by Mia Malone
Desi had gone back to school less than a week later, and we’d gone grocery shopping and done our laundry, and everything had felt a little surreal. It had been normal, though, and there had been comfort in that.
So, was going back to Rogan the right choice?
It didn’t matter if it was right or wrong, I decided. I owed them everything that mattered to me, and I had a chance to pay that debt so I would go back.
He wouldn’t be there.
I’d been to see Sissy, and she’d told me.
The first time I visited was after that horrible call when she shared that Roderick Hagen had been diagnosed with colon cancer. She’d cried, and Joke had looked pale. I had called a friend of a friend who was an oncologist, so I came prepared with loads of facts, and we talked about what would happen and what his chances were. If it were only the one tumor, if it hadn’t spread, then he would make it. If it had spread, then all bets were off.
I went up to Wilhelmine the second time when they came back from the hospital when Roddy had been operated on. Things looked good, they’d taken a piece of his bowel, but he should recover from that, and they hadn’t found any other tumors.
The last time was after Sissy had called and cried so hard I couldn’t hear what she said. Joke had finally pulled the phone out of her hand and shared that Gee had called to let them know that all tests had come back positive. Sissy had wailed the word negative in the background, and after some confusion, I learned that Roddy was recovering, which was a slower process than expected, so he was also pissed off beyond belief. He was tired and had been ordered to stay away from the garage on account of his sons finding him under an old beat up Chevy.
But there were no signs of any remaining cancer. None.
The doctors had apparently shared tartly that the stubborn fool would outlive them all.
“The old goddamned goat,” Joke muttered as he let me into their home.
Sissy cried again, and so did her daughters.
And so did I.
Sissy told me that everyone in the club was relieved, but also pretty much fed up with their growling president, so her brothers were heading out of there for a while and wouldn’t come back until he’d calmed down. Ice would go to Kansas City for reasons she didn’t dig into, and Black would go to visit a club close to Wilhelmine.
Then we partied at Joke’s bar, and I met their friends. After a number of tequilas which seemed to be the drink of choice among the women, I’d asked what the hell they put in the water in that small town, considering the hotness of the men.
Before the giggling women had time to answer, another very handsome man of Native American heritage with his hair in a braid down his back walked up to us with a broad smile on his face and a sharp look in his eyes. He’d also acted really weirdly. Sissy explained who I was, how I had stayed briefly with her family up north, and the man stared at me. I raised my chin and glared back at him because he was rude, and he started laughing for no particular reason at all.
Another few tequilas later, the man who was called Doug invited me to visit the club he apparently was president of, at which stage Joke pulled him in one direction, and Sissy started moving me toward the bar. I protested because Doug seemed like a nice man and I had to find me a nice man because the one I wanted didn’t want me. I didn’t share the last bit with the woman who was pushing me backward. Even in my inebriated mind, it seemed like a genuinely bad idea to brief Sissy on the stupid crush I had on her brother.
I pouted instead and said that I wanted to go to the Wolves MC and party with them. At this stage, Sissy shared quite a bit of detail about Doug Hanes, his club, their parties, how they liked group-sex, and how Black apparently did too.
I did not share any details about my own sex life, which was nonexistent again, or that I really didn’t see myself in any kind of group setting.
Or how it hurt to hear that Black had moved on in a big way when I just couldn’t seem to find a way to do the same.
I promptly told Sissy I might skip the parties after all and wouldn’t have time for a visit in a while anyway, which was mostly a lie. She frowned but didn’t ask any questions. I still went on to share that I’d go on a cruise over the summer and gushed in a slightly ridiculous way about how it would be so much fun. And went on to elaborate at some length about how I was ready to meet someone, which was what one did on cruises.
That was another lie of gigantic proportions because I had absolutely no desire whatsoever to be on a big, floating shopping-casino where I had to dress up for loads of parties full of men looking to hook up.
I’d rent a cabin somewhere far away and spend my time in a pair of cutoffs and a flannel, reading and raging until I was over the stupid goddamned man I couldn’t get out of my head.
She said that a cruise sounded like fun, but I saw the glance she gave Joke who was still talking Doug and figured it was a lie.
When I had recovered from my massive hangover, which took most of the day after, I went home and spent time with my daughter. I was so proud of her for getting accepted into the college of her choice in addition to several others, but not looking forward to her going away with her father for a trip around Europe for almost a full month before moving away from me. Bill had asked me to join them, which was kind of him but not something I would do, so I declined.
And then Gee called.
Roddy was tired, and she was too, her sons were going away, and the Lodge was busy over the summer, and could I somehow take some time off from my job to come and run the place for them?
I stared out at the yard I’d mowed for the past fifteen years and exhaled.
Then I quit my job, rented my home to a young gay couple, listened patiently when Bill freaked out about my tenants, and packed my car.
Because I owed Roddy and Thor MC everything that meant something in my life.
***
They waited for me on their porch, and my eyes burned when I saw them. Roddy held his arms around Gee, and he’d lost some weight, but his back was straight, and he looked strong. Gee grinned and waved and looked like she did when I left them the summer before.
I parked and got out.
And froze.
Black kneeled next to a bike outside his house, holding some kind of tool in his hand, and our eyes met. He was in a pair of cutoff jeans and nothing else. One of his shoulders and upper arm was covered with a huge tattoo, and there was another one on his ribs. His hair was longer than I remembered, it looked like he hadn’t shaved in a while and my chest hurt when I saw him. Black’s face was expressionless, but he didn’t move either.
“Shit,” I mumbled, and tore my eyes away from him. “Shit, shit, shit.”
He wasn’t supposed to be there.
Perhaps he’d leave two seconds after he’d fixed whatever needed fixing on his bike.
It took some effort, but I plastered a smile on my face and turned toward the couple on the porch.
“Roddy,” I said, and felt my eyes burn again.
He let go of his wife, and I walked straight into his arms. He wasn’t the kind of man who walked around hugging people, but I needed it, and he let me. Gee put a hand on my shoulder and murmured something which I ignored.
“Scared me,” I mumbled.
“Scared me too,” he replied. “It’s all good now, Cas. I’ll be around a while longer, it seems.”
We stood there for a little while and then I stepped back to look at them.
“It’s good to be back,” I said, studiously avoiding turning around even when I heard someone hammer furiously at something behind me. “I needed a change, so you think I’m here to help out, but I’m here for me too.”
“Oh, honey,” Gee said. “It’s good to see you again. And...” Her eyes started to glitter with joy as she added, “Sissy offered to help out at the Lodge, but if I’m going to kill someone for not doing it right, I’d rather it wasn’t my daughter.”
I started laughing and patted her shoulder.
“
Oh, but I’m younger and faster than you, Gee. You’ll never catch me.”
Roddy barked out laughter, and the hammering behind me stopped.
“Is the same cabin as last time okay?” Gee asked.
“Sure.”
“Good. We’ll let you settle in then. Dinner with us tonight or are you tired?”
“I’d love to have dinner with you,” I said.
I wasn’t tired, and since Black was a grown man, he wouldn’t have dinner with his parents. At least not if I was at their table.
I was hauling the bags out of my car when Black passed me, and I nodded.
He looked pissed off and since he’d been pretty much super-clear on what he wanted from me, which was nothing, then what the darned man had to be angry about, I did not know. If he thought that I’d fawn all over him, he’d better think again.
Begging was not my style, so I wouldn’t.
“What are you doing here?” he grunted.
“Hey,” I said and raised my chin. “Nice to see you again, Black.”
“What are you doing here?” he repeated.
“I’ll help your mother with the Lodge,” I explained, and added quickly in case he thought it had been my idea, “She asked me to. Said she’s tired and wants to spend more time with Roddy.”
“What about Desiree?”
“Her father is taking her to Europe for a month, and then she’s leaving for college.”
“Huh.”
What the heck did that mean?
“You weren’t supposed to be here,” I blurted out and could have kicked myself when I saw his brows move in surprise.
“Where else would I be?”
“Your mother said you were traveling. Your sister told me you’d be with the Wolves MC.”
***
Black
He wanted to roar when she got out of her car and stepped into his father’s arms. She wasn’t supposed to be there. He was mostly back to normal, and if his sex-life had dried up a little, so what? He’d started thinking about who he’d call to get back in the saddle, hadn’t he?
Then she stood there and told him calmly that she’d be there for an extended period, helping his goddamned mother who had not mentioned any need for help to him.
And she would apparently be in Rogan because he wouldn’t be there. Except he was. He’d mentioned in passing that he might visit Doug and the Wolves but hadn’t made any firm plans, didn’t feel like going and decided that he wouldn’t. It wasn’t because she stood there with her thick hair falling over her shoulders and eyes guarded and... angry?
Shit. How much did Sissy know about the activities at the Wolves’ compound? And if she knew, had she really been stupid enough to share shit with Cas?
“Don’t worry,” she said with a shrug. “I won’t chase you around. We’ll just co-exist in the same space for a while, that’s all.”
Co-exist in the same space? What the hell did that even mean?
“What does Desi think about you being here?”
“She sends her love to Roddy and Gee. We both know the debt we owe.”
“You don’t think you’ve paid that quite thoroughly already?” he asked angrily.
“What?”
“Cas, for fuck’s sake,” he snarled. “What does Desi’s dad think about you packing up and going here? Didn’t he want you to come with them to goddamned Europe?”
“He asked, I said no. He’s pissed off about me leaving and a little bit judgmental, but he’ll get over it once he gets used to –”
“Christ,” he snarled and walked away.
***
His mother texted and asked if he wanted dinner and he walked over to tell her that no, he did not want to have any damned dinner with them and Cas. She smiled at him and nudged him toward the table. He was going to leave, but then his eyes met Cas’ and the anger in hers made him sit down, just to show her how little he cared that she was there.
Co-exist, she’d called it.
He’d show her how fucking phenomenal he was at co-existing.
Dinner was awkward if you asked him which no one did, mostly because they didn’t seem to be awkward at all. They just ignored him, which pissed him off and he would have left if he hadn’t been such a fucking idiot.
It wasn’t as if he ate with his parents like a moron each night. When his dad got sick, the family had rallied together, and there had been various club members at his mother’s table each night. The women had brought food, the men had predictably manned the grill, and everyone had pretended that nothing was wrong. If some of them had had to walk outside every now and then to breathe a little, no one had commented.
Roddy was mostly back to how he’d always been, and the scare seemed to be over, but the club was still rattled from what had happened, not just to one of their own. To their president.
So, Ice had left because it was what he always did, and Black had stayed because it was what he did. Stayed and held his shit together.
Except now, when he felt like punching someone in the face and couldn’t because the ones around him were his damned parents and a woman he’d tried his damndest to forget about.
They talked as if nothing was wrong, mostly about Desiree who had graduated with the highest grades he’d ever heard about, been offered space in Ivy League colleges but wanted something smaller and would be in goddamned Oregon of all places.
“She could have gone to Brown,” Cas said. “Didn’t want that. She made,” she paused and pushed out a burst of weak laughter, “God, she made a cost-benefit analysis. Said she’d get exactly what she wanted on that scholarship she was offered, and it wouldn’t cost us barely a thing.”
“Clever girl,” Roddy said and nodded proudly as if it was his fucking grandkid.
“I’ve been saving since she was born,” Cas shared. “She could have gone to Brown.”
That meant Desi had a pretty enormous college fund.
“She’ll have a good start after college then.”
Cas nodded, and went on to talk about some essay Desi had written, and how they had gone camping. Then she went on to talk about the trip to Europe her daughter would embark upon a few days later.
Desi’s father was called Bill, which Black could have shared was a name for pussies if someone had thought to ask him. Which they didn’t, and he zoned out for a while and thought about various ways to kill the man. Or Cassandra, for sitting there looking gorgeous with her soft hair in a ponytail and not a speck of makeup.
“I don’t know how you’ve managed all this time,” Gee said. “You must have the patience of a saint.”
“It was best for Desi.”
What was best for Desi?
“Still. It was probably better that you came here instead of going with them.”
“Much better,” Cas snorted. “Patty would have been furious, and I wouldn’t have blamed her.”
Patty?
What the hell were they talking about? He couldn’t have missed out on more than a few sentences, but it felt as if he’d skipped an entire evening of information sharing.
“Is Ronnie at the bar tonight?” Cas asked, and got up to clear the table.
“Of course, she is,” Gee said and waved her hand over the table. “We’ll take care of this. Black, take Cas over to the bar, will you?”
“I know the way,” Cas said and started putting plates away.
“Get out of here,” Roddy ordered and scowled when Cas calmly gathered up glasses and started stacking them in the dishwasher. “It’s an order, Cassandra. Go.”
“Okay,” Cas said with a sweet smile.
Then she washed off her hands, dried them, thanked his parents for a lovely dinner, told his mother they’d talk the next morning, kissed his father’s damned cheek, and walked out of there.
Black stared at her ass as it disappeared and tried to not remember how it had felt under his hands.
“Who’s Patty?” he grunted.
“Desi’s stepmom.”
Black dropped
his fork and the sound of it hitting his plate cut through the room. Every cell in his body froze to ice, and he turned slowly to stare at his mother.
“Stepmom?” he managed to get out.
“Einar,” his dad said slowly. “You do know that Cas is divorced, right?”
“Huh,” Black wheezed and tried to get his brain to work.
Cas was divorced.
As in; Not married.
“They split up when Desiree was three years old, honey,” his mom said gently. “Didn’t you know?”
“But –” He swallowed and restarted. “Desi said that they live in the same house.”
“Ah, shit,” Roddy muttered. “They do, boy. Their entrances are on different sides of the house, though. It’s a duplex.”
“A duplex.”
“Yes.”
“He’s remarried?”
“Married Patricia a year after the divorce. Got three kids with her.”
Fuck.
Cassandra had been living in a duplex with her ex starting over next door... for fifteen fucking years.
It was best for Desi.
God, the things she was willing to do for that daughter of hers.
Then it hit him.
She wasn’t married.
Without another word, he got up so fast the chair fell over and walked out the door, veering left toward the bar with long steps.
He was going to strangle the fucking woman.
Chapter Eight
I need your help
Black
Black Hagen stopped inside the door to the bar and glared at everyone. Ronnie looked at him with her brows raised and nudged Cas, who turned to give him a set of raised eyebrows too.
“Black,” one of the men said, but he ignored him and marched across the floor.
Cas straightened, and her mouth became a thin, angry line.