by Sam Crescent
“Ava?”
He went to touch her, and she backed away. “Don’t you dare touch me. After what you did and said, you have no right.”
Smokey stopped, hand clenched into a fist.
She stared at him, not sure what exactly he wanted.
“How are you?”
Ava shook her head. “Please, just leave.”
“I need to know that you’re all right.”
She opened her mouth, closed it, and then snorted. “I can’t do this with you. I don’t want to do this with you. Please, I need you to leave.”
“Ava.”
“Get the fuck out!” She screamed at him. Why wasn’t he listening to her? After everything he’d done, she wanted him gone as far away from her as humanly possible. The clubhouse even seemed too close.
Her heart was broken.
“I know you love me,” he said.
“Yeah, and the story of my life is that you will never love me. Club comes first. Even when an innocent woman is begging for you to stop.” She pressed her lips together and shook her head. “Get out.” She was growing tired of repeating herself around him.
He stayed perfectly still. She couldn’t even see out of one eye. Her hand hurt and the doctor had given her some pain medication to help her sleep. She’d been advised to take it easy and to rest.
All she wanted to do was make herself a hot cup of chocolate and go curl up beneath a warm blanket. Anything beat being near him.
“Ava, please.”
“You’re not even going to apologize to me. No I’m sorry.”
“I did say I was sorry.”
“It’s not good enough. If you really regret what happened, then leave. I don’t want to see you or any member of your club again. I’m begging you to go.”
He still didn’t move as it looked like he wanted to say something, and Ava hated herself as she collapsed to her knees. “Is this what it’s going to take? My body is broken. I told you that you could trust me, and still, you didn’t believe me. I’ve never done anything to warrant your treatment, Smokey. Now, get out. I don’t want you near me. I don’t want to even talk to you. Do me this respect and get the fuck out.” She pressed her hands together, almost begging him, and she saw his teeth were gritted.
She didn’t care.
He had to leave. There was no way she wanted him near her.
He stepped toward the door.
“Leave the key behind you.”
She’d loved it when he’d snuck into her house. The way he’d taken her, made love to her. It was all a lie. A stupid fucking lie.
“No.”
“Fine. Take it.” She’d have the locks changed tomorrow. She was done arguing with him.
“I’m going to leave Hanson outside your house. He’ll keep watch.”
“Scared I’ll run to the cops?” She refused to look at him.
“It’s for your own safety. In case Creed decides to do something else when he sees he hasn’t succeeded.”
She snorted. “He did, Smokey.” She turned toward him. “He completely tore apart what I love. It’s one thing to know of what you do. It’s quite another to be the victim of it, especially when I didn’t do anything wrong.” With her good hand, she rubbed at her temple.
Smokey looked like he wanted to say more.
She waited, not really sure what to expect.
He was a man who’d certainly surprised her. He’d broken her heart. Her relationship with Derek had never come close to the kind of passion and feeling Smokey evoked.
It was all gone.
After several minutes passed, Smokey finally let himself out of the door. She rushed toward it to lock it, and then with as much grace as she could muster, she made her way into the kitchen.
With one good hand, it took a lot more work, but she made herself a nice mug of hot chocolate and then proceeded upstairs where she took a short bath.
Even the bathroom held so many memories, and the tub itself. She could see herself laughing with Smokey, moaning as he touched her in the most intimate of ways.
“It’s over, Ava. You’re not going to allow him to get away with this. You’ve always been open with him. This time, you’re done. You’re not going to be a doormat.”
She sipped at her hot chocolate as her heart continued to break over what might have been.
Life wasn’t fair.
The moment Raven had entered her shop, she’d been happy, figuring the woman had wanted a girl’s chat. Instead, she got a punch to the face and then was tied up and dragged out the back toward a waiting truck.
Never had she been so terrified. Not even when Derek had lost his temper with her.
The club whores had been joyous in hurting her. The pleasure they took was almost scary.
“Don’t think about it.” She put her hot chocolate down, and without wetting the cast, she washed her body.
She tried to wash part of her face, but that was useless.
When the hammer had been brought down on her hand, she thought they’d smashed all the bones, but it was only a small break. One that would be fixed with some rest.
The doctor had constantly been looking at Hanson as if he was the culprit.
All her injuries had been caused by women. Strong women.
Climbing out of the tub, she let the water run away, ignoring the fact it was tinged red from the dried blood on parts of her body.
She wrapped herself in a towel and moved toward the bed. Lying her head down, she pulled the blanket over her. All she wanted to do was block out the world and pretend no one existed.
The truth was, a part of her still wanted Smokey to come and wrap his arms around her, to make her feel safe. It was never going to happen. She’d never allow herself to succumb to him again.
Even though it broke her heart, she and Smokey were well and truly over.
****
The following day, Smokey stood in the church room. The club brothers and Raven were all present. No one had spoken since Hanson had hung up. There was no sign of Ava leaving her house.
He ran a hand down his face, wanting to hurt someone. More importantly, Creed.
“Tomorrow, we collect Ryan,” he said.
Dwelling on what he’d done wasn’t the answer. Not with the club. He had to stay in perfect control.
“We don’t go alone,” Hunter said. “I don’t trust this Carlos at all. It’s a trap.”
“I don’t think it is,” Ugly Beast said. “Sebastian came to us.”
“He’s not the one in control of the entire outfit. Carlos is,” Smokey said.
“Are you guys fucking kidding me right now. That’s it?” Raven asked.
Smokey turned toward Raven. He didn’t dare look at her knuckles. He’d caught sight of them last night when she’d placed a pack of frozen peas across them. Neither of them had spoken any words, but the guilt was so easy to read.
“There is nothing to discuss.”
“There’s not? Are you … fucking wow. We need to go after Creed,” Raven said. “Look what he did.”
Smokey shook his head. “Our time with Creed will come, but not today.” He turned toward Hunter. “I suggest we pack hard. I don’t want to be caught off guard. Ryan’s coming home, and he can be Hanson’s birthday present.”
“No!” Raven slammed her hand down on the table, drawing everyone’s attention. She often sat in the back and only contributed when she really needed to.
“You can leave.”
Raven held her hands up. “This is what Creed did. You think I don’t feel the guilt over what I’ve done?”
Smokey’s hands clenched into fists as Raven continued.
“We’ve got to hit back and hit hard. First, he went after territory, now he’s done this with Ava.”
“What did he do?” Smokey asked. “Fuck all. That’s what he did.” He answered her before she even had a chance to. “Creed didn’t do this. He set the fuel, but we’re the ones who stoked the fire. We’re the ones who took an innocent woma
n.”
He stopped and pressed his lips together. The way Ava cowered away from him last night would be forever embedded in his mind. “I did that yesterday. Not Creed. I should have looked at those pictures, tore them up, and burned them. He won. I didn’t.” His own insecurities about women had stopped him from doing it.
He’d believed the worst of a woman who’d only shown him to trust her. To love her even.
In one simple action, he’d lost a great deal. Ava was … precious. She would never have betrayed him. He’d waited all night for the police to come knocking at his door. Instead, he was left alone.
Ava hadn’t even called the police. Hanson had told him that she’d been questioned at the hospital repeatedly, looking at him as if he was the one to hurt her.
“We’ve got to do something,” Raven said.
“We do. We … we make sure that Ava is well taken care of. For the foreseeable future, I advise that you keep your distance. I tried to see her last night.” The memory of her flinching away from his touch was right there in his mind. Mocking him. He fucking hated it.
She didn’t deserve any pain he’d caused her.
“Are you okay?” Raven asked.
Smokey pulled out of his thoughts and looked around him. He quickly got back to the arrangement on Ryan. The pickup should be easy so long as there were no tricks. He didn’t anticipate any.
When no one offered up any questions or conclusions, he smacked the gavel down, drawing the meeting to an end. He leaned back and rubbed at his head.
Raven cleared her throat, and he sat up, surprised to see both her and Ugly Beast still in the church. He wasn’t in a rush to leave the room. He needed the peace and quiet. Last night, he hadn’t slept once.
In a few hours, he intended to take over from Hanson.
“This isn’t your fault,” Raven said. “This my fault.”
He sighed. “Raven, go away.”
“I know you’re angry.”
“Then why are you still here? You’re a club brother as far as I’m concerned, and that means I can beat the shit out of your ass.” He stood up and the chair flung across the room with the speed at which he moved.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“I don’t need your apologies. Go and do whatever job you need to fucking do. I’m done listening to your shit.”
He was through with her. The last thing he wanted was to listen to more excuses.
Raven’s hands tightened into fists.
“Do you want to throw down?” Smokey asked.
When Raven had been initiated, she’d taken on five of the club brothers, showing she could have their backs just as much as they could have hers. He’d also made her lift one of the brothers and carry him across the parking lot.
She’d done it all. She was a strong woman, but he knew deep down inside, she was vulnerable. The world hadn’t wanted her. They were the only family she had. She needed this club. Abriana was the closest person Raven had as a friend. That had increased to two with Ava.
He’d fucked it up.
“I hope you can make things work with her,” Raven said. She turned on her heel and left.
All that left was Ugly Beast.
“What?”
“I wanted to make sure you’re all right.”
“I don’t need any hand-holding. I’m not a fucking pussy.” He was done being treated with kid gloves. What was done was done. Nothing he could do to change that.
“How did you know again?” Smokey asked. “When you saw the pictures, you were looking for blood. You went home to your wife.”
I … I asked her what she thought of Ava. I looked at the pictures, and it seemed too perfect. I also can’t deny that Ava’s won me over in the past few weeks. Her cooking is the best and even though Abriana’s improving, she’s never going to be able to cook well.” Ugly Beast shrugged. “Apart from you, Raven and Abriana are the only two people she’s been around and well, I trust my wife’s judgment.”
“I made a rash decision.”
“You thought Ava was like every other woman. I hurt Abriana before I admitted I was in love with her and I couldn’t live without her.”
Smokey chuckled. “You think I’m in love with Ava.”
“It shouldn’t hurt.”
“What?”
“If you don’t have any feelings for Ava whatsoever, none of this should hurt. You shouldn’t feel a damn thing. My question to you, Smokey, is do you?”
He stared at Ugly Beast.
Even though they’d had their differences, he still considered him a friend, even outside of the club.
“You can’t even admit your feelings to me.”
“I don’t know what I feel for Ava right now.”
“She’s innocent. Your decision, your lack of trust did this. How does that make you feel?”
“Like I want to hit something and to keep on hitting it until there’s nothing left. I want to destroy Creed.”
“And you don’t think that comes from some feeling for her?” Ugly Beast asked.
“When did you become some kind of expert?”
“Since I fell in love with my wife and have the most perfect daughter in the world. I don’t know why you picked me to marry Abriana. You’ve got your reasonings, and now, it doesn’t matter to me. She’s the love of my life. You gave that to me. One day, I hope you’re able to feel something for a woman besides anger.”
Ugly Beast made his way outside of the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts.
What did he feel for Ava?
Guilt. That was a big one.
Loss. He’d fucked up.
Love. He stopped.
She’d told him she loved him. She hadn’t expected anything from him. No reciprocation of that love. She’d just told him how she felt.
That love had come out of nowhere.
You love her.
Smokey refused to listen.
Ava’s smiling face invaded his mind. The way she moaned. His name falling from her lips. Her touch.
All of it ran through his mind, threatening to consume him. He ached for her.
Then he thought of the way she’d scurried away from him. The pain in her eyes.
Last night, before he’d made his presence known, he’d heard her sob.
He’d done that. No one else. He was responsible for hurting her, and it killed him.
He wanted to protect her. To show her that she could trust him.
Instead, there was nothing he could do. When she’d needed him most, he’d trusted the lies of the camera. Creed had done this on purpose, and rather than trust her, he’d figured she was lying to him.
He was the monster in her world, no one else.
After picking up the gavel, he launched it across the room. One by one, he threw the chairs out of his way. One of them crashed into the window, smashing it.
He didn’t care. Rage coursed through him. He was used to the feeling, but not this strong. This was something more. It didn’t scare him.
Feeding that anger, he trashed the room, taking anything down that stood in his way. He completely tore it apart, not caring what survived or not.
No one came to stop him. They left him alone as he tossed the table into the air. When there was nothing left, he stood, staring around at the mess he’d created.
Books were thrown everywhere. Chairs were broken. The table was as well.
Again, he didn’t care. No matter what he did, or how he destroyed something, he was not going to get back his woman. She was lost to him forever.
Collapsing to the ground, he pressed his face against the palms of his hands. Fear and sadness worked together in his hands. He’d lost the one good thing in his life.
Ava. The only woman he’d ever loved.
He fucking loved her and now it was too late to tell her how much. He’d destroyed her. There was no coming back from that. It didn’t matter how many rooms he trashed. Ava was lost to him.
His cell phone rang. He pulled it out of
his pocket and saw it was Hanson.
Smokey didn’t even realize he’d been crying until a single teardrop landed on his cell phone.
He wiped at his eyes and took the call. “What?” he asked.
“She called a cab and I followed her.”
“Where is she?”
His heart raced at the thought of her leaving town.
“She’s in the bakery and … they didn’t leave anything alone, Smokey. The place is torn up. The windows smashed in. All of it is destroyed. What do you want me to do?” Hanson asked.
“I’ll be there in a minute.” He hung up.
The bakery. He’d forgotten about that. Kinky and Brick had gone back to take care of it.
The town would know she was on the club’s shit list. When he didn’t think it could get any worse, it did.
Ava didn’t deserve this. She never did.
Feeling like a fucking monster, he left the church and ignored the people who watched him leave.
He had to get to Ava’s. She was going to be so upset. All her life, she’d wanted to own that bakery. She had told him all about that dream. Derek had stopped her from seeing it, and now he’d stopped her from even being able to live it.
He was a fucking monster. He hated himself.
Climbing on his bike, he took off into town.
How the fuck was he going to fix this?
Chapter Eleven
Gone.
All of it was gone.
The windows were smashed.
The door hung off the hinges. The counter where she stored her baked goods. It was all well and truly gone.
She took a deep breath, trying not to feel anything as she looked around at the mess.
The food was also on the floor. She’d been midway through her shift when they’d taken her.
Biting her lip, she didn’t know where to start. This was her dream, and look at it now.
Anyone who walked on by, and there were a lot of people, would know. She was out of favor with the Hell’s Bastards MC.
No one would come here. No one would care.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
“Honey, you will realize in life, that you can do anything. You’re an amazing person. Strong. Nothing will ever break you.”
Her mother’s words whispered in her mind as if she stood right next to her. She put her hand on her hip and stared around her.