“Our job,” Theo said. “She was fun to spoil.”
Hansel nodded. For once, he tried to not suppress his memory of Cara. Being so close to the chiasma made repressing it too difficult, and so he’d decided to give in. Together with Theo, he waded through the crowd, scanning the activities that bustled through it. There were stalls all over the place. A band played a cheery tune. Golden leaves, signifying the goddesses, were strewn about the place, along with white lanterns filled with fireflies. They twinkled just as the stars above did. Some stalls, instead of selling foods, hosted games. A particularly impressive young girl hit multiple bulls-eyes while playing an archery game, each arrow splitting the last. That won her a giant teddy bear.
It was a full-blown carnival, in honor of Cara.
“She’d like to be here,” Hansel said.
Theo snorted. “She’d probably set a whole row of stalls on fire.”
Hansel smiled. “Probably. Are you sure it’s just going to be one row?” He didn’t smile often. Not anymore.
“You’re right. We can’t underestimate her like that. We need to give Cara more credit.”
“Your memory of her is getting rusty,” Hansel joked.
He sensed Theo tensing at that. “I kind of wish that were true.”
Hansel slumped his shoulders. He shouldn’t have brought that up. He knew exactly how Theo felt.
They moved past the crowd, stopping by a giant oak tree. Next to it, a paunchy fellow was offering unicorn rides to little children. The unicorn had a pink horn.
“They’re late,” Theo said, glancing at his watch. “We were supposed to meet here five minutes ago.”
Devon and Liam walked out from around the oak tree. Devon’s piercing yellow eyes narrowed at Theo. “We’re not.”
Devon appeared much the same. He was more put together, in fact. He wore the uniform of his family, badge and all. Before they’d parted, Devon told Hansel that he’d drop out of the Sanctuary but would attend another prestigious school to serve his father’s wishes.
Liam, on the other hand, was an entirely different person. He’d taken the loss of Cara in the worst way possible, letting himself slip off the deep end. The stench of alcohol clung to his clothes. He’d grown a beard and seemed to have not shaved in months. The first three buttons of his dress shirt were undone, and dark circles rimmed his previously bright eyes.
“What happened to you, Liam?” Theo asked.
Liam sniffed and flicked his thumb over his nose. “Don’t know. I’m not sure if I’ve been sober the past six months.”
“Can’t tell if you’re joking or not,” Hansel said.
The four exchanged glances. What were they supposed to do now? Have a casual chitchat? Doing so seemed surreal after all they’d been through. They’d lived completely different lives for six months, avoiding each other to lessen the pain of Cara’s memory.
“Why are we even here?” Devon asked.
Liam turned toward Devon. “Have you forgotten about her so quickly?”
“No.” Devon shook his head. “Of course not.”
Hansel tried focusing on the conversation Liam had with Devon, but he sensed something off about the chiasma.
“I think about her every day,” Devon said. “Too fucking much. We’re just punishing ourselves being here, seeing each other, but Theo was so insistent on it.” He glared at Theo.
“She would have liked us to be here,” Theo replied.
Liam leaned against the oak tree. “Cara usually doesn’t fret about the details. Even as the chiasma, her mind’s probably wandered off somewhere.”
Hansel frowned. The conversation turned to Liam’s current drunkard state, and how it wasn’t sustainable, but Hansel blocked those words out. Instead, all he could focus on was the throbbing sensation that irked him.
“What are you doing to me?” he muttered, spinning toward the chiasma.
A flash of light burst from the orb, drowning out the activities of the festival. Screams sounded across the gathering, mostly from children that had been scared by the sudden light. Hansel was momentarily blinded.
When he opened eyes, the festival looked completely the same. The commotion, however, had died down. Everyone’s gaze was directed to the same spot.
The chiasma had gone missing.
Cara had gone missing.
The need to find her surged through Hansel. He rushed forward, pushing past men and women and children. Where had Cara gone? Behind him, he could hear Theo asking the same question. The vassals all shared the panic, each single-mindedly focusing on their goddess.
“Cara, Cara, Cara,” Hansel said, whispering her name like a prayer. There were too many obstacles separating him from what had happened. He couldn’t push past the people fast enough. They were all getting in his way.
He spotted a group of bystanders gathering around and gawking at something.
“Momma?” a little girl asked. “Is that the chiasma?”
What was she referring to?
Hansel got on tiptoes and strained his neck to look past the crowd. He looked over a sea of heads and toward whatever they were looking at.
There, in the middle of everyone, was a human woman, curled up into a ball.
His goddess.
Hansel shook. He burst into action and sought her, the muscles of his legs straining to run faster. Each fiber of his being tensed with the need to hold her. It’d been far too long. He’d longed to hold her again and couldn’t believe that she was right there, lying in front of him.
She wasn’t wearing anything and was shaking.
Was she scared?
“You’re fine,” Hansel said. He pulled his shirt off and slid to his knees. He wrapped it around her as soon as he could. Slowly, he sat Cara up and covered her the best he could, keeping her away from confused, undeserving eyes.
Cara peered at him. She was just as bewildered as the bystanders. “Hansel,” she said. She cupped his face and pulled his lips toward her.
She kissed him. Hugged him. And she tasted sweet, like hope and joy and pure ecstasy.
Hansel thought he might cry.
He didn’t care that there were hundreds of people watching them.
She was in his arms.
And that was all that mattered.
Eighteen
Cara
Damn it was cold.
I was used to having no physical limitations. That’d been my state for the last six months. Why was I back in a human body? The sights, smells, sounds. They all came at me in a rush, pouring over me in a torrent of sensations I’d grown unaccustomed to.
And I was tired.
So tired.
Perhaps it was the readjusting. My energy was gradually returning, and it was becoming easier for me to keep my eyes open. Hansel cradled me, clutching me to his chest. His breathing was shallow and calm, when I glanced at his face, he seemed stressed. He didn’t have to be. I felt warm and safe and whole in his arms. It’d been a long time since I could have physical company like this.
His hair had grown out, similar to Theo’s. I liked it. I reached up pinched a lock of his hair, twirling around my finger.
“Where are we going?” I asked Hansel. I coughed right after speaking. I hadn’t used my voice in a long time, and my vocal cords had gotten rusty.
“Devon scouted the area and found a building for you to rest in,” Hansel said. “You need a place to recover.” I watched a lump travel down his throat. “Why are you back?”
“Do you not want me to be?” I teased.
“Of course not,” Hansel said, his frown deepening. He seemed offended that I might even suggest anything of the like. “This… this is the best thing that’s happened to me in months. I can’t believe it, Cara. You’re back. Thank the gods. Thank everything.” Hansel hugged me so tightly that I thought he might crush me. “You left too abruptly.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
Hansel shook his head. “It wasn’t your fault. We… we shouldn’t hav
e summoned the goddesses. Devon still blames himself for that.”
“Does he?”
“Yeah. Don’t you know? Weren’t you watching over us as the chiasma?”
“It was… difficult to look at you guys.”
Hansel fell silent. “Difficult, huh?” He sighed. “I guess we kind of lost our grips on ourselves.” He maintained a steady pace, ambling forward. We’d been travelling for about twenty minutes now, escaping the festivities and commotion. Many people had wanted to follow us, but Theo had convinced nearby patrols to help keep the gawkers away. He knew I needed time to recuperate.
A small number of passersby had slipped through. They studied us with judgmental stares, but we tried not to pay any mind to them.
I lifted my hand and cupped Hansel’s face. “Thank you,” I said.
“For?” Hansel asked.
“Staying true.” I bit my inner cheek before continuing, “But you really didn’t have to. I want to see you guys happy, and if I’m holding you back then you just have to let go.”
Hansel kissed me on the forehead. After that, he smiled for the first time since I’d gotten back. “That doesn’t matter anymore, does it? You’re back. You can be with us now, and I’m going to hold you as tightly as I can. You’re not leaving my sight.”
I chuckled. “Honestly? That sounds a tad creepy. It borders on being obsessive.”
“That’s what I am about you, Cara,” Hansel said. “You’re like my drug. I obsess over and love and want you.”
The conviction of his confession sent tremors through me. “It’s not healthy,” I said, pulling my hand away from him. “I want you to be happy. Always. Even when I’m not around.”
“That’s not possible.” Hansel’s expression grew intense. “How it happened, I’m not sure, but somewhere along the way you became my everything. And when you left, I thought I’d lost it all.”
What was a girl supposed to say to that? I wrapped my arms around Hansel’s neck and inhaled his sweet scent. It’d changed, somewhat. Hansel must have spent a lot of time in the fields, because he reminded me of leaves, dirt, and nature. “You’re stupid,” I said finally.
A soft, rumbling chuckle shook from his chest. “That’s what you have to say, after all that?”
“Yeah.”
“You haven’t changed much, despite being the chiasma.”
“Everything has changed,” I said. “I see things differently now. Having an omnipotent view of both worlds does that to you.”
“How so?”
“I saw everything in a big-picture sense, like a cloud looming over a field. I forgot what this feels like.” I put my hand up, staring at my fingers. It’d been forever since I’d felt the wind slip through them. “Now I can appreciate the little things more. The sensation of being human. It’s nice.”
“I thought I’d never be able to hug you like this again.”
I snuggled deeper into his embrace. “Me too.” I let myself get too comfortable, and before I knew it, I’d fallen asleep.
When I woke again, I found myself in a dimly lit room. Its walls were made of stone, and there was a pungent, rustic scent that permeated the place. I was lying on a bed. It was nowhere near as comfortable as the beds I’d slept on in the Sanctuary, but considering I hadn’t lain on one for months, it did its job. Someone shifted to my right. The bedframe groaned in response. I turned and noticed it was Theo who’d moved.
“She’s up,” Theo said, propping his body up and looking over his shoulder. Liam lay to my left. He had his arm wrapped around my waist and drew me in closely.
Devon appeared from the shadows, the embers of the orange candles gently lighting his face. He placed a hand on my forehead. “She’s a good temperature now,” Devon said. “Not shivering anymore.”
“Where are we?” I asked, looking around. Despite how dim the interior was, my eyes saw everything as clear as day. I wasn’t sure how I did it. My senses seemed to be elevated. Even more so than when I was merely a goddess.
“I borrowed this place from one of the farmers nearby,” Devon said. “When I told him it was the chiasma herself who needed somewhere to rest her head, he made preparations quickly. The folks around here respect you now, Cara.”
“Do they?” I recalled the deaths I’d caused through the Burning and the battles. Had I truly redeemed myself by turning into the chiasma?
Theo sat up, brushed my hair away from my face, and allowed his green eyes to linger over me. “I still can’t believe you’re back with us,” he said. “It’s… We thought we’d lost you.” A genuine, bright grin lit his face. “I’m just so glad.”
“How’d you fix it?” Liam asked. He squeezed my waist more tightly, rested his head in the crook of my neck, and sighed contentedly. “You weren’t supposed to ever return.”
I hadn’t realized just how much I enjoyed touching them, receiving my vassals’ love. Liam began stroking, moving his hand up and down the side of my waist. He planted a kiss on the side of my shoulder.
“I didn’t,” I replied. “I’m not sure if I fixed anything. I’m supposed to be the source that ties both worlds together and maintains balance between them. I shouldn’t even be here.”
“You’re never turning into the chiasma again.” Liam cupped my cheeks and rested his forehead on mine. He was so warm. I’d missed this feeling.
“I wasn’t sure how that all worked out.” If I wasn’t the chiasma, then who was going to maintain the balance and peace between both worlds? Haven and Earth would have no anchor, and everything would fall apart eventually.
I pushed myself to a seating position and looked at the two moons hanging outside the window. “It’s still nighttime.”
“You can sleep more,” Theo said. He ran a hand down the side of my arm. “There’s no rush for anything. We’ll be by your side, no matter what.” He clasped my hand. “I’m not going to let you out of my sight. Not after what we went through.”
“I’m not sure if that the farmer who owns this place is going to agree.” His bed smelled like dust. “I think he’s going to want to get some shuteye. Where is he going to sleep if we’re taking over his room?”
“I don’t know,” Liam said. So much for responsibility. “All I care about is that I want you.” He nuzzled my neck, making himself comfortable. He held me like I meant the world to him. Their four gazes were transfixed on me. I thought the attention was too much and was about to say something to break the tension when a rapping on the door did that for me.
“The farmer’s back,” I said sheepishly.
Devon grunted. I wasn’t sure if my vassals had innocent intentions. He stalked toward the door and answered it.
It wasn’t the farmer who’d knocked, but Apollo.
He was accompanied by Solas. The large bear made him seem more imposing than he already was.
“What are you doing here?” Devon asked.
Apollo didn’t care to answer him. He pushed past my vassal and searched the room. He found what he was looking for quickly—me.
“It worked,” Apollo said.
I pushed myself up to face him properly. “What did?”
Apollo’s eyes shone despite the darkness, mirroring the two moons that hung in the sky outside. “My bid to save you from the pain I had to go through.”
I lifted my hands. “This was you?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I’m not completely heartless. Even before I became the chiasma, the gods promised me relief. I saw an end in sight, and so the suffering was bearable. You, however… I’d turned a once-mortal girl into a vessel, required to shoulder the burden of the entire world. I see how that might be too much to take.”
I clutched the blanket and straightened myself.
“So,” Apollo continued, “I’ve devised a fair trade. We can take turns. I will take the place of the chiasma, a month each time, and you for two. I had to ready my magic for this procedure, and you needed time to stabilize as the chiasma. Sorry that
you had to wait before you could return. I didn’t want to get your hopes up when I couldn’t be certain of my experiment.”
I stared at Apollo, letting his words sink in. “I don’t have to be the chiasma forever?”
Apollo frowned. “Did you not listen? You do.”
“But there’ll be breaks in between. It won’t be an eternity of being so… alone.” I clutched Liam’s hand. He returned my gesture, squeezing tightly.
I thought I saw a smile spread across Apollo’s face, but it flickered away as soon as it came. I missed the innocent part of him. I recalled when I first met him, he had no memory, and could live in a more carefree manner. Maybe I missed the innocent side of me, too. The things I’d seen as the chiasma made it impossible for me to return to being the old Cara.
“I need to take the place of the chiasma before Nyx decides she needs to disintegrate the world again. I’ll see you when it’s your turn.” Apollo turned toward the exit.
“Thank you,” I said, eyes tearing. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
Apollo looked at me over his shoulder. “It wasn’t entirely altruistic. I might have gotten used to existing as the chiasma, too. There are many things you can do as the orb that you cannot in this human form. It could be my own form of balance.”
“Still, this means everything.”
“I know.” Apollo looked over my vassals. “Enjoy your time together. I will expect you to return to your duties in a month.”
“Thank you,” I said again. I wasn’t sure if I could say it enough. “But… what about my vassals? Will they have normal life spans?”
Apollo shook his head. “You are still their goddess, right? In fact, as the chiasma, your strength rivals that of Nyx’s. Their life spans will mimic yours.”
I breathed out a sigh of relief. At least I knew that they wouldn’t have to leave me.
“Yes. I’m just so, so incredibly grateful.” I’d thanked him too many times. The gratitude swelled through me, and I wasn’t sure how else to properly convey it to Apollo.
Goddess Academy: The Complete Reverse Harem Collection Page 67