by Kennedy Fox
As I open my mouth to say something, Alison starts crying. Lennon lets out a sigh.
“I’ve got it,” I tell her.
“Are you sure?”
I nod. “Absolutely.”
When I walk in the room, I instantly know Alison needs a diaper change. The first time I changed it, I thought I was going to puke. Nothing’s worse than baby shit, and I don’t think anything could’ve prepared me for it. Or maybe I’m being dramatic about it. I watched a dozen YouTube tutorials by dads so I could learn how to do it correctly.
After Alison is changed, I carefully hold her and sit in the rocking chair. She’s so precious and loved by everyone already.
“Did you think of your New Year’s resolution?” I ask softly, laughing. We have chats all the time, and this little baby knows all my secrets.
“Really?” I ask as if she answered. “No more waking up in the middle of the night all year long? Wow, turning a new leaf so soon.”
I hear Lennon’s soft laughter in the doorway. She’s smiling, and I notice the sparkle in her eye when she looks at me. “See, you’re the only one who’s not on board with resolutions.”
Lennon checks her phone. “Maybe I should go ahead and feed her since she’s awake.”
“Sounds good to me,” I say. Lennon holds out her arms, and I hand Alison over. Giving her privacy as she breastfeeds, I grab the clean clothes from the hamper and throw them on the couch. Turning on the TV, I notice the New Year’s Eve celebration has already begun and decide to text Hayden because I know he’s having a hell of a time being in the city with all those people right now.
Hunter: Surviving?
Hayden: KILL ME!
I burst out into laughter.
Hunter: Just saw the madness on TV. Holy shit. Times Square is packed as fuck.
Hayden: I can’t go anywhere. I’m basically trapped inside the apartment. Savannah planned a big party with all her theater people, and they’re going to be singing karaoke all night long. Seriously. Kill me.
Hunter: Better you than me. Happy New Year, bro. Next year is the wedding. Exciting things are happening.
Hayden: You too. Next year maybe you’ll actually grow some balls and ask Lennon out.
I roll my eyes.
Hunter: Shut the fuck up. I hope they sing nothing but show tunes all night for that.
He sends me a middle finger emoji, and I chuckle and lock my phone. As I’m matching socks, I can hear Lennon singing. The sound of her voice causes me to pause, and I mute the TV and listen. Hearing her sing to Alison never gets old. There’s so much passion in her voice that it nearly takes my breath away. After a while, she goes quiet, and soon, she’s stepping into the living room. Spit-up is on her shirt, and her hair is in a messy ponytail. She looks gorgeous as hell, but I try not to stare and bring my focus back to my clothes.
“I’m a hot ass mess,” she finally says, shaking her head. She looks at the TV and sees the countdown in the corner. Glancing at me with intent, she softens her voice. “Why aren’t you out having fun? There are tons of things going on downtown. I think Mason and Liam are throwing a party too. Why aren’t you over there?”
I shrug and give her a pointed look. “Because I’d rather be with you.”
“Me in all my glory? I’m not fun. You should go,” she insists.
Shaking my head, I throw her a smirk. “I know what my New Year’s resolution is. I just figured it out.”
“What’s that?” I watch her breasts rise and fall as she waits for my next words.
“I’m not going to let you say anything negative about yourself anymore. News flash. I love spending time with you, Lennon. Baby poop and all.”
She snorts, but I can tell she’s in her head. So I grab a beer from the fridge and give her a minute. When I come back, she’s playing on her phone, and I sit next to her. She moves closer, and I open my arms for her to lean on me. We watch the celebrations from the comfort of the couch, and I laugh at how miserable Hayden has to be.
Nearly every hour, Alison wakes up, and Lennon and I take turns unless it’s feeding time. We eat ramen noodles like broke ass college students, and honestly, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world than right here with her.
By ten, we’re both falling asleep. We’ve already watched the ball drop on the East Coast.
“I don’t think I’m gonna make it another two hours,” Lennon tells me, and I’m relieved because I’m exhausted as hell.
“Me either,” I admit. “Let’s go to bed.”
I stand, and so does she. Before taking a step, I turn and look at her. Though I want to place my lips on hers, I kiss her forehead and tell her Happy New Year. When we wake up, we’ll be the same two people pretending nothing’s going on between us. The unspoken words say more than we ever could.
The next morning, the smell of bacon has me crawling out of bed. Lennon is up early cooking, and I’m starving, so it’s perfect timing. The coffee is already brewed, and the toast pops up as soon as I walk in. I step around Alison in her bouncer and make sure to speak to my sweet girl as I pass.
Lennon notices me and grins.
“Morning,” she says, and I can’t help but stare at the way her ass cheeks hang out of her little sleep shorts. Turning her head, she catches me gawking, but I’m not shy about it.
“Good morning,” I tell her as I pour a cup of coffee. Before I can even take a sip, there’s a knock on the door. Lennon shrugs, and I go to answer it. Thinking it will be Maddie or Sophie, because they’ve been randomly stopping by on the weekends to visit the baby, I open the door, ready to give them shit, but find myself face to face with Lennon’s parents. My grin falls, and I immediately build a wall, not allowing them in.
Mrs. Corrigan looks at me with hopeful eyes, but I don’t move. I’m too protective of Lennon and Allie, and what she did was hurtful. Lennon hasn’t talked about it much, but I know it hasn’t been easy for her when she was so close to her parents.
“I can’t let you in.” I cross my arms over my chest and stand firm. “Not after what happened last time.”
Mrs. Corrigan’s face softens. “We came…” She clears her throat. “I came to apologize. To make things right. I’m so sorry.”
Lennon’s dad puts his arm around her, and while I can hear her sincerity, I think he was the one who made all this happen. The man is stern and has strong family values, but he’s not a monster. I knew that the first time I met him, just as I knew he loved his family more than life itself.
Before I can even reply, Lennon’s voice interrupts my thoughts.
“Who is it?” Lennon asks from the kitchen. I step aside, and when she sees her parents, her eyes go wide. Shock and frustration are written all over her face. “What are you doing here?”
Her dad steps forward. “When your mother told me the truth, I wasn’t happy. I expected more from you, but Lennon, I’d never shut you out. I teach forgiveness and how we are not perfect creatures. My love for you and your sisters...nothing can erase that. The three of you are my pride and joy and always will be. I couldn’t stand the thought of you thinking we didn’t care about you or our grandbaby. So here we are.”
I move out of the way, allowing her mom and dad to step inside. Without waiting, her mother closes the gap and reaches out to Lennon. “Honey, I’m so sorry for being pushy. I know my girls are going to live their own lives, and I can’t control that anymore. You’ll understand one day what it’s like. We’ve just always wanted the best for you and your sisters. Ever since Maddie moved, it’s been hard letting go. You girls gave me purpose,” she admits. “I love you so much.”
Lennon nods, then flashes a small smile. “I love you too, Mom.” When they hug, Lennon accepts her apology and ultimately forgives her mother’s behavior. She wants her parents in their lives more than anything.
“I’m not going to lie, I was pretty disappointed when I found out you weren’t married,” her dad tells me. “It’s not too late for you two, so I’m not giving up. Bu
t…” He looks at his wife, and they hold a silent conversation before he continues. “When you’re both ready.”
My heart throbs hard in my chest when he gives me an encouraging wink. They could see how I really feel about their daughter, and even after everything that happened—the lies we told—they’re here hugging, loving, and, most importantly, accepting Lennon’s life choices.
“Do you want to meet Alison?” Lennon asks with a proud grin.
“Yes, please!” Mrs. Corrigan pleads. “We want to more than anything.”
Lennon takes Allie from her bouncer, and carefully places her in her mom’s arms. Mr. Corrigan reaches for her little hand and holds it while they both stare at her beauty. The love they have for their grandbaby is immediate. Tears stream down Lennon’s mother’s face and her dad looks at Alison with so much admiration, even I choke up. All of this takes me by surprise, and I can only imagine how Lennon feels. By the tears falling from her cheeks, it’s pure happiness.
Lennon’s mom notices our breakfast on the table and tells us to eat while they hold the baby. The two of us nearly inhale our food, and I don’t even mind that it’s cold. Them showing up was a nice and unexpected surprise. Lennon smiles at me, and I can tell by the look on her face that there’s so much she wants to say right now but doesn’t. Occasionally, she glances over at her parents with Alison and smiles wide. Once we’re finished eating, we join them in the living room.
As we continue to make small talk, Lennon’s mouth falls open. “Dad, you missed the first Sunday service of the new year.”
“It’s because I love you. We love you so much,” he says.
“I love you too.” Her bottom lip trembles. “Thank you.”
As I look around the room, all I can do is smile. I can see the love they have for each other, and it’s something that was always missing from my household growing up. Something that can’t be faked. It’s more than real, just as my feelings for Lennon are. Her parents see it. She knows it.
She takes Alison from her mother and smiles at me. Something streams between us, something unspoken and dangerous. That line she drew in the sand seems to be disappearing, regardless that I’ve tried to keep my distance and give her space.
Her dad asks if we’re dating, and I’m almost certain Lennon blushes. “No, Dad. Hunter’s my best friend, and we were just pretending. He was my fake husband, but we are roommates.”
He shrugs with a knowing grin. “For now,” he confidently says with a wink. I watch as Lennon bites her bottom lip, and pink hues hit her cheeks.
Maybe things will be different this year after all.
I haven’t given up on her—on us—and neither have her parents apparently.
Chapter Eighteen
Lennon
Tonight will be my first official night without Alison. I’m only mildly freaking out.
Okay, a lot freaking out.
She’s only six weeks old, and it feels like it’s too soon, but the longer I wait, the harder it’s going to be if I don’t rip off the Band-Aid and trust she’ll be okay without me for one night. Plus, it’s Maddie’s 20th birthday, so it’s the perfect opportunity to practice for when I go back to work. I know she mostly sleeps and eats right now anyway, but it doesn’t stop the mom guilt.
I pump every day, so I know I have plenty of milk for her, but that didn’t stop me from checking her diaper bag fifty times to make sure I packed everything before I dropped her off at Mrs. Locke’s house.
Hunter was so sweet and encouraging, telling me it was time I got out of the house and learned to socialize again. Okay, sweet might not be the right word; rather, he mocked me and said I needed to wear real clothes again.
So here I am at the bar for Maddie’s birthday celebration and ordering my first alcoholic drink in almost a year.
“Better be drinking that one for me,” Maddie taunts when I return to our table. “I can’t believe I have another year before I can legally drink.”
“Don’t be in such a rush to grow up,” Sophie says, typing out a text. “After twenty-one, it all goes downhill anyway.”
“Well, that’s encouraging.” Maddie chuckles.
I snort at the irony, considering neither of us really has our shit together. Sophie’s been dating Weston for almost two months, and things are getting pretty serious.
“I just want to be old enough to buy my own drinks and graduate college. Then time can freeze,” Maddie quips. “Also, didn’t we say no texting tonight, Soph?” she scolds her, reaching over the table for Sophie’s phone.
“I’m not! Okay, wait hold on. I’m almost done. It’s Weston. He’ll be mad if I don’t respond,” she states as if she’s picking her words carefully.
“He’ll get mad?” I repeat. “He knows you’re out with us tonight, so why is he bothering you anyway?”
She blinks up at us, then shrugs. “Okay, you’re right.” She locks her phone, then shoves it into her clutch. Sophie grabs her glass, then holds it up. “Time to celebrate!”
I hold up my drink, and Maddie holds up her virgin piña colada. We clink our glasses together, and then I take a large sip.
“Okay, time to dance!” Maddie announces, then bounces out of her seat. Her roommate, Erin, and another girl show up to party too. For the next two hours, Sophie and I dance with Maddie and her friends, and I take full advantage of ordering alcoholic drinks.
“Why didn’t we invite the guys out tonight?” Sophie asks when we finally take a break and head to the bar.
“Maddie said girls’ night only, and Hunter had plans anyway,” I say, trying to catch my breath. I don’t think I’ve danced that much since spring break three years ago.
“Ooh, what kind of plans?” She arches a brow.
“Some work thing. He said there was a new client he had to schmooze,” I half-ass explain.
“A new client, huh? A woman client?” she asks after the bartender takes our orders.
“Yeah, actually, it is a woman.” I pinch my lips together.
“Where were they going?”
“He said she’s staying at the Five Seasons, and they were meeting there for dinner and drinks.”
Sophie pops a brow. “That sounds like a date, Lennon.”
“He’d tell me if he was going on a date,” I argue. At least I think he would.
“How long do you expect him to wait for you?” Sophie asks once we grab our glasses, then walk back to our table where it’s quieter. “I know you have feelings for him.” She takes a sip, keeping her eyes locked on mine over the rim. “You can’t let guilt and fear control your life forever. Before you know it, he’ll have moved on for good, and you’ll be the one left brokenhearted.”
Sophie’s words are like a knife twisting in my heart. I know she’s genuine and wants me to be happy, but she can’t possibly know how I feel. Between losing Brandon and having his baby to kissing Hunter and feeling things for him that scare the shit out of me, I’m conflicted on what the right thing is. It feels too soon to move on, but if Brandon’s tragic accident has taught me anything, it’s that life is too short.
“You really think he’s ready to date?” I painfully ask, not sure I want the answer to that. It’s something I’ve always considered, knowing he won’t be content living with Alison and me forever. But the thought of him falling for someone else suddenly makes me want to vomit.
“I know he wants you, Lennon, but I also know Hunter has a big heart and a lot to offer. It wouldn’t surprise me if another woman was after him,” she says bluntly. “Even if he isn’t on a date right now, the fact that you’re scared of it being a possibility should be enough for you to realize it’s time to make a decision. Are you going to keep him in the friend zone forever because you’re scared, or are you going to follow your heart before it’s too late? How would you feel if he was on a date right now?”
A punch right to the gut.
That’s how it’d feel.
“When did you get so sentimental?” I ask, wiping away the tears
in my eyes before they can fall.
“If the thought of losing him makes you this emotional, what’s gonna happen when he actually is ready to move on with his life, and he starts dating again or finds someone serious?”
“I think…” I pause, my mind spinning in both directions. “I’d be heartbroken.”
Sophie nods with an I told you so smirk. “So why are you fighting it? Hasn’t he proven to you time and time again how much he loves you? How he’s always gonna be there for not only you but for Allie too. How the thought of him moving on is putting you in a panic right now. C’mon, Lennon...say it…” she encourages with a taunting smirk.
I inhale a deep breath, my heart racing as the liquor buzzes through me. “I’m in love with him.”
Holy shit.
The weight of admitting that feels like a thousand bricks off my shoulders.
“There’s my girl!” Sophie cheers loudly, though no one around us even seems to notice over the music of the dance floor. “Now, when are you going to tell him?”
My shoulders fall, and I slouch against my seat. “What if he’s changed his mind? He confessed his feelings to me months ago. What if he feels differently now?”
Sophie snaps her fingers in front of my face as if to pull me out of a haze. “Have you lost your damn mind? I know you had a baby and all, but did your brain go to mush?”
I slap her hand away and glare, but I know she’s right. It’s the same thing my parents have been saying for weeks.
I can’t let fear keep me from admitting what I feel because I know I’d have nobody but myself to blame if I lost him. How long can I push him away before he realizes he deserves better? Deserves to be loved? I know my insecurities are fueling my apprehension right now, but it’s all I can think about. So much has changed since that night months ago, and I don’t know if he’s been waiting for me all this time, or if we’re in friend-zone territory for good.