by A. K. Evans
Forcing a smile, I stood and declared, “I’m going to be okay. I’ve been through the difficult stuff. Nothing has been quite this hard, but I’m sure I’ll do it because that’s just who I am.”
The girls looked at me like they didn’t believe me. Well, all of them except Avery.
She walked up, put her arm around me, squeezed me, and said, “I like this girl. She’s my kind of girl. Parker’s right. She’s going to be fine because she’s tough and she’s got us. Right?”
Just like that, the tense air in the room lifted, and the rest of the women smiled at me.
“Yes,” Kendall agreed. “And because you’ve got us, Parker, we’re going to make sure your first encounter with Nash after he ended things is one he won’t forget.”
Scarlet’s eyes widened. “Yes. That’s an excellent idea.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. “I don’t want to do anything to him. Really.”
“We’re not going to do anything to hurt him, Parker,” Kendall assured me. “We love him just like we love you. But he’s a man. And sometimes they aren’t very good at reading the signs. We just need to make sure he takes one look at you and knows exactly what he’s giving up. That’s all.”
“I’m not sure that’s going to work,” I mumbled.
“But it can’t hurt, right?” Elise asked. “Do you have a dress picked out for the wedding yet?”
I shook my head. “I was going to go this weekend,” I shared.
“I think we should get these masks off and raid Elise’s endless closet,” Avery suggested.
“That’s exactly what I was about to recommend,” Elise said.
Hesitating, I argued, “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I’m not sure trying to entice Nash by wearing something that’s going to drive him wild is the way to get him back. It’s not really going to help him forget the reason he doesn’t want to be with me.”
“He doesn’t have to forget whatever his reason is,” Kendall said. “He just needs to remember why he can’t lose you.”
When she put it like that, I had to admit I liked it. I’d never want Nash to forget his sister or what she meant to him. I knew I’d never forget Kaia if something ever happened to her.
But why couldn’t he have those memories and have me, too?
He didn’t need to forget anything. He just needed to remember why he couldn’t lose me.
My birthday being the same day that his sister died didn’t have to be the reason we couldn’t be together. We could figure it out. I knew we could.
But if it was going to happen, he was going to have to do what Elise had said. He was going to have to be the one to come to me because I would do what Kieran did for Elise. I was going to respect Nash’s decision.
Wanting to make this last-ditch effort a memorable one, I smiled at the girls and agreed, “Okay. Let’s get these masks off and raid Elise’s endless closet.”
And just like that, we turned the mood of the night around. I had the most fun and laughs I’d experienced since Nash. It wasn’t quite the same, but it wasn’t bad either.
“And here are your chips and guacamole appetizers. Can I get you anything else?”
“We’re good for now. Thanks.”
After Logan dismissed our waitress, the guys and I all dove into the food. It had been a long day, and while I couldn’t speak for everyone, I knew I was starving.
Today was Ryker’s bachelor party, if you could call it that. The planned activities for the day certainly didn’t fit the standard definition of a bachelor party. Then again, Ryker’s relationship with Scarlet had been anything but ordinary.
We’d spent the entire afternoon playing paintball. Maybe that was a strange way to celebrate the end of Ryker’s days as a bachelor, but the man would not have been even remotely interested in spending the night drinking and going to a strip club. Quite frankly, I was convinced that none of the guys would have been interested in going to one since three of them were already engaged, and one was well on his way there. Even I didn’t have the desire to go to one, and I was single.
The truth was that there was only one woman on my mind. It had been two whole weeks of me thinking about Parker. And I couldn’t remember ever feeling so miserable in all my life.
While I had always enjoyed my job, I never felt so grateful for the busy season as I did over the last two weeks. Work was the only distraction I’d had from the constant thoughts of her. I managed to do okay during the days, but once I was home every night, I found that the long days of physical labor did little to help with finding sleep. I spent each night tossing and turning, doing nothing but craving her touch.
It was my hope I’d find a better night of sleep tonight. I figured it was possible after all the running around we’d done while paintballing, but part of me knew I was naïve. There was no doubt in my mind that the conversations we were bound to have now that we were here at Big Lou’s for dinner would turn to the women. And with all of the men spoken for except for me, I had to be realistic and accept my fate.
As though reading my mind, with his attention focused on Ryker, Kieran said, “Nearly at the finish line.”
“Yep,” Ryker replied.
I had to laugh. It really did not matter where we were or what the scenario was. Ryker was a man of few words. He spoke at length only when he deemed it necessary.
“Is all the planning done?” Knox asked.
Shaking his head, Ryker answered, “From what I’m gathering based on Scarlet’s conversations lately, I’m going to say no. But I know she’s got her dress, and I’ve purchased rings, so as far as I’m concerned, we’ve done all the necessary planning.”
We all laughed, but it was Logan who said, “Kendall and I are still quite a few months away from our wedding, and I’m right there with you. Luckily, you and Scarlet opted for something smaller. Between my family and Kendall’s, I think ours is going to be a zoo.”
“I do not envy you,” Ryker mumbled.
“Yeah, I agree,” Knox added. “Avery doesn’t have anyone left as far as blood relatives, but my family will probably provide us with enough headaches all on their own.”
Leaning to my left where Kieran was seated, I teased, “If you had plans to get engaged to Elise, you might want to rethink them.”
Kieran chuckled, realizing I was only joking, but Ryker insisted, “Do not listen to him, Kieran.”
Doing my best to keep my tone lighthearted, I held my arms up in surrender and argued, “Hey, I’m just saying. I’m starting to think that being single is the way to go. You guys aren’t making a powerful argument for being married.”
“Being married is absolutely going to be worth it,” Ryker shot back. “Getting married and planning a wedding? I could do without that.”
“But you know you’d do it a million times over for her, wouldn’t you?” Knox stated. Though it was a question, he didn’t need an answer because it was clear that he had already made up his mind.
Just then, I could feel Kieran’s eyes on me. “I don’t get it, man,” he started. “You and Parker seemed good together.”
“We were,” I confirmed.
“So why would you let her get away?” he pressed.
“It’s foolish,” Ryker insisted. “And you’re going to regret it.”
“Guys, it’s his choice,” Logan intervened. “Let’s let it go.”
“Why would we do that?” Knox countered. “When any one of us was being an idiot when it came to the girls, the rest of us didn’t stand back and let it happen. We at least tried to talk some sense into one another. We’ve got to do the same for him.”
Logan offered me a sympathetic look. He knew about Wren. The rest of the guys didn’t, and that was the reason why they’d continue to press this issue until I did something about it that they could understand. And maybe an outsider would look at this situation and claim it was my choice and none of their business. But I didn’t exactly see it that way.
; These men had become the brothers I never had. They weren’t going to hold back but it wasn’t because they simply wanted to give me a hard time. They were doing this because they cared.
“It’s okay, Logan,” I started. “They don’t understand.”
“You’re right,” Kieran replied. “We don’t understand because from where we’re all standing, there doesn’t seem to be any reason why you’d walk away.”
“It’s complicated,” I returned.
“It seems pretty simple,” Knox said. “She’s a smart woman, she’s pretty, and even though I don’t know her that well, she seems to get along great with the rest of the women. And considering you said that the two of you were getting along great, the breakup seems silly.”
“Did she want this?” Ryker asked.
I shook my head. “No.”
“This makes even less sense,” Kieran said.
“Hey guys, listen,” Logan jumped in. “Tonight is about Ryker. We’re supposed to be celebrating for him. We can get on Nash’s case another time.”
Of course, as much as I appreciated Logan’s feeble attempt to redirect the conversation elsewhere, the guys weren’t having it. In fact, Ryker insisted, “We are celebrating. We’re here, and we’re eating. What we need to focus on is making sure that one day we’ll be able to celebrate with Nash.”
Logan sighed and sat back. He didn’t know what else to do.
Luckily, I did.
“I have a sister,” I blurted.
“What?” Knox asked.
“Nash, you don’t need to do this now,” Logan assured me.
While I was thankful for his willingness to step in and try to take the pressure off in this situation, it really didn’t feel bad. Even now that I’d just come out with the information, I was surprised at how at peace I was with it.
“I know,” I told him. “I think it’s time, though.”
Logan dipped his chin and sat back while my eyes moved through the rest of the group. Shock and confusion littered the faces of my closest friends.
Following a brief pause, I shared, “Her name was Wren, and she died when she was twelve. I was fifteen at the time.”
“Christ, man,” Kieran said from beside me. “I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”
“I appreciate that,” I replied.
“Yeah, Nash, I don’t even know what to say other than I’m sorry for your loss,” Knox chimed in.
“Thanks,” I said. “And I’m sorry, too.”
“For what?” Ryker asked, clearly confused.
I shrugged as I leaned back in my seat. “I guess I just feel like I should have shared this with you guys a long time ago,” I began. “Wren was my best friend, and she was a far better person than I could ever dream of being.”
“Sounds like she was an angel on Earth,” Knox stated.
Nodding, I confirmed, “She was.”
“I just think I should have shared her with all of you a long time ago. You all are my closest friends, and I honestly don’t know what I’d do without any of you,” I admitted.
“I think it’s safe to say we all feel the same, Nash,” Logan said.
That was a relief. Not that I had expected that any of them would hold a grudge or be upset that I’d kept something personal to myself, I just didn’t want them to think that my reasons for sharing had anything to do with me feeling like I couldn’t trust them. No time ever seemed like the right time before now.
“I’m not trying to diminish any of what you’re saying, and I’m glad you feel like you can share your sister with us, but I don’t understand why you’re choosing to do this now,” Kieran said.
It was as though he knew what thoughts were running through my mind. Before I could answer, though, our waitress returned with our entrees. Our conversation came to a halt while she gave everyone their food. She took away the empty basket of chips, threw a pile of extra napkins on the table, and took off again.
Once she was gone, I explained, “Parker’s birthday is the same day that Wren died. It was two weeks ago, and it’s just too much for me to handle.”
“Fuck,” Knox hissed.
“Wait, so you’re saying you ended things with Parker because her birthday is the same day your sister died?” Ryker asked.
I wasn’t sure why, but I had a feeling that he already knew the answer but just needed to repeat it for emphasis.
“Yes,” I answered.
“I don’t understand,” he replied. “Honestly, I’m not trying to be insensitive to what you’ve experienced and the loss you’ve suffered, but I genuinely don’t understand. Parker doesn’t seem like the kind of woman who wouldn’t respect how hard that day would be for you.”
“She would,” I insisted. “I can’t do a big celebration on that day. It just wouldn’t feel right. And Parker deserves to be able to celebrate her birthday every year without feeling like she has to sacrifice.”
“But isn’t she sacrificing now?” he countered. “And what about you?”
“What about me?”
“You’re now going to spend that day every year mourning not only the loss of your little sister but also the woman you love,” he explained. “Why would you make an already difficult situation even worse for yourself?”
The minute he said the words, I realized how right he was. From this point forward, that day wasn’t only going to be about mourning the loss of Wren. It would also be about me trying to live with the regret I felt for walking away from Parker.
But as true as his statement was, I still wasn’t going to change anything. Deep down, I knew Parker deserved better. And because I loved her, I wanted her to have that. Even if it meant she wouldn’t have it with me.
When I didn’t respond to Ryker’s question, Logan interjected, “Okay, now I think it’s time we move on to something else. Kieran, when are you going to pop the question to Elise?”
My eyes went to Logan, and I gave him an upward jerk of my chin. He brushed it off as though it were no big deal, and I knew that he was genuine about it. Fortunately, the guys all followed his lead, even Ryker. That right there was the reason I knew I’d made the right decision in talking to them.
They’d give me their opinions about the situation, but they’d ultimately realize that it was my decision to make. And no matter what I decided, they’d always respect that.
From that point forward, the heaviness at the table lifted, and we did our best to give Ryker a proper last night out as an unmarried man.
One week later
I thought I knew what I was doing.
But I never prepared myself for this. How foolish could I have been?
When I decided to end things with Parker, I hadn’t prepared myself for the fact that I was going to see her afterward. And I definitely didn’t prepare myself for seeing her like this.
We were at the wedding reception. Ryker and Scarlet had tied the knot about two hours ago, and now we were all celebrating their union. There was music playing, and all the women were out on the dance floor.
But I’d been dealing with the feeling I felt now since before the ceremony started. Because it was the first time I’d seen Parker since we officially ended things. We hadn’t spoken to each other yet today, but we both had acknowledged one another.
When I first saw her, I wanted nothing more than to just walk over to her and pick her up in my arms. She happened to glance in my direction at that moment, and I was nearly knocked on my ass by the look in her eyes.
It wasn’t angry or even sad.
There was a touch of hurt there, but it was mostly filled with yearning. Even if that was how she felt, Parker simply smiled at me and dipped her chin. I returned the same gesture, but it killed me.
I wanted to talk to her. I’d wanted it more and more over the last week, particularly after I’d gone out with the guys. Ryker’s words rang over and over in my head for the last few days, and I started to wonder if perhaps I was doing more damage to myself and Parker by keeping up with this.
> And now, as I stood here off to the side watching her dance, I was fighting against everything in me not to go to her. She was so damn beautiful. And although there was still some pain lingering, she was making a valiant effort to enjoy herself. There had been several moments when she was with Avery, Kendall, Elise, and Scarlet when she’d burst out laughing at something one of them said. It made her that much more breathtaking.
“They’ve taken her into the fold, you know,” Knox said, materializing beside me and breaking into my thoughts. I glanced over at him and saw he was looking at the same spot I was. Parker and Avery were standing close to one another talking.
“Yeah,” I returned.
“How are you going to do it?” he asked.
“Do what?” I wondered.
He tipped his head to the side and pointed out, “Avery, Kendall, Elise, and Scarlet are all friends with her. And all of us are friends. Are you going to be able to manage group outings with her there? And if she moves on to someone else, can you confidently say it’s not going to bother you?”
That had been the one thing I was trying to avoid really thinking about. On the one hand, I kept telling myself that Parker deserved to be happy every day of her life, even if it meant she was with someone else. But the truth was that I didn’t even want to think about her being with another man. I wondered if she’d even open herself up to being with someone again. After everything she’d been through, I knew it took a lot for her to trust me. I broke that trust. I was convinced it’d be difficult for her to do that again with another man. Then again, Parker was who she was. A real man, one who deserved her, would bend over backward for the privilege of being able to love her.
But what if everything that had happened in her life at the hands of her father, her ex, and me was enough to make her give up? What if she never found happiness again because she was too afraid to try?
Looking away from Knox and returning my attention to Parker, I shared, “Did you know she grew up being beaten by her father?”
“Parker?” he asked.
I dipped my chin, never taking my eyes off her.
“Are you serious?”