She turned around and they faced each other. Fitzwilliam cupped her chin and looked her in the eye. She blushed and turned her face with a shy gesture.
Fitzwilliam smiled. Thereupon he offered her his arm again and she gladly took it. He involuntarily placed his hand on her fingers and distractedly began to play with them as they walked on, much as he used to do with Elizabeth's. His mind was suddenly miles away (or perchance a few yards away somewhere in the house) He became amazingly absent, always playing with her delicate fingers, tenderly caressing her soft skin. So distracted he had been at this, he had not realised his attentions were being received with the most positive encouragement. When he finally came back from his reverie, the damage was already done. His mortification, though, was soon forgotten as he caught sight of Jane's demure but pleased demeanour. Albeit he released his playful activity, Jane crimsoned profusely and endeavoured to look as casual as possible. His predicament turned more and more difficult as he noticed Jane sigh and shiver lightly when his hand quitted its exertions.
He was definitely gaining ground. But did he wish to gain it?
By they time they had reached the house, the tour had already been taken to the second floor. Miss Darcy bore a displeased look upon her glacier-like countenance.
"Dear cousin. Who are you looking for? Is anybody coming?" Fitzwilliam asked Georgiana.
"I am not looking for anyone. I was waiting for you, Richard! Where have you been? Wills has already sent a servant to look for you."
"You must blame the elephants, Miss Darcy." Jane answered, defending him, but in an obvious playful disposition quite uncharacteristic of her, which reminded Richard of her sister Elizabeth's. "I am afraid Richard has been entertaining me with his tales about wild creatures astray in the streets of London, and we simply lost track of time. You must not be angry with him."
Richard?
"Absolutely, Sprout. As Jane very wisely has just put it, elephants are entirely to blame. And monkeys for that matter." He responded with a delightful smile Jane found incredibly disarming.
Jane?
"Very true. I think like you. Let us blame the animals in Richard's stories for our delay. We shall very glad to follow you, Miss Darcy, wherever you should wish us to go."
Georgiana had never been a suspicious person. Still, she knew her cousin only too well to feel inclined to believe him well capable of scandalous behaviour. Ever since they had met at Rosings a month ago, Georgiana had suspected him somewhat attached to Elizabeth, but now that she was engaged to her brother she knew Richard would never interfere there.
Now Mrs Bingley was clearly a different matter. The impetuous growth of Richard's intimacy with her claimed such inference that something deeper than a mere acquaintance was being built between them. She thought he was falling in love with Mrs Bingley and Mrs Bingley, unconsciously, was encouraging him. Unconsciously it must be, for a wife's attachment for a husband was certain and well known as her wedding vows. To doubt Mrs Bingley's truth or good intentions was impossible, and yet, during the whole of their conversation, Georgiana noticed their manners had been, if anything, odd.
Georgina feared for Mrs Bingley.
Nay, she feared for herself. For she was, very much, deeply in love with her cousin Richard.
Much as she fought to regain composure, an overwhelming commotion was taking place in Georgiana's inner self. She was jealous. She was growing bitterly jealous of the beautiful Mrs Bingley.
The threesome joined Darcy and his future bride just as Elizabeth was about to examine the nursery adjoining the mistress's bedchamber. A lady clinging from each arm, Colonel Fitzwilliam was oblivious to the painful emotions bottled up in the innermost corners of Georgiana's heart, yet not to the exhilarating flutters in Jane's.
But the moment the Colonel caught sight of Elizabeth, all his power abandoned him. The agitation which he had exerted on first learning his cousin's engagement (which had subsided lately) returned in all its fury at the sight of the couple openly interacting in public.
Elizabeth's countenance had acquired a brilliancy that spoke volumes of her happiness. The Colonel's face turned slightly flushed as he noticed Darcy's and Elizabeth's eyes playing a tune with each other whilst they surveyed the beautiful room. In moments such as these, he wished he were back at war in France, for he knew things would turn increasingly difficult and not the other way about, and while they would cherish such instances for the rest of their lives, he would probably regret them for the rest of his.
In the end he could bear it no more and, quite out of countenance begged to be excused for a moment. As a matter of fact it was amazing he had endured so much, for the poor Colonel was growing terribly jealous of his cousin. In a befuddlement of mixed feelings he managed to tell Darcy he was merely tired from the constant travelling and wanted to regain strength before dinner. It was fairly true, yet the real reason was that he found it exceedingly difficult to see the glowing happiness in Elizabeth's face. The veritable notion that such emotions did not stem from him was unsettling. Elizabeth would be Darcy's, not his.
Albeit Elizabeth had confessed she still held him in a warmth that was superior to the feelings one could endeavour for one's future cousin, his chagrin derived from the unrestrained pull his heart felt towards the woman who was now promised to Darcy. Would he be able to be on friendly terms with her, when it was her face he would see in each dream? Would he be able to overcome his emotions for his cousin's wife after so much passion had passed between them?
My poor head! It is in vain to affect ignorance. I must quit Elizabeth's company. I love her. I still love her. Dear God! Why should I be so abominably affected?
Yet another circumstance was still a matter of worse concern for Fitzwilliam. Ought he to confess Darcy his own past relationship with his fiancée? In declaring himself a former admirer he would not catch Darcy by surprise, yet to confess a broken engagement was compleatly different. But what if by any chance he should learn of it? What would Darcy's reaction be if he happened to learn the truth from an outsider? Still, no one but three people knew, including himself, and he was certain neither of them would wish Darcy to be apprised of it.
To complicate things even more, he had become increasingly aware of Mrs Bingley's tender emotions for his person. He was becoming alarmingly inclined to regard her with much more than admiration. True, her closeness up on his horse a few days ago had been exceedingly arousing. Should he have chosen to seduce her, he could have made her his that very day. But much as he was a flirt, he was also a gentleman, incapable of dishonourable behaviour other than occasional innocent toying. Mrs Bingley would perchance have been a perfect distraction for his wounded heart had she not been married to that clown Bingley! He feared the beautiful lady would have to be relegated to his flirtations.
Jane. How much I wish I could find comfort in your arms!
Now, be that the case that Jane should become the object of his affections, the fact that she was so closely connected with Darcy did present a problem. Ready for the take as he was, Fitzwilliam reckoned the awkwardness of Jane being none other than Mrs Bingley, his cousin's sister-in-law, wife to Darcy's closest friend and ultimately, Elizabeth's sister. Dared he take further steps to closer intimacy with her, he would have to be extremely precocious in order to prevent a scandal. Nay, it would not do. He must take those sinful thoughts from his mind before he went mad. He had never in his entire amorous life attempted to meddle with a married woman, and much as the lady was as tempting as a forbidden fruit, he was no Adam and she was no Eve.
Such was his state of mind when dinner was announced. Colonel Fitzwilliam joined the group already seated at the table far after the second course had been served.
Georgiana perceived him immediately, and Jane again, earnestly fixing her eyes on him soon caught his notice. He approached immediately, and took the seat to which her movements invited him. His first address to the lady made Miss Darcy start. Though spoken low, she could distinguish,
"What! Always to be watched, in person or by proxy!"
"Psha, nonsense, sir," was Mrs Bingley's coquettish answer, in the same half whisper. "As if I could believe it. Are your eyes to be tormented yet again?"
To this he simply smiled and then gave his attention to his dinner. He apologised for being late to Miss and Mr Darcy. The former only frowned at him and resumed eating. Still, out of the corner of her eye, Miss Darcy saw the Colonel's gallant attitude towards Mrs Bingley, and this one, admitting his attentions as readily as they were offered, and allowing him as equal share in her notice and smiles as with a husband. A gleam of delight Georgiana noticed shining in Jane's eyes.
This did not pass unnoticed by Elizabeth either. She wished Jane were more like herself, and had not talked so much with the Colonel; and certainly not to have looked so well pleased at the sight of him. She also perceived the Colonel's admiration for her sister. How strange Jane should not perceive it too!
Elizabeth longed to give her a hint of it, to put her on guard, and prevent all the pain her too lively behaviour might otherwise create both for the Colonel and herself. As dinner went on, the result of Elizabeth's observations was not agreeable. Jane's change of manners was nothing so trifling, to pass unnoticed. What could be meant by such conduct, what her sister could be at, was beyond comprehension. Jane could not be aware of the emotions she was arousing in the Colonel. Nay, Elizabeth could not, upon reflection, imagine Jane aware of it.
Still, 'tis a degree of thoughtlessness quite uncharacteristic of her.
"I see you have recovered, Colonel," Elizabeth finally addressed him with irony.
"I have, I thank you, ma'am."
"As a matter of fact you were a cause for my concern, dear cousin. You were not looking at all well when you left," said Georgiana, eager to attract Richard's attention.
"Oh, but you must not worry. It seems that I am merely getting old. Travelling did not used to be a problem a few years ago. But a road is becoming increasingly uncomfortable of late.
"Old?" Darcy interjected. "Anyone hearing you might think you fit to marry Mrs Reynolds, Fitzwilliam. And in any case, I am almost of your age, and for a kingdom, I do not consider myself old!"
"I suppose the exertions to which a gentleman is subjected to cannot be compared to those entailing a soldier's life, cousin. Much as you might exercise your fending abilities I assure you a battlefield is quite another story."
Fitzwilliam had not meant to affront Darcy. But his growing bitter feelings towards him, he found it difficult to fight back.
"I shall not take offence even if you are calling me idle in my face. I believe I am not mistaken if I say you have become a bit fastidious of late," answered Darcy, rather put out.
Elizabeth could not help feeling torn between the two men. She was vexed at what she considered Darcy's officious judging of his cousin, and quite puzzled at Fitzwilliam's harsh words to Darcy. She involuntarily raised her gaze just as Richard looked up in her direction, and their eyes locked for a moment. The compliment of the affections she felt in Richard's regard did not make amends for his thoughtlessness with her sister. Hence she sent daggers at him.
Richard said nothing but averted his eyes quickly from hers and immediately fixed them on his dish, his face betraying his discomfort. He regretted his decision of staying in the house. But the temptation of being close to Elizabeth had been too powerful to overcome. Much as it pained him to see his beloved betrothed to Darcy, he reckoned he found it almost impossible to part with her. He needed to be close to her, watch her happily settled, persuade himself she had forgotten him, although the whole affair was breaking his heart.
Unfortunately, this last exchange of looks was too obvious for Georgiana's inquisitive eyes. What did all these positively mean? Though what she had seen did not please her, Elizabeth's name was a passport to her goodwill, and she finally decided she must be imagining things. For in spite of what Georgiana had believed she had witnessed, she could not, upon reflecting on it, imagine Elizabeth guilty of dishonourable behaviour.
Yet something told her there was more to be said than that. Perchance her brother and Richard had been rivals for Elizabeth in the past. Preposterous as it seemed, Richard might be jealous of her brother as a rival of her affections. This took her mind directly to his flirtatious behaviour towards Mrs Bingley. It must be an unconscious endeavour to make Elizabeth feel jealous. Aye, that must be it. Richard was the sufferer. She saw him growing grave and uneasy since their arrival to London; and however careless of his present comfort Elizabeth might be, to Georgiana it was always an object.
~•~
After dinner was over the whole party went into the library. Fitzwilliam and Darcy chose a book while the ladies entertained themselves with idle talk about the purchases they would make in the morning. Before the gentlemen could think of it, the ladies had retired to their bedchambers ready to rest from rather an exhausting day.
Fitzwilliam and Darcy remained further on until the latter announced he would retire. "I am afraid I am not ready to follow you, yet. It must be the nap I took this afternoon. I feel sleepless now. Go ahead. I shall entertain myself with your brandy, if you do not mind," said Fitzwilliam.
"Indeed, Fitzwilliam. You know you are at home. Good night, then."
"Good night, Darcy."
Regrettably, Fitzwilliam helped himself to his cousin's brandy more than he should have. He was in such low spirits he could have drown himself in brandy. Unfortunately his bitter emotions did not subdue with the spirits. Quite the opposite, he became restless and aroused.
His wild thoughts took him to Elizabeth and the oncoming event which was to take place in the Master's bedchamber in a few days. He soon grew enraged, feeling helpless and bitterly betrayed. Elizabeth could have been his. At least he could have made love to her once. Yet he had stupidly handed her over to Darcy.
He was thus engaged in his thoughts when a creak from the wooden steps of the staircase alerted him to someone's presence.
The house had been submitted to deep silence. Fitzwilliam strained his ears and heard the soft but distinctive rustle of a lady's skirt.
He rose to his feet and found himself face to face with Jane in the gloomiest corner of the library.
How or why she ended up there, neither of them knew. And how or why they ended up kissing desperately neither of them knew, either. But kissing they were. Most ardently. It was the first time Jane had felt the lips of a man on hers with so much passion. Nay, her lips were in his mouth. He was devouring her, killing her with every brush of his tongue. So good. So… oh! Such was her infatuation, little did she think of the positively scandalous situation her new-found passion would lead them all to.
From time to time the kissing would stop to allow the lovers to grasp some air. The floor had had to do and the two of them lay promptly on the poor comforts of the carpet. Seconds later, he had climbed atop her and commenced rubbing himself rather indecorously, yet sending delicious shivers down her spine. She arched her back and a low moan of pleasure escaped her lips. This caused Richard to press even harder against her. Moans became cries and soon the whole house would hear their lovemaking.
Richard could hardly believe what was going on. Jane was so easily pleased and her response was so passionate! He had never witnessed anything like that!
"Richard," she moaned in ecstasy.
She whispered his name over and over and laughed at the same time, in veritable delectation, yet he had not actually achieved the regular procedures. Merely touched her and pressed himself against her. Still, he wondered if he could contain himself much longer.
Richard saw the necessity of hushing his lover, lest someone come to see what was happening. He pressed his lips against her mouth and kissed her tightly till she was satiated.
Or so it seemed.
Thirty-Two
—
Jane Gets Thoroughly Embarrassed yet Again
Scarcely had the clock struck two, when the Colonel ex
ited the library, Jane following behind him. They made their way through the gloomy corridor towards Jane's bedchamber holding their breath for fear someone might happen on them.
On reaching her chamber, Jane hastily extinguished the candle.
"No light?" asked he with a tone of surprise mingled with disappointment.
There was an awkward silence, in which Jane endeavoured to find a plausible thing to say but it all came to naught. Indeed. Why she should think that their encounter was to take place in the dark? Did she not wish this to be different? Why then was she acting as if the gentleman was her husband! This should be a passionate meeting. Thoughtless! Thoughtless Jane!
" I thought we should be in darkness."
"And why may I ask you thought such a thing?" he sweetly asked her while following the direction of her voice.
She was silent again for a moment, struggling to remain composed. Unfortunately, she had no idea why she had thought of that! 'Twas so embarrassing! Could she not find a proper answer?
"I have no idea."
"I see. Perchance your habits? Has it got something to do with your husband's wishes?"
He could distinguished her profile now, and she was assenting. As he got closer, he sat beside her and lightly stroked her cheek.
"I am not your husband." Oh yes. That she comprehended perfectly well. She had had a share of the difference a few moments ago downstairs.
Richard realised mentioning her husband was not a good idea in the present circumstances. "Well then. Let me see if I can find something to light your candle with."
"Must you?"
"You do not wish to see me?" he asked mischievously.
Jane thought for a second. "Oh yes," she said emphatically.
"Well, I wish to see you as well. I believe one candle light will be enough to endeavour our purpose. Let me see… Ah yes… Here… Now I can see you. Ma'am! You look ravishing, indeed! To think you were just about to deny me this vision. Let me take a closer look at you."
She came thither and he took her hand and made her turn around so that she could display her beauty in front of him.
Love Calls Again Page 46