While I'd been sobering up, she'd been sneaking sad sips of tequila and avoiding me.
Chapter 24
My anger knew no bounds. The way the night unfolded Charli made me feel cheap and then she hurt me again.
At the boathouse I told her I didn't want to talk about it but she kept on.
I laid in my bed and stared over at her, lost.
“It wasn’t like I didn’t want you to touch me. I wanted it so much. I was afraid you didn’t really want to do it. After you kissed me, I realized I’d kinda left you without many choices. It’s my fault. I’m sorry,” she said.
Of course it was her fault. I wasn't the one forcing a game of truth or dare without reason.
What was I supposed to say? I'm sorry you wanted to fuck with me and it backfired?
I stared at her and drank a little more. At this point my chest was on fire and my stomach definitely hurt.
"Ya know, you went out on a date today," I reminded. "I'm not the one sending out mixed signals or using you."
If I wanted to feel like shit I'd just go find Vic.
“The date just made me realize I wished I was with you.”
"Yeah, but you went out on a date," I repeated.
“I thought you didn’t like me. I thought you could never like me the same way I like you,” she said.
"What the hell are you talking about?" She was pissing me off.
“I thought you just wanted to be my friend or maybe you don’t even want that now. I don’t know. I’m just confused."
She was tearing up. She pulled her legs up so she could hug them and look at me from over her knees.
I sighed and realized I was being a jerk. The alcohol made me lose my filter with her and that wasn't cool no matter how stupid she was being. None of this was like her.
"Don't cry. I'm sorry," I said. I closed my liquor bottle and walked over to climb in behind her and give her a hug. "This is why I didn't want to talk to you. I'm actually really mad."
“I’m not crying,” she whispered.
"Shhh… I'm sorry," I said.
“No,” she said, pushing her body away and turning to face me. A tear rolled down her cheek but she just looked pissed. “You don’t get it.”
"I don't get it?" I asked, annoyed. "What don't I get? You keep jerking me around?"
“I am not! You touch me, sleep in my bed, act like you like me and never say anything. What am I supposed to do with that?”
Wow. Her anger was bullshit. After everything that just happened she was really trying to turn it around on me and blame me, like I was the one being hella confusing.
I pushed off her bed and went to find a cardigan and put some shoes on.
She got in my way and stopped me. Her hands took my shoulders and she got up close in my face.
“Did you even like kissing me? Was it like kissing her?” Charli asked.
"Nope. I hated it," I lied. "Definitely haven't been thinking about it every fucking day and hoping and waiting for it to happen." I pushed her back with my hands on her stomach and didn't stop until her knees hit the bed and she was forced to sit back down. If she wanted to get physical I could do that. Physical language made a lot more sense to me than this wishy-washy bullshit where she hit on me and then fucked the hell off to flirt with anyone else.
“If you’ve been thinking about it so much why didn’t you do it or say so?”
She took handfuls of my shirt and pulled my body so I hit her legs.
"Maybe 'cause I didn't wanna fuck up a good thing," I grumbled. "Or because every time I thought it would happen you'd go and hit on someone in front of me or say something dumb about how I don't like you and we're only friends."
“I never hit on anyone!" She whined. "What are you talking about?”
"You did!" I whined back, pushing her body to get her to stop lying to me.
“If someone talked to me I talked back. I never actively went up to a girl and asked her to go have sex with me or something. What the fuck, Laura?”
My eyebrows knit, and I knew I'd cry soon if she didn't stop being angry with me. We were way too close emotionally to be doing this. I thought she knew me. I thought she loved me.
"Just forget it," I croaked, my voice cracking. She hurt me so I tried to move away.
“No! What do you want from me? Tell me,” she said, not letting go of my shirt.
I punched against her shoulder, upset. "I fucking love you, you idiot. I don't want anything. I fucking love you," I cried.
The damn had been breached.
“Prove it,” she said, pulling me down ontop of her body.
She was so strong and she could keep me if she wanted to.
"Stop," I cried, upset. Last time I touched her she told me I was joking. It wasn't fair.
She flipped us so I was laying under her and she leaned down, kissing me hard, and invading my mouth with her tongue.
As much as I wanted to be mad, this was all I'd been thinking about for weeks now every day. The kiss at the boathouse was just the start of what I wanted.
My chest rose and my heart pounded. I tried to breathe and ended up gasping, attracted to her. "Fuck," I groaned, not able to stop. Just one kiss had me docile. I was useless for anyone, including myself.
I groped at her skin and tried to keep her ontop of me.
“I fucking love you too,” she whispered, between one kiss and another.
If she wanted to fuck me, this would work so I was still a little mad. Her kiss was much better than I dreamed about and I couldn't stop wanting her.
"Don't hurt me," I asked.
So many people did. Everyone did.
This didn't bode well. Why did she have to get angry in order to tell me something kind?
Charli had never ever been like this with me and it hurt to think of her changing and becoming mean with me or terrible.
She kept mentioning Vic and wanting me to like her like Vic. But Vic was her own messed up person. I liked Charli because she was Charli. Not Vic...
"I don't want to hurt you. I want to make you happy. I want you," Charli said.
"You've been crazy lately," I breathed. "I've been so sad and jealous."
She covered me with kisses and love, not stopping or slowing. I grew lost in her, listless. The kisses were healing. They made me let up with her and forget.
"Because I was afraid. I'm sorry," Charli said.
She kissed me again and then leaned up to take her shirt off. She threw that and her bra away and looked down at me. Her hair was wild and her eyes extra dark.
"Do you want me?" She asked.
"Are you kidding?" I gasped, confused. "Of course I want you." She skipped over so much apparently.
She leaned down, pushing my head to the side so she could kiss my neck. I felt her breasts grazing me, her nipples hard. She sucked on spots and bit me near the crook of my neck.
"Fuck," I croaked, feeling what she'd done in my sex. She'd only really touched my skin. Every taste she took I'd feel in other places. It was nothing like Logan and that'd be really hard to explain. "Touch me," I asked, moving her hand to my breast and hoping she'd play. "Be careful," I asked. "I'm sensitive."
It was nice to be able to ask that.
She did as I said and moved her fingers over my chest, stroking my breasts and gently squeezing through the fabric of my tank.
"Take it off," she said.
"Okay," I breathed, overwhelmed. Usually, with sex, I was the aggressive one. Here though, everything she did somehow made these big waves. A small thing could crash and crash. And I wanted it, it was just so fresh, hard to handle.
I shrugged off my cardigan and she helped. Then I pulled my tank off over my head. She'd seen my chest before but I never laid still for her like this, offered myself up like a plate of food.
She looked and reached down to touch my nipple, closing her eyes and just feeling my reactions.
When she moved down my body and began kissing my chest, I was surprised. For so long
we'd been so chaste and gentle. Now, in one night, she was demanding that it all had to change. I felt her lips and her tongue take my nipple into her mouth. Pleasure wracked me like pool balls being shifted and spun. She played with my nipple and used her hand to play with my other breast.
My sex was alive with her, knowing her. Nothing had even come close to it but Charli's hands made me feel her inside. Her tongue on mine, or her warm mouth over my nipple. It all felt the same as if she'd been fucking me and I didn't know that feeling until right now.
It was a lot. More than I'd somehow ever felt. Enough to make my breath leave and make me worry that I wasn't remembering to live as well as feel. I could only do one.
Once she let up, I breathed deeply. "Wait," I asked, pulling her back up to kiss me. "It's a lot," I breathed. "Can we just kiss?"
I was fevered. She did that. This was love like a sickness, it wasn't soft or over sanitized. I wanted her but I wanted to feel it.
We'd gone from zero to a hundred and usually I'd be good with that but I didn't want to rush or miss out. What I felt for her was intense so when she touched me I needed more time to actually process it.
Even just her breasts pushing into mine felt so good it might give me a panic attack.
"Fuck," I breathed, overwhelmed. "You're amazing."
"You can touch me too," she said.
She kissed my lips again and sucked the bottom one between her teeth, pulling on it a little.
My sex clenched. I felt her inside.
I ran my fingers up into her hair and tried to slow her down.
When she did things like that she may as well be fucking me, it felt the same.
"Slow," I begged. I scratched my nails down her back. When she kissed me it was like she was filling me up.
"Sorry," she whispered.
I gasped to try and get steady again.
She kissed me softly and cupped my face.
"I've never done this before," she said.
It was kinda crazy. Between the two of us, you would think that I'd never done it, not her.
"You're really good," I breathed. "I think I feel way more with you than what I'm used to."
"Tell me if I do something else wrong," she whispered.
"It's not wrong," I said. "Do you not feel it?" I couldn't go much further than this. I'd explode.
"I just feel like I want more. I can't think. I want to feel you everywhere," she said.
"Shit," I exhaled. "Now, I feel like a jerk."
She wanted to keep going and I needed to go slow.
"Why?" She stopped and looked at me. "If you're not ready that's fine."
"I know, I just. I want you so it feels bad."
"Don't feel bad. Slow isn't bad," she said.
I tried to relax and show her a pace I could actually process. "I'm sorry," I whispered huskily.
"Tell me what you need," she said.
"This is good," I said, once she'd adequately slowed. I hoped she understood it. It wasn't about not wanting her or anything like that. I wanted her so much more and for longer. But I wanted to actually feel what she was doing instead of just feeling overwhelmed.
Chapter 25
Tonight was bizarre. How? I'd been sad and now I was kissing Laura and probably about to have sex.
"Do you want to just make out and cuddle?" I asked.
"Is that okay?" Laura wondered.
"Of course," I said. Her little whimpers were so sweet. "Kissing you is insane. Like, in a good way," I said.
I laid beside her and reached over to run my finger over her bottom lip.
She closed her eyes to feel and opened them again once my finger stopped moving. "It's never felt this good," Laura said.
"Really?" I asked.
"Yeah," she laughed, overcome. She was so sexy.
"Well, it's never felt this good for me either. Even though it’s my first time," I said. I couldn't help but reach out and touch her neck, tracing little patterns on her skin. "I never thought this would happen."
"Why not," Laura wondered. She held my wrist and breathed, totally taken.
"I didn't think you'd want me," I said.
"When have I ever not wanted you?" Laura whispered. "Ever since I met you I've wanted you. It just took me a while to understand how much."
"I didn't know. Guess I should have listened to Lindsey for once."
"No, no, no," she teased. "Don't ever listen to Lindsey. Lindsey's terrible."
"She said you were into me, so she was right about that," I teased.
"I spend every waking moment with you Charli. That's not really a leap."
"Not when you're in my head. Then it's just confusing because you could also just really like my general aura."
"You've been flirting with me for weeks," Laura mentioned.
"I know but I didn't know if your flirting back meant the same as my flirting. Apparently, people flirt with me all the time but it's always nothing."
"We've been sleeping together every night," she reminded. "And I can't stop staring at you. It's a real fucking problem for me."
I really didn't know what to say to that. She was too cute and all these words were making me too giddy over her.
"Damn, you must have it bad," I teased.
"Jerk," she said, bothered. "You really do enjoy torture."
"No, not really but I am just as into you, more actually."
"It'd be hard to prove it," Laura mentioned.
"Okay, well… I once stole a shirt out of your dirty clothes so I could smell it," I said.
"I wear your clothes almost every day," she laughed.
"Yeah, but not the same as secretly getting stuff out of the dirty clothes," I said.
"Maybe for you 'cause you're usually all clean and stuff," Laura teased. "You could've just found me though. Smelled me." She pulled my hand over to her nose, gently smelled it while staring up at me. After a second she stopped and closed her eyes to kiss my skin.
"It was mostly when I was sick and you were in class," I said.
"Still," Laura said. "I would've come back for you."
“That’s sweet and I would have loved for you to be here but at the time I was trying not to be too obvious about how head over heels I was for you. If I ever get the plague again, I’ll make sure to whine like a baby and get you to come back just so I can bury my face in your hair,” I said.
I felt a little dumb now, not taking all of the obvious things she mentioned and coming to the conclusion that we were both in this and not saying anything. Not like it was an easy thing to deal with and I could have very well have been right, I guess. It just sucked because we’d missed time that we could have been together.
"Next time," she soothed.
“Yeah, next time,” I echoed.
I couldn’t stop touching her now, moving my hands over her exposed skin and wanting to kiss her more. I also didn’t want to stop looking at her so that was a problem. I settled on kissing her and then looking while I was still very close. Being within kissing distance meant I could alternate the kissing and watching. Probably a little ridiculous but Laura didn’t complain.
“I’m sorry about everything. I guess I got so crazy about how I couldn’t have you that I didn’t ask if that could be what you wanted.”
"I dunno what to say about that," Laura muttered, a little sad.
“I just hope you forgive me,” I said.
"I like you too much," Laura smiled.
“Is too much good?” I asked, raising my eyebrow.
"For you," she said. "It's a bit dangerous for me. Means I'll probably always forgive you."
“I’m sure I’ll accidentally do something to test that at some point but I’d never hurt you on purpose.”
"You've hurt me," she said, watching my face and touching it lovingly.
“I know, not on purpose though. Doesn’t make it better but at least I’m not an intentional dick, just an idiot sometimes,” I said.
"I honestly don't know what that was back
there," Laura said. "Truth or dare," she reminded, raising her eyebrow.
“Me either. I guess I was kind of fucked up about everything and trying to be edgy or something,” I said and shrugged one shoulder.
"You think I want you to be Vic," Laura said. "Like… Maybe if you were a jerk… Maybe then?"
“I didn’t think of that but maybe,” I said.
"I don't want that," Laura said.
“Me either. I’d rather be Charli, whatever that means.”
Being like Vic was so far from what I ever want her to see me as. I always considered that relationship so abusive and manipulative. It made me so sad that she thought that. My stomach was sour now, irritated, just from the anxiety.
"I want you," Laura said. She took my wrist and forced me to hold her waist. "I don't want you to be mean to me."
“I want you too and I have no intention of ever being mean to you again. I swear. You have my permission to slap the shit out of me if I ever start exhibiting such behavior, not that I will because I just want to make you feel good things.”
"I don't want to have to feel like this for you to talk to me," Laura said.
She leaned in and lovingly kissed me, taking my lips.
“Now, that the big thing is out I don’t see me ever not talking to you again,” I replied.
"Good," she said, licking her lips and staring at mine. "I know I don't deserve much but I definitely don't deserve whatever that was out there."
“Laura, you deserve the world. I’d get it for you but we’re currently laying on it so I can’t but don’t ever think you don’t deserve anything but love and good things. That’s bullshit. Whoever made you think that; your parents, Vic, me when I was being an idiot, it’s not true. You’re so fucking special. I love you so don’t think you don’t deserve that or I’ll kick your ass. You know, in a gentle way that more involves kissing,” I said.
She groaned and rolled over onto her back. "Don't be cute. That's cheating."
“Can’t help it, apparently I was born this way,” I said.
"Rude," Laura said, unamused.
“Hmm, well, it’s very rude how hot you are so I call it even. Your butt in skinny jeans is goddess like,” I insisted.
Love Like Crazy Page 26