by Sam Crescent
“No. I wouldn’t have accepted. This isn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself. The doctors have already said I’m doing fine. I’m healthy. The baby is healthy.”
“But you’re still here.”
“I was out in the cold for a long time. They’re doing everything to make sure I’m perfectly fine.”
Harlow kissed her forehead.
“Come on, Harlow. Let’s get you a hot chocolate.”
“I’m staying.”
“Now.”
Ava chuckled. “I’ve got a few other visitors to see. Go and have something to drink.” She saw the worry in Harlow’s eyes, and the darkness surrounding them. “You’re a good friend, Harlow. Thank you for not giving up on me.”
Harlow nodded and got to her feet. She hesitated, and Smokey held his hand up. “I’m not going anywhere.”
The other woman left, and Ava sighed.
“I think that woman has a crush on you,” Smokey said.
“No, she doesn’t. She’s just a really good friend.” Harlow didn’t have any sexual feelings for her. She was a woman who didn’t hold back in expressing her emotions. It was one of the many reasons Ava adored her. She found it refreshing to be around someone who didn’t hold back.
“I can tell the club to leave,” Smokey said. “They wouldn’t be offended.”
“It’s fine. I can see them.”
She wasn’t exactly sure if she was ready to see them. Not after they’d all stood by and allowed her to be hurt.
Sitting up, she settled the blanket around her and took a sip of her water. Abriana and Ugly Beast were the first to come to her room, with a wriggling Bella. She smiled as Abriana came in with a packet of grapes and some flowers. She gave her a hug, being careful with her.
They both wished her well.
After them, a couple of the prospects and some patched-in members she didn’t really know well enough. She recognized them.
Each member came with some flowers and more food. One by one, her room filled up until it was a floral scent.
Ava glanced over at Smokey, who hadn’t moved from her bedside. “Did you put them up to this?”
“No. My men don’t always do what I tell them to.”
“How can you be the club president if they don’t follow every single one of your orders?”
“They follow the ones that matter.” He gave her hand a squeeze, and she looked up to see Hunter there.
“How are you doing, Ava?” he asked.
“I’ve been better, but it could have been so much worse. Thank you for helping me.”
“Don’t mention it. We’ve missed you around the clubhouse. After everything, we’ve all felt your loss.”
Ava pressed her lips together. She’d missed the clubhouse. “Thank you. But … I’m not ready. Not yet.” She didn’t know if she’d ever be ready.
“Well, we’re all hoping you get well soon. You’re the only person we know who can keep this man on his toes.”
Smokey chuckled.
Ava joined in.
Hunter had already put down his flowers.
“The nurses are going to ask me to leave,” Ava said. “This has to be some kind of health hazard.”
“Let them try,” Smokey said.
When Brick, Kinky, and Raven came into the room, all three held flowers in their hands, and Raven also had a teddy bear. It was a small one, but from where Ava sat, it was cute.
Ava couldn’t help but tense up.
All three had been the ones to bring her to the clubhouse. She’d experienced so much pain from Raven.
“We’re so sorry,” Raven said.
“None of our apologies will ever excuse our behavior,” Kinky said.
“We were glad to help. We don’t want anything to happen to you,” Brick said.
They put the flowers near the door.
She noticed they didn’t come too close into the room.
Slowly, Ava began to relax.
“Hopefully, one day, you will be able to forgive us,” Kinky said.
“We will protect you, Ava. With our lives. All of us.” This came from Brick.
“No, that’s completely unnecessary. I don’t want that at all.” She didn’t want them putting their lives at risk or thinking they should just because of her.
“I think it’s time for you to go,” Smokey said.
Kinky and Brick left.
Raven still held the bear in her hand.
Ava forced herself to look the other woman in the eye.
Raven’s brow was creased. She hesitated. “I’ve … everything in my life I’ve done, it has all been justified. Doing it for the club, for my life, to survive. I’ve never been in the wrong.” Raven pressed her lips together. “I will always beg for your forgiveness, Ava, but I will never expect it. I messed up. I should have argued. I should have questioned because looking back, I spent time with you. I knew you. I knew what you were capable of, and it wasn’t this level of deception, and I am sorry for that.” She stepped forward and placed the teddy bear on the bed. “I’m so glad you’re safe and well.”
Ava watched Raven leave.
She didn’t call her back even as her throat felt like it was on fire from trying to control the tears.
“She means well,” Smokey said.
“I know.”
“I didn’t ask any of them to do this.”
Ava glanced over at him. “But?”
“But I’m so glad they did. You mean everything to me, Ava. I’ve got a lot to make up for. I know that.”
“Can we not talk about it?” she asked.
“I think we should. It has to come out, Ava.”
“You really want to know how lonely my life feels?” She tried to keep the tears at bay, but they seemed to have a mind of their own and fell down her cheeks. She swiped at them. “After the crap that happened with Derek, I had no one. My parents were dead. I had no friends. No hope. I came here to start a new life. I wasn’t looking for you or the club. When I found you, and my feelings for you began, I started to have hope, Smokey. I wanted to be by your side. I adored your club. I was falling in love with you and with them. I get that you don’t come alone. You’ve got your own little family. I get that it’s … not legal. You’ve got secrets to protect. I accepted that. When you did what you did, you shattered all my illusions. The club wasn’t my friend. They were putting up with me because I was the woman you were fucking.”
Smokey knelt on the floor beside her bed. “No.”
“Yes. You know it.”
“Ava, you started out as being the woman I was fucking, but slowly, you changed in their eyes. You became more.” He kissed her hand.
“If I did, someone would have stuck up for me. That never happened.”
“We fucked up big time, Ava. Me more than anyone else. They do as I say.”
Ava laughed. “Even though you told me a few hours ago that they do what they want?”
“It’s crazy, I know, but when it comes to the club’s security, I’m the one they turn to. If I had reason to doubt you, they would follow it. I had no reason. I told them that. Give us a chance, Ava.”
Ava sighed. “Can we just agree to think about it? We’ve been doing really good so far, don’t you think?”
“We have, but I want more.”
“You’re being greedy.”
“When it comes to you, all I ever want to be is greedy. I can’t get enough of you. That’s never going to change.”
Ava stared down at their hands, which were locked together. His touch made her feel alive, and she’d tried to fight it for so long, but it was no good. This was how he made her feel.
“What about the other women?” she asked.
“There are no other women.”
“The club women.”
“What about them?” he asked.
“They’re available to you all the time.”
“No. They’re for the club, Ava. I haven’t touched another woman since you were in my life. I can’t
even stand to think of another woman.” He kissed her hands. “There’s no one else. If you want them gone, say the word, and I will kick them to the curb. You won’t be popular with the boys, but I don’t care about them. Whatever you want, name it.”
Ava stared at him and shook her head. “No. I don’t want you to get rid of the women.” She didn’t want them around him, but they were there for the brothers.
“Just say what you want.”
“Nothing. I want to see where this goes.”
He leaned down and kissed her lips. “I’m yours. I’m always yours.”
She really hoped that was true, but then she was worried to even give herself chance to hope.
****
“You don’t understand a word of it, do you?” Ava asked.
Smokey lowered the instructions and glared at her. “They said it was a simple assembly.”
“And it is supposed to be.”
“Are they written in Latin? That’s not even a language anymore.”
“I think it still is for botany. I’m not sure.”
“Well, unless these are instructions on how to build a rose garden, they’re no good.” Smokey flipped the instructions over and started to look at the pictures.
“Do you think we should call the store?”
“No. I can do this. The guy said it was an easy job.”
Ava held her hands up in surrender. “How many cribs have you put together?”
“This is my first one.”
“So you don’t have any children elsewhere that I should know about?”
Smokey glanced at her. “Are you trying to figure out if I’ve got something to hide?”
She tucked her hair behind her ear. It had started to grow out again, but it wasn’t as long as he liked it.
The coveralls she wore seemed to emphasize her bump as the fabric stretched across her stomach.
“We don’t really know a lot about each other, and seeing as we’re going to be sharing a child, don’t you think we should know some things? You know a lot about me.”
“True. I didn’t know everything until I got to know you.”
“Then tell me some stuff,” she said. “I promise I won’t tell.”
“I trust you.”
“Makes a change.” She offered him a smile, and he fucking loved it. He’d give anything to see that teasing look in her eyes.
“I don’t have any kids. Anywhere. I’ve been with a lot of the club women.”
She wrinkled her nose. “I didn’t mean that kind of sharing.”
“I know what you mean.” He sighed. “I don’t have a whole lot to share, to be honest, Ava. The club has been in my blood for a long time, and any life I had before that, it doesn’t fucking matter.”
“No siblings or anything?”
“Nothing. I have no family to offer you. Just me and the club.”
“That’s not a bad offer, Smokey.”
“I don’t know. You deserve to have a big family. I want to give you that.”
Silence fell between them.
He continued to look at the pictures, rearranging the pieces to make up the crib into different orders.
It wasn’t working. The paper had to be wrong.
“Are you thirsty?” she asked.
“I could do with a drink.”
“I’ll be right back.”
She got to her feet and left the room. With her out of the room, he reached into his back pocket. He’d gone shopping during the days she was in the hospital. He pulled out the gold band with a string of diamonds across the top. The ring had cost a fortune, but he wanted to spend every single penny he had on his woman.
Asking her to marry him wasn’t going to be easy. He didn’t have the right words of what to say to her.
Pocketing the ring, he went back to the list of instructions that made no sense to him. Life at the clubhouse had settled down and he’d been able to find the time to come and finally build the furniture for his kid’s arrival. The shack was back up and running. The sickness bug going around was simply that. No drugs. No cause to believe something untoward had happened. Carlos had already told him they weren’t going to have some product for a couple of months as they were dealing with some legal heat breathing down their neck. When it came to Creed of the Twisted Bastards MC, he was keeping his distance. Smokey had been able to close several of the fucker’s businesses and it had caused him to retreat.
There was no sign of them.
He had no doubt Creed and all the Bastards would come out of the woodwork at some point. Until then, he was basking in the few weeks of peace he had to win his woman back.
Ava returned with a steaming mug of coffee and a warm hot chocolate for her.
“Does the smell affect you?” he asked.
“It’s fine. I can deal with it.”
“You don’t have to deal with it.”
Ava lowered herself into a chair that he’d brought up. “It’s fine, babe, drink it.”
Smokey paused and glanced at her. She’d gone a bright shade of red. “Ignore me. I don’t know where that had come from.” She pressed her lips together. “I’m not myself right now.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I liked it.” He sipped the hot liquid. You’re a fucking pussy.
Just because his woman had called him babe. He was on cloud nine.
Totally pussy-whipped and what was more, he didn’t fucking care either.
“Are you going to concede?” she asked.
Smokey pulled out his cell phone and dialed Kinky’s number, waiting for the man to answer. He didn’t have to wait long.
The feminine moan in the background alerted him to the fact his man wasn’t alone. He rolled his eyes and put it on speakerphone.
“Yes, fuck yes. Pound my pussy. Oh, it feels so good. Don’t stop. I love it. I’ve got to have it. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me.”
“What is it, boss?” Kinky asked.
“I need your help, but you sound busy.”
“Oh, he is, Smokey. Tell him to fuck me real good.”
Ava got up and walked out of the room.
“When you’re done, come to Ava’s house. I need your help,” he said, hanging up.
Getting to his feet, he put the cup on the floor and found Ava in her bedroom. She stood beside the window, staring out at the garden. The snow was still thick, but most of the roads had been cleared. They were due another snowstorm, and Ava had already agreed to let him stay close to her.
“That wasn’t anything,” he said. He’d never justified anything to anyone. This was a whole new experience for him.
Ava smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I get it.”
“No, I don’t think you do.” He stepped toward her.
“Smokey, we don’t have to have this conversation.”
He moved behind her, wrapping his arms around her thickening waist. Each day, he struggled to hold her close, not that he got a chance to, but he took every opportunity he could. Resting his hands on her stomach, he pressed his face against hers. “I haven’t been with anyone.”
“I believe you.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“Nothing. I don’t have a problem.”
“I wasn’t there.”
She groaned. “Please, Smokey, stop.”
“Tell me what I can do to fix this. To fix us.”
Ava turned in his arms. “I’m not angry about what I just heard, okay. I know you’re not there, and that woman was well, she was…”
“Aroused?”
Ava’s lips pressed together as she nodded. “Yes, and hearing that…” She covered her face. “This is so embarrassing.”
“Talk to me.”
“I found it arousing too. There, I’ve said it. I found her getting fucked arousing. As I listened to her getting it, I wanted it, but I didn’t want any other man to give it to me. Okay? I don’t even know what’s wrong with me.” She laughed, a cold, hard sound. “I thought I didn’t like sex. That I
was made wrong. It was boring and I hated it. Sure, porn looked good, but that was all fake. Reading about it in books, again, that could be the author’s fantasy, making it all lies. Then, I met you.”
“And?” he asked.
“I realized everything I ever knew was a big, fat lie. I like sex a lot. I love having it. I enjoyed your cock and I loved being yours. I loved having you as mine. I wanted it all and then … ugh, then that happened.” She flicked her hair as she said it. “And it made a mess of absolutely everything. I can’t have you because you couldn’t even trust me enough to let me in. You believed the worst, and I’ve got to be strong. Do you have any idea how fucked up that is? I want you, but I can’t have you.”
He cupped her face. “Who says I can’t have you? Who says you can’t have me?”
“You hurt me in every single possible way. I can’t allow myself to fall for you. It wouldn’t be fair. I won’t do it.”
“But you love me, Ava. I know you do, and I’m doing everything I can to make it up to you. I will never betray your trust again. You can love me. You can have faith in me.”
He slammed his lips down on hers, tasting her.
Ava grabbed his arms, and he groaned as her hands moved down his body, working toward his dick. She rubbed his length, going up and down.
He peeled the straps down over her arms of her coveralls. The item of clothing had never looked so sexy as it did on this woman.
Smokey worked it down past her bump, and he shoved them to the floor. She stepped out of them. He didn’t have the patience with her panties and he tore them off, snapping them in two.
Next, he had her shirt off and the catch of her bra open. He bent her over the bed, sliding a hand between her wet, creamy slit.
She was so aroused, and he groaned, feeling her heat. His cock tented in his jeans.
Letting go of her pussy, he tugged his jeans open, easing out his cock as he did. Starting from the base up to the tip, pre-cum leaked out.
He placed the head at her entrance, eased inside her a couple of inches, grabbed her hips, and slammed to the hilt.
Their cries of pleasure mingled together, echoing off the walls. He closed his eyes, basking in the tight heat of her cunt. It wasn’t enough for him.
Opening his eyes, he grabbed her ass and spread her cheeks wide, staring at her pretty asshole and cock-filled cunt.
He pulled out of her, until only the tip was inside, and then drove in deep. Smokey leaned over and trailed out some of his saliva, coating her anus, and he pushed his thumb through, getting her nice and slick.