Liam bared his teeth at Apollo.
Apollo blew out another weary breath. “It’s only for a minute. No need to get protective.”
I pushed out of the circle my vassals kept me in and, with wary steps, neared Apollo. “He’s been keeping me safe for the last few days.” Well, kind of. I left out the fact that he’d been a clueless, fumbling individual for the most part. “He won’t hurt me.”
“You trust him,” Theo growled. “We don’t.”
“How do you know that this isn’t some ploy?” Hansel asked.
“Not everything is a ploy,” I replied. Though after what Aphrodite did to me, my trust issues had been exacerbated. I second-guessed Apollo’s intentions. It was difficult not to, considering he’d been a sweet, innocent man one second, and then a scary god the next. Kind of like how my mother began treating me differently after she got what she wanted.
I placed a hand on Hansel’s head, then rubbed it down his cheek. After kissing his forehead, I said, “It’ll be fine.” Steeling my resolve, I turned around, redirecting my attention to Apollo. “What do you want with me? You got your memory back.”
Apollo smirked. Yeah. I didn’t like seeing him smirk. “I want you to meet Mother Nyx.”
Ten
Cara
“You don’t have to be there,” Apollo said to my vassals. “It’s not a meeting that you four are invited to. You can return to somewhere you belong. Somewhere fit for lowlifes.”
Liam’s expression turned fiery at Apollo’s suggestion. He tipped his head backward and began cracking knuckles. “Someone let me punch this guy to death.”
Devon rolled his shoulders backward. “I’ll hold him down.”
Apollo’s features remained blank. “You can try, but you won’t be successful. That, I can promise.” Apollo sucked in a deep breath before sighing, acting as if he were dealing with a couple of kids. “And, at worst, I might accidentally kill one of you. That’ll be troublesome. I’m sure Cara wouldn’t like it.” His attention darted to me before returning to Liam.
“No fighting,” I said. I waved them away from each other. “I don’t need any more of that kind of drama. I just want some peace and quiet.” My vassals backed down at my threat, but only slightly.
The friction between my vassals and Apollo grated against my conscience. With the way they looked each other, it seemed like a war might break out any moment. It didn’t matter whether they were gods, vassals, whatever. They were acting like gorillas preparing for a fight.
I grabbed Apollo’s hand.
My touch caused rage to spark in all four of the vassals’ gazes, but they stayed back.
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s meet this Nyx person.”
“This Nyx person,” Apollo said, “is an original god. More powerful than even Clotho.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m guessing she’s more unreasonable, then?”
“She planned most things.”
“Headstrong.”
“She knows what she wants.”
“Let’s get this done and over with.”
“What you will face might last a long time. It’s not a matter that you simply brush aside.”
“I hope the surprise isn’t too terrible, then.”
I used to love surprises.
Not anymore.
“What’s she going to be made of now?” I asked. Every time I saw Nyx, it was the nature around her that created her form, as if she were too awesome to be made from skin. Did she have a human form? “If we were in Ashmeda and summoned Nyx, would she be formed out of lava?” That sounded pretty cool.
Apollo ignored me as we moved onward. We’d left my vassals behind. They’d stared daggers at Apollo, all looking like they wanted to strangle him. I wasn’t sure if it was right, but the jealousy gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling. It meant they cared. They wanted to keep me for themselves.
I should stop making them jealous.
Was it bad that I enjoyed it?
It made me feel all special and everything, sending sparks of excitement flittering through me. I could get addicted to this warm, fuzzy feeling. Love was addictive.
Apollo still wasn’t wearing a shirt. I studied the ripples on his back as we walked under the hot sun. The orange of his hair was even more striking under the glaring light. His bronze skin glistened in the brightness.
I kind of wanted to lick him.
Stop wanting to lick things, Cara!
There were only four sets of abs I could lick, and Apollo’s wasn’t one of them.
“Can you cool it down a bit?” I asked, dragging my feet across the brown field beneath me. “The grass is dying. It’s been melting hot ever since you arrived in Haven.”
Apollo shrugged. I squinted up at the punishing sun. It continued to glow just as brightly as before. “The world is dying. Somewhat hotter temperatures aren’t going to make a difference. Probably won’t even speed things up. Nyx knows what she’s doing. We planned this a thousand years ago.”
“Is it really dying?” I asked. “Can’t you do something about that?”
Apollo shook his head. “It was preordained by the others.”
“Who?”
“The gods of the past.”
“Gods,” I said. “Male and female?”
“Yes.”
“Isn’t the world governed by just goddesses?”
“Not in the past. There weren’t as many rules with the old gods. It’s probably one reason why the way we worked wasn’t sustainable. We used what we had freely. It was fun while it lasted, but living as we did, with the constant grand parties and the draining of the fields, we exhausted our resources too quickly.”
“Why do you want me to meet Nyx, anyway?” I asked.
“So many questions.”
“Can’t blame me. Everything’s been so fucking confusing.” Old gods. New goddesses. What happened to just hanging around with normal humans? I wondered when was the last time I’d hung out with a normal person without any supernatural powers. I kind of missed that. Being normal.
Tension sizzled between us, causing my heart rate to increase. Or maybe that was just the terribly hot weather. Apollo slowed and stopped in the middle of a grassy field.
We waited.
Apollo heaved out a sigh. “I’ve been watching you for a long time, Cara. Following you as you grew up.”
“Yeah… So… you’ve kind of been my creepy stalker. Is that what you’re saying?”
“It wasn’t intentional.” He smiled. “And if it bothers you, you’re not the only person I’ve been watching. As the chiasma, I was connected to all things. I saw all beings being born, dying, growing, and changing. It’s given me hope. It’s made me bitter. I’ve been elated and furious and felt so many things even though I’ve just been an orb tied to the realms.” Apollo’s gaze grew distant for a moment. “Still, considering that you owned a part of me for a long time, I must say that I care for you more than most individuals. I was able to watch you more closely. The suffering. The false smiles. The refusal to give up. Being one with some of the chiasma has made you different from others, somewhat.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “I see potential in you.”
“Potential?” To cause massacres, maybe.
“To change things. To help us subvert the original plan.”
For a second, I thought I saw pity in his eyes. My gut churned. Why pity me? Was it for my past? Or did he pity me for what was to come?
“I didn’t ask for my powers.” I inched away, uncertain what Apollo was getting at. Why the praise? “I don’t want whatever you’re referring to. That… thing that was inside me… I’m assuming that the angry little girl was you? It used my potential, and the deaths I saw…” I shuddered just thinking about it. The damage it’d done to my mind lingered. I wasn’t going to be the same Cara ever again. The nightmares would haunt me, just like the guilt did.
But I refused to ever stop smiling.
Apollo clutched my forearm. He brought my hand to his lips. Sof
tly, he grazed his mouth over my skin, sending light shudders crawling up my arm. “I didn’t ask for it either, but I suffered a thousand years so that my brothers and sisters might have another chance.” Apollo’s eyes darkened. “You can, too.”
Suffer a thousand years?
No thank you.
Thunder boomed in the sky. The wind around us picked up in speed. Nyx was arriving. The breeze turned into a gust, swirling and concentrating itself until it formed the image of a woman. I saw through her like glass. This form of hers was more transparent than the other two. The heat Apollo exuded disappeared at once. A chill replaced it. My teeth would be chattering if not for my stronger goddess body.
Nyx turned to me, then to Apollo. Her small gestures formed ripples like a breeze sweeping across the ocean. I pushed my hair away from my face. “My friend,” she said. “Why summon me? I am busy ensuring that things return to the way they once were.”
Apollo bowed his head. He took Nyx’s hand and kissed it just as he had mine. Did it make sense to kiss air? “I have a proposition.”
I thought I saw Nyx frown, but I couldn’t be sure. Not with how transparent she was. “There’s no need for one. Our plans were set in stone before you even turned into the chiasma.”
“I’ve grown, Nyx,” Apollo said. I watched a lump travel down his throat. “I’m not the same Apollo who was chosen to be the chiasma. Maybe… I don’t want to see things going back to the way they used to anymore. The people you see around you—they’re part of me now. I’ve come to care for them as I might my own children.”
The wind stilled for a fraction of a second. Nyx’s image faltered. “Explain yourself.”
“You see the world from a different perspective after you’ve been connected to it for such a long time,” Apollo said. “I’ve put a lot of myself into Haven and Earth.”
“What are you getting at?” Nyx asked. “Betrayal? Do you love these people more, now? Are you giving up on your promises? We were to turn everything back to normal after we fixed the disintegrating world. Are you changing your mind?”
Apollo steeled himself. He lowered his attention to the ground—sagging from guilt, perhaps. “I still care for you.”
“You care for these ingrates, too.”
“You don’t understand. Years as the chiasma has let me—”
“I don’t want to hear any more. You’ve done your duty.” I thought I saw the wind turning red. The ground beneath me shook, and the clouds in the sky whirled. They whipped around at a furious pace, displaying Nyx’s anger. “You don’t have to worry any—”
“But that’s what I’m talking about, Nyx,” Apollo said. “If the worlds are destroyed, you’ll be destroying a large part of me.” Apollo studied me, his eyes filled with adoration. “Please, listen.” He placed a hand at the small of my back and forced me to step forward. I moved closer to Nyx, facing the transparent goddess while feeling all queasy. “She’s our solution.”
“Me?” I asked. Damn it all. I was tired of being a tool, meant to give solutions to goddesses. I was Caramel Valencia, fuck-up extraordinaire. Since when had I been able to fix things? These gods and goddesses all had to be crazy. “Can you please leave me out of this?” I needed to just find a quiet house next to the ocean and repent for my sins. Maybe shave my head and be a nun somewhere. Cara the nun. Had a nice ring to it.
Apollo’s touch on my back stayed there. Warm. Demanding. “She’s been mixed with my essence for a long time. Cara’s been the chiasma before.”
Nyx was silent, listening.
“She’s the child of both love and war. There’s a well of potential in her that rivals even that of the old gods.”
There it was again. Potential. Apollo acknowledged the power I had in me, but I didn’t want to hear about it at all. It scared me too much. I saw what it was capable of. Death. Destruction. Heartache and hate. I wanted the ability to fart rainbows, kind of like a unicorn. Bring joy to humans and goddesses and vassals alike. Instead, I ended up spilling blood everywhere.
“We can use her,” Apollo said.
“I don’t want to be used,” I said. Why did nobody listen? The gods were so blinded with their plans and wars and conquests that a girl like me didn’t matter. They just let me get swept up with everything.
Nyx trained her ephemeral eyes me. My opinion was, apparently, inconsequential, because her attention on me went back to Apollo straight away. “How so?” The wind calmed slightly.
Apollo’s face lit up. “We can use her as the next anchor. And with me around, I will help you bring the gods back. We can all share the realms.”
“You’re growing greedy, my friend. Compromise and sacrifice are the nature of how many things work. There are trade-offs. Costs. It’s not going to be that easy. There’s a chance nothing will go as planned. What if both realms shatter? The old gods and the new have opposing forms of power. An attempt at this might very well cause our worlds to fall apart.”
“We won’t know until we try.”
“It’s not worth the risk.”
“Not to you.” Apollo pressed his hand harder on my back. “But I don’t want to see my years go to waste.”
“We’ve waited, too,” Nyx said.
“In a slumber. I wasn’t fully conscious, but I felt. And now, the memories are returning. What I had to go through, don’t you think it unfair? I was here in the realms, keeping everything together, while the rest of the old gods merely stepped aside for the whole ordeal. My efforts would feel meaningless if they were all reverted. These beings have come so far. Shouldn’t I be given a say?”
“My friend—”
“Don’t call me that if you don’t mean it. I’m tired of injustices.”
Nyx’s form flickered again. “I will consider it.”
“Do more than that. Agree. Put the plans into action.”
“You’re asking for too much.”
Apollo shook his head. “Not with what I’ve been through. I should be allowed to have my demands seen to.”
Nyx sighed. The wind grew even colder. “I’m disappointed to see the change in you, Apollo. You used to be far more selfless.”
Apollo shook his head. “There are limits to everything. Even my patience. I don’t think my nature has changed. But I care for different things now, and if you value our friendship, you have to accept that.”
Nyx’s airy form sagged. She spun away from Apollo, acting as if she had no more to say to him. Their meeting ended as abruptly as it had begun. The gusts stilled, the clouds stopped swirling, and Nyx was gone, leaving me alone with Apollo.
“What are you expecting from me?” I asked.
“A huge sacrifice.” Apollo lifted his chin confidently. “And you will say yes to my request.”
I stared at him for a long moment.
Then slapped him across the face.
Eleven
Cara
I sat on the dead grass. The weight of what Apollo had told me crushed me. He hadn’t reacted to my slap. He’d merely brushed at that spot, as if it were the light graze of a leaf. I would have preferred it if he’d gotten mad. He gestured for me to sit after, so he might explain what I was to go through.
“You have to do this,” Apollo said. “There’s no other option.”
“Why?” I asked, feeling like I was about to explode.
“The old gods need another anchor to return. Otherwise, they’ll have to use the powers I’ve injected into this world, disintegrating everything, before they can assume their physical bodies again. You’re the answer.”
“You want me to be the next chiasma.” I swallowed thickly. “How the fuck does that even work?” I gestured to my body. “Look at me.”
“You look glorious, Cara.” He said it with so much conviction that I got chills.
“I mean, yeah,” I said. My new goddess body was awesome. “But that’s not what I’m getting at. I’m not anything like the chiasma. It’s a giant black ball, for fuck’s sakes. And to anchor the world?”
>
“You won’t be doing it alone.” Apollo grabbed my hand. Was he trying to give me reassurance? It wasn’t working. “I’ll be giving you some of my powers. I wouldn’t be able carry this out with anybody else, but since your body acclimated to the chiasma’s powers for so long, it’s attuned to it. I want to give you more of my energy. It’ll weaken me, but it’ll also keep the worlds alive. In the current states.”
“And then what?”
“We finish the same ritual we used thousands of years ago. The same one they used on me.”
“Sacrifice.”
“Will you do it?” Apollo asked. “You will have to volunteer for this position sincerely.”
“You want me to spend the rest of eternity as a giant-ass orb.” I sucked in a breath. My ears rang. “What’s the alternative?”
“The old gods won’t stand aside and lose their opportunity to return,” Apollo said. “Nyx will destroy the worlds without another option. Everything you’ve ever known would be replaced.”
“Everything,” I said in an almost-whisper.
Apollo bowed his head in a morose fashion.
My vassals.
Danna.
They’d be gone.
“Do you love them?” Apollo asked. I hadn’t mentioned my vassals, but Apollo saw through my thoughts.
The burden weighed heavily in my chest. “Yes.”
“If you truly did,” Apollo said, “you’d give yourself up for them. Like I did for Nyx. I care for my friend. We went through much together. And so, when the time came, I willingly sacrificed my own form to give her another chance. Wouldn’t you do the same?”
I looked at my hands. The wind no longer lessened the punishing heat of Apollo’s sun, but my fingers had gone cold. “I don’t know.” I clenched my jaw. “I really don’t know.”
Liam grabbed me, prying me away from Apollo the moment we returned to Theo’s makeshift cave. “What did he do with you?” he asked. He inspected me head to toe, to ensure that I didn’t show any signs of injury. He acted even more caring than Hansel. Fenrir hadn’t forgiven me for hurting Liam during the Burning. The wolfdog glared at me from the side. I didn’t mind that.
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