy steps in front of me, stopping my pacing. “You know exactly what you need to do. Question is: are you man enough to do it?”
My teeth clench together tightly. It sends a wave of pain through my jaw. “Back off, Amy,” I warn.
“No!” She pokes me in the chest. “After everything we’ve been through, after growing up the way we did, you don’t know what to do?”
“I didn’t ask for this, okay? I never wanted to be a father!”
“And Aria wanted to be a mother?” Her eyes are squinting at me in anger. “What happens between you and Aria in the future is between you and Aria, but you will be there for that baby!” She begins walking closer to me, causing me to walk backward until I’m backed into a corner. “You won’t allow this vicious cycle to continue. You will man-the-fuck-up and be a dad to this baby, because this baby doesn’t deserve to be abandoned the way we were. Aria doesn’t deserve to have all the responsibility fall solely on her.” She takes a deep breath, her way of cooling down and getting control over her emotions. “Now, get in bed and sleep it off. Tomorrow, go home, shower, and go to Aria to work this shit out. Be a couple, don’t be a couple, I don’t care, but you can no longer think only of yourself. You gave up your right to run away the moment she got pregnant with your child.” She spins toward the door. “Come on, Ves.”
Vesper stands and they both walk out without another word. With a deep breath, I do what I’m told. I stumble over to the bed and fall on top, pulling the blankets around me. It’s been weeks since I’ve been here, but the blankets still smell like her. Smelling her perfume causes a string of memories to take over my brain. Visions of her smiling at me form behind my eyes. She’s changed so much over the short time we’ve been together. Before, she was a party girl who slept around with an
y guy she could. She stayed out late, got into trouble, and dated complete losers. But the moment we hooked up, something about her changed. It’s like when you finally see what it is that you really want—when you finally see that you have something to work toward. She saw something in me that I still don’t see in myself, but maybe I could. Maybe I could be the man she sees in me.
Before I can think too deeply about what I need and what I should do, the alcohol wears me down, and I drift into a deep, dark sleep.
I wake in the morning with the worst hangover I’ve ever had. My stomach is churning and gurgling, and when I open my eyes, my head fills with a sharp pain. I groan and roll away from the light, which only seems to upset my stomach more. My mouth begins to water, and I rush for the bathroom just in time to empty my stomach.
After throwing up everything I had inside me, my mouth fills with the horrible taste of soured alcohol. I stand, brush my teeth, and rinse my mouth with mouthwash before going for a shower. I turn the hot water up all the way and sit down, sweating out any alcohol that remains in my system. I lean my head back against the wall, thinking about everything that happened yesterday.
Then it hits me: I was so scared of being a shitty father that I almost turned into one. I have deep scars inside me that my father left behind when he took off, and the fear of doing that to my own kid was crippling. I was so scared I’d run, that I ran. A deep laugh escapes my lips when I realize this. It’s funny how that happens. Fear makes you do the stupidest things sometimes. In my case, it made me do exactly what I didn’t want to do.
I stand and wash quickly, now knowing what I have to do.
I have to go to Aria and beg for her forgiveness, and make sure she knows that she can count on me—that I’ll never leave her alone again. I want her. I love her. I’ve known for a while now, but I’ve just been too scared to say it. I want her by my side for the rest of my life. I want to rebuild this cabin for our family. I don’t want to be the loner man in the woods. I want to see my kids growing up on this property. I want to build a treehouse in the woods with them. I want to come home every night to her. Only her.
Claimed By Him: (Contemporary Romance Box Set) Page 38