“Holy shit, Linds,” he said gruffly.
“Same,” she panted. “Definitely same.”
He collapsed next to her and pulled her in against him.
She took a huge, deep, completely contented breath and snuggled in close.
“This is all going to dry and we’ll be stuck together,” she said, running a hand over his chest and pressing against him in spite of her words.
He put a hand on her butt and kissed her head. “You’re already stuck with me, babe.”
“Forever,” she agreed softly.
They lay together, breathing, cooling off, relishing the feel of having the other in their arms, for several long minutes.
Matt thought maybe she’d dropped off to sleep and was already planning for how to wake her, when she said, “Want to talk about what happened?”
He knew what she meant, but he hesitated.
She laid her hand over his heart and he covered it with his. “Series of bombings and a kidnapping.”
She sucked in a quick little breath and he squeezed her hand.
“Just another day, you know.”
She turned her head and kissed his chest. “Yep, I know.”
“I was supposed to be here for two weeks.”
“It’s okay, Matt.”
He blew out a breath. “I don’t know if it is.” He swallowed, then turned his head to look at her. He needed her to know that she was the most important thing in his life. Her and the boys. He needed her to know that he would put her first. “I could retire.”
She didn’t seem surprised by his words. She met his gaze. “Yes, you could.”
“So, maybe we should talk about that.”
“Okay.”
He paused, then chuckled when she said nothing more. “Do you want me to retire?” He wanted her to say no. He realized that in a flash. He wasn’t ready to leave the Army yet. He wasn’t even ready for a desk job in the States yet. But he had to know that Lindsey was okay with that. He needed to know that they were still on the same page about what he did. And why he did it.
“Well, why would you be retiring? Are you tired of being away?” she asked.
“Sometimes,” he said honestly. “Of course.”
“When you’re there, when you’re working, do you feel good about it? Do you feel like you’re doing something good? Are you still there for all the reasons you first joined up?”
He took a breath. Then nodded. “Yeah. I still think what we do matters.”
She nodded. “Do you feel like the boys are not getting something that they need, that you could give them if you were here?”
That was tougher. He talked to the boys regularly. Lindsey gave him time with them each, one-on-one, alone in the bedroom so they could ask him about anything or tell him whatever was on their minds. They told him about school and friends and their sports and other extracurricular activities. They’d asked him about ideas for things they could give Lindsey for her birthday. Liam had told him about a friend that was moving away. Aidan had asked him about if soldiers sometimes killed people. He had honest, open conversations with his boys. Lindsey recorded their programs and sporting events and he always gave them input and praise afterward. He wasn’t there to do it all in person or even as things were actually happening, but he was involved. He was giving his boys advice and help. They understood his job and were proud of him. And Lindsey was here. The boys had all the love, hugs, in-the-moment praise and comfort they could need from her. Plus their grandparents and their group of family friends.
“I feel like we are raising two amazing boys together,” he finally answered.
She nodded with a smile. “I agree.”
“You do? You feel like I’m doing enough?”
“Matt, you’re doing more than enough. You are there for us. Period. If we need to talk to you about something, you’re there for us. You help me make decisions. The boys and I know you love us. You are also doing a job that needs to be done and that you’re awesome at. That just so happens to be on another continent.”
He took a deep breath and hugged her tighter.
“So what’s all this about retiring?” she asked after a moment.
“I just…” He blew out a breath. “I feel like I have to offer that to you. You’re here doing it all on your own, and rocking it.”
She laughed softly. “I am rocking it. I don’t need you here.”
He laughed too. “Should I be offended?” But he wasn’t. He knew there was no reason to be.
She grinned. “If I thought you’d be offended, I wouldn’t have said it.” She shifted slightly to rest her chin on the back of her hand. “I don’t want you to retire. Not because I don’t want you here, but because I love you. I believe in you. I want you to be happy.”
“I’m happy here.” He squeezed her butt and took a deep breath. “I’m really fucking happy here.”
She nodded. “I know. Because you’re still a soldier right now. And you are rocking that.”
He frowned. “Being here with you and the boys is what makes me most happy. I would never regret being here.”
Now she lifted a brow. “Matt, the minute you heard that some terrorist cell killed a bunch of innocent people or that some corrupt government took power and was starving it’s citizens or that someone was threatening the United States…us… you would regret being here. Someone has to keep all of that shit in line, and baby, that someone is you.”
He gave a soft chuckle. Her belief in him had always empowered him and humbled him at the same time. “Well, maybe not just me.”
“But you want to be a part of it. You need to be a part of it.” She pushed herself up, looking at him with seriousness. And love. “Matt, all of this…our family, our friends, my teaching, our boys growing up learning things about Christmas traditions and playing ball and hanging out in the park…all of this that you miss when you’re gone and want to be a part of? That’s what you’re fighting for. You’re protecting this. You’re making it, at least some of it—family dinners, and kids playing outside, and grandparents handing down traditions—possible for people in other places too.” She took a deep breath. “I wish you were here so often. Yes, things happen that you miss. Yes, I would love to fall asleep after making love to you every night.” She reached out a hand and rubbed his jaw. “But right now, what I need most from you, is your support and your love and your happiness. You can give me your support and love even when you’re not here physically. And your happiness is, in part, because of that uniform. Those people over there? The ones that have the threat of bombs as part of their everyday reality? They’re the ones that need you there physically.” She smiled. “And hey, eventually you’ll get too old to run around playing with guns and bombs with your friends, and I’ll be right here. You can come home to stay then, okay?”
Matt could barely breathe by the time she was done. He’d seen a lot of crap. Hell on earth at times. People doing unspeakable things to other people. But nothing made his heart ache and his eyes sting like this woman and her love and passion.
Unable to actually come up with words, he simply reached out and rolled her underneath him. He kissed her deeply, running his hands over her sticky body. Finally he pulled back to look into her eyes. “Okay,” he finally said. “But you better not get too old to do some of the stuff I’m gonna need you to do every night once I do retire.”
She ran her hands through his hair, smiling up at him. “I promise to keep up with the yoga and treadmill.”
“Yeah. I definitely don’t want you to strain anything.” He rolled her to her stomach and settled his newly invigorated erection against her ass. “And I don’t want you to not be able to kneel…or go on all fours.”
Then he spent the next hour showing her one of his favorite yoga poses and just how much fun couples yoga could be.
The next day, they slept late, made love before the boys woke up, made waffles again and had a nice, quiet morning together.
The afternoon was a diffe
rent story.
They decided that they were going to have friends and family over and cram all of the holidays Matt would be missing in the next few months into one big party, and their friends came through like champs, bringing food, drinks, and a lot of love and support.
They had Christmas cookies—made with the frosting and sprinkles that, unfortunately, Lindsey and Matt hadn’t gotten around to using in any other way—they had New Year’s Eve hors d’oeuvres, and Super Bowl sub sandwiches and chips, strawberry cake for Valentine’s Day, Irish beer for St. Patrick’s Day, and jelly beans and chocolates for Easter.
“This is even better than Chreaster!” Liam decided, helping himself to chips and jellybeans at the same time.
Lindsey bit back her caution about upset stomachs and just smiled. “It really is, isn’t it? Did we miss anything?” Last year Matt hadn’t been home for Christmas so they’d celebrated Chreaster in April when he did have leave.
“I don’t see any fireworks or burgers.”
They all turned to find that Caleb had arrived.
“Fireworks?” Aidan asked, running at the firefighter. “Really?”
Caleb scooped Aidan up in the arm that wasn’t filled with a huge sack of burgers. “I figure people celebrate Christmas in July, so maybe we should do some Fourth of July at Christmas time.” He grinned at Matt. “Seemed appropriate to send a soldier off with a proper salute.”
Lexi came into the kitchen with Shay, Caleb’s niece, holding one of Lexi’s hands and her son Jack holding the other. She grinned at Lindsey. “He’s really excited that he could come up with something Logan couldn’t even pull off.”
“I’m not sure the city allows fireworks in people’s backyards in December,” Lindsey said, lifting a brow, waiting to see what Caleb was up to.
“Well, it just so happens that I have an in with the fire department and I was able to get a special permit…and convince some of the firefighters to put on a little show.”
Lindsey’s eyes got wide. “You’re not serious.”
“I most definitely am.” He said. “We’re going to have to pack all the food and fun up and head down to the waterfront…and probably share the show with a few other people who might wander by…but there’s going to be a lot of red, white, and blue going off in about an hour.”
Just then the doorbell rang. Everyone invited to the party—i.e., everyone they knew—felt free to just walk in and make themselves at home.
“That would be the boys’ Christmas present,” Matt said, coming up beside her and wrapping his arm around her wait.
Lindsey felt a niggle of trepidation. “What did you do?”
He grinned. “Come see.” He looked around. “Where’s your brother?” he asked Aidan.
“Playing upstairs. Our present is here?”
“Yep.”
Aidan wiggled and Caleb set him down. “Can I see it now?” Aidan asked.
“Get your brother,” Matt told him.
Aidan went thundering upstairs and Matt looked at Lindsey with a giddy expression. She groaned. He’d gotten them something big. Like a dirt bike or a canoe or something equally ridiculous.
He’d gotten them a trip to Disney World when Aidan was only three. And then Matt hadn’t been able to go along. It had been too much for the boys at three and four and too much for Lindsey by herself, so her mom had ended up going along. But Matt had been so excited to give them something amazing and she hadn’t had the heart to tell him that he hadn’t really thought it out.
That was a side effect of him not being here all the time. But it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t really know what age-appropriate activities and giant-assed-over-the-top gestures were.
Then again, a dirt bike or canoe or god-knew-what-else was going to be something she’d have to learn about and maintain and…
The boys came running down the stairs and flew toward the front door.
“Whoa!” Matt started after them and Lindsey followed.
She knew nothing about canoes.
Not that it was a canoe for sure, but she’d known nothing about the archery set he’d given them at ages four and five—also too young—or the martial arts classes he’d signed them up for at ages five and six.
That had been a little more age appropriate, but she’d had to re-arrange schedules around them and learn about roundhouse kicks and jab punches. Yes, Matt had signed her up for a class too. It was never a bad idea to know some martial arts and a few self-defense moves, he’d insisted.
“Lindsey, boys, this is Kyle,” Matt said as she stepped out onto the porch.
The other man gave her and boys a warm grin. “Hi.”
“Are you a soldier?” Aidan asked.
“No, but I work with soldiers a lot. I do special trainings. And I’m a veterinarian. Do you know what that is?”
“An animal doctor,” Liam said.
“Right.”
Lindsey shook Kyle’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“You too, Mrs. LaSalle. And General is excited to meet you as well.”
“The General?”
Kyle walked back to his truck and pulled the passenger side door open, then reached inside. He turned with his arms full of…dog. A full-grown German Shepard, with big intelligent eyes looked at her. He gave a soft woof and Lindsey just stared.
“Boys, this is General,” Matt said. “He’s going to be living with you.”
Kyle put General down. The dog stood, just looking at the boys. Liam and Aidan stared at the dog. No one moved or said anything. Kyle laughed and knelt by the dog, stroking a hand over his fur. “It’s okay, guys. He got hurt and we’ve been making him better. But he’s good now. You can pet him and play with him.”
Liam and Aidan both looked up at Matt.
“Go on,” he encouraged.
That was all they needed. They flew down the steps and fell to their knees in the grass next to the dog.
Lindsey crossed her arms, watching their sons. “You got them a dog?” she said quietly to Matt. “A hurt dog?”
“He’s not hurt now,” Matt told her. He looked and her, seemingly realizing she was not enthusiastic. He turned, taking her upper arms in his hands. “Okay, hang on.”
“You got them a dog?” she repeated.
“Kind of,” he said. Then quickly added, “He’s a soldier, Linds. He was with our unit. Best dog we’ve ever had. He got shot and they shipped him back to recover. Now he’s retiring.”
“He’s a dog.” Lindsey had never had a dog. She didn’t dislike them and wasn’t scared of them, but she also didn’t really know what to do with one.
Matt bent his knees to get eye-to-eye with her. “He’s a soldier. He’s smart. He’s well trained. He saved our asses more than once.” He held up a hand when she started to respond. “He needs a home and I offered ours because I know our boys will take good care of him and vice versa.”
She looked at the dog. Then the boys. Then the whole picture of the boys with the dog. They were lying together in the grass. The dog was rolling from side to side, licking first Aidan, then Liam. Kyle was telling them about General, how he’d been trained, how he liked to be scratched, that he loved bacon.
“Matt,” Lindsey groaned. How was she going to say no to this?
“They’re old enough for a dog,” Matt said. “I had a dog at their age.”
He’d also had a dad around who knew about dogs. But she’d never say that. She’d be walking General—the boys were too young to do that by themselves—and taking him to vet appointments and the groomer and whatever else you did with dogs. And she’d be learning all about what you did with dogs.
“Kyle will be around. He was one of the trainers. He knows General.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
“He needs you, Lindsey.”
She sighed. “Okay.”
“I love you.”
She looked up at him. “You love that I’m a sucker,” she said.
He laughed and pulled her close, palming her a
ss and putting his lips to hers. “I think that term is easy.”
Yeah, she was definitely that. For this man. Always.
The boys didn’t want to leave the dog even for fireworks, but Matt finally talked them into it, telling them that General needed time to relax in his kennel in his new house for a while.
That was mostly the truth. The two boys had exhausted the dog, who was used to a team of soldiers, not little boys. Still, it was clear the dog was happy.
And Matt was happy.
The fireworks were a huge hit. The whole patriotic Fourth of July theme made Lindsey cry, in fact.
She cried when she saw how touched Matt obviously was by it all. Also when he said, “I’m so fucking grateful to you guys for all you do,” to Dana and Logan and the rest of the support group when he made the toast at midnight before everyone left. So did the way he made love to her after everyone was gone and the boys were in bed. And so did him saying goodbye to the boys the next morning before the sun even came up.
She was crying again as he kissed her goodbye.
“I love you Lindsey, with everything I am.”
“I know,” she said, knowing that was most important to him. “I love you more than I ever imagined I could love anyone. Now you go get the bad guys. I’ve got all our good guys covered.”
He kissed her deeply and then cupped her face. “I’m sorry that things haven’t been as Christmas-y as I intended.”
She shook her head. “Christmas isn’t about what we do, Matt. Not really. It’s just about being together. No matter when or for how long that happens.”
“But we didn’t even decorate the tree, or make the cookies, or watch all the movies.”
“We made memories as a family. And I think we celebrated all the best and most important things about Christmas—that we are very blessed with family and friends, a happy, safe home, wonderful, plentiful food, and lots of love.”
His expression softened and he nodded. “Yeah. We did all of that.”
“And hey, what’s more Christmas-y than peace on earth right?”
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