by Nicole Dykes
Viv moves away from me, looking around frantically as I go in the opposite direction, looking around as we both call for him.
Okay, it’s okay. He’s somewhere. Viv and I meet in the middle, and she looks damn near to collapsing, her hand closed in a fist in her hair. “Where is he?’
“He’s probably hiding. He loves to do that.”
She shaking as she turns her eyes, searching as she calls, “Sebastian?”
I take a deep breath and walk around the area we were in. “Sebastian? Where are you? You’re way too good at this game, buddy. We give up.”
I hear his giggle, and I swear to you my heart skips a beat as relief floods me, and I go behind a cardboard cutout of a butterfly the zoo has with holes cut out for pictures. Baz is ducked down behind it as Viv runs over to him, scooping him up into her arms. “Oh my God, Baz. Don’t ever do that to Mommy again.”
Baz looks confused because to him, he was just playing a fun game, but the terror I felt was no doubt amplified by a hundred for Viv. “I just playing, Mommy.”
I sweep my hand over his hair. “That’s more of a game for at home, buddy.”
Again, he looks irritated this time as he forces Viv to let him down and folds his little arms. “I just playing.”
Viv kneels down to look him in the eyes. “In crowded places, you have to stay with Mommy. Okay?”
He nods, dropping his arms. “Okay. Fine.”
Viv looks up at me, and in that moment, we call a truce.
Because Sebastian is more important than anything else to both of us.
I was right about the streak of nights Baz goes right to sleep ending, and despite our trip to the zoo, it took me over an hour to get him to go to bed tonight. I didn’t really mind though. After the scare at the zoo, I rocked him to sleep in the glider in his room as I read to him.
I feel awful about what happened today. I let myself get lost in my anger with Asher, which honestly, I don’t even understand.
I’m not even sure I have any reason to be mad at him.
I’m tired and worn out as I walk quietly out of Sebastian’s room and see Asher climbing the stairs, wearing only a pair of black Calvin Klein sweats. I whisper in his direction, “Do you ever wear a shirt?”
He just smirks and at least picks up that Sebastian must be asleep and whispers back, “I was actually heading to bed but wanted to talk to you first.”
After the zoo, he dropped us off at the house and went to campus. As far as I know, he wasn’t home when I gave Sebastian a bath and started the process of putting him to bed.
I direct him away from Baz’s room and toward mine. He follows as I flick the light on, and he closes the door behind him, not whispering anymore. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Sebastian is okay. So I’m okay.”
I really just want to go to sleep. He sits down on my bed, and I take my earrings out of my ears, standing by my dresser. I guess we’re back to being friends.
“Yeah, I know that had to be scary. I mean, it scared the fuck out of me, it had to terrify you.”
It did. I don’t think I’ve ever been so afraid in my life. “I can’t believe I allowed that to happen.” I turn toward Asher, but don’t move near him. “When he was born, I swore I would never let anything bad happen to him. Never.” I see the pained expression on his handsome face, and I’m sure he’s thinking about his brother. Something so significant happened to his family that any time something traumatic comes up, it always goes back to that. “And I got distracted.”
“We did.”
“He’s not your responsibility. He’s mine. And I let him down today because I was too caught up in an argument with you over something really stupid.”
“You were right, I haven’t been very nice. I was an ass.”
I shake my head and join him on the bed, sitting a few feet away from him. “You were just being honest. I shouldn’t have brought up the night with Colt.”
It hurt me when he called me the wrong girl, but I know that he has some serious demons. He’s trying to figure out who he is, and I’m not helping with that. I watch his neck tighten and can tell he’s tense just from the mere mention of it. He takes a deep breath, his deep voice low and he can barely look at me. “I don’t like thinking about him touching you.”
I try to process that, but my brain is too tired.
“I mean, I know he did. Sebastian’s here, but I don’t like it. The thought of it. I just don’t.”
I know that was hard for him to admit even if I don’t know what it means. I don’t think he does either. “You were right. This thing with you and me . . .” I try to sound casual even though just saying “you and me” sends a slight shiver through my body. “It’s too dangerous. We can’t let anything bad happen to Sebastian, and we proved today that we don’t have it under control.”
“Sebastian was right there. It really wasn’t a huge deal.”
“It could have been. I never let him out of my sight, and I did today. Something horrible could have happened to him.”
“I’m sorry, Viv.” I can tell he feels bad.
“Don’t be.” I smile and try my best to joke, to go back to the more light, carefree relationship we had. Although he was always the lighter one. “I promise to never try to seduce you again.”
I’m kidding, but I’m also not kidding. He doesn’t smile though. His face is too serious, only amplifying the previous shudder I felt, but then finally, a smirk breaks through. “I fucking knew it.”
I roll my eyes at him. “Shut. Up.”
He laughs, and so do I, and it feels good.
“I didn’t plan anything. I wasn’t trying to seduce you into something you don’t feel comfortable with.”
“Yeah, believe me, I wanted to.”
I skip over that. “I think it’s good that you want to find out who you are. That’s what college is supposed to be about anyway.”
“Yeah, I suppose. I am sorry you had to go through that today. I prefer when we’re friends though. So maybe I’m not too sorry since Sebastian is totally fine.”
I smile. “I like us as friends too. It makes things a lot easier.”
“I’m all about easy.” He wags his eyebrows, and I shake my head, resisting the bait.
No more flirting. No more swimming alone with him.
We have to be careful from now on.
This last week has been good, like really good. Almost back to normal. I mean, I’m not gonna lie, every time I close my eyes to go to sleep, I see Viv in that theater chair, her biting her bottom lip and reaching into her panties.
Still, mostly back to normal.
It’s Friday night, and after a workout in the gym and a shower, I’m on my bed with an open textbook.
So maybe nothing is the way it used to be after all.
Oh well, I have a test next week, and I don’t want to fail.
I see a shadow in the hallway and know it’s Viv. We hang out after she gets Baz to sleep some nights, although usually in a safe space like the living room. Never in the pool.
If she’s in that bikini, we have the kid right there.
So far, our plan to be just friends has been on track, but when I lift my head to say hey, I do a double take when I see how she’s dressed.
Her hair is down and curled, her make up a little darker and her shirt is a thin-strapped camisole-type top that dips low, and I mean low, showing off her perky tits with tight-ass jeans. I stare at her like a fucking idiot, trying not to stare at the heart charm on her silver necklace hanging near her phenomenal cleavage. “Viv, you going somewhere?”
Please say no.
“No.” I sigh a breath of relief as she sits on the edge of my bed, on the opposite side as me, pulling her phone from her back pocket before she sits. “Well, I don’t know. Maybe.”
“What?” I’m having a hard time following her when she’s wearing that fucking shirt with no bra, I’m guessing.
“Can you do me a favor?”
I close the book in front of me and look over at her cautiously. “What kind of favor?”
She laughs, the sound light and airy. She’s in a good mood. “Relax. It’s not a ‘do me’ favor.” Yeah, why would I want that? She holds her phone in her hand, searching for something and then handing it to me. “Can you take a picture for me?”
“Why?”
Her shoulder lifts coyly. “I downloaded Tinder, and you need a picture.”
She what? “Tinder? You’re still on that?”
She rolls her eyes, still with a smile on her face. “I said that you and I need to remain only friends and that us hooking up would be bad. I didn’t say that I didn’t want to hookup anymore.” She bites that fucking bottom lip, her voice tight. “It’s getting bad, Asher.”
Fuuuuck. I can’t hear that. Hearing how badly she needs dick does insanely bad things to my body. “Viv . . .”
She holds up one hand. “Please don’t try and talk me out of it.” She sighs. “I love Sebastian more than life.”
“You don’t have to tell me. I already know that,” I interrupt quickly.
“I know, but it’s important to me to say that before saying that even though I love him and wouldn’t change a thing . . .” I can tell she carries guilt for what she’s about to say. “I did miss out on a lot of normal things. Prom. An actual graduation. Dating. I just want to feel like a normal twenty-one–year-old sometimes.”
“So fucking some random dude is going to do that?”
She nods, taking a deep breath, forcing her tits up high and gaining my attention once again. “Yes. You’re right, dating is probably not going to happen for a few more years at least, and honestly, I’m totally fine with that. More than fine with that, I don’t have time to date. Sebastian is the only guy in my life, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want a certain part of a grown man.”
“You know, they make rubber dicks, right? If that’s the only part you want. Hell some of them vibrate.”
She laughs, and I rack my brain for anything to make her change her mind. “Yeah, I want to be kissed. And touched. I want the whole thing. Just not the dinner before and the painful blow-off afterward.”
I hate how much she’s thought this out. “Viv . . .”
“Asher, please. I’m dead set on this. This is what I want. Will you please just take a picture for me?”
“You know your phone will do that for you right?”
“I do, but I can’t take a decent selfie, and besides I suppose it doesn’t hurt to seem like I have someone in my life who can be around me long enough to take an actual picture.”
Pretty sure none of these asshats will give a fuck about who took the picture when they see it. “Fine.”
She smiles excitedly and braces herself on her palm, leaning back on my bed slightly and smiling. She looks way too fucking hot.
“Not on the bed. That’s going to give them the wrong idea.”
She pulls her eyebrows together, her lips in a confused pout. “You mean the idea that I’m only interested in a fuck?”
“Do you have to put it like that?”
“I’ve been hanging out with you too much.”
I actually laugh and click a quick pic. Almost hoping it’s blurry and as if somehow that would fuck with her getting laid. I look at the pic, and of fucking course, it’s perfect.
I hand her phone back to her, and she smiles, shrugging her shoulders and messing with her phone. “Thank you.”
“No problem, but I want it known that I’m totally against this.”
“And why is that?” She’s still looking down at her phone.
“I don’t see you as a casual girl.”
Her eyes lift from her phone, and she doesn’t look pissed but definitely irritated. “Well, I am. We’re both figuring out who we are, and I’m finding that I am definitely into casual sex.”
I laugh and shake my head, leaning back against the headboard. “You’ve never had it.”
To her credit she doesn’t mention my brother. Her phone dings, and she moves to sit next to me. “Well, I’m about to.”
I look down at her phone that has the app open and some douchebag’s face is there, asking for a meet. “That guy? Seriously?”
Her laugh is nonchalant as she looks at her phone. “He’s cute.”
“He’s a fucking ginger.”
“I don’t discriminate.”
I point at the screen. “Fucker has a serial killer vibe. His smile is way too big.”
“He looks nice.”
“You really want nice for a casual hookup?” I shake my head, feigning disappointment. “You have so much to learn.”
She giggles at that and swipes left. “I guess you’re right.” The next guy pops up. Fuck! I knew that picture was too damn good. “Oh, cute. Looks kind of muscular.”
I look at the picture at the scrawny fucker with long brown hair pulled up on top of his head. “He has a manbun.”
She shrugs. “I’m not in it for his hair.”
“That guy will be weeping into your arms after he comes. And you will be laying there unsatisfied and wondering when the fuck you can leave.”
She sighs and swipes left, bringing up another candidate. “Oh wow. He’s really good-looking.”
I study the picture. Perfectly styled hair. Button-down shirt in a fucking Tinder photo. Cheesy ass smile. “He might as well be wearing a suit.”
“He has it all together. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
I turn to look at her as she accesses this guy. “Colt really was your fucking type, huh?”
She looks slightly surprised as she turns away from her phone to look at me. Probably because I rarely voluntarily bring up Colt, but then she smirks. Her face is so fucking beautiful I swear it makes me ache just looking at her. “Oh please, it’s no secret that all of the Sterlings are gorgeous and everyone’s type. Even Lola.” She laughs and shrugs her small shoulders. “Hell, especially Lola.”
“You wanna switch to vag? That I’m all for. Although, not my fucking sister, please.”
She giggles and turns back to her phone, shaking her head, her perfectly styled hair moving as her head moves. “Nah. Although I’ve only experienced it once, I’m all about the D.”
I laugh, unable to stop the sound coming from me. She really is a twenty-one–year-old. She’s right, it’s easy to forget that about her. She has it so together. “Wow. Okay.” I nod to her phone. “But next.”
“What? Why? He’s totally my type.”
“You’re not looking for your type, Viv. You’re looking for a dirty fuck, right?”
I watch her think it over, and then she nods. “You’re right. He’s the type I would want to date. I don’t want that.” She squeezes my shoulder. “See, this is why you’re so helpful.”
“What if the guy you choose is a serial killer?”
“Asher, people do this all of the time. They almost never get murdered.”
“Oh, that’s nice.”
I’m not used to this, being the one who overthinks. I don’t fucking like it, but I can’t help going over all of the things that can go wrong with her plan. “Just help me, Asher.”
What if they hurt her? What if they make her feel like shit? What if they’re bad in bed and she never wants to fuck again? What if they’re actually really good and she wants to fuck them again? It’s all too fucking much.
I take her phone and lock the screen, tossing it to the middle of my bed and turn to face her. “You seriously want this? Just a hookup? Just. Sex?”
She nods, looking at her phone and then turning her body to look at me. “That’s what I’ve been saying. Just sex. That’s what I need.”
“You really think you can handle casual?”
Her head tilts to the side as she analyzes me with caution. “Yes. I can.”
I swallow my own self-hatred and my right hand cups the back of her head, my fingers tangling in her silky locks. My face coming dangerously close to hers. “You know that part i
n the horror movie, where the audience is screaming at the screen saying, ‘Don’t fucking do it’? Her head nods, her forehead brushing against my own. “This is that part, Viv.”
Her breathing is shallow, her words shaking slightly. “That’s my favorite part, Asher. I always want them to go through with it.” She bites her bottom lip, her eyes locked on mine. “I love the thrill.”
My lips pull up in a smirk, my head shaking with a warning before my lips crash against hers, my other hand wrapping around her hip, pulling her body into mine. Her fingers grip my hair as our mouths collide, nipping and biting, she sucks on my tongue. We can’t get enough of only kissing each other, and I know we aren’t going to stop there.
I don’t pause for a fucking second to think about what we’re doing or the consequences that will come from it. I expect her to, but she doesn’t. Her hands slide down to my t-shirt, lifting it up and over my head.
I smirk as I feel her fingers slide over my abs, making them flex with her touch. “I thought you wanted me to wear a shirt?”
Her teeth capture her bottom lip as she looks down and shakes her head. “You should never wear a shirt.”
I pull her back to me, tasting her lips again, loving the taste of berry from her lip gloss. “I won’t if you won’t.”
My hands quickly remove her shirt, and I see I was right about the no-bra thing as my eyes dip to her bare chest, my dick growing even harder at the site of her perky tits with dusty pink nipples that are pebbled and begging for my mouth. My lips drag slowly over her jaw and down her neck as I lower her backwards, urging her to lay on her back.
I have to battle with myself not to rush, but the need to be inside her is so fucking great, I’m not sure how long I can hold out. I pull her nipple into my mouth, nipping and sucking as her fingers thread into my hair, her back arches and soft whimpers escape her throat. “God, Asher. I want you inside of me.” Her legs part, letting me press against her core. “Now.”
Fuck. I wanted to take my time with her, but I can’t fucking wait. As I tongue her hardened nipple, her hands creep to her jeans, unfastening them and pushing them down along with her panties, using her feet to kick them off. She brings my face back to hers using her hands, and our mouths meet again.