Jesse then starts to rub Russell’s hair, and Max then continues to speak to both of them.
“Some of the things I hate by working in medicine, would have to be seeing abused or hurt children. Seeing cancer kids, and shit like that. I hated having to remove limbs from people; even though I’ve done it a ton of times. I also hate the fact you can only do so much. There have been many times to where I’ve had my patients die because me and my other team members couldn’t do anything, or beat nature and how the human body is. I couldn’t take any of that.”
Russell smiles at Max, and Russell then starts to sit himself up. Max then screams out to Russell.
“Hey, careful. I’ve only put those stiches in you a few minutes ago. I don’t want them to pop out, and you’ll have blood and guts gushing everywhere. Take it easy for now.”
Russell then lays himself back down, and starts to laugh at Max. Max and Jesse both frown at him. Russell then quickly once again tries to sit himself up, this time he is able to successfully do it. While he’s sitting up, Russell while he’s looking at Max, talks to Jesse.
“Go back to the unit Jesse, and get me something to wear please. I’m ready to leave now.”
Jesse nods his head at Russell. Max also nods his head at Russell, and Max proceeds over to the other side of the operating room. Max reaches inside a cupboard, and pulls out a brown paper bag. He then hands the bag to Jesse, while Jesse is on his way out to get Russell some clothes. Max then explains the contents of the bag.
“Now listen, he’s going to be in a lot of pain shortly. He’s all giddy because the medicine hasn’t worked off yet, but believe me, he’s going to feel uncomfortable. These are highly strong pain killers, and only give him one every six hours. This is important. Do you understand?”
Jesse nods his head at Max, and runs out of the unit, back to “Home Base”, to get Russell an outfit to wear. He heads over to Brian’s closet, trying to find something that could fit Russell. He manages to grab a blue polo shirt, and a pair of grey sweatpants. Jesse proceeds to back to Max’s unit, and walks inside. He continues directly back to the operating room, and hands Russell the clothes. Jesse helps Russell dress himself, and he sets Russell down on Max’s spare wheelchair. Russell is still much too weak to walk. After setting Russell in the wheelchair, Jesse whispers to Max that Brian was killed during the police chase. Russell heard what Jesse said, despite him whispering, and Max starts to hug both Russell and Jesse. They both say goodbye to Max, and leave out of his unit. Jesse pushes Russell in the wheelchair over to “Home Base”, and they both walk inside the building. After entering, Jesse pushes Russell over by the sofa area, and Jesse walks back to the front door of the unit, to lock it. Russell then while he’s sitting in his wheelchair, starts to scream out in pain.
“Ugh, my chest fucking hurts. Give me one of the pills Max gave you. Ah, this hurts.”
Jesse gets a bottle of water from the refrigerator, and opens up the pill bottle of painkillers. He hands Russell the bottle of water, and one of the pills. Russell swallows the pill, and he then shakes his head. Jesse then sits on the sofa right in front of Russell to speak with him.
“We got about a quarter million dollars in the heist. That’s a lot of money. If I count everything up, we have over four hundred grand. Wow. I don’t know what we’re gonna do.”
Russell stares down at the floor and rubs his head, he then under his breath responds.
“I want to give some of it to charity. I then want to split the rest of it up evenly, that includes us, with everyone we know. Including John. That’s what we’re doing, and that’s final.”
Jesse smiles at Russell, and walks over to hug him. Russell then while continuing to look down on the ground, puts his right hand under his chin, and talks to Jesse under his breath.
“I’m going miss not having an arm. Even though what I said to Max was true, at least I’m still living, I’m going to miss not having a left arm Jesse. I feel like half a fucking man.”
Russell then starts to cry, which also causes Jesse to cry by seeing him upset. Jesse continues to hug Russell tightly and then softly responds to Russell.
“I know you’re weak, but do you want to try to walk? I’ll be here to help you. You only have to walk from that end of the coffee table to the other end. If you can’t do it, don’t feel bad. Do you at least want to try it out?”
Russell while looking down away from Jesse smiles, and nods his head. Jesse then goes around to the front of Russell, grabbing his right arm to help lift him up. Russell then very slowly manages to stand himself up off the wheelchair for a few seconds. Russell then with Jesse holding onto his back, is able to walk all around the sofa area for a while. Russell starts to cry out of joy, and walks several times around the coffee table, gaining more and more strength each time he does it. While he’s walking around the sofa area with Jesse grabbing him to make sure he doesn’t fall, he starts to understand that life is going to be different from this point. Russell as morbid as it sounds, took for him to lose his left arm for him to finally stop being a selfish and terrible man. He then starts to realize that the past is the past, and what has already happened, has already happened.
There is nothing that he can do to turn back time and erase it. He has to accept that Peter is gone, Jennifer is gone, Kevin is gone, Victor is gone, and Brian is gone. From this point forward, Russell is going to have to become a better man, and be more appreciative of his new life. This wasn’t Russell’s time to go, even though from the way things were presented, he was defiantly meant to die during that heist. He was given another chance, and Russell doesn’t want to take it for granted. The last thing he remembered was seeing John shot during the heist. Despite him being a man he truly hated, he doesn’t look at John that way anymore, and is willing to let whatever issues they had faced in the past, be pushed aside.
Russell continues to walk around the coffee table, until he starts to feel tired. He tells Jesse that he is finished, and is too exhausted to continue. Jesse helps Russell back into the wheelchair. With the both of them now feeling hungry, Jesse opens up Brian’s freezer; there is a frozen pizza inside. He sets the pizza in the oven. Jesse then grabs a beer, and walks over to Russell and hands it to him. Russell then asks Jesse to hand him the television remote, and he does. Jesse takes one of his magazines, and lays down on Brian’s bed reading it.
After turning on the television, Russell watches the news report explaining that Brian was killed during the police chase. Russell shakes his head, and turns the television to another network, which is showing “Tom and Jerry” cartoons. He enjoys watching the cartoons, and Russell is feeling happier about himself. A few minutes later, the frozen pizza is now ready, and Jesse takes it out of the oven. Jesse cuts it up, and the both of them start to eat, sitting down over at Brian’s kitchen area. As they are eating, they would occasionally look up and make eye contact with each other, but they remain silent. They are refusing to speak to one another, and it’s an awkward silence. Eventually Jesse can’t stay quiet anymore. He takes a bite of pizza, and begins to speak to Russell.
“So it’s over now? It’s just us. What happens now? What do we do now Russell?”
Russell looks down at the empty stump area on his left arm, and takes a bite of pizza. Under much heavy waves of emotions, Russell unintentionally starts to cry. He then angrily responds to Jesse.
“What do you mean it’s over? It’s just the beginning if you ask me. I don’t have a fucking arm anymore. The fuck do you mean it’s over? Nothing is over? I don’t have a god damn arm.”
Russell begins to flow many tears down his face, Jesse then gets up from his seat, and starts to wrap his arms behind Russell. Jesse cries as well, as he continues to wrap his arms around Russell. Russell takes a swallow of his beer, and starts to calm himself down.
“I guess this was to teach me some type of lesson. I’m now half the man I used to be, and I have a second chance to be nice now. I got us all of us into this shit. Kev is dead, Vi
ctor is dead, Brian is dead. All because of me. I had to lose an arm to be taught a lesson, right Jess?”
Jesse doesn’t respond to him. Jesse simply wipes Russell’s tears with his hand, off Russell’s face. Russell then starts to stare into the distance, while grinning heavily. He then starts to have a little rant to himself, while Jesse caresses his face. Russell cries out several remarks.
“I may only have one arm, but I’m still Russell McCoy. Believe that shit. I may wake up tomorrow and be weirded out because I have one fucking arm, but I’m still Russell McCoy. There may be times to where I look to my left, and feel sad because I only have one arm, but guess what Jess; I’m still Russell McCoy. I’m not dead, and I’m still here Jess. I’m still here, and it’s because of you. Take me over to the bed, because that pill made me sleepy.”
Jesse laughs at Russell, and pushes him over to Brian’s bed. He gets him out of the chair, and lays him down. Jesse then crawls on the bed and lays next to Russell. Jesse cuddles up close to Russell, resting his head on his chest, running his fingers over Russell’s stiches.
“Max did a good job, and put you all back together again. Like Humpty Dumpty. Ha. Russell. I don’t know, you should feel lucky that you’re still here.”
Russell while looking up at the ceiling, continues to cuddle Jesse and responds.
“Bullshit, I know exactly what happened Jesse. The last thing I remember was being in the bank, and seeing John get shot, and I was shot by the cop that came into the bank. But Max told me everything, that you told him. Brian kicked us out in the middle of nowhere, and I was this close from death. Brian managed to hotwire a random car that you drove off in, and a cop also pulled us over in roadblock that was put to look for us. The same roadblock Brian got caught up in. You had to drive me all the way back here, while I was on the verge of dying. I don’t know how you managed to do all that shit, but if anybody is lucky, it’s you.”
Jesse then starts to close his eyes and while laying on Russell’s chest, replies to him.
“I’m not lucky Russell, you are. You got shot a million times, and you’re still here. If that isn’t luck, then what the fuck is? Russell, you’re a lucky man, and you got through it.”
Russell then nods his head, and starts to close his eyes. He carries on talking to Jesse.
“Yeah, I’m a lucky son of a bitch aren’t I? Max said that if it took you ten minutes longer to reach the unit, I would have been done, and gone. That is luck, and I was still meant to be here. But Jesse, I still feel like there is more I need to do, I’m not done.”
Jesse brushes his head against Russell’s chest and quietly snaps back at him.
“Russell, shut the fuck up, and go to sleep.”
Russell smiles, as Jesse drifts off to sleep soon after that. Russell stares down at Jesse who’s now deep asleep, and kisses him on his forehead. Russell then seconds later closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep as well.
Chapter 24
NOTHING VENTURED, NOTHING GAINED
Throughout this whole entire adventure, there have been several different lessons learned. Many new experiences which came as a complete surprise, that many were faced with. Situations that you would never think of happening or taking place, which happened. It was due to all of these strange and unusual events, which transpired into this complexity of strange proportions. Analyzing all the details on how everything constructed itself, from beginning to end. Under much amazement and surprise, on how items were pieced together in a specific platform. Finding closure to know how to evolve yourself into acceptance, and dealing with scenarios that you do not comprehend. It should be known, that along the way several hints and tips were presented. Problem is, at the time you can’t always have the knowledge to fully understand what exactly they are. Everything is indeed connected, and in order for certain things to appear and to come into light, other effects have to be in proper order as well. An agenda is made for a reason, so things are mapped and planned out accordingly. Whether this agenda is mental or physical, agendas still have a main purpose. For now, it’s important that values and conduct are appreciated moving forward; that’s the only thing that should matter. Social studies and learning the structure of life, is necessary to achieve acceptance and comfortability with adapting yourself to the world. Learning from examples and past history, is another way of properly obtaining safety. Perhaps also using a defense strategy to protect or hide yourself from any pain when faced with blissful ignorance. Having a second plan of attack, if you do not obtain victory with your first order of business.
Another thing to put into perspective, is that life is far too convoluted to understand all the core meanings behind it. Politics are a major part of most of it, and that can also merge the natural flow and order of things. Minds, moods and opinions can be forced and altered to support that groups narrative or company. Debating and arguing over several categories, which may or may not be trivial or dismissive. It would have to be up to that particular person’s prerogative, on what choices they wish to side themselves on, or what personal vices that they wish to stand behind. The way someone thinks and behaves, is completely on them; they have every right to feel that type of way. It is going to be impossible to explore all of these feelings more; hoping to gain some type of hidden message or plot, so it can make sense. When most of everything which happens in life, does not make a great deal of sense usually; it only falls together that way.
After realizing this, you can approach these agendas with the same open level headed view, and this will make whatever consequences involved with these agendas, easier to settle with. With all of that said, life is generally what you make of it, and how you perceive and observe it as well. The same person can approach the same exact agenda, and feel a completely different reaction from it, than another person did. It is all pertaining to the way you deal with these prospects, and the way you decide how much of it are you going to let dictate your life, and the way it’s mapped out for you. The sooner you are able to fully understand this information, the better it would basically be for your entire life’s goals and ambitions. The only thing that should matter is yourself; your own personal thoughts come before everything else. Being true to yourself, is important. If you keep yourself in top priority, the rest is simple to manage.
Russell and Jesse begin to wake up, still holding onto each other tightly. Jesse gets out of bed, and starts to help Russell out of the bed. Russell stands himself up, yet starts to slip towards the ground from feeling weak, but Jesse manages to catch him. Russell, with Jesse supporting his back, limps over to the sofa area of the unit, and sits down. Jesse then proceeds over to the kitchen, to make himself and Russell something to eat. Russell shakes his head, and looks down towards the ground. Russell takes a quick glance at Jesse in the kitchen preparing some food, and he then returns to staring at the floor, thinking to himself.
During this same time, Russell looks over to his left, looking at the small empty stump next to his shoulder. He is finding it tough to get used to the fact doesn’t he have a left arm anymore. Russell a few minutes later then starts to feel much pain, and cries and screams. Jesse feeling concerned, gives Russell one of the painkillers that Max gave him. While Jesse does that, Russell asks for a piece of paper and a pen. Jesse hands him those items, and Russell begins to write down several names. Figuring in all the money the men were able to take during the heist, came out to four hundred and seventy-six thousand dollars. Being that is a great amount of money, Russell wants to give it back, and share some of the wealth. It took him having to lose an arm, to feel generous.
The first thing Russell jots down, is donating fifty thousand dollars to each to children’s hospitals, and cancer research hospitals. He then wants to donate fifty thousand dollars each to the “Wounded Warrior Project”, which helps disabled veterans and armed servicemen, and the “Human Rights Campaign”, which helps support LGBT issues and activism. With that, the men still have over two hundred thousand dollars left. The rest of the money
, Russell wants to split it evenly between himself and Jesse, and everyone else who is close to them in their lives. They both will secretly disperse the money to these individuals, in a random act of kindness. As they both do not have that many friends, this shouldn’t be that difficult for them deciding who to give the money to. Russell begins to write down names of these people, and why they are being included.
The first names that Russell writes, is giving a fraction of the money to Peter’s family, and to his wife and children. He follows that by adding Jennifer’s family as well. The third name that Russell includes is Yvette. Although he doesn’t have the best relationship with her, he wants to include her in this list. Russell then adds the remaining individuals who worked at the “Sunset Credit Union”, which include Sally, Tiffany and Abel. Russell then decides on whether or not he should write down John’s name. It is no secret that Russell does not care that much about John, and decides to ignore adding John, and moves on jotting down names.
Following that, Russell adds Max’s name to the list. If it weren’t for Max, Russell would not be alive right now, so he wants to include him. While Russell is continuing to write down names, he adds Kevin’s family back in Chicago to the list. Russell figures that they could make good use of the money as well. As Brian and Victor do not have any family that Russell knows of, he cannot split the money with any of their relatives at all sadly. Russell writes one final name down; which happens to be John. Jesse is making pancakes in the kitchen for himself and Russell to eat. Once he has finished writing down all the people that he wishes to share the money with, Russell calls Jesse over to read the list. He asks him if there is anyone he objects to, or if there is anyone he has forgotten or wishes to include. Jesse has no issues with the names Russell included. Altogether, Russell has included nine names to split the funds eventually with. With that, everyone, Russell and Jesse included, will take twenty-five thousand dollars each. Russell is satisfied with the list he made, and over the course of the following week, he plans to secretly give out the funds to everyone.
Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained Page 60