He cleared his throat. “I don’t want to lie to you, Ember. It’s impossible for me to stop. You’d have to shoot me right in the heart. My brain requires me to watch over you.”
I sighed dramatically. Before I could start arguing, he added, “Our mom only asked me to do two things in my whole life. The first was hide. When she told me to hide, I had to do that for her.” He fisted his zipper and ruffled his hoodie like he was hot. “And the second, with her last breath, she looked at me and said, ‘Ember.’ And I knew what she was asking. As long as I’m doing what she asked, she’s still with me. With us. I’m sorry, though. You deserve a normal life. A normal brother.”
When the tears crested my jaw, I wiped them away. Picturing him getting her last word. And then being alone in the room with her murderer. For years afterwards.
He held up his hands as if he was surrendering.
I stood and took his hands in mine. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” His face was strained. I let go of his hands and laced my fingers behind his neck. “It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. Maybe make them less obvious? They should be good at tucking themselves away.”
Nix hugged me. “I wanted anyone who saw you to know that you were untouchable.”
I stepped back a bit so I could see his eyes. “Makes it kind of hard to go on a date.”
“I’m all right with that.”
When he grinned, I knew we’d make a compromise that worked. I was getting less angry with him. With Animal. They’d kept shit from me, but I was only seeing it from my point of view. Not his.
Animal rapped on the door and let himself back inside. His eyes sparkled at our reconciliation. “Should I book you two on Family Feud? I mean, T and I can be there, too.”
Nix rolled his eyes as Animal stepped into the affection and wrapped us both in his huge arms.
After laughing and disengaging himself from the awkward huddle, Nix patted my shoulders. “Want to visit home Saturday morning? I’ll come get you.”
“Yeah. I’ll come to your house.” I leaned toward Animal, who put his arm around my shoulders.
“Does that mean we can love on each other again?” His deep voice was a rumble.
“Stop. I love your wife and you’re too sexy to talk in my ear.”
Nix shivered and held up his hands. “Enough of that.”
Animal and Nix had a quick powwow about the new logistics and how to get my bodyguards near me without interfering in my life. It was nice but strange, seeing them trying so hard, making new plans, just to make me happy.
I hugged them both goodbye. They left happy. My heart felt lighter, too. Ever since I learned about Nix, I wanted to have him as a confidant. When we met, I was seventeen and had just sold my phone to two hookers. I’d wanted to get some quick money to go to a music festival. Instead of meeting my first scalpers, I met Nix and Animal. I still had the selfie I took of the two of us saved as the wallpaper on my phone. My Aunt Dor had told me Nix had left town with his father, and I lived most of my life believing that lie. It turned out that he had grown up an orphan instead. I was an infant, but Aunt Dor hadn’t wanted to have Nix in her house. I’d spent my childhood imagining what it would have been like to have a friend in my brother. And for the first time, even though it was so many years later, I could almost believe that could happen.
Chapter 6
Lock
AS FAR AS I knew, I was out of the hospital clean. Dice picked me up when I texted with the last two percent of my phone battery.
He was still wearing his bandana. He flashed the sign.
“How bad is it?” Had to be the first words out of my mouth.
“Bad, brother. They’re pissed but…”
“But what?” I adjusted myself in the seat of his old Mustang. The gang was life. I was worried for my mom and my sister. I had no way of getting them out of the neighborhood yet.
“Well, it turns out the girl that you saved? That was Booker’s niece. So…”
“Shit.” Booker was the upper echelon. He was one of the top dogs, if not the top one. Positions changed a lot.
“They disciplined the guys that attacked you. Hard. I’m supposed to take you to Booker now. But you need to know the guys that got jacked up? They ain’t fans of you.” Dice tapped on his steering wheel. “I got something for you in the glove box.”
I was fully expecting a gun. Instead, it was a new red bandana.
I wrapped it around my wrist but didn’t knot it. Dice’s gaze went from the fabric to my face and back again. “They are so fucking grateful, you could prolly get out. If you wanted. They might even pay you.”
It was a lot to think about. “Can you take me home first? Like tell them I’ll come in, but I needed to get clothes or something?”
Dice made a face.
“You look like a minivan-driving dad being asked to stop the family vacation so everybody can take a piss.” I patted the dashboard.
“Fuck you very much. I’m trying to stay on the right side of wrong around here.” He gave me the middle finger anytime he didn’t need his right hand to drive all the way to my place.
“Thanks. I owe you.” He rolled up to my apartment building and I hopped out --tucking my bandana in my pocket as.
“You fucking do. You should be my geisha girl for a few years or some shit. Text me when you’re ready. I’ll bring you in. Maybe work as hard at keeping me alive as I have you.”
Dice peeled off, burning rubber. I was pressing my luck a bit, but I wanted the pain meds to completely be out of my system before I faced Booker.
I made my way to the apartment carefully. I was something special fucked up. I dragged my leg behind me like a sack of potatoes. My face felt swollen to the brink. I wondered if I could burst out of my own skin. I knocked on the door.
I had my keys in my pocket, but I’d been gone. I knew what was next. And if I used my keys, my mom would be spooked when I just appeared in the living room.
I waited. This wasn’t the first time I’d been missing for a few days. I knew she hated it. And she would show me how much.
The door swung open. My mother’s eyes were wide, anxious; she smacked me right across the face. “Sherlock Sonnet! I buried you a million times in my head.”
I took the slap I deserved. I knew she worried.
“Look at you.” She fussed over my injuries and slapped my arm at the same time. People would think she was being violent, but she wasn’t putting hate in the swings. I shuffled in, absorbing the love for what it was. “Sorry, Mama. You know it’s crazy and all.”
I had to look at Rhyana. After all my violence and hospital time, I wanted to reassure myself she was fine. She was curled up, asleep on the couch with her favorite stuffed bear. I pulled out my phone and took two pictures. The way the sun was hitting my sister made her look like an angel. My mom, even though she was worried, knew to wait. When I showed her the pictures, she softened, hugging me around my middle. I winced but put my arm around her.
“You smell awful.” She patted my face. I grabbed her hand.
“Mama, I met the prettiest girl. She’s so beautiful. And feisty. Like you.”
“No! No? Really?” My mother dragged me into the kitchen and pushed me into a chair.
“Does she have anything to do with all these things that happened to you?” Mom wet a dishrag from the tap. She wiped my face, cleaning me like a mother cat would her kitten.
I looked around the apartment. The worn couch had a busted leg that was propped up with random old books from an ancient encyclopedia set. The curtains were sun-faded. The table had deep scratches. I needed to slap another coat of paint on the walls of the living room. If I could get to the home improvement store… Maybe I could make Dice take me.
We were doing the best we could. My father hadn’t made much as a pastor, and my mother supplemented as much as possible with her sewing.
Dad had been in prison for six months now. It showed. There was a layer of inattention. The tap was dripping. The fridge wasn�
��t really doing the best job of keeping things cool.
I got jumped into the Cokes to try to make some money. I had no other good ideas. In my neighborhood, you either got out or you were embedded in. My sister was beloved, the people in our neighborhood didn’t have much, but they were loyal to their own. And for them, Rhy was an emotional touchstone of unconditional love.
My father had been an outlier. A man of God. Of the people. I still wasn’t 100% sure what the hell had gone down to land him in prison. He was accused of killing three men. My father would move worms caught in the morning sun into a shaded area so they wouldn’t dry out. My father would never kill people. Even if they were trying to kill him.
My mother smacked me on the back of the head again. I rubbed the spot. I took after her for the most part, with her fast temper and big mouth. Somehow she did it all with love. We were in purgatory without my father. I’d been out of high school for almost a year now. The plan had been to go to a community college. Dad had taken a part-time job there, working in the cafeteria on top of his regular job to get me a discount on tuition.
But with him in prison, my mother and sister needed me to work. I glanced at my student ID, which Mom had turned into a magnet on the fridge. I’d never actually used it at the college cafeteria. Because my sister—my sweet, amazing sister—had special needs. Right now, she was in the local elementary school finishing out the summer program, but she was due to transition to the much bigger middle school in September. The medical bills from the last three procedures she’d needed weighed heavily on us all. We didn’t even open the bills that came anymore, because the amount owed to the insurance company and, in turn, the hospital made us all want to puke. Tylenol cost fifteen dollars a pill. The cup they brought it in cost ten dollars. Rhy had needed tubes in her ears and had to be put under to get them. I needed to win the lotto, not put groceries into a bag to help my girls. The moment I decided to quit school and turn to the Cokes was as clear as day. I was home and I overheard my mom on the phone, trying to get more time from a creditor. I was holding a list of the expensive books I needed for my first semester at school. I couldn’t bring myself to lay problems on top of her problems. I’d crumpled up my list and realized that everything was truly different. The hopes and plans I had before Dad went to prison were tossed into the trash, along with the reading list.
I’d talked with Mom about the situation. Right now, Mom was researching homeschooling Rhy. Which would be a shame, because the social aspect of school made a light shine inside my girl.
Mom set a peanut butter sandwich in front of me and grabbed the red bandana from my pocket. “No. Sherlock. How? Why?”
The simple fabric took the steam out of her. Like a balloon that came unfastened. She flopped in the chair across from me.
I was planning on telling her. I mean, she had to know… Depending how my meeting with Booker went, maybe I could get a hustle on, really start providing. If I stared down at my feet, I wouldn’t see the hurt in her eyes. “We need money, Mama.”
“Not like this. Never like this. It’s...wrong. Your father would be so…”
I covered her hand with my scarred one. “Rhyana needs to go to the good school. You know? The one with the bus with the flowers on the side? Blooming Flower School! That’s the one. I’ve been looking at it online. They have the headquarters in Midville.”
My mother jerked her hand out from under mine and covered her mouth.
I continued, “That’s it. I just want to support you guys until we get Dad out. We know he’s innocent. And until then, I’m the man of the house. I can’t get her to that school bagging groceries.”
My mom uncovered her mouth. “I’m going to take care of it. You’re my child.”
“I’m a man, Mama. Any guy worth his salt does everything he can to keep his girls safe. You need to be here with Rhy. We both know it.” I tugged the red bandana out of her left hand and wound it around my wrist. “The medical bills…” I stopped talking about them and instead pointed toward the basket we collected mail in by the door. I watched the worry climb up her expression. The bills were so scary, they felt like a noose. “This is my path for now. When we get Dad out, he can get me free. You know he can.”
It was my father’s specialty, counseling the young people who felt like their only choice was the gang. And understanding, like I did, that the gang had a purpose in the neighborhood.
My mom was so full of personality and vigor people mistook her for my older sister most of the time. But not right now. She looked older now. Worried. Worn. I stood and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her head against my chest.
“Nothing’s going to happen to me. Or you. We’re going to make it. We’re a great team. And Sonnets never give up.” I rubbed her back.
We stayed like that for a long while before I heard her whisper, “Thank you.”
I took to one knee, gasping a bit at the movement, and grabbed her hand. “No, thank you. Together, Mama. We’ll do it together.”
I ate my sandwich after that, somehow always the perfect amount of peanut butter. Mom grilled me on the girl I’d seen, asking how we met. I told her the full story, from beginning to end because we were close like that. I made her laugh a bunch, even though I couldn’t get rid of the sadness that creased the corners of her eyes.
I looked at my sleeping sister. Long black hair was twirled around her shoulders. She had to wear a bib, because she smiled so much she leaked a little. My heart swelled. She had been my tiny buddy my whole life. I could tell her all my stories, and she’d listen with big eyes. Sing her songs, even if they were off-key. I never felt alone after she was born. Making her smile and laugh was the best feeling in the world. There was a new feeling now: the fact her happiness now rested on me—though as a big brother I always felt responsible for her well-being. It was a heavy feeling. I imagined my father sitting in prison knowing his family was on the other side, fighting to survive.
My mother put her palm against my cheek. “You look like him now. A bit.”
I covered her hand with mine. “We’ll get it all back—all of it. So help me God.”
She nodded.
I had a huge job ahead of me. And a girl on my mind.
Chapter 7
Ember
I went to my first class on Monday. My three bodyguards were doing a much better job at keeping their distance. I could always find them if I scanned the area, but they were far less obvious. I was to give them a hand signal if I needed them. Wardon was staying closer than the other two, but it had been a good day. Two classes in the morning and one in the afternoon almost took my mind off Lock. I had syllabi and outlines and books to buy.
Three different freshmen and I talked in a nervous, trying-to-make-friends kind of way. It was exciting. After my afternoon class, I navigated the dining hall. I found a chicken dish that was somewhat tasty. I was also really, really hungry.
After I took my last bite, two other girls sat across from me. The brunette smiled brightly. “Love your hair!”
I touched it. “Thank you! And I love your tattoo.” She had a hummingbird on her wrist.
Being available and open was making me much more accessible. The blonde introduced herself as Cady and her friend as Heather.
Heather started eating her sandwich, but asked, “So, are you a freshman, too?”
“Yes. It’s all pretty intimidating. Getting to classes and stuff.” I piled my trash in the center of my tray.
Cady splayed all her possessions on the table: her food meal card, her phone, her lipstick, and a flosser. “Seriously. I have no idea how to keep all my shit together. I locked myself out of our room three times this morning.”
Heather nodded. “It’s like fast-tracking adulthood. Snorting up responsibility. At least we don’t have to cook.”
“l’d burn the whole dorm down trying to make that chicken I just had.” I pointed to the wrapper. Commiserating with girls my age about stupid stuff felt right. And made me feel less alone. I sa
t with them while they ate.
We all swapped contact information and promised to meet up later when I found out we were all in the same dorm.
I ignored the bodyguards and went back to my room in the evening. I spent time organizing my desk and my folders. Even though I was a year behind everyone else, I felt like I was going to be okay.
I lay in my bed that night, staring at my ceiling. I had my phone in my hand. It buzzed. Nix.
Nix: How was your day?
Ember: You’re gonna pretend like you don’t know?
Nix: Well, I know you’re okay, but how were your interactions and stuff? Did it all work out?
Ember: Yeah. Thanks for pulling them back. I talked to a few people and had a very chill day. How’s the crew? What did you guys do today?
Nix: Everyone here is great. Night. Love you.
I smiled at the phone, not expecting the softer side of Nix. I bet Becca had put him up to it. She was good at bringing the best out of him. It wasn’t lost on me that he didn’t tell me what they did today. Didn’t clear the cobwebs I had as far as their actual daily routine.
Ember: Love you, too.
I added a smiley face.
The phone buzzed again. I chuckled when I saw who it was.
Animal: Hey, Baby Girl. How was your day?
Ember: Aren’t you guys in the same house?
Animal: At night we’re usually in our own spaces, wiseass.
Ember: Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. I did great. Thanks for asking.
Animal: You see anything weird, you know what to do.
Ember: Goodnight. Kiss T for me.
Animal sent a winking emoji.
I turned and looked out my window. It was just getting full dark outside. Maybe it would have been nice to have a roommate, after all. It’d be nice to chitchat now. Have a girl to confide in. My phone buzzed with another text. I held it up to my face. Unknown number. But the message had me curious.
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