by Nic Saint
“Christ, I feel like I’m in a zombie movie,” said Gran.
“Better get us out of here, Chase,” said Odelia.
“Yeah, before they grab me and my Duffer!”
Chase put the car in gear, and before people could break down the windows and drag Gran bodily out of the car, he was moving away from the curb, careful not to run over anyone’s toes, and then they were finally mobile again.
“Phew!” said Gran. “Did you see that? What’s gotten into people?!”
“I don’t know,” said Odelia, looking back at the mob scene. “But it’s not good.”
At least she had another angle for her next article. Duffer Mania!
Chapter 25
We’d been walking for what felt like miles, when finally we found ourselves on familiar terrain. We’d passed the park where cat choir holds its nightly rehearsals, and it struck me how devoid of feline life it was. Usually the park is teeming with cats, even during the daytime, but especially at night, of course. Now there wasn’t a single cat in sight. In fact I didn’t think we’d met a fellow feline all along the road into town.
“All cats are at the monster house,” said Dooley.
“Yeah, looks like,” I agreed.
“Too bad cats don’t use smartphones, huh, Max?” he said. “We could have called Odelia by now, and told her what’s going on, and she could have come to our rescue.”
“Yeah, too bad,” I said. Then again, where would we put it? It’s not as if cats have pockets, or carry backpacks. We’re unencumbered by the trappings of modern life, and that’s just fine with me. So what if we don’t have smartphones? Who needs a smartphone anyway? Just to be bothered every second of every day by those weird beeps and buzzes. I think I’d go nuts if I had to carry one of those annoying little devices.
“If I had a smartphone I’d make Odelia my screensaver,” said Dooley, still dreaming.
“We should have seen her by now,” I said. “Odelia and I are very much attuned. Usually when we’re in trouble she senses it, and manages to find us all on her own.”
“Maybe she’s distracted,” said Dooley.
“Yeah, could be.” I myself was distracted by the pain in my jaw. That operation had done more damage than I’d anticipated, and now with being catnapped and all, I hadn’t been able to take my medication, and the pain in my gums was frankly killing me.
“You don’t look so good, Max,” said Dooley, who’d noticed I wasn’t at my best.
“It’s my teeth. They hurt.”
“But I thought Vena pulled your teeth?”
“She did.”
“So if they’re not there anymore, how can they hurt?”
“I don’t know, Dooley. All I know is that they hurt.”
“Phantom pain,” said Dooley knowingly. “I saw it on the Discovery Channel. It’s when a body part that was removed still hurts. You are still attached to your teeth, Max. Time to let go.”
Easier said than done. I liked my teeth, and hadn’t been ready to have them removed.
“We’re almost there,” I said. “And then this ordeal will finally be over.”
And we’d just reached Harrington Street and turned the corner, when suddenly there was a screech of brakes, and before we had the chance to react a net was thrown over the both of us, and we were scooped up and deposited back into that same horrible van!
“Oh, no!” cried Dooley. “I can’t believe they caught us again!”
The man slammed the door, and there we were, once again: surrounded by a sea of cats. Talk about déjà-vu!
“We have to escape, you guys,” said Dooley, addressing the other cats. “They’re taking us to a dungeon, and once we’re in there there will be no escape!”
“And how would you know?” asked a familiar-looking cat. I quickly recognized him as Milo, who’d once been a guest at our house, and belonged to one of Odelia’s neighbors.
“Because we’ve been there, Milo,” I said. “Literally.”
“Yeah, we just escaped from the dungeon and walked all the way back here to warn Odelia, only to get captured again the moment we turned into our street!” said Dooley.
“So you’re telling us you were caught before, managed to escape this inescapable dungeon, and now you’re caught again?” He was giving us a mocking smile. “Sounds like a very likely story, right, fellas?”
“Yeah, very likely,” said a scruffy-looking cat with a scar over his right eye.
“But it’s all true! We have to escape now, or it will be too late!” said Dooley.
“Yeah, right,” said Milo. “And I’m a messenger from the planet Zortaugh and I’m here to bring you all everlasting peace, prosperity and all the cat kibble you’ll ever need.”
There were loud laughs at that one.
“No, I think what’s more likely is that you don’t like being caught, and you’re inventing stories to make yourselves look like the heroes,” said Milo.
“Dooley is telling the truth,” I said. “Practically all the cats of Hampton Cove are in that dungeon, and so is Chief Alec, along with other humans, and they’re all locked up.”
“Oh, so the chief of police is a prisoner, too, huh? This story just keeps getting better and better!”
“You have to believe us, Milo!”
“Oh, Maxie, Maxie,” said Milo, shaking his head. “I’ve always known you were something of a fantasist, but it’s sad to see you’ve started believing your own lies now.”
“Coming from a true fantasist that’s high praise,” I said, getting a little annoyed.
“Me? When have I ever made up a story? Never. So who’s the fantasist now?”
“So what is your explanation then? Why are we here? And where are they taking us?”
Milo shrugged. “It’s obvious, isn’t it? We’ve all been selected by The Cat Snax Company for the introduction of their new and improved formula. A special treat.”
“Yeah, we’re the lucky ones,” said another cat.
“You really think The Cat Snax Company is organizing this trip?”
“Of course! And I love it! I don’t know about you guys, but I feel truly blessed.”
“I’ll bet they’re taking us to Las Vegas,” said a short, red cat. “I love Vegas.”
“I think it’s the Bahamas,” said the scruffy cat. “Get ready for sun and surf, you guys.”
“This isn’t the airport shuttle bus!” I said.
“Yes, and we should know,” said Dooley. “We were on an airport shuttle bus when Odelia flew us all to England on Prince Dante’s private jet to meet Tessa Torrance.”
“Ooh, you were flown to England on Prince Dante’s private jet,” said Milo. “Aren’t you the lucky snowflakes. Don’t tell me you met the Queen?”
“And her corgis!” said the red cat, to everyone’s hilarity.
“How did you know?” said Dooley. “They were very nice, the Queen’s corgis. Well, not at first, of course, but once we got to know them better, Sweetie, Fräulein and Molly were really charming. They even warned us about the pins on those PBEs we got—PBE stands for Pet of the Order of the British Empire—the Queen gave them to us. But she didn’t use pins on us, of course. Her Majesty used nice ribbons. Very considerate. And painless.”
“I don’t see any ribbons around your necks,” said Milo. “Do you see any ribbons, guys?”
“No, we don’t,” said the red cat. “And not a trace of those PFCs either.”
“PBEs,” Dooley corrected him. “PBE stands for—”
“So I’ll bet you met the President of the United States, too, huh?” said Milo. “Oh, and the Pope, of course. In fact Odelia probably flies you around the world in your private jet so you two can meet all kinds of famous people. Rock stars, movie stars… pet stars.”
“Well, actually…” Dooley began, but I interrupted him.
“Forget it, Dooley,” I said. “Don’t you see he’s simply making fun of us?”
“He is?” said Dooley, sounding surprised.
/> I decided to leave Milo and his cronies to their Cat Snax Vegas dreams, and retreated into a corner of the van to confer with my friend.
“We have to escape, Dooley,” I said. “Once we’re inside that dungeon, our chances of escaping again will be slim to non-existent.”
“We could always try the cat pyramid again,” he suggested.
“We could, but they might be more vigilant now, and won’t let us trick them so easily.”
We searched around for an avenue of escape, but the van was obviously built to keep us in, not allow us to slip out.
“We have to be on our toes, Dooley,” I said. “Keep our eyes peeled. And the first chance we get we make a run for it, all right? We don’t hesitate, we run like the wind.”
“Like the wind, Max,” he said, a determined look on his furry face.
“Oh, one question, guys,” said Milo, who’d been entertaining the group at our expense. “Is it true that you met Bigfoot? Abominable Snowman? The Loch Ness Monster? Or is that just a rumor floating around? Help me clear this up. It’s important.”
More laughter ensued, and Dooley and I shook our heads at so much ignorance.
Dooley was on his toes, though. Literally. Ready to escape.
Chapter 26
“It’s all my fault, lieutenant!” the woman was saying. Lenora Balk was blond and probably a beauty, Odelia thought, though at the moment it was hard to be sure. Her face was red from crying, and her hair was a mess. She was very busty, though, which might explain the attraction Hank the traveling salesman must have experienced when he’d offered her Berghoff pots and pans and in return had gotten more than he bargained for.
“I’m sure your husband will turn up soon enough,” said Chase. “He’s probably hiding out in some sleazy motel somewhere, and doesn’t want to answer your calls.”
“But that’s just the thing, captain. He never switches off his phone. And he always picks up when I call, even when we’re in a fight.”
“Yeah, but this was more than just a fight, though, right?” said Chase, who, as usual, had taken the lead. The man was aces at putting people at their ease, Odelia thought.
“Well…” said Lenora, casting down her eyes.
“You mean this wasn’t the first time?” asked Odelia.
“It was the first time he caught me, if that’s what you mean,” said Lenora, flashing her lashes. “You see, I had an affair with our neighbor last year? And Bertie found out about it when Rick—that’s our neighbor—sent me a picture of his… well, let’s just say it was all Bertie needed to figure out something untoward was going on, if you see what I mean.”
“And how did he figure that?” asked Gran, who’d suddenly taken an interest in the proceedings. Until then, she’d been nodding along, but now really perked up.
“Well, obviously Bertie would never send a picture of his thing to himself,” said Lenora, looking slightly flustered.
“You mean your neighbor Rick sent the picture to your husband’s phone?” said Gran, her eyes sparkling with excitement. This was more the kind of stuff she liked.
“Yeah, he must have gotten his wires crossed or something. He used to text Bertie all the time, they were good friends—well, we were all good friends, me and Bertie and Rickie and Rickie’s wife Francine. So when Bertie got the picture of Rickie’s thing he wasn’t happy. In fact he was pretty upset.”
“So how did Bertie know that Rickie’s picture was meant for you?” asked Gran, delving deeper into the subject.
“Because of the caption,” said the woman.
“The caption?”
Lenora looked pained. “Do I have to tell you? I don’t think this is relevant, captain.”
“Detective,” Chase corrected her. “Just tell us, please, Mrs. Pope.”
“Oh, all right. Rickie added the message ‘Soon in a Jacuzzi near you.’ Because he has a Jacuzzi, see. And we liked to do it in the Jacuzzi when Bertie was away. And then he also added ‘When will that moron of a husband of yours be back?’ That’s when Bertie really got upset. He thought Rickie was his friend, and friends don’t call their friends morons.”
Or canoodle with their wives in the Jacuzzi when they’re away, Odelia thought. “And he didn’t walk out on you that time?” she asked, surprised at this Bertie’s loyalty.
“No, he didn’t, Miss Poole. He sat me down that time and told me he was very cross with me. And I told him he had good reason to be, and that I’d never set foot in Rickie’s Jacuzzi ever again. I also told Rickie to apologize to Bertie for calling him a moron and he did and that was that. Or at least I thought it was. And then all of a sudden he walks out and disappears on me. So I simply know something bad happened to him, sheriff.”
“Detective,” Chase said, scratching his head. “It seems like a plausible response from your husband to walk out on you after he caught you with…” He consulted his notes. “Hank, is it?”
“Probably,” the woman agreed. “He sold me some very nice Berghoff pots.”
“That was very considerate of him,” said Gran with a grin.
“Bertie would never walk out on me, sergeant,” said Lenora. “My daddy walked out on my mommy when I was a little girl, and it was a very traumatizing experience, so I made Bertie promise never to pull a stunt like that. So I know that something terrible must have happened to him, so please, please, please find him for me, commander.”
“Detective,” Chase corrected her.
She nodded, then attached herself to Chase’s left bicep, squeezing it and flashing her eyelashes once more. “Please find my husband for me, Chief Chase. I know I treated him horribly, and I know I don’t deserve a good man like Bertie, but I want him back. Those other guys, that’s just sex, you see, but my Bertie, that’s… well, I do love him, you see.”
And oddly enough, Odelia actually believed her when she said it.
Later, when they were back in the car, Gran said, “I don’t believe for a moment that guy was abducted, like his wife seems to think. He simply walked out when he saw her with that guy and now he’s probably drowning his misery in some dive bar in Mexico.”
“Possible,” Chase agreed.
“I don’t know,” said Odelia. “I think she wasn’t lying when she said she loves her husband.”
“She has a funny way of showing it,” Gran grunted.
“If he loves her back it’s all the more reason for him to walk out on her,” Chase said.
“I don’t know,” said Odelia. “There’s something funny going on. What are the odds of two people to go missing in the space of two days? Very slim, I should say.”
“Three people,” said Gran. “You forgot about the little boy.”
“Four, if you add Chief Alec,” said Chase.
Odelia took out her phone and tried her uncle’s cell again. Straight to voicemail, just like all the previous times she’d tried him. So if he had been abducted by aliens, which seemed to be Gran’s grand theory, the aliens weren’t picking up the phone either.
They’d arrived at the house where the August family lived, and Gran had taken her Duffer out of her purse and was munching on it again. “Want a bite?” she asked.
“No, thanks,” said Odelia.
They rang the bell, and after the requisite introductions, they were invited in. The August home was a modest one-story structure, and judging from the stack of Missing Person flyers in the hallway, and people coming and going to pick them up, the search for the missing boy was in full swing. They took a seat in the living room, and while Chase made the introductions, Odelia picked up a flyer and studied the kid’s face. Nicky August looked about eight, with a gap-toothed smile and a freckled nose. She felt her heart sink at the thought of what could possibly have happened to him.
“If I told him once, I told him a million times,” said Alma, the boy’s mother. “Never stray too far from home. But you know what boys are like. They get caught up in whatever game they’re playing, and before you know it they’re out on the street, chasin
g a ball, or chasing a car, thinking they’re Superman or Batman or whatever.”
“So he was playing in the backyard…” Chase prompted, jotting down notes.
“He and Jay were kicking the ball around, and then next thing I know I look through the kitchen window and they’re gone. For a moment I simply couldn’t breathe. You can’t imagine what it feels like, Detective. One moment they were there, and the next… poof! Gone! I looked everywhere, and when I didn’t see them of course I ran into the street, and then rang the neighbors’ house and the house across the street and all the other houses but no one had seen them. They had simply vanished. Like smoke.”
“No cars that you thought looked suspicious?” asked Chase. “Or someone driving past the house the last couple of days that you never saw before in the neighborhood?”
“No, nothing like that,” said the woman’s husband Mark.
“You said he was playing with… Jay?” asked Odelia with a frown. “So who’s Jay?”
“Oh, Jay is Nicky’s best friend,” said Alma. “They’ve been besties since first grade. Always together. We’re very lucky that Nicky found a good friend like him, because in kindergarten he wasn’t very social, and never really bonded with anyone.”
“Nicky is a single child, you see,” said Mark. “After we had him, we tried but…”
“He was a miracle baby,” said Alma. “I didn’t even think I could get pregnant. The doctors had told us to stop trying, and maybe adopt, so when I got pregnant it took me a while to realize what was happening, and so when Nicky was born we were both over the moon, of course. We tried for a second one, but I guess one miracle was enough.”
“So that’s why we were so happy when Nicky found Jay. He’s like the brother he never had. Always together, never a cross word.”
“But… we haven’t received a report about a Jay missing,” said Chase.
“Probably because Jay’s folks are out of town,” said Alma.
“When they’re away—and they often are—Jay stays with his aunt,” said Mark.