You can let your circumstances control you or you can let them reveal who you are. Powerful or pitiful but not both.
Maybe it was time to stop feeling sorry for herself and find God’s power that Gracie talked about. God, I choose powerful.
A sense of peace bubbled up and through Raven like a natural spring spilling water over rocks. She sat there, not moving, just enjoying the feeling. And then she knew what she needed to do.
She picked up the phone and dialed Amanda.
9
“Amanda, I don’t want to talk to her.” Raven whispered.
“Why not? She’s your best friend. And why are you whispering?”
“In case she’s standing outside my door. Listening. I don’t want her to hear me. I don’t want to be mean but…” She didn’t know how to finish the sentence—couldn’t explain her feelings.
“She’s out there waiting. I can’t just tell her to go away. She drove all the way here from Marietta.”
“Yes, you can. Just tell her I don’t feel well today and that I’ll call her later.”
“I’m not lying for you. Do it yourself.”
“But…I don’t trust her.”
Her sister stared at her. “What are you talking about? Of course you trust her. You told me more than once that you’d trust her with your life and your stories.”
She couldn’t meet Amanda’s gaze. “That was before. Before all this.”
“Surely, you aren’t saying she had anything to do with you being missing. Are you?”
“No. Of course not but she’s a reporter. They’ll do anything for a story. They can’t be trusted.”
“That is ridiculous. You’re a reporter, and one of the most trustworthy people I know.”
She shook her head adamantly. “Not anymore. I’m done with all of that. I refuse to help print lies. Lies that hurt people and this country.”
Amanda rolled her eyes. “You really aren’t making sense, but I don’t have time to argue about this.”
“I’m looking for Raven Marks.”
Raven recognized the voice in the hall.
Amanda smiled. “Enjoy your visit, sis.” She walked out with another word.
Raven steeled herself for Marnie.
But she didn’t come in. Amanda must be talking to her. Hopefully, she’d tell her that Raven wasn’t up to a visit today. And…apparently not. Raven squelched the spark of anger at her sister.
Marnie was lugging a huge gift basket. “I brought you some gifts.”
“I see that. As always, you went overboard.”
“Just a little, but it’s what I do. Some are from me, but some are from the other re…your other friends. Everybody misses you so much and sends their love.”
“That’s nice.” Raven couldn’t look directly at Marnie. She really didn’t understand it—couldn’t explain why she was having such an adverse reaction to her friend. That was it—focus on Marnie being her friend, not a reporter. Just a friend. Not a reporter. Her muscles relaxed.
Marnie sat down in the easy chair beside her bed. “Oh, my goodness. I didn’t expect you to look…” Her words trailed off.
“So bad?”
“So good. You look terrific.”
“Nice save, Marnie.”
“I love the haircut. It’s so cute.”
“Thanks. It was such a mess after…you know.” Gracie had kept her promise to send in her hair stylist. Raven now had one of those short cuts that puffed in the back and tapered off in the front.
Marnie looked uncomfortable for a moment but forced a smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t visit you sooner. I really should have. I could make up an excuse, but I don’t really have one.”
“That’s OK. It’s a long drive, and I wasn’t up to company anyway.” Still wasn’t, but she kept that thought to herself. Raven was trying hard to reflect a Jesus-like attitude, thanks to her Bible study/therapy sessions with Gracie.
Marnie’s eyes filled with tears, and she grabbed Raven’s hand. “I am so sorry. About all of this. What you went through. What you’re going through. I can’t even imagine.”
Marnie—her friend. Raven wiped at her own tears. “It’s hard but I’m doing the best I can. When I feel like I can’t take my next breath, I call out to God. He’s always there.”
“You still believe in God after all of this?”
“Especially after this.”
“I wish I had that kind of faith.”
“I really don’t, but I just take it one day at a time. Sometimes one minute at a time.”
“I’m impressed.”
“Don’t be. It’s not about me, it’s about God.”
“I guess. Listen to your doctors and therapists and you’ll be running a marathon soon.”
Raven tapped her leg. “I don’t know about all that. The therapy doesn’t seem to be helping at all. I can’t even stand up by myself.”
“You sound a little depressed, but considering everything, it’s probably a pretty normal reaction.” She looked around the room. “I saw Amanda leaving when I was coming. She said an odd thing to me, and I probably should listen to her, but you know me.”
“What do I know about you?”
“That I’m honest to a fault.”
Marnie really was. How could she have thought she couldn’t be trusted? Where had that bizarre thought even come from? “I do know that, so just spit it out.”
“Amanda told me not to mention the word reporting. Why? You love being a reporter, and I don’t understand why you wouldn’t take those two reporting assignments I tried to give you. They could be done from here. They were perfect for you.” She took a deep breath and stared at Raven, waiting for a response.
Her friend—not a reporter, Raven reminded herself. “I can’t explain it either. I really can’t. I just know I’m done with being a reporter.”
“Why? There’s lots you can do without ever having to leave this room. And you are so talented, Raven. It’s a God-given gift—if you believe in that kind of thing. It wouldn’t be right not to use it.”
“I don’t know what to say. I just know I’m done being a reporter.” She couldn’t explain even to herself why the thought of being a reporter made her skin crawl.
Marnie sighed. “OK, well I’m not arguing about it. But we will discuss it again at a later time. When you’re feeling stronger.” Marnie reached over and patted her hand. “Let’s talk about some happy things. First, I emptied your apartment like Amanda asked me to do. All your stuff is in storage—waiting for you. Your landlord was very accommodating.”
“He’s a nice guy. Sent me a plant.” She pointed at one on the windowsill.
Marnie reached in her basket. “And even gave you back your security deposit. That’s your first gift. He even insisted on helping to load up the truck. And the second piece of good news is that you’re still on our payroll which means you still have health insurance. So no worries there.”
“But I’m not coming back to the paper.”
“You never know what the future holds, but you were an employee at the time you went missing, and so you’re staying on the payroll until you leave here. Of course, you won’t get any pay, but you will get the insurance. When you’re feeling better, we can talk about your future with the paper.”
“Are you sure?”
“Very sure. And I brought you your favorite snacks and…” She reached back in the basket. “The piece de resistance. I know it’s not your laptop, but I couldn’t find it. This is Internet-capable so when you’re ready to join the world, you can. I can’t believe you don’t even have a phone.”
“I have a phone.” She tapped the phone on her nightstand. “See.”
“Hmph. I suppose. But you need to get a real phone so we can at least text each other. You know, keep in touch.”
Raven couldn’t meet her friend’s gaze. “Maybe later.”
“Sure when you’re feeling better. So it must be nice to be near Amanda and her family.”
Marnie
was trying so hard to keep the conversation going. Raven wasn’t. What was wrong with her? This was Marnie. Her friend. They’d shared so many secrets and laughs. And now Raven could barely talk to her. “I suppose, but I keep telling her she needs to spend time with her own family”
“I’m sure she doesn’t mind. She’s just thrilled that you’re a…never mind.”
“Alive. It’s OK, Marnie. I know I almost died. And I’m struggling to be happy about the fact I survived. But right now, it’s a little hard. Even with the meds, I’m in a lot of pain.”
Marnie chewed on her lip. “I’m sure it is.”
Raven wanted to scream and cry and tell her how unfair it all was. But there was no point in that. She was choosing powerful not pitiful. So she forced a smile. “Sorry for being so…so cranky.”
“You’re not being any such thing.”
Raven really didn’t want to talk about herself. “So, I guess you didn’t find my laptop or my phone?”
“They weren’t at your house or in your car.”
“I’m sure I had them that night.”
“I guess.”
Raven remembered going back in her apartment to get it before she left to meet Marnie at the restaurant. She’d wanted to show… she sighed…to show her something. “I remember wanting to show you something that night. Did we discuss anything? About an upcoming story I was working on?”
Marnie shook her head. ”Not really. You said you were working on something that might turn out to be big. Really big. But you always like to keep your projects secret. Even from me—your boss.”
“I didn’t give you a little clue?”
“Nope but…” Her friend stared off into space for a few moment. “Nope. Not a clue. I was trying to remember if you’d said anything. But I don’t think you did. Still can’t remember anything, huh?”
“Not a thing.” Raven forced a smile. “But I keep telling myself that’s probably for the best. Knowing what happened might be worse than not knowing. I’m just trusting that God knows what He’s doing.”
“Sounds like a plan, my friend.”
Raven suppressed a yawn. “Thanks so much, Marnie. For coming and for taking care of the apartment for me. You’re a good friend. I’ll email you in a few days. After I get this thing set up on the new laptop. That was very kind of you.”
Marnie apparently understood her hidden message. She stood up, looking uncertain. “No problem. I’m sure you’re exhausted, but I wanted to see you with my own eyes. I…” She stopped talking then took a deep breath. “Somehow I feel like this is all my fault. You were coming to hang with me that night. If you weren’t coming to meet me, then it might never have happened.”
“Don’t think that way. It’s not your fault. It’s that monster’s—” She stopped. Monster. That word meant something.
“Are you OK, Raven?”
The almost memory disappeared. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You got all pale and spaced out.”
“You don’t have to go. You drove all this way.”
“I do if I want to get home before dark.” She hugged Raven. “Remember ravens are one of the smartest animals, and they easily adapt to different environments. And so can you. You’ve got this.”
Everybody kept telling her that. And each time they did, she’d smile and agree, but the truth was she didn’t have anything. But God did.
“I’ll be back.” Marnie smiled. “You get better, OK?” She waved as she went out the door.
Raven’s gaze fell on the new laptop.
Marnie had said it would be wrong to not use her God-given gift. Writing had always been her passion, her dream. Just because she didn’t want to be a reporter, didn’t mean she couldn’t write. Raven picked up the mini-laptop, and then opened a new file. She stared at the blank page for several long moments. She typed in the Bible verse that Gracie had given her and her thoughts on it. And then her fingers kept typing as if they had a mind of their own.
I can be pitiful or powerful, but I can’t be both. I choose powerful.
10
Hunter Travis crawled through a cornfield on his stomach. The corn had already been harvested, and the remaining stalks didn’t do much to keep them hidden. Which was why he was crawling.
“Tell me again why we’re doing this?” Mark Williams whispered as he crawled behind him.
“Because I’m sure the man isn’t Amish.”
“Even though he was dressed Amish and drove home in a horse and buggy? I hate to tell you this. but nobody chooses to live without electricity or a car if they aren’t Amish. The man is Amish.”
“And what if he’s not?”
“Each to his own I always say. Maybe he’s in the process of converting. I’m sure that happens now and then.”
“Probably. Sometimes I even think about it. There’s a lot about their way of life that I find attractive. The simplicity. The way that everything revolves around their faith in God and their community. I wouldn’t mind living like that.”
“Yeah. It sure beats crawling around in a cornfield spying on people.”
Hunter stopped crawling. They’d reached the end of the cornfield.
Mark crawled up beside him. “Now what?’
“Now we observe.”
“That’s it?”
“For now.”
“You had me crawl around in the dirt in the dark just so we can lay here all night and watch?”
“I didn’t ask you to come. You volunteered.”
“Remind me not to do that again.”
Hunter punched him in the arm. “You love this kind of stuff, so don’t bother pretending that you don’t.”
“Whatever, man. Whatever. Does anyone else know we’re here?”
“I texted the sheriff.”
“What’d he say?”
“No idea. I was too busy following the buggy to read what he texted back.”
“It’s not like it was a speed chase. He was in a horse and buggy, and you were in a car.”
“The law says don’t text and drive, so I don’t.” Hunter pulled out his phone and brought up his text messages. “Boss says let him know what happens.”
“Text him our location so they know where to come find our dead, frozen bodies when we don’t show up for work in the morning.” Mark chuckled at his joke.
“Good idea.” Hunter sent the text and looked back at the house. The soft glow of light caught his attention. “That looks like lantern light to me.”
“Yeah. So now that we’re laying here doing nothing, would you mind explaining to me how we got here. Exactly.”
“I was on a date.”
“A date? Wow. That’s a move forward for you.”
“I figured it was time to get back on that horse.”
“Anyone I know?”
“No. Not anyone I know either. It was a blind date. I guess not really a blind date. From a dating app. Met her at the hotel for dinner. Any way while we’re eating this guy comes in, dressed in an Amish outfit but when he ordered his food—not one bit of an accent.”
“And that caught your attention?”
“Wouldn’t it catch yours?”
“Maybe, but I would have forgotten about it the next minute and paid attention to my date.”
Hunter ignored the jab at his dating etiquette. “Something about him just didn’t sit right with me. The more I watched him the more I knew something was wrong.”
“So you ditched your date and called me to meet you? What did this date look like?”
“Quite beautiful. And I didn’t ditch her. I paid for the dinner and escorted her to her car and thanked her for a lovely night.”
“And a second date?”
“I don’t think so. No chemistry. I got in my car, and the so-called Amish dude came out with his takeout orders. Several of them. That’s another thing. When was the last time you saw Amish get takeout? That’s when I thought I’d check him out. And then I called—” Something pressed against his back. Something t
hat felt like a shotgun.
“What are you doing out here?”
“We’re Holmes County Deputies. I have my identif—”
“I don’t care who you are.”
The shotgun pressed harder against his back. He looked over at Mark. Another man held a shotgun against his back “Toss your weapons in front of you.”
“What weap—”
“Now. Or I shoot.”
Hunter pulled his gun from his shoulder holster and tossed it.
Mark did the same.
“Same with the phones.”
When both men had done that, the one holding the gun on Hunter said, “Stand up. If you make any kind of move, I’ll shoot you. And would be well within my rights since you’re on my property. And I had no idea you were deputies. I thought you were going to rob me.”
“He doesn’t sound very Amish to me, Mark. What do you think?”
“I think you’re probably right.” Mark stood up to his full six-feet-four-inch height. He turned and faced the man. “If I were you, I’d put your weapon down. Before things get really bad.”
The man laughed then pressed the gun against his chest. “Turn around and walk to the house. Both of you.”
“How’d you know we were out here?” Hunter asked.
“Saw the lights from your phones. Next time you’re trying to hide in the dark, I wouldn’t use them.”
Hunter said, “Good advice. I’ll try to remember that next time.”
“There won’t be a next time for you two.” The man pressed the gun harder into Hunter’s back.
No one spoke as they made the trek to the house. Once inside, the man holding the gun on Hunter told the other man, “We’ll put them upstairs in the empty bedroom. We’ll take care of them later. Right now, we need to pack up so we can get out of here.”
The man poked Hunter in the back. “Keep moving.”
The kitchen table Hunter passed was filled with cellophane-wrapped packages. “Hey, Mark. It looks like we found that new distributor we’ve been hunting for.”
“I think you’re right.”
Hunter turned toward the man with the gun. “You’re under arrest. You have the right to—”
The man whipped the gun across his face. “Shut up. And move it. Next time, I’ll shoot instead of hit. Get some rope. Or tape.”
Jane Doe Page 5