by D. N. Hoxa
“I’m fine. Really, I’m okay,” I said, but I let her check me for herself. “I’m just really hungry, that’s all.”
“Damian Reed was here. You know? The guy who bit you?” Ah, shit. “He’s a crazy sonovabitch, you know that? He came here and demanded to know where you were, as if I was hiding you from him!”
“I’m sorry. He probably didn’t mean to—”
“Oh, I think he did!” She cut me off and fell back on the couch with a sigh. “What the hell, Sin? You know how dangerous he is. What have you gotten yourself into?”
I offered her a smile. It was a long story. A really long story.
“Hang on, let me get you some food. I have leftover chicken fillet from dinner. And I baked some cookies for Ms. Whitiker.” She rushed to the kitchen.
“Can you give Jamie a call? My battery’s dead.” She had probably called me all day and I hadn’t picked up. Again.
“Of course,” said Malin as she opened the oven. The smell of grilled meat made my stomach twist and turn. I leaned back on the couch and closed my eyes.
Kill Damian.
My heart almost soared out of my chest. For a second, I couldn’t even breathe in. Just the thought of Damian’s lifeless body made me want to pull my hair out.
“Here you go,” Malin said, putting a plate full of chicken fillet, sweet potatoes and some salad on my lap. My eyes stung from the tears I was trying to hold at bay. I grabbed the fork and stuffed some food in my mouth as Malin called Jamie.
I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t kill someone, just like that. I couldn’t kill Damian. The memories of his face, his laugh, the stories he told me yanked at my heart. My stomach turned, but I pushed more food down. I needed the energy, the focus. I needed a plan.
“She’s on her way,” Malin said when she hung up the phone. I barely heard her over my thoughts. “Kit’s with her, waiting for you.”
I nodded and swallowed hard.
“You okay?” she asked, patting my back.
I shook my head.
“Talk to me, Sin. Come on, talk to me,” Malin whispered.
“I would, but where would I even start?” I said with a laugh. I sounded like a fucking lunatic. I felt like a fucking lunatic. I’d held back for so long—all my life—and now that I’d opened the lid on my feelings, on my secrets, they just seemed to be spilling everywhere, all at once.
Malin was my friend. She’d never lied to me, and what had I done? I’d fed her the same bullshit I had everyone else when she knew very well it wasn’t true. Kit wouldn’t have been able to be away from me this long if he really was my familiar. Malin—and Jamie—weren’t fools.
I was done keeping secrets.
“Do I tell you that I am darkling first or that I’m a Marauder? Or that Kit is a hellbeast? Or how about that I fooled the entire Guild team who tested me as a kid so they never Nulled me?” Those all sounded like good starting points. “But maybe you want to skip to the most important part—straight to the Uprising, the little darkling army someone is building to overthrow the Guild, and now they have Sonny, and they won’t give him back to me if…if…” If I didn’t kill Damian.
I let go of the fork and covered my face with my hands. It was too much. All my life, I’d kept hidden. Keep your head down, don’t attract attention, don’t tell anyone what you are. Those were the rules that I never broke, and now, they’d all gone to shit, and everything was spiraling out of control so fast, I couldn’t tell which way was up anymore.
Arms wrapped around my shoulders, and Malin pulled me to her chest. I’d expected her to be mad at me, to even kick me out for being a fucking liar. Instead, she just hugged me while I tried to come to terms with everything that had happened today.
By the time Jamie came and Kit curled up in my arms, licking every inch of my face, I knew I wouldn’t have any choice. No matter how long I waited or how hard I thought about it, it wasn’t going to change reality, not even close.
I still wished it with all my heart.
“Sin, wake up!”
Malin’s voice jolted me awake, pulling me away from whatever nightmare had me covered in sweat and unable to breathe properly. I sat up and looked at her terrified face.
“Someone has broken in!”
She shot out of the guest room running. I pulled off the covers as Kit jumped to the floor to go inspect.
“I don’t understand? How could they have broken through the wards?! How?!” Malin shouted at the top of her lungs as I walked out into the hallway. The sun shone outside. It was already morning. I walked out into the living room. Everything looked exactly as I’d left it, down to Jamie sleeping on the couch. I’d told her to take the guest room, but she said I needed the rest more than she did. Maybe she was right, but even through Malin’s shouts, she still slept soundly.
“Jamie, wake the hell up!” Malin shouted, running into the living room, her hair all over the place. “Somebody’s broken into my apartment!”
Jamie sat up. “What? What?”
I looked at the door. It seemed intact.
“Are you sure, Mal? Everything looks to be in place.”
“Yes, I’m sure. Of course I’m sure! I know when someone’s been in my home. I need to check Mom’s grimoires,” she said and ran back to her room.
Jamie rubbed her eyes. “Did she say someone broke in?”
“Yeah.” I went to the kitchen. Nothing was broken or out of place.
Kit squeaked. I searched for him, but he wasn’t in the living room. The squeak grew louder. I followed it and found Kit by the door to the guest room where I’d slept. He slipped inside as soon as he saw me, so I followed.
It only took me a second to see it—a white Jasmine flower lay at the edge of the bed.
My eyes closed for a second. My hand shook as I reached for the flower, the soft petals caressing my skin. I sat on the bed, holding it against my chest.
It was Damian. He’d been here while I was asleep, but he hadn’t woken me. He’d just left me a flower. A fucking flower.
I squeezed it with all my strength, the soft petals crumbling in my fist. God, what I wouldn’t give to be in anybody else’s skin right now. To just run away as far as I could for as long as it took for things to go back to the way they were.
But try as I might, I couldn’t bring myself to regret having met him. I couldn’t regret knowing him.
“The grimoires are all there!” Mal called as she ran out of her bedroom. “What else is there to take? I don’t have any money!”
“He didn’t take anything, Mal,” I said, my voice a pathetic whisper, but she heard me. She came to the door.
“Who’s he?”
I lowered my hand onto my lap and showed her the broken flower. Kit sniffed it, trying to see if it was something he could eat.
“Damian.”
“What?!” Mal roared. “That asshole was in my apartment again?!”
“I need a drink,” said Jamie. “I’m making coffee.”
Mal made a visible effort to control herself. I stood up to get out of the room and she followed.
“You poor thing,” she whispered, despite her anger.
“He’s a vampire, Mal. It doesn’t matter if he sends her flowers. He’s still a monster,” Jamie said as she made us coffee.
“I know he’s a monster, but—”
“He’s not a monster.”
Goddamn it. If I could bite my own tongue off, I would. My eyes squeezed shut. I shouldn’t have said that. “I mean, he’s not only a monster.” Ugh. I was going to lose my fucking mind soon.
“Of course. He kills people for other reasons, too, not only because he’s a monster. Yeah, I get it,” Jamie said, rolling her eyes.
“Knock it off,” said Malin.
“No, it’s fine,” I said. I left the flower on the kitchen table and headed for the bathroom. “She’s right. It doesn’t matter, anyway.” Nothing mattered except Sonny—my baby brother, the boy I’d sworn to protect with everything
I had since the moment he was born and I was just five years old.
I cleaned myself up as well as I could, and when I came out of the bathroom, I was much calmer. Right until I saw the flower.
What the fuck was he doing, watching me sleep and bringing me flowers? The fucking prick. Jamie was right—he was a monster. So why wasn’t he acting like one?
“Have you decided what you’re going to do?” Jamie asked when I sat with them around the dining table.
I took a sip of the coffee she’d made me. Couldn’t taste anything. “I’m going to do it.”
Jamie nodded. “Good.”
“Are you sure about this, Sin?” Malin asked.
No. I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure about anything, except that I needed to get Sonny out of that place as soon as possible.
“I am,” I lied.
“He’s very powerful. He’s very old. He could kill you!” she said.
“He’s not going to kill her, Mal. Last night, he came looking for her at the club like a madman. He brought her a flower. Plus, she’s a Marauder. She can steal his magic and kill him with it,” Jamie said.
That’s right—I’d told them everything the night before. Even what I was. Having spent the first twenty-three years of my life hiding that secret from everyone, it was hard to switch to talking about it now, just like that.
“You’re being a bitch, Jamie,” Malin said.
“I’m being realistic. It’s Sonny’s life or the vampire’s life. A pretty easy choice, if you ask me.”
“Stop it!” Malin hissed. “Can’t you see she’s hurting?”
Was I? I couldn’t feel anything.
“Believe it or not, I never use my Talent. And it’s very hard to do, especially with someone as strong as him. His essence is very powerful, very hard to replicate.” Which was only half the truth. The other was that I didn’t want to have a part of him with me because no matter what magic I took, a part of it would always remain in me. Or so the books said.
“What about mine? Have you ever taken mine?” Jamie asked, squinting her eyes at me.
I smiled. “Never. And yours, neither,” I said to Mal. I didn’t hold it against them. They were curious. I would have been, too.
“So how are you going to kill him?” Jamie asked, and I flinched.
“Keep your voice down!” Malin said.
Jamie shrugged. “You have wards all over this place.”
“Wards he broke when he came in last night, and I didn’t even feel it,” Malin mumbled under her breath.
“A sleeping potion,” I said with half a heart. “The strongest you can make, Mal.”
But she shook his head. “There are no sleeping potions strong enough to knock out a vampire, Sin. They regenerate way too fast.”
“I don’t need to knock him out. I just need him to slow down for a second. Just…for a second.” So I could stab him in the heart with my dagger, then cut his head off.
Suddenly, I had this strange urge to sit down and cry. Goddamn it, this was pathetic.
“Luckily I found another dealer and I’ve got some more cantalia left from Mr. Patel’s sleep potion. I think I can work something out. I can even do a spell that blocks the smell from vampires,” Mal said.
“But how are you going to make him drink it? He’s a vampire,” Jamie said.
“He drinks wine. I’m going to fill a wine bottle with the potion and take it to him.” And he’d drink it because why wouldn’t he? He’d trusted me with his life stories. He would trust me to take a drink from me.
“And if it doesn’t work?”
Shivers rushed down the length of me. I took another sip of coffee to warm me up. Didn’t work.
“If it doesn’t, I’m going to steal his magic.” I was powerful enough now, with the magic of the amulet still inside me. My eyes squeezed shut as my gut turned. The need to throw up the little coffee I’d drunk was overwhelming.
“Hey, it’s gonna be okay,” Jamie said, grabbing my hand in hers. “You’re going to be fine, okay? You got this.”
“Yeah, Sin. You got this,” said Malin.
I stood up. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to use your guest room for a bit longer. To rest.”
“Yes, of course!”
“Thanks, guys. Really. I appreciate it,” I said, and without looking at them, I grabbed the flower from the table.
I closed the door to the room and I slid into the bed again. I’d rather be asleep than with my thoughts right now.
Chapter Twenty
The reflection in the mirror disgusted me. I looked pretty.
“Need any more lipstick?” Jamie asked.
“I’m fine.” I looked better than on my best day. Jamie and Malin had made sure of it.
I wore a red shirt and jeans, despite their protest. Wearing a dress would be overkill. I didn’t do dresses. It would make him suspicious. But a red shirt would do the trick. He loved red; otherwise he wouldn’t have bought me red panties and a red bra. I was aiming to impress. And kill.
My daggers were in their sheaths on my hips. I wore my hair down after Malin spent an hour fixing it with a hairdryer and a brush that was the devil’s tool. Now my hair looked soft, like Moira’s, and it fell in waves down my back. I’d put makeup on, too. Just a bit of mascara, blush, and highlighter. My eyes looked pretty. I wanted to throw up.
“Here it is,” Malin said, giving me the bottle of wine where she’d put her sleeping potion. Then she offered me a small vial with white powder in it. “The antidote. If you have to drink from this bottle, make sure you put this in the wine first.”
I nodded and put the vial in my pocket.
“Ready?” Jamie said, excited. She was all dressed up and ready for work, too. It was almost eight p.m.
“Ready.”
“I wish we could have done something more to help,” Malin said, rubbing her hands together in concern.
“You did more than enough,” I assured her. “Thank you.” I kissed her cheek.
“Careful! You have lipstick on,” Jamie cried. I kissed her, too.
“Thanks, Jamie.”
“Go get that fucker, and then we can celebrate,” she said with a grin.
I couldn’t return it.
Malin hugged me. “Call us if you need anything, okay?”
“I will.” I tapped my thigh. Kit came running from the kitchen and climbed up my leg. “I’ll be fine, okay? Don’t worry about me. I’ll call you when it’s done.”
I walked out of the Shade. Darkness took over the sky, and the lights of the City shined brighter. I should have gone to him during the day. Sunlight weakened vampires.
But I’d needed time. To process. To gather courage. Take your pick.
When I saw his apartment building, I almost turned around to run away. Biting my tongue, I pushed through the weakness and continued walking.
“Good evening, Miss,” the guard by the door said.
I offered him my best smile. “Good evening.” He called the elevator for me. “Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome, Miss.”
Such a nice man. Did he know that he was being so nice to a murderer?
The car took me up. I wasn’t ready, not even close. My hands shook and my heart beat loudly in my chest. Even Kit was completely silent.
And what if Damian wasn’t there?
The doors of the elevator slid open way too soon. Damian stood in front of me, his hands in his pockets, his eyes burning with blue fire.
No, I was not ready for this at all.
“Sinea,” he said in a whisper, like he’d been holding back that one word for the past three hundred years of his existence.
“Hi, Damian.” My voice was dry, weak. I tried to smile, but I couldn’t.
He stepped to the side. “Come on in.”
I stepped inside the penthouse. Kit jumped to the floor and disappeared in the hallway, probably to go search for chocolate. Hopefully not in Moira’s room.
I looked at the living room, at
the kitchen, but nobody was there.
“Where is everybody?”
“They’re out, working,” Damian said.
“And you’re not?” It was easier to speak when I wasn’t looking at him, but soon I reached the kitchen island and I had to turn to face him.
God, he looked so good. His dark hair was a bit tamer, like he’d made an effort to comb it, and his eyes sparkled, the vibrant colors of blue and brown sucking me in. The dark blue, short-sleeved shirt he wore melted on his shoulders and revealed his muscled arms. Every inch of him was perfect, and I caught myself staring once more.
“I was waiting for you,” he said, as he stared at me, too, then licked his lips.
“I brought wine.” I showed him the bottle of wine. Malin had done an amazing job. You could never tell that the bottle was even open at one point.
Damian took it from my hand. “Where were you, Sinea?”
“They took me to a different realm, in a place called Tachtoh. A Spring fae put me to sleep as soon as I left the building in the morning. I woke up there.”
His jaw clenched. “Are you okay? Did they hurt you?” He forced the words out.
I shook my head. “They didn’t. I’m fine.”
He looked at me like he didn’t believe me. Or maybe it was my imagination? My heart raced. I didn’t want to be here.
Damian walked to the kitchen with the bottle of wine and took out two glasses from the cabinet over the sink. I sat on the island. I had better leverage from higher up. Goose bumps raised the skin on my forearm.
He turned to me and put the glasses and the bottle on the island.
“You terrorized my friends,” I mumbled, because I didn’t know what else to say. “You shouldn’t have gone to them.
“I just wanted to find you. I didn’t mean to scare them.” It sounded like he meant it. “Why did you leave here, Sinea? I told you it wasn’t safe,” he said, holding onto the marble, like he was trying to stop himself from doing something. Maybe he knew. Maybe he was just trying to get me to talk so that he could kill me afterward. The look in his eyes was so intense, I could barely breathe.
“I needed some air. I needed to think.” And I’d wanted to get away from him, from the almost kiss we shared. “The next thing I knew, I fell asleep and I woke up in a cabin. Sonny was there.”