“Not this time,” Azarius said, rolling a shirt and stuffing it in the duffel bag. It was a tactic he had perfected from his many deployments while in the Army. “I don’t know if she’ll even want to see me. I’d rather my humiliation happen in private if it’s going to happen.”
“She’s not going to turn you away,” Greg said. “I’m telling you, I think she really cares for you.”
“We’ll find out soon enough. At least Star Lake isn’t too far away, so worst case I’ll be out some gas and maybe a night’s stay somewhere.” Azarius ducked into the bathroom and grabbed his razor and deodorant.
“You have to stop thinking like that,” Greg said when he came back into view. “Think positive for once in your life.”
Azarius sighed. He knew Greg was right. His negativity was part of what had driven Lanie away in the first place, but he’d learned long ago it was effective in protecting his heart. Unfortunately, it also kept him from getting close to anyone, and now he’d finally met a woman he wanted to get close to. He pulled the string, closing the bag, and threw it over his shoulder.
“Okay, hold down the fort and wish me luck.”
Greg stepped out of the way, so he could pass by. “You don’t need luck if you just tell her the truth.”
Azarius set his jaw and nodded. The truth. Hopefully, he would be able to do that, but he’d been deflecting so long he wasn’t sure he knew how to tell the truth any longer. He flicked his hand in a wave and headed down the stairs, grabbing his keys from the entry way table as he stepped out of the front door and pulled it shut behind him.
He opened the door to his lime green Mustang, tossing the duffel bag on the passenger seat before settling down in the black leather driver’s seat. The leather molded to his body, providing a modicum of comfort to his anxiety-ridden heart.
Two hours later, he slowed the car as he entered the small town of Star Lake. The green sign had boasted less than five thousand residents, and the existence of a solitary street light enforced that idea. As he passed through the small downtown area, he realized he had no idea how to find Lanie, but surely in a place this small, he could just ask in one of the businesses and find her.
When the store fronts faded into residential houses, he turned the car around and headed back for the main corner. A diner on the corner looked well lit, so he chose that and pulled into a spot in front.
Though lighted, the diner was mostly empty. A stubbled man in a ball cap and a flannel shirt stood behind the counter, a younger man in a checkered shirt sat at the counter, and a large woman with big hair and red lips filled a table.
All eyes turned to him as he stepped through the door. Not unfriendly, the eyes were still wary, and the silence pressed down on him.
“Ahem, hello, I’m from out of town, but I’m hoping you can help me. I’m looking for Lanie Hall.”
There was a moment of silence as the three looked from one to the other. The woman spoke first. “I assume you mean Lanie Perkins who came back to town a few weeks ago.”
Perkins? The name confused him until he remembered that must be her maiden name. She had been Lanie Hall for most of the time he had known her, and if she had changed it back after the divorce, she hadn’t told him.
“Yes, I am sure that’s who I mean. Can you tell me where I can find her?”
“Well, I don’t know if we should be sharing that information,” the flannel-clad man said, crossing his arms and leaning back against the counter.
“Oh, I don’t see the harm, Max,” the woman said. “He said he was her friend.” The way the woman emphasized the word friend made Azarius slightly uncomfortable, but if she led him to Lanie, that was all that mattered. “Lanie is working down at Perkins Ice Cream Parlor. Across the street.”
Azarius nodded; he remembered the sign from his first time through town. “Thank you.” He turned to leave, but the woman’s voice stopped him.
“Shouldn’t you at least tell us your name?”
“It’s Azarius, Azarius Jacobson.” He tapped his forehead in a mock salute before turning and exiting the diner. The ice cream parlor was a stone’s throw from the diner, so Azarius didn’t bother driving.
As he approached the ice cream parlor, his heart sped up in his chest. He had no idea how she would receive his showing up in her hometown unannounced.
The bell jingled overhead as he pushed open the door. Lanie stood on the opposite end of the room near the cash register. Her face was focused downward as she spoke.
“Welcome to Mr. Perkins, what can I…?” Her voice trailed off as she looked up and saw him for the first time. “Azarius? What are you doing here?”
“Hi, Lanie. I needed to tell you some things.”
He had hoped to see a smile or some sort of joy at seeing him again, but her face remained stoic. “Tell me? You rarely gave me a straight answer about anything, and then you didn’t even try to stop me from leaving.”
“I didn’t know I was supposed to try to stop you from leaving. I thought giving you your space was what you wanted.”
Her face softened slightly. “Fine. What’s so important that you had to drive two hours to see me?”
Azarius sighed. “You aren’t going to make this easy for me, are you?”
“No, I’m not,” she said, leaning against the back wall as if trying to put as much space between them as possible. “I thought we were friends if not more after the last night, but I still don’t even know when your birthday is.”
He forced himself not to roll his eyes. Azarius should have just told her his birthday, but ignoring it was easier than telling most people why he didn’t like birthdays. “I told you my birthday isn’t a big deal. I didn’t want you to make a big production of it because I’m terrible at reciprocating.”
“I never said I had anything big planned. I just wanted you to share a part of your life with me. It’s like you keep me at arms’ reach most of the time. I wanted you to want me, but I always had to be the one calling or the one coming over. It’s like you couldn’t be bothered to contact me first.”
Azarius thought back over the last few months and realized she was right. Other than the first few times they hung out, it had always been her asking to come over. Perhaps it had been his emotional wall to protect himself or perhaps he had just been being lazy, but he knew if he was going to have a chance with her, he needed to change that right now.
“You’re right,” he said, crossing the remaining distance until he was on the other side of the counter. “I can’t apologize enough to you, but when you left, it made me realize how much I cared for you. I don’t know if you can, but I’d like to give it another shot. I miss you, Lanie.”
“I miss you too,” she said, and the words lightened his heart, “but I don’t know if it would be a good idea. I mean I live here now, at least for the time being, and I assume you’ll still be in Dallas.”
“I will, but we could spend weekends together until we figure it out. We could take turns driving, or to prove to you how serious I am, I’ll drive every weekend.”
“We can’t let what happened, happen again,” she said with a slight hesitation as if testing the waters.
“I’m okay with that,” he said, leaning forward on the counter. “While that night was great, and I do look forward to a repeat performance someday, what I realized was that I felt complete just having you around, even if all we were doing was watching television, and I was miserable without you.”
Lanie’s hazel eyes bored into his soul. He resisted the urge to look away, to turn tail and run. He wanted her to see how serious he was even if her penetrating gaze made him squirm. “Will you let me in?” she asked.
And there it was. The one question he had hoped she wouldn’t ask because he didn’t know if he could. “I’ll try. There’s stuff in my past that has made me the way I am, but I really want to try, Lanie.”
“I want to believe you, Azarius, I do, but I don’t know. I don’t know if my heart can take any more of this rol
ler coaster of being up when I’m with you and down in the dumps when you don’t call for days.”
A tightening like a squeeze from a vice surrounded his heart. What if she said no? What was he going to do?
“I need some time,” she continued. “Can you give me a week and let me think about it?”
It wasn’t what he hoped to hear. He had hoped she would jump into his arms where he could smell the sweet scent of her shampoo, but he couldn’t blame her for being protective of her heart. After all, it was why he was so guarded. “I’ll give you as long as you need,” he said.
Even though Lanie nodded, the gesture was like a dagger in his heart. “Well, I guess I’ll be heading back then. Is it okay if I text you?” It was a cheap substitute to having her there, but it would be better than nothing.
For the first time since he had walked in, a smile touched her lips and almost reached her eyes. “Sure, I’d like that. I find myself checking my phone in hopes of a message from you.”
“Me too,” he said. Azarius wanted to walk around the counter and kiss her, hug her, or touch her in some way, but he felt he was already on shifty ground, so instead he sucked in his disappointment, flashed her a smile, and walked out of the small ice cream shop.
Lanie sagged against the counter as Azarius walked out the door. His showing up had been a complete surprise and a part of her had wanted to race around the counter into his arms, feel his lips on hers and his arms around her. She wanted to inhale the manly scent she couldn’t seem to erase from her mind, but then she’d remembered him avoiding her questions. She’d remembered all the nights she’d checked her phone every five minutes hoping to hear from him only to be disappointed and had stopped herself.
To his credit, he had apologized, and his face had seemed earnest. Lanie had never considered him a player, but she wanted to be sure he meant it. She wasn’t certain her heart could take much more of the roller coaster experience it had been on lately.
“Lord,” she whispered softly, “please give me a sign. I’m so confused, and I could really use your help.”
Less than an hour later, the overhead bell jingled, and Paula’s large frame filled the doorway. Her eyes swept the empty room before she stepped inside and let the door close behind her.
“Where’s your friend, dear? I thought he’d still be here.”
“What friend?” Lanie asked, feigning ignorance. The last thing she needed was Paula in her business. If Paula knew, then the whole town would know shortly, including her father, and she couldn’t imagine him approving of Azarius. Her father wasn’t overtly racist, but he’d always discouraged her from dating black men stating that children of mixed marriages didn’t fully belong in either the white world or the black world, a statement Lanie had never understood or agreed with. Plus, black or white, he wouldn’t understand her jumping into a relationship so soon after her divorce from Denny.
“Why, your nice African American friend, Azarius. He stopped into The Diner looking for you. I told him where to find you. He seemed a man on a mission.”
“Oh, yes, he did,” Lanie said. “He was returning something he had borrowed. Thank you for telling him where to find me.” She hated lying, but Paula couldn’t know the truth, at least not yet.
The lie wasn’t convincing enough though. Paula pursed her lips as her left eyebrow inched up her forehead, but she let the topic drop. “Well, I’m happy to have helped. I hope you have a wonderful evening, Lanie.”
“You too, Paula,” Lanie called. When the door closed behind the large woman, Lanie sighed with relief. Her secret was safe for a little longer.
The next few days flew by for Lanie. She spent the mornings either unpacking or visiting with Layla at the inn. After a quick lunch, she would work her shift at the store and then head home or to her parent’s house for dinner. She’d kept herself so busy that she hadn’t had much time to think about Azarius’s visit or maybe she was just avoiding thinking about it. Though Azarius sent her a text each night, he had never hounded her for an answer, which was good as Lanie still didn’t have one.
As she tugged on her jeans for the day, she was forced to suck her stomach in more than usual. “Diet,” she said aloud, checking her reflection in the mirror. “It’s time to start that diet. And get some concealer,” she added, noticing a few red splotches on her face.
Lanie leaned in for a closer look. She’d rarely had skin blemishes, even as a kid. While her weight had never been something to brag about, Lanie had always taken pride in her smooth skin, but today not only did she have a few red splotches, but a pimple had also erupted on her face.
“I better cut back on the greasy food, too,” she said, though she couldn’t remember the last greasy meal she’d had.
With a shake of her head, she turned off the bathroom light and headed out the door.
Layla was in the kitchen when Lanie arrived at the inn, a large plate of scrambled eggs in front of her.
“Ugh, what did you put in that?” Lanie asked, covering her nose. “That stinks.”
“The same thing I always do,” Layla said, shoveling a forkful in her mouth. “Since when does it bother you?” she asked after swallowing her bite.
Lanie’s stomach tilted and churned. “I don’t know. Since today I guess. The smell is making me nauseated.”
Layla’s eyes narrowed and scanned Lanie’s face. “You feel nauseated?”
“That’s what I said.”
“Anything else unusual?”
Wrinkles appeared on Lanie’s face as she scrunched it in confusion. “Unusual? What do you mean? My pants are a little tight, and I have these crazy red spots on my face, but…” Lanie paused as the implication hit her.
“No,” she said, sinking into the seat and shaking her head. “No, no, no. It couldn’t be.”
“Would you get back together with him if you are?” Layla asked.
“What?” Lanie asked. The fog in her mind clouded Layla’s words.
“Denny. Would you get back together with him if you’re pregnant?”
Lanie rubbed a hand across her face. “It wouldn’t be Denny’s. We separated months ago, and it was longer than that since we were intimate.”
Layla’s eyes widened. “Then whose baby would it be?”
A notch in the table garnered Lanie’s attention, and she dropped her eyes as she chose her words. “My friend Azarius’s- you know the one I told you about.”
“Wait, the one who didn’t want the same relationship you did?” Layla asked between bites.
“Yeah, that’s the one.”
“I thought you didn’t want a relationship with him because of that.”
“I didn’t. I was actually planning to call it off the last night I went over, but my divorce papers came in that day, and even though I was expecting them, the news sort of hit me emotionally. I went to see Azarius, and we ended up sleeping together.”
A low whistle escaped Layla’s lips. “Is that why he came to town?”
A shrug of her shoulders showed Lanie’s nonchalance. “He said he wanted to try again, that he realized how much he cared for me after I left.”
“That’s good though, right?”
“It would be if he weren’t so secretive. I like him, but I don’t know if I can trust him. He won’t even tell me his birthday. Plus, my father would have a conniption fit.”
“He won’t tell you his birthday?” Layla asked. “Why not?”
Lanie shook her head. It was a question she still didn’t have the answer to.
“Well, you can’t worry about your father. He comes from a different generation, but I’m sure he would come around. What are you going to do though?”
Tears pricked the back of Lanie’s eyes. “I guess I’m going to take a test to see for sure, and then… I don’t know.”
Layla reached across the table and squeezed Lanie’s arm. “It will be okay.”
Fear parched Lanie’s throat as she entered the general store. Though she knew she needed to do this
, it didn’t make the process any easier.
“Welcome to Star Lake General, can I help you find anything?”
The voice belonged to a teenage girl with horn-rimmed glasses and a blonde ponytail. Lanie envied her carefree expression. Probably the most stressful thing in her life was finals and if the boy behind her in math class liked her. Lanie missed those days, but she didn’t need the pity of a teenager.
“No, thank you, I’m good.” Lanie grabbed a basket from the stack and headed to the far right of the small store. She might as well grab the few other things she needed.
A few bagged salads and some vegetables found their way into her basket, along with a tube of toothpaste. Then Lanie found herself staring at the pregnancy tests. Even in this small store, there were five different options. She grabbed one that claimed it held two tests and gave accurate early results. A few final items finished her trip, and she made her way to the front to pay.
The same perky blonde stepped to the register and began scanning her items. Though she said nothing as the pregnancy test glided over the scanner, Lanie felt the girl’s eyes glance at her left hand. Pregnancy outside of marriage was prevalent in the current year, but Star Lake moved to its own time, and it was an anomaly here.
Lanie kept her eyes downcast as she paid the checker and scurried out of the door, the bag clasped to her chest like a life jacket in a storm.
Though tucked away in the bag, the small box grabbed her attention every few minutes on the drive home, and once she stepped inside her house, it was the first item she removed. She placed it on the bar and stared at it a moment. The simple white box held her future, and the thought of that sent Lanie’s heart racing.
It took every ounce of strength for her to put away the other groceries before sneaking off to the bathroom with the accusatory white box. Once inside, Lanie locked the door, not knowing why as she lived alone but feeling it necessary.
The instructions were pretty straight forward. Either pee on the stick or catch some in a cup and put the stick in the cup. Not having brought a cup with her, Lanie chose option one, hoping it would be accurate.
Love Conquers All Page 6