by A. K. Evans
“When do you want to see me again?” I countered.
As a grin spread across his face, Nash answered, “If it were up to me, I’d stop you from going into work this morning and carry you right back upstairs.”
“And you said I was insatiable,” I murmured.
Throwing his hands up in surrender, he defended himself. “Hey, you started it,” he began. “I was content to keep it at just kissing for a while. Now that I’ve had it all, you can’t expect me not to want it all the time.”
My eyes widened. “All the time?” I repeated. “You’re not a teenager, Nash.”
He let out a laugh and muttered, “Age has nothing to do with it. Men want sex just as much now as we did when we were teenagers. The only difference now is that we’ve got other responsibilities that get in the way.”
“You mean you didn’t have any chores when you were a kid?” I asked.
“None that meant I wouldn’t eat or have a place to live if I didn’t do them,” he reasoned.
Now it was my turn to laugh. “Fair enough,” I said. “I leave work around six-thirty every day except for Tuesday. Tuesday is the longest day, and I’m there an hour later than every other night. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I go to a yoga class after work before coming home. Thursdays and Fridays, I just come home. On Saturday and Sunday, I try to sleep in just a little bit later. Then I spend my time doing house chores and grocery shopping before I relax and unwind for a few hours.”
When I finished sharing my routine with Nash, he simply stared at me and looked completely baffled.
“Is everything okay?” I asked after too much time passed without a response from him.
“Is that your routine every week?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yes. Why?”
There was a brief pause before he insisted, “Sunshine, you need to live a little.”
“I am. I do.”
Nash looked at me dubiously and maintained, “That’s not living. That’s being a robot and having no fun. When do you actually do fun things?”
“I did on Saturday when you took me to the track,” I reminded him. “And we went ax throwing on Thursday. And sometimes, I’ll take an extra yoga class on a Saturday if I’m feeling up to it.”
“The first two were both with me,” he argued. “And the last one doesn’t count. When was the last time before Thursday that you did something fun?” Before I could answer, he added, “And don’t tell me it was the night you went out with your sister who was visiting from California. I’m talking about you doing something fun just for the sake of having a good time.”
What was I supposed to say to him? I liked my schedule. I liked my routine. It kept me sane and happy. It was predictable, and I liked knowing what to expect. So, it worked for me. He didn’t have to like it; I liked it. And that was all that mattered.
Unfortunately, I spent entirely too much time trying to convince myself that I was happy with the way my life was so Nash stood from the table and decided, “We’re going to start making sure you have more fun. Since Tuesday is your late night at work, would you rather do something tonight or Wednesday night?”
“I have yoga both nights,” I reminded him as I stood in front of him.
His eyes scanned my body from head to toe and up again until his attention was focused on my face again. Then he said, “You can give up one night of yoga, Parker. It’s not like you need it anyway.”
Oh no.
Nope. He was not going to do this.
“The reason I’m in shape, Nash, is because I take yoga classes twice a week,” I noted. “Besides, I don’t just do it for the physical benefits. It’s a good way for me to clear my mind.”
Taking a step toward me, Nash slid his arm around my waist, pulled me close, and promised, “If you agree to give up one night of yoga this week to do something fun with me, I’ll see to it that you get in some good exercise that’ll have you thinking about nothing else.”
I didn’t respond because I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want this to happen. Nash and I had just discussed that we both wanted to be in a committed relationship, but I didn’t want to do that and end up sacrificing the things that made me happy.
Though, to be fair, I was happy when I was with Nash. There was no doubt that I’d had a lot of fun with him when we went on our date on Thursday, and I’d even had a great time at the track on Saturday.
“Can’t we do something on Friday night?” I asked.
“Sure. If you want to join me at the track for testing,” he replied. “We’ve got changes to make before the end of the week on Avery’s car and Logan’s car. Then we’re going to go testing to make sure everything is in order before the next event.”
Okay. He had a work thing.
“What about this weekend then?” I suggested.
Keeping one arm wrapped firmly around my waist, Nash slid his free hand up my back until he reached my neck. Then he brought it around to the side of my face and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.
“I was planning to spend some time with you this weekend, too,” he shared, his voice gentle. “I had hoped we wouldn’t be going all week without seeing each other, though.”
There was no way I’d be able to turn him down now. Not when he spoke with a voice like that and especially not when I could tell just how much he really wanted that time with me.
So, I acquiesced, “Alright. I’ll skip yoga on Wednesday.”
A victorious smile spread across his face.
“But just this week!” I exclaimed.
Nash ignored my declaration, leaned forward, and kissed me. He did this for a little while, but we eventually had to stop because we both had to get to work. And it was especially important for me to leave on time today because I had an important call to make before I proceeded with the rest of my day.
My sister was going to celebrate so hard when she learned all about what Nash and I did last night.
“My vagina is no longer lonely.”
Yep.
Those were the words I greeted my sister with the moment she answered her phone.
I’d just arrived at work and still had plenty of time to call Kaia before my first patient arrived. Not only did I know that she’d be delighted to hear the news, but I also needed a listening ear and some sound advice.
The truth was that while I might have seemed like the picture-perfect image of calm and collected, I was anything but. I was having a tough time coping with all that had happened in such a short time.
Following a loud shriek of delight, which caused me to pull the phone away from my ear, Kaia demanded, “Tell me everything.”
So I did.
I told my sister everything that had happened, and I started with my date with Nash on Thursday. She was overjoyed and a little surprised to learn that Nash had not only taken me out to dinner but also ax throwing. The fact that I’d mentioned it being the most fun I’d had in ages really shocked her, but she quickly got over it so I could finish telling her everything that happened when he took me home that night and what happened in the exam room at my office the next morning.
I could feel the anticipation and excitement my sister was feeling coming through the phone with each word I spoke. She was positively giddy over all of it.
Of course, I went on to tell her about the fact that Nash had convinced me to go to the track with him to watch some drag racing and meet his friends, which only served to hit her with another jolt of surprise and happiness. Her surprise was due to me agreeing to go to the track. Her happiness was all about the fact that Nash had introduced me to his friends.
But when I explained how I’d been struggling with everything Nash was doing to me, I could practically feel the heaviness in the air between us. My sister might have been over a thousand miles away from me, but that didn’t matter. When one of us was hurting or upset, the other felt that pain all the same.
Not wanting her to sit with it for too long, I quickly told her what happened last night. I had n
o doubt Kaia was on the edge of her seat, listening to every word as though nothing else in the world mattered to her at that moment. And even though she knew my reaction to Nash telling me he was going to leave last night wasn’t anything she hadn’t seen before, I did hear a couple of small gasps throughout the story.
After I’d gotten it all out, I waited not more than three or four seconds before she squealed, “Oh, I’m so happy for you, Parker!”
Celebration.
That was my sister. If there was an ounce of good news, any glimmer of hope, Kaia would seek it out and grab hold of it. Then she’d shout it from the rooftops, wanting everyone to bask in the glory she was feeling.
I loved that for her. I loved that my sister could still see the good in everything. It was the only thing I’d ever hoped she’d always have in her life. Well, that and knowing that she was genuinely happy with wherever she ended up, even if that was several states away from me.
“Thanks, Kaia,” I replied. “I do have one small problem, though.”
“What’s wrong?” she worried.
While I didn’t feel any hesitation about sharing this with my sister, I still wasn’t sure I understood it well enough to communicate it all to her.
Finally, I just blurted, “I’m terrified.”
“I expected that,” she murmured, not the least bit surprised by that bit of news.
“In a matter of hours, I went from believing that I was going to be officially done with Nash and feeling nothing but sadness about it to feeling absolutely horrified over the fact that we’re together now,” I admitted.
“Parker, you said you wanted this,” she started. “You even yelled at him about it. Don’t go around thinking all sorts of horrible things so you can find a way to talk yourself out of being with someone who is so clearly making you happy right now.”
I didn’t want to talk myself out of being with Nash. I really liked what we were starting because I loved the way I felt when I was with him. But that didn’t mean I could just turn off the lingering worries I had.
“I get lost,” I confessed.
“What?”
“When I’m with Nash,” I explained. “I forget everything, especially the things that have made me into the woman I am today.”
There was a brief pause before she offered, “I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. Quite frankly, I think it’s a great thing.”
“You’re not serious,” I shot back.
“I am,” she insisted. “Look, are you happy right now? Don’t tell me about how you start to feel when you are allowing yourself to think about all the reasons you shouldn’t be doing this. I’m talking about in general terms. Do you feel happy?”
I did. In fact, in the last few weeks, even with all of the tension between us initially, I was happy. Just over the last few days, despite the frustration I felt about him turning me down time and time again, I still felt happy. I’d go so far as to say it was something much more than that at this point.
“Yes,” I answered.
“Roll with that feeling,” she urged.
“I really do enjoy being with him,” I told her. “He makes me laugh, and we have a lot of fun, but I don’t want to sacrifice everything for him.”
“What makes you think you have to?” she asked.
My mind drifted back to this morning’s conversation with Nash. He was sure of himself and so confident. And he had no problem demanding more of my time. I didn’t want that to become the norm.
“I agreed to skip yoga class on Wednesday night,” I shared.
“And?”
“And I did that because Nash told me he wanted to spend time with me and that I needed to learn how to have fun and live a little,” I replied.
I’d barely gotten the words out when my sister’s laughter came through the phone. It was loud, and she did it for a long time.
Once she settled herself down, she said, “Please tell me you aren’t serious.”
“This isn’t funny,” I scolded her.
“But it is, Parker,” she argued. “It’s funny because it’s true. He’s absolutely right. You do need to learn how to have a little fun. I’m glad he convinced you to do that.”
I didn’t respond.
I had been hoping that Kaia would hear my concerns, realize they were valid, and advise on how I could remain true to myself.
“What if I can’t turn him down next time?” I asked.
“Why would you want to?” she questioned me. “Honestly, if you find that you can’t turn him down, it might mean that you don’t actually want to turn him down. Did you ever think that maybe deep down you like what you have with him and want more of it? There’s nothing wrong with that.”
Wasn’t there?
On some level, I guess I knew that if I genuinely didn’t want to give up yoga on Wednesday, I wouldn’t have done it. Something inside me pushed me to agree to it, and I merely told Nash it was a one-time thing simply because I wanted to feel like I was still holding on to some of my control.
“I do like him a lot,” I admitted. “Maybe you’re right, Kaia.”
“Of course, I am,” she returned. “Besides, I kind of need to be correct right now.”
My brows pulled together. “What does that mean?” I asked.
“I know it hasn’t been that long since I got back here after my long weekend with you, but I might have met someone,” she shared.
“What?!” I shrieked. “Why didn’t you tell me? Who is he? What does he do?”
Kaia giggled. “Calm down, Parker,” she urged. “I didn’t tell you for a whole slew of reasons. First, it wouldn’t have felt right to share anything when I knew how you were when I left Rising Sun that weekend.”
“I don’t care what’s going on in my life,” I declared. “I always want to know what’s happening with my sister. You’re not only my sister, Kaia, but you’re also my best friend. Don’t hide things from me.”
There was a moment of silence before she said softly, “You always feel like you need to take it all on your shoulders, good or bad. And I love you more than I could ever tell you for that. But I swear that I’m not lying when I tell you that I didn’t really say anything because there’s not a whole lot to share right now. I just met the guy, and we’re only friends so far. But I like spending time with him, and I like the way he makes me feel. His name is Nolan.”
My heart.
My heart was close to bursting with joy, knowing Kaia had someone who made her voice sound the way it did right now. I loved that for her.
And if she wanted just a little more time to see where things went with the two of them, I could give her that.
“Promise you’ll talk to me when things get serious?” I pleaded.
“I can do that,” she promised. I could hear the excitement in her tone.
Yep.
That was my sister. The dreamer.
Noting the time, I replied, “Alright. I should probably get going before my first appointment gets here. Thanks for listening.”
“Always for you,” she returned.
“Love you,” I said.
“Love you, too.”
With that, I disconnected the call with my sister and gave myself a minute to feel grateful for the fact that I had her in my life. There was no doubt in my mind that if I didn’t, I’d be here freaking out about everything happening with Nash and me. Luckily, Kaia knew how to make me see when I might be losing my mind for no reason at all.
And while I couldn’t say there wasn’t necessarily any reason to feel a little bit of caution proceeding with Nash, I felt much better than I did before calling my sister.
Because the truth was that even if there was that lingering worry about where things would lead, I had to admit that I liked where they were right now. I was thrilled that blowing up on Nash last night didn’t result in him walking away. I got quite the opposite of what I had expected, and it was better than I could have ever imagined.
I might have been lon
ely for a long time, but there was no denying that Nash had made it worth the wait.
Suddenly, the thing that had been sticking out like a flashing neon sign in my mind since I heard Nash say it to me just before I fell asleep on his chest last night didn’t seem so bad.
You’re mine now, Parker Banks. It’s my job to take care of you.
There was so much I was feeling about those words, and I didn’t know how to process any of it. But I was starting to realize that maybe I didn’t need to do that at all. Maybe I needed to take a page out of Nash’s book and go with the flow for once.
I’d been so accustomed to expecting the worst that when something good came along, I’d never know it because I always pushed it away. I gave up not just on other people but on myself, too. I didn’t want to continue doing that. So, while I knew I had a lot of work to do, I was at least proud of myself for being able to recognize my faults.
Considering I was going to try to work on those things, I couldn’t be mad at myself. And if I got Nash along the way, I didn’t think it was so bad that life got out of alignment now and then. Because it seemed that now things were starting to fall into place perfectly.
“I never thought it would happen.”
I looked up from the table where I’d set my sandwich down and focused my attention on Knox, who’d just made that statement.
“Pardon?” I replied.
“How is it possible you’re even more carefree now than you were before you and Parker got together?” he asked.
I let out a laugh and shrugged. I didn’t know what he wanted me to say. The answer to his question should have been obvious. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen how finding the right woman could make everything better.
And even though I knew that Parker was the woman for me without being certain that she realized it just yet, I still didn’t have any worries. In fact, I was looking forward to whatever our relationship would bring.
“What’s there to be worried about?” I countered.
“Don’t get me wrong, Nash,” he started. He looked around the table in the breakroom where he and I were having lunch with Avery, Kieran, Logan, and Ryker before he continued, “I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say that we couldn’t be more thrilled for you. Parker seems like a great woman. I just thought that after seeing everything all of us went through that you’d be a little worried about what might come your way with her.”