"I'll see you guys later. I'm all icky. I can't wait to shower," Abby said.
I just sat there smiling and being grateful that I had Abby around.
"I need a shower too so I'll go with," I said and stood up. I looked back at Laura. "I'll see you at dinner?"
Abby was already down at the bottom of the bleachers and out of earshot so I reached out and put my hand on Laura's arm.
"We can find a quiet place to sit by ourselves if you want.”
I felt her hand touch on mine. "Aw, I don't wanna take you from your friends. I'll just go and grab something now," she said honestly. "Are you gonna be busy after?"
"Okay," I said.
I kept my face even and tried not to show anything. I'd rather have just had dinner with her but I knew she probably wanted to go alone.
"No,” I said. “No plans. I was just going to go back to the room after.”
"Nice," Laura smiled softly. "Go on. You're cold," she nudged me. "I'll see you soon."
It was windy and it would probably storm tonight. I laughed and jogged down the bleachers, hurrying along to warm up.
We had plans for tomorrow and that was what I was looking forward to most. Hanging out tonight would be fun though. We could talk and chill in the room. The hall wouldn't get too rowdy since Serena was in all weekend.
I liked the quiet nights. Occasionally, I liked to let off the tension with my friends but I was a bit of a loner after all the forced socialization of school, meetings, and practice. Rarely, could you be alone at Hanover.
I finished up my shower quickly and changed back to my uniform. I'd beat everyone out of the locker room so I knew I might have a chance to catch Laura at the dining hall.
At first, when I didn't see her, I was a little bummed but then I felt my phone vibrate. Laura had sent me a picture of her meal at a table tucked away just outside near one of the large decorative outdoor fireplaces. She'd gone full out for once, getting the hot food which she never did. My portable speaker sat nearby and she had her thermos with her which I knew was filled with instant coffee that she probably doctored up to be tolerable.
It said in a text beneath the picture: surviving the night. It was already pretty dark out and her food shone brightly beneath the flash from her camera. The yellowing lamp posts that sparsely lined our walkways at night could hardly compete.
I rushed into the dining hall and got in line. It was the normal line but it seemed to take forever to get down to the end. I took the pasta dish and a bottle of water.
It wasn't hard to find her. She was sitting exactly where the picture showed me. She was smiling at me and I just stood there, like a dork, smiling back.
"This is awesome," I said.
"I know, you came," she laughed, pulling a chair out close to her so I could sit right next to her and be closer to the heat. "Come on, sit. I made you coffee to warm you up."
"You're awesome. Thank you!" I sat down and slid my tray into the table beside me. "Coffee sounds great and this is perfect."
"It's nice," Laura said. "They don't usually light these fires. I'd never seen it before."
"Yeah, they should do it more often. They're always lit around Christmas but for some reason they don't keep it up.”
"There's gonna be a storm soon. I just got a weather update. Vic wants to go to the beach and watch the lightning," Laura said. "I think I'd rather stay in with you tonight. Watch a movie or read or something. If you have plans though that's cool."
"My plan is to do whatever you want to do. We could watch some movies or something. You pick one and I'll pick one. We could just hang out and read too. I'm down for anything," I said.
It sounded perfect. It was all that I wanted.
Laura laughed and blushed. I think I surprised her. "What do you usually do?"
She opened the coffee and drank some before putting it over in front of me to get me to drink.
I took the coffee and took a sip.
"You made this so much better. You’re like a coffee genius," I said before having another drink.
I handed the coffee back and reached for some of the garlic bread on my plate.
"Usually, I just read or go for a walk. Sometimes I binge Netflix," I said.
"Alone?" She asked, curious.
"Yeah, usually. Once Abby and Lindsey started dating they spend time by themselves. I got used to being alone," I explained.
"Were you sad," she asked honestly.
"Not really. I like hanging out with them how we do now. It's been nice to have time to read and chill. My friends like going out and doing things when they can. That's nice. It's hard to be the third wheel with a couple sometimes.”
I took a bite of my pasta and nudged her with my elbow.
"What about you? What do you do in your downtime at home?"
"Uhh, I leave," she smiled. "Or Vic sneaks in. Or we text and call if I'm trapped but that hardly ever happens," she sighed. "Or I lay there and feel anxious and hate myself. Hanover is really extreme for me," she ate her food sadly. "There wasn't exactly a warning for this. No progression leading up to it. I used to be pretty free."
"So, you and Vic went out a lot?" I asked.
"We were always out," Laura said. "Even if it was just to be alone together in her car. Away from our families. Away from everyone… Couldn't exactly breathe anywhere else."
"You don't like being at home?" I asked.
"It's okay if no one else is there. Me and Vic locked up in my room. But someone else is usually home so no. I sneak out, mostly."
"You and Vic are really close," I observed.
I brought my bowl closer and ate some more.
"Closer than anyone," Laura said.
"Like sisters?" I asked.
It sounded like more to me, like something more than friends. That thought made me sad for no reason.
"I've never had a sister," she shrugged. "But I dunno. I have a brother and we're closer than that. My family doesn't understand me. Only Vic does."
She leaned back in her chair and drank some more of her coffee. "Or maybe she doesn't and I just choose her," she zoned out.
"I'm sure she does. It's hard to get close to someone without understanding them. At least on some levels.”
Laura stared off into the night. When she snapped out of it she smiled at me. "She at least tries," she confessed. "No one else does that."
"That sucks, It has to make you feel so isolated and alone.”
"I am isolated and alone," she smirked up at me and looked around to tease me. "They literally sent me away, Charli. This school doesn't mean the same thing for you as it does for me."
"No, I'm sure it's very different," I agreed.
She seemed so sad about it and all I wanted was to make it easier for her. It was an impossible situation and I couldn't help much.
"I hope you don't hate it all though," I said.
"I don't," she said, watching me. "I like you." Her eye contact was insane sometimes, it was so direct and kind.
I blushed and bit my bottom lip to calm my smile.
"I like you too," I replied. I always blushed too much and I could always feel it climbing up my face like a wave.
I looked at her and got caught by her eyes. The way she looked at me was so warm and piercing. I moved a little closer without realizing. I broke the moment and looked down at my pasta.
"You're different and I also like that," I revealed.
"Different," she nodded, trying to decide how to take it. "Yeah," she nodded. "Guess so…"
"No," I groaned. "I mean, different, in that, I've never made friends with someone this quick. I feel like I can actually talk to you and be real. I don't have to have a face on. You make me comfortable. That's the different thing about you," I explained.
"It's okay, you can say it," Laura said. "Everybody says it. There's something wrong with me. I do stupid things."
"That's not what I meant at all,” I said, worried. “There's nothing wrong with you. You just draw me in
and make me feel good.”
I wanted to hide my face. Talking like this made me feel naked. I just hoped she would hear me.
"I know you didn't mean it like that," she comforted. I felt her hand slip onto my thigh beneath the table. "Forget I said it," she asked. "I'm really bad at this stuff." A lock of her hair flew into her pink lip gloss and she slipped it away from her lips.
"There's nothing wrong with you," I said.
I put my hand on top of hers and let it rest there. It felt right. Her feelings about how people saw her made me sad. She didn't deserve that.
She laughed and tears sprang to her eyes but she shrugged them off and smiled through them. "Okay," she said, obviously not believing it but ready to let it go anyway.
I ate a little more and then gave up on my dinner. Everyone has flaws but from my perspective I hadn't found any in her. Laura’s self-esteem might need a little work but most of us were guilty of that.
She ate a lot more of her food than usual and kept on relaxing by the heat of the fire with her coffee in hand, taking slow sips. "Wish we had one of these."
"One of what?" I asked.
“The fire,” she said, getting all warm and sleepy.
"Oh, yeah. It's nice,” I replied. “If we could transport it to our room, it would be even better.”
“I’d sleep too much,” Laura smiled.
"I'd wake you up," I said.
“Rude,” Laura smiled more.
The wind rushed and took a couple of napkins from us, blowing them out onto the floor near a couple of other people down the way. “Oh shit,” Laura said, getting up and rushing to gather the trash. Once she got the napkins, she walked them to a bin and came back. “Guess that’s our sign,” she chuckled, the stress of the day was coming back to her face. In the night, her eyes stunned when hit by light.
"Yeah, I guess," I sighed and pursed my lips. "I'll take this inside and we can go back to the dorm." The awkward feelings were coming on, how to act, how to be.
I stood and picked up my tray. Barely half of my pasta was gone. It wasn't enough and I'd get hungry later. I took the fork and shoveled more pasta into my mouth. It was cold and tasted so much worse now but I made myself chew and swallow it.
Laura followed me inside and waited to put her tray up. The little conveyer belt that took away our dirty dishes zoomed around making our trays disappear.
“Maybe you should get something for later,” Laura said. “You exercise hard.” She touched my hip bone with her fingers, grabbing the nonexistent love handle I could have.
I jumped a little and laughed. I was way too ticklish to handle that.
"I've got stuff in the room that I snatched yesterday at dinner," I said.
She was sweet. It made me melt a little and smile.
“Okay fine,” she said, amused.
"You gotta stop being cute and sweet. I'm not used to it," I teased.
“Uh-oh. Okay, I'll work on it,” she blushed. I could tell it made her happy to know I liked her.
"Maybe I'll take you to my favorite breakfast place in the morning," I suggested.
“Oh my god, please,” Laura groaned, hugging herself into my back and holding my upper arms. When she decided to touch me it was always effortless. Right now she was leading us out.
It felt good and a certain kind of special that was unfamiliar. She made me smile when I didn't even realize.
"They have really good quiche but the best pancakes," I said.
“Love pancakes,” Laura mentioned.
"Then you'll love this place," I said.
I took one of her hands and led the way. We fit and I loved the feeling of being like this, carefree and focused on the warm feeling.
I pulled her into our dorm and past all the open doors. A few of the girls looked out and greeted us. I saw that sharp consideration in their eyes.
Fuck 'em.
This was the best feeling and I wouldn't let anyone ruin it with assumptions.
We closed our door and I immediately started changing.
"PJ time," I declared.
Laura laughed.
Taking my tip, she moved to the closet beside me and slowly started to change.
I turned and saw her bare back facing me. Looking away would have been polite but I stared, entranced. Her skin was so smooth. I didn't snap out of it till she turned around.
I quickly put my shirt on and looked in my closet, pulling out some Hanover joggers and putting them on.
I grabbed a shirt and threw it towards her.
"Try this," I suggested.
She took the shirt and looked at it. It was a US soccer shirt I'd gotten at one of the development academies freshman year.
“Thanks,” she smiled over at me. She slipped her bra off and put my shirt on. We danced around each other quietly. Soft breathing and careful hands. “Did you ever have a roommate before me?” She walked to her desk and pulled out her makeup wipes to start in on her skin routine. Step one was to take it all off. No matter what she did, she always made it look second-nature and easy.
"Nope. There was some kind of fluke. The girl I roomed with freshman year dropped out and they never put anyone else in here.”
“That’s so weird,” Laura said, confused about it. She went along with her routine, getting ready to relax.
"Maybe,” I said. “I'm glad it was you though.”
The flat screen was between the closets in a little alcove. I retrieved the remote from my nightstand.
"What do you want to watch?" I asked.
“Uh… I dunno,” Laura said. “What do you think?”
"Something fun, maybe Love Island. What do you think?" I asked.
“Love Island?” Laura laughed. “Yeah, okay,” she smiled to herself. “Lets watch Love Island.”
"Hmm, maybe we should push the beds together? Then we can both have a good view of the TV.”
“Yes please,” Laura said. “It’s kinda bad but I’m not used to having a small bed like this. It’s totally lame. They really diminish your quality of life.”
"I know. I have a queen bed at home and this kills me. I've literally fallen off of it a lot, in my sleep. Especially, the first year.”
We moved the few things blocking the space between the beds and pushed them together. They were light.
Once the beds were touching I nodded and got in my side. I still had the remote in one of my hands.
"That's better," I said.
The middle of the combined beds was inviting and that's where I ended up. I was still on my side but there was enough space on the outside that I was in no danger of falling off now. Laura crawled up her bed and pulled a pillow down for her head. She didn’t try to be far from me, she was really close. The shirt I’d given her was a little long and she never put on pants, instead she pulled her blanket up over her body and laid on her side facing me, cuddling up in the blanket like she was cold. “Oh shit. The light,” she said, realizing she’d forgotten it.
"I'll get it." I slid off the bed and walked around to turn it off. "Do you need anything while I'm up. Water or something to eat?"
“I’m good,” she said, resting. Her phone lit up and she ignored it.
I got some water for myself and got back in bed, laying closer to her than before. When I lay back on my pillow my arm brushed her hand.
“You’re cold. Here,” she said, pulling the blanket up so I could get under it.
I took the invitation and then leaned my head over to rest on her shoulder. I turned on the TV and found the episodes I wanted, pressing play on the first one.
“Better?” Laura asked, touching my arm beneath the blanket. She let her fingers trail down to find my hand and she played with my fingers sweetly.
"Much, thank you," I said.
I moved my fingers against hers, playing back.
She smiled at me and held my hand, shutting her eyes and breathing normally like she might fall asleep.
"You're tired. We can sleep if you want," I offered.
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"I'm okay," she said. "Feels good to lay down."
"It does," I agreed.
It was especially nice to lay with her though. I focused on the TV and tuned into the ridiculousness.
I fell asleep after two episodes and Laura checked out even earlier than that. When I woke up in the middle of the night the TV screen saver was flashing on the screen.
We were cuddled together, much closer than we were before I fell asleep. I turned off the TV with the remote that was sitting by my hand.
I tried not to move much because I didn't want to wake her. Laura's forehead was pushed in against my collarbone and her fingers clutched at my shirt near my side. She was cute and I didn’t want to ruin this feeling of being so close.
I lay my head close to the top of hers and took in the smell of my shirt mixed with her hair. It made me smile as I closed my eyes to go back to sleep.
The next morning I woke first and found myself underneath most of her body. My arms were surrounding her and her nose was now pressed close to my neck.
It was a little warm and sweaty like anytime two people sleep together but not in a bad way. I closed my eyes again and enjoyed the feeling of her body on mine. She felt so small curled up against my body. Her smell surrounded me and I took it in like a drug.
I'd rarely cuddled with anyone. After my best friends got together any intimacy there greatly decreased. I didn't want to get in the middle of anything and Lindsey was a little touchy about it.
Laura was the perfect size to fit with me. If I didn't need to use the bathroom, I would have stayed like that and drifted back to sleep.
I opened my eyes and looked at the time on the clock that sat on my desk. It was already nine. We needed to get going so we could get breakfast. I sighed. Breaking the spell was a sad but necessary thing.
I untangled myself and got out of bed.
Laura groaned and cuddled into the blanket, burying her face in my pillow as she deeply breathed. "What time is it," she mumbled.
"Just past nine. I'll be right back.”
I grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste and glanced at her one more time before I left. She was stretching with her eyes closed. I smiled, suppressing the urge to go back and watch her wake. My brain was kind of weird these days.
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