Victor starts to lower his speed, and Russell feels slightly comfortable over that. He realizes that Victor is planning to pull over and stop his car possibly very soon. The thrill of Victor’s current mental state, in addition to his outrageous behavior, makes the men question many things to themselves. What will happen as they continue in this particular scenario? Is it worth it trying to pursue Victor, despite the way he was behaving before he stormed off? Are there any chances of this being some type of setup or trick that Victor is orchestrating? These possibilities are unknown, but the men still strive towards having positive intentions reinforced at Victor.
Russell is feeling regretful for his rant that he gave earlier towards each of the men. Dealing with the death of Kevin, Russell acted on strong impulse feelings he had. He was only saying what was on his mind, and shouting out expressions he kept hidden. Russell is feeling distant from the group. Most of the things he mentioned, he actually meant, but regrets saying it out loud. The way he went about it, Russell feels wasn’t the appropriate way to do it. As of right now, he wants to give his focus towards Victor’s health and wellness. The guilt Russell is experiencing, from the rant he directed at the other guys, is pressuring him to act on redeeming and changing his attitude.
Also realizing that he doesn’t have to be friends with Victor, but it’s not in Russell’s character to not help someone out who’s under dire depression that Victor is in. Russell ignores the fact that Victor pointed a gun at his head shortly ago, understanding that is due to the stress and sadness that Victor is having inside his mind. Russell locks his eyes towards Victor’s car, not saying a single word. Brian and Jesse remain in the vehicle with him, not speaking. Their vision remains looking forward ahead at Victor’s vehicle. All three of them in complete suspense as to what Victor is thinking, and to what he plans to do next.
Victor continues to drive down the highway, still feeling a great amount of depression. He is hurt mainly due to what Russell said to him before he ran out the unit. Dealing with the death of Kevin is proving to be difficult for Victor, as he doesn’t deal with sorrow in the same manner than the rest of the men do. Victor was trying extremely hard to cope with the chain of events that happened earlier, but it caused too much strain for him to handle. He doesn’t realize that he isn’t the only one dealing with this particular issue right now. Inside Victor’s mind, he feels like an outcast and isolated with his feelings, when this isn’t the case at all.
The other three men are at an equal playing field as far as their emotions are concerned. They are going about it in a completely different method than Victor is approaching it. This is causing Victor to become confused with the way he is presenting his attitude and emotions. Victor has always had suicidal ideations since he was young. Being bullied in school didn’t help towards any and all internal depressive agendas Victor was keeping inside to himself. There are several times to where his depression gets to an out of control state, and he takes on suicidal thoughts and actions. Victor becomes confused, and doesn’t fully understand the severity of his actions when he’s depressed. Turning to suicide and self-harm, Victor truly believes that it’s his last and only resort towards escaping this mental trap he is battling. Victor intends to drive himself to a distant location to possibly take his own life. Under immense mental pain, he is fed up with the way things are currently being handled.
These strange occurrences and actions that he’s offering and also displaying not only towards himself, but to the rest of the guys as well are interesting to note. Victor is aware that Russell is following every single move he makes. Not minding that he told the rest of the guys not to follow him, he knew that they were going to come after him regardless. Victor is feeling depressed, and is using them perhaps as an audience to fuel whatever mania he’s battling with mentally. Whatever actions or plans he is thinking about doing, shall remain ambiguous and unknown, even to Victor himself.
The depression generally is being masked with an energetic rush, one that is going all through his body. Making him want to participate in this chase that he’s currently in with Russell on the highway. It’s a complex mixture of Victor experiencing multiple levels of sadness, and also facing an energy boost from the inane behavior he’s portraying. After all, Victor sets himself away from the rest, and has an unusual profile unlike some. Quite frankly, he’s a difficult man to manage and research, and this is entirely his own personal agenda and plot to make it seem that way.
Russell keeps his distance right behind Victor, still in deep suspense as to what location in particular that Victor intends to finally pull over and stop at. He knows that Victor is going to stop sometime, perhaps very soon. Russell can tell, due to the way Victor isn’t driving as fast as he was originally, that he’s starting to tire. The probability is relatively high of Victor arriving soon, at whichever destination he plans on going to. While Russell keeps his attention towards the road, he repeatedly goes back, and thinks about the tirade he gave towards each of the men back at the unit. The pain and guilt is causing his entire body to turn into stone. Russell starts to realize that under this intense scene of pressure, feelings can easily change. During that particular time, Russell was holding onto honest opinions, and decided to let his opinions be publicity heard. That was then, and knowing the present while he’s driving on the highway, Russell now starts to regret mostly every single bit of what he expressed towards the men. He wishes he could take everything that happened in that instance back, as he acted only on his own impulses due to the high tensions he was feeling. Russell hates being that type of man, to reveal ugly, harsh and hidden truths to himself. Russell understands that he’s not a perfect man by any means, but his own temper and attitude overtakes his own good judgment and conscious sometimes. It turns him into a man that he doesn’t wish to be, and more of a man that he feels people assume that he should be and act. Russell deeply misses Kevin, and this is something that as much as he’s struggling to continue on and accept, it’s always going to be a major focal point in his mind. Russell simply does not think it’s fair in the slightest that Kevin is gone, it doesn’t make any sense. Most of this frustrations and sorrow, is centered towards that. Russell due to the hurt, is transforming into an angered monster, to cope with the grief he is having.
Russell looks out in the night sky, and stays completely quiet driving. Russell puts his hand under his chin, and takes a quick peek over at Brian, who’s looking out the windshield. He ponders whether or not he wants to open his mouth and speak to Brian, but ultimately remains quiet. Russell can tell that Brian is upset and disappointed at him. Brian has every reason to be, as Russell did say disgusting and nasty things not only to him, but the rest of the men as well before they left to chase after Victor. Russell feeling regretful from the way he treated Brian, finds it awkward that he’s refraining from speaking to him. Russell has faith that he will eventually make amends with Brian later. Russell also starts to feel bad at the way he not only hit, but said unacceptable things towards Jesse. He didn’t mean to hurt Jesse in that way at all. Russell sadly cannot help the fact he’s an honest man, and the truth does hurt sometimes. He said what he felt he needed to say at that present occurrence. Russell is sure that Jesse will also eventually forgive him. Mainly Russell is focused at Victor. Victor held a gun towards Russell’s head, and it was something that really made Russell attentive. He understands that Victor is not an ordinary individual, and his well-being needs to be rectified immediately. Russell shakes his head, and directs his view back forward, remaining right behind Victor’s vehicle.
Brian congruently scans his eyes over at Russell. Doing so with an identical fashion as Russell, he also puts his hand under his chin, and shakes his head at him. Brian is extremely hurt by what Russell said to him back at the unit. He feels betrayed and punished by the way Russell spoke to him. Brian is not sure if he can ever trust Russell again, mainly because of how quick Russell snaps, and becomes too out of control with his anger. He feels that Russell is not a
ppreciative of all the help he has given him. If it weren’t for Brian’s help, they would not have had access to all the tools which allowed them to complete all of their heists. Brian thought the best thing to do, is ignore Russell.
He doesn’t understand the sudden mood swing that Russell gave to the guys. Brian deeply felt that Russell needs to be left by himself, if he’s going to quickly alter his attitude such as he did. Brian didn’t appreciate the way Russell spoke to Jesse and Victor. Ordinarily, Brian’s cool and laid back personality can only go so long. He was seconds from turning violent towards Russell. They have got into a physical fight before, and Brian was not at all afraid or hesitant to stand his ground towards Russell. He is not afraid of him, nor is he intimidated of the way he is displaying his emotions, his overbearing attitude and his fiery anger and temper.
Brian is actually scared of wrecking his friendship and relationship, that he was able to have with Russell. He has enjoyed the support and bond they felt towards one another, and doesn’t understand why Russell is willing to suddenly give all of that up. Brian is well aware that Russell is hurting from the death of his best friend, but there is no need for him to take it out on the rest of the guys as he did. Brian cannot stop thinking about Victor. His feelings towards Russell are not as important, as the painful concern that he has directed at Victor. Brian has witnessed firsthand many interesting aspects, traits and signs that Victor himself has revealed. These all support the fact; he is someone that has been through hardships in his life. Brian holds onto much empathy towards Victor, and values his personality and self-worth. He cares a great deal about him.
Jesse sits directly behind Russell in the rear seat, staying quiet likewise with the other men in the vehicle. His head and vision is positioned down towards the ground, and he refuses to lift his head up. Jesse’s body is completely motionless, except for when he wipes tears from his face with his hands intermittently. He silently sobs and cries, thinking about various things inside his head. Thinking is all he can do right now, and Jesse has always been a more observant thinker, especially when it came to depressing times. Feeling too ashamed to say anything, he remains seated, and keeps completely to himself. Jesse has never felt this depressed and upset in his life. Recently, he has been keeping many of his emotions to himself, and now he’s in the process of letting all of his sadness out. He starts to wipe more tears from his face. Feeling emotional, due to how everything is currently panning out. Jesse having a list of things he’s confused and bothered about. Originally being crushed by what Russell told him back at the unit.
All throughout his life, Jesse has always been rejected and neglected by many people. Having Russell essentially shun and push him aside, broke Jesse’s mental spirit. He can’t begin to think or put together why Russell held onto those sentiments and opinions. Not only that, but the way he expressed and presented those thoughts as well. Jesse for now has to distract his mind away from any animosity he has towards Russell. This is not the only thing that is bothering him. Jesse like Russell, is also trying to grieve over the loss of Kevin. He was an important member of their group, and Jesse developed a close friendship with Kevin. Jesse understands that Russell compared to the rest of the guys, had the closest history with Kevin, so therefore Russell is going to take Kevin’s loss in a different method, as the other men would. Jesse does not understand Russell’s harsh temper, and his disrespectful and violent attitude. He believes it only makes the situation the men are being placed in currently, much more difficult to withstand. Jesse is scared of Victor’s impulsive depression, and his suicidal tendencies. From noticing Victor’s self-harm scars on his arm the first day he met him, Jesse kept a special place in his memory to be concerned and empathetic towards the safety of Victor’s mental health.
Victor is slowly starting to calm himself down. The speed he’s travelling down the road at, is at a much lower pace and rate. Victor continues to feel tense and agitated, but he is adapting a much calmer expression and impression than he had previously. However, his depression is still creeping itself. The suicidal ideations he’s experiencing, have not completely vanished from his body. Victor has a grin on his face, as he keeps his eyes looking out his windshield. Despite the fact he’s grinning, there are a thousand different emotional traits that he currently has. Victor starts to think of the other three men. He knows exactly what they are all thinking, and can tell how they are feeling as well; which are the same exact thoughts and feelings that he currently has in his mind. Victor is angry at Russell, and is not finding it easy to realize that Russell possibly was acting under pressure, and that Russell feels bad for what he said. According to Victor, none of that matters at all. Russell’s words did have much power, and they were powerful enough for Victor to feel less than. Victor isn’t blaming Brian or Jesse at all, in fact he’s grateful and blessed to have the rapport he has with them. Russell on the other hand, Victor is not pleased to deal with, and he holds great disdain hatred towards. Victor is aware that Russell is depressed over Kevin, but that however simply isn’t enough to cover up Russell’s strict attitude and disrespect. Victor just like the rest of the guys, had a unique, special bond and relationship with Kevin. He as well is finding it tough to deal with Kevin now being gone. Victor however cannot excuse this from the way Russell blatantly disrespected him. Victor had no intentions to pull the trigger when he held the gun to Russell’s head, but he did it to show how upset and fed up he was at the way Russell was acting. Already feeling worthless and down, hearing Russell relay everything he mentioned to him, only made the situation worse than it was. Victor is particular with the way he acts, and the way he associates and socializes with other people. He can only take so much, especially during times in which tensions are high, and emotions are out of control. Victor doesn’t wish to make this time directly about him, but he was left without any choice to do anything otherwise.
The men stay on the highway for another twenty minutes. While they are driving farther and farther, Russell, Brian and Jesse become more anxious and nervous. Anticipating the time when Victor will officially stop the car, and reach wherever he is trying to go. Around this area, consists of an industrial coastal area, with many factories and warehouses. Victor knows exactly where he is headed, however the rest of the men have no idea what any of his moves are going to be. The night sky continues to shine throughout the area. Headlights that are coming from other surrounding vehicles, reflect against the landscape of the road. For a Friday night, traffic seems to be not as active as it usually is.
As the men keep on the highway, the headlights seem to dissipate, and there are less vehicles travelling in this area. This causes the men to have an intense anxious feel; one which is completely different than they were previously feeling. What makes this feeling different, is that the men begin to feel unsure as to what will follow while they are in this current setting.
A few minutes later, Victor finally reaches the exit he wishes to take. Russell stays right behind him, and follows by exiting off the highway as well. Victor proceeds into a commercial back roadway, adjacent between various abandoned warehouses and factory units. Victor is driving at an usually low speed, and Russell continues to caravan right behind him at the same rate. Minutes later, Victor eventually increases his speed, and he now swerves into more side business streets. Despite it being Friday night, these buildings contain various closed outlets, office buildings and strip malls. Eventually, Victor branches out from this area. He directs himself towards Pacific Coast Highway, a populated street with much activity. The men are now in Huntington Beach, a city located in Orange County. An area which is south of Los Angeles. This is a high activity location, with high entertainment value. With several patrons standing outside nightclubs, shopping centers and restaurants, and there are many people walking on the sidewalk. As the men continue to travel down this road, they start to truly feel more comfortable. Towards the right of the street, you can get a great view of the beach. Victor stays on this road for several mi
nutes, as the booming entertaining crowds creep away into a quieter industrial area of Huntington Beach, where there are not many people present.
As he’s driving, Russell looks out towards the ocean, at the waves crashing onto the shore. He feels captivated by the surroundings he’s in, and embraces every bit of it. Victor suddenly positions his vehicle to the far right lane, and puts on his turning signal. He immediately pulls into an isolated shelter, featured on the far side of the beach, facing the shore. The area is nearly completely dark, with only the moonlight, and a couple outdoor lights perched, giving out very little illumination. Off to the side, there are many ledges to where people can sit down if they wish to. There are also many boats and ships out in the distance of the water. Victor parks in the small parking area, located adjacent to the shelter, and turns off the ignition. Russell then pulls up to a spot to the right of him, and turns off his car as well. As he’s looks out towards the ocean, Russell starts to wonder why Victor chose this particular area to finally pull over at. The men remain in their vehicles for a few minutes, and observe the ocean view, and the sound of the waves pulling in.
Victor while he’s still in his car, opens up his glove compartment, and takes out a box of Marlboro cigarettes. He becomes frustrated when he cannot find his cigarette lighter. Victor walks out of the car, and rummages through his trunk. Russell, Brian and Jesse, nervously watch every move he makes, not knowing exactly what he’s looking for. Victor after ransacking his trunk, cannot find his lighter and feels frustrated. He closes his trunk and locks his car. Victor then looks out towards the ocean, sticking a cigarette inside of his mouth. He turns his head over to Russell’s vehicle, hesitating to walk over. A few seconds later, Victor reluctantly walks over to Russell’s car, and knocks on his window. Russell rolls down his window, and Victor speaks.
Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained Page 44