“Aw. Don’t be like that, beautiful girl. I’m going to be rich someday. I’ll fill a swimming pool with champagne. Tell me, you got a boyfriend?” He stepped closer to the building.
I leaned out the window again and folded my arms on the sill, considering him. He pressed his palms together so it looked like he was praying. Still with the giant smile.
He stepped forward into the streetlight. I could still tell he’d definitely taken a beating. I narrowed my eyes at him. He was trouble. Not dangerous, as far as I could tell, but he wanted in my panties and was used to getting what he desired—or at least I guessed he did.
“Not yet.” I smiled back at him when he jumped in the air after the words registered like he’d just won the World Series.
I closed the window on his joyful cursing. He was for sure trouble.
Chapter 10
Ember
I FINISHED OUT THE week with no other contact with Lock. Which was what I expected. A player knows how to play the game. His lovesick act was just that. When I got a message from Nix reminding me to come home for the weekend, I knew it was a good idea. None of the friends I’d made were party friends yet. I was hoping that they’d turn out that way. Who knows though?
Apparently, Thrice wanted to meet with Nix and Animal. It was probably about me. Which made the ride home awkward. I stuck to playing games on my phone. Thrice dropped me off. He didn’t even help me with my duffle bag. Nix was waiting outside, but I didn’t see him at first as I walked to the door. From slightly behind the hedge near the front door, he coughed and I shouted.
“Sorry. I’m so used to staying quiet I forget.”
I gave him a hug. “Where’s everybody?”
“I asked them to leave us be this weekend. I was hoping we could just do you and me.”
My shock must have shown on my face.
“Unless that’s too weird. I wanted to just do a brother-sister weekend.” He jammed his hands into his pockets. “But it’s totally cool if you want to do something else. No pressure.”
Delight zoomed from my toes to my mouth, which shouted yes before he could change his mind. A whole weekend with Nix to myself was something I never imagined could happen. I wouldn’t take him away from Becca like that. And he and Animal and T were running a whole business. Entertaining the needy nineteen-year-old sister was a low priority.
“That’s great. Yeah. I’m down.” He motioned for me to go past him, but I caught a glance of his relieved grin.
He reached past and locked the front door behind me. The interior was decorated with streamers and balloons. Balloons seemed to be a theme for this week.
“Whose birthday?” I twirled to take in all the decorations. He had giant silver balloons that spelled out EMBER.
When I saw my name, he shrugged sheepishly. My birthday is in March. He was way off.
“It’s, uh, sort of my way of celebrating all the birthdays you had when we couldn’t be together. Is that stupid? It feels stupid now.”
I stepped farther into the house. The dining room was laden with a ton of cakes, all with number candles in them. Pictures of me were blown up big and taped around the room. Newspaper clippings. Screen grabs from websites. I wandered closer and saw he had every time I hit the honor roll saved. The last time I’d done it was freshman year in high school. It struck me that the edges were neat. Carefully nipped out with scissors.
The TV had video clips, silent, merged together. Snapshots of my life. A set of pictures showing my rollerblading routine in the elementary school talent show. A small clip of me making a snowman. The newspaper article about the time I found a wallet in the street and turned it in to the police. Probably to the same precinct as Merck, come to think of it. Picture after picture of me playing alone in the backyard. A snapshot of me through the window, the only child at a table of my aunt’s adult friends. He had a recording of me standing in front of my photographs that were displayed at the county fair, boasting I had gotten four ribbons.
Nix took my duffle bag out of my hands. “Come with me.”
I followed my brother, bewildered and touched at the incredible documentation of me in his house. We went to the basement together and he opened a door. He swung it wide and stepped back. The room was a gorgeous setting of grays and pale yellow. My name was painted on the wall in a beautiful font.
“What is this?” I mean, it was obviously for me, but I was thunderstruck.
“You said you were lonely. You said you didn’t feel like you belonged. And I was always watching you. Never knew we would meet. I was saving all this stuff for you. Like a time capsule. Part of my will was to have Animal bring all my surveillance to you. Every year I bought you a birthday gift. Just because that’s what brothers should do. You live here. This is your home. It’s always been your home, and I know it’s probably too late, but this room is yours until the end of time.”
He brought a paper out of his back pocket. He unfolded it and tapped it in the middle. My name and his name were on a deed to a property.
“It’s in our names now. You will always have a home. And that’s all I’ve got.”
His jaw twitched.
A million thoughts ran through my head. Happiness was the current frontrunner now. This was incredibly unexpected.
“What about Becca?” The thought of his girlfriend and soul mate gave me pause. I didn’t want her to resent me. This seemed like a lot. Too much.
“Half of it was her suggestion. I realized I’ve been treating you more like a visitor and not a sister. I never told you that this was where you should’ve been as soon as I had the money to support you. For a long time I thought I wasn’t something to be inflicted on others. So…”
“You’re not a something; you’re a someone. And thank you for this. All of it’s so thoughtful. It’s like my wildest dream just came true.” I dropped my duffle bag at my feet and approached him with my arms extended. We hugged for a few minutes. He was right. This was what he should’ve done first, because right in that instance, we became family. I didn’t need all his opulence. That didn’t matter. But a place in his house meant everything.
“I love you, Ember. I’ve loved you your whole life. Even when you were alone, you weren’t.”
“I love you, too.”
We explored my room. He showed me how they’d added windows to the room. A bathroom had been constructed and was attached to my bedroom. Just beyond that was a little efficiency kitchen and reading area. My own wing in his house. My name or initials were in three different spots. He really wanted me to know this place was mine.
Becca and T had stocked my closet and my bathroom. It was like winning the best prize. Nix and I went upstairs and he had my favorite pizza warming in the oven. While munching on slices, we toured my life. The presents were wrapped, sitting on the chairs or the table. Nineteen cakes. Nineteen presents. The wrapping got more elaborate as the time passed. I went to the first one and touched it. It was wrapped in stained brown paper.
“You don’t have to open that. I mean, I was just a kid. I didn’t even know what…”
I put my hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay.” I picked it up.
I carefully removed the stiff paper; beneath it was an empty toilet paper roll with the ends bent to create a canister. There was something small rattling in it.
I carefully opened the end. Into my palm tumbled one gold earring. Well, gold-plated. There was a small section that was rubbed off near the front, revealing the silver underneath.
“It was Mom’s. I could only find the one. I was just a kid, but I made sure to save it. I didn’t know then it was fake. You don’t have to wear it or anything.”
I stared down at the earing, and it went out of focus as my eyes began to tear up. I didn’t have anything of hers. But this was hers. “When did you get it?”
“I found it under the bed when I was hiding one time from him. I kept it in a sock in my room. When it was your birthday, I made it a present that year. You were turning one. So
that’s what I got you.”
I touched the toilet paper tube. It had my name written in pencil. The letters were big and jagged—a little kid’s handwriting.
I asked Nix to open up his hand and I placed the earring carefully in the center. I took out the hoop I had in the piercing in the shell of my left ear. It was real gold, ironically. I couldn’t care less. Nothing was more valuable than the stud I affixed there how.
“Baby Ember would’ve been very grateful.” I nodded at him.
“I didn’t know then how little of Mom we’d have left. Pictures. Anything.”
“You were a genius then, saving this.” I touched my ear. I’d never remove it. My heart swelled with pride. I was wearing something that had been my mother’s. Given to me by my big brother. My whole life I’d waited to feel like I belonged. And tonight I was getting everything I wanted with royal flourish. I was giddy with the rush of it. We ate a slice of every cake. I opened every gift. The last one was a diamond bracelet. So different than the first gift. They escalated in price as the age on the front increased. The younger ones were my favorite. The thought of a sweet, kid-shaped Nix thinking about his sister every year and keeping track of the small pile of presents made my heart ache.
The pictures and surveillance that he had pinned up as part of the declaration would work just fine as props in a serial killer movie. It all looked obsessive. But watching Nix detail when and where he got the footage and images revealed such a different side. He boasted about the ones that captured moments that would be in a memory book. The sweetness factor was off the charts.
I spent my first night tucked into my new bed. The room was so peaceful, even though it was in the basement. It felt more like a beach retreat than anything else. The rest of the weekend was an unabated brother and sister fest.
I showed Nix two of my favorite movies; he introduced me to a few of his favorite bands. He told me stories from his childhood, and as many things about Mom as he could remember. He even told me how terrible her murderer was. And that I was lucky I never knew him. He told me about dropping out of school and how much the skull tats meant to him.
After hours of bonding, Nix finally brought up Lock. He scooted up to the edge of his chair and tented his fingertips. “So, the kid you met at the pizza parlor? He was under your window.”
“Yeah. I was surprised he was allowed to get that far.”
Nix bit his smile and shrugged. “He was allowed to talk to you. Anything else, and well…”
“Thanks for that, though. It was nice to get that time to talk to him.” I edged up on my seat as well. “It felt super…normal.”
“It’d be great if all your relationships could be conducted like that, though. Him on the outside. Passing gifts up on balloons.” Nix made two finger guns in my direction.
“Yeah—not likely. By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask. You don’t have any cameras in my room or anything invasive like that, right?” I’d assumed as much, but before I got deep into my college social life, I wanted to make sure.
“Oh no. Never. You have complete privacy. I’d never…” He stood and seemed upset, shifting in his seat.
I stood as well. “I didn’t think so. Don’t be worried.”
He nodded a few extra times and I changed the subject—reminding him that Thrice wanted to talk.
He had to make time to talk to Thrice, but other than that, it was our own private vacation.
The weekend was everything. We had inside jokes now. A special sibling handshake that he didn’t even make me feel silly for wanting. My cheeks hurt from smiling. Before it was time to go back to school, he and I played my favorite video game, Spaltoon 2. He told me he would make a profile and we could play it when I was at school.
Everything was amazing. So, so perfect. This was what was missing in the hole in my chest. I told him so as I said goodbye.
“Good. That was the hope. Thank you for letting me in there.”
I was smiling the whole ride home, as Thrice drove and Wardon sat next to me. I forgot I had homework, so as soon as I got back to the dorm, I had to settle in and read a few chapters and answer questions. True to his word, there was a friend request from Nix waiting for me on my Spaltoon profile. I accepted and messaged him there. He was totally down for playing a few rounds. He was getting better with each round and we were turning out to be a great team. This time, he was the one making me regret moving so far away. But maybe me doing that helped him come to the conclusion that I need a home with him.
And now I even had my name all over it. I touched my mom’s earring. I wondered if she would be happy. And something inside of me said she would.
Chapter 11
Lock
I QUICKLY FOUND OUT that the Cokes treat guys who save their potential victims like a snitch. Booker made it clear Dice and I weren’t to be touched. But like doing a magic spell, it was all about the exact wording used. And the Cokes were allowed to say anything they wanted to us.
In my neighborhood you become a man when you get a street name, and boys spend their short childhoods wondering what their names will be. From about third grade to the fifth, I wanted to be Deathblood with everything in my soul.
Dice was always happy with his own last name, and over time, I realized Lock was badass enough. So when the guys started in on us, calling me ‘Pussy’ and Dice ‘Ball Sack,’ a part of our souls died.
It was “Hey, Pussy” and “Looking good, Pussy.” “Oh, Pussy and Ball Sack, a match made in heaven.” They threw rub
ber balls at Dice and wet tuna at me the last time he and I went out to meet up at the party house with the empty pool. It was humiliating. Dice was furious with me still. He loved Booker’s money, though. Spent it all in two nights.
Not me. Mom and I went down to Rhy’s new school. I called a service to drive us, and it was handicap accessible. Now, the school she was leaving was public, but small. The administrators were super creative with getting funds. But the Blooming Flower School? They had money to burn. It was incredible. The amount of programs and equipment would be downright life-changing for my sister. I knew I had to keep money flowing. I saw the envy in my mother’s eyes when she took in the zero entry pool. Rhy loved water so much. Having it as part of her physical therapy would be a game changer.
Dice could spend his money on detail work for his car. I wanted to give my sister the world.
Booker sent us jobs. They were the peach ones, though. Easy. Checking on old people and making simple transactions. This made the other Coke guys even angrier. I texted Ember late one Wednesday. Keeping my distance from her was killing me. But she needed to miss me. And, in a giant stroke of vanity, I wanted to get my handsome back. I knew I was pretty good-looking. Girls always perked up when I was around. Dice and I had been lifting for a few months. I was already fairly lean, but now I had a bulk of muscle that I’d accidentally on purpose flash from time to time when I lifted up my T-shirt. The ab flash. So the girls knew I was worth all the preening.
She was a different set of beautiful, though. One time there was a movie filming a few blocks over from my neighborhood. I happened to see the actress as I walked by one day. And it was like she glowed. Every set of eyes had to follow her. There wasn’t even a choice.
Ember was even prettier than that. Her beauty was a spectacle. The only reason she wasn’t wifed up on some old billionaire was her age. Maybe. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m deeper than all that shit. I need more than just pretty. But her lovely profile made my balls ache, so when she was feisty, too? I knew I’d go for her. As hard as I could until I got her.
We’d flirted over text. And went a little deeper, too. She’d volunteered some information about herself and what was important to her. Her counselor-in-training job in the summer was her favorite. She shared pictures of her with her campers. Hung up on her wall in place of pride. And the campers—they got me right where it counted. They were in wheelchairs—like Rhy. The crew she was with in the summer? And that she loved it? Th
at sent my heart soaring. Because Rhy was everything. And if Ember understood the very basic principle that I was lucky to have a sister like Rhy, then it was going to be all aces. We could have a future, maybe.
I knew I was going to the library that Friday afternoon, because she’d mentioned that she had a study group. But first, I had to get through the week. I sent her an artsy picture of my sneaker near a puddle with my face blurry in the water’s reflection.
She responded quickly with a shot of a tree that had a yellow balloon trapped in it. The way it was framed told me she knew what she was doing. The composition for the quick snap was in the rule of threes. The main subject of the pictures had to line up in a certain way. She didn’t seem to have any filters on it either. Raw talent. I told her so. It seemed like we had pictures in common.
I popped into Target and grabbed a Polaroid camera. They were all the rage with the teen girls now. Which was helpfully pointed out to me the next time I got hit on the back of the head with a blob of tuna. But I liked the idea of it. For her. Everyday I would old-fashioned take a picture and then old-fashioned mail it to her at her dorm. Everybody loves mail, right? So by the time Friday rolled around, she’d know I had some fucking depth. I wasn’t just looking to screw her. I was going to woo her.
Chapter 12
Ember
I WAS LIVING FOR these pictures that Lock was sending me every day. It was charming as hell. He probably knew it. Instead of dick pics, I was getting actual art. The back of a little girl’s head as she gazed out a window on a rainy day. A half-mast flag with a morning moon behind it. A close-up of a brick patio with a sunflower bursting through. And he jotted something on the back of each. And signed his name.
When I saw him over the top of my book in the library on Friday, he fanned a bunch of Polaroids in front of him. He was healing even more. I could see more of his cheekbones now. Lock was hot. And now, he was headed straight for me.
He made his way toward me, and it was like he was tasered with happiness. His hands kept moving over the pictures he set down in front of me like an offering.
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