by Lane Cossett
Everyone clapped when they had finished and there were many words of praise. It was difficult to see who was most embarrassed. Lady Frances naturally took it all in her stride and stood back not expecting any of the praise to be directed at her.
When they had sat back down, Caroline Bingley took Lady Frances’s place at the pianoforte and energetically played a sonata. There was no doubt Miss Bingley played with a great deal of skill but there was something lacking in her performance. She simply played to perform and there was no feeling behind it. Before she had finished everyone had started talking quietly to each other. Darcy inwardly smiled as he saw Miss Bingley purse her lips. She was not a woman who liked to be ignored.
* * *
The evening went on later than they all expected as Miss Williams kept them all entertained with stories of her travels around theatres and opera houses both in England and on the continent.
The Gardiners were the first to leave with Miss Bennet. He was sorry to see them go.
Their coats were being fetched and Lady Frances was just having a word with Mr. and Mrs. Bingley when Caroline Bingley sidled up to him. He immediately took a step backwards and she gave a tinkle of laughter.
“Mr. Darcy, I do declare you are afraid of me?”
Darcy eyed her sharply. “Not at all Miss Bingley,” he said immediately.
“Perhaps not afraid, but unsure. I am glad you came this evening as I feel that the last time I met, I felt you misunderstood what I was trying to say.”
Mr. Darcy was aghast. The cheek of the woman. She had fondled his knee without him giving any hint that he wanted her to do so. He had misunderstood nothing.
Miss Bingley appeared buoyed by his silence. “I want you to know Mr. Darcy, that I think very highly of you, and I would not want you to make the same mistake as my brother has done.”
“What is that Caroline?” asked Bingley suddenly.
“Nothing Charles. I was only expressing gratitude to Mr. Darcy for coming this evening.”
Darcy was tempted to tell him the truth, but seeing Mrs Bingley’s pale face just behind him, he said nothing. Once again Miss Bingley had succeeded in spoiling the end of a party.
“Good night Bingley and thank you.”
48
Elizabeth was very quiet in the carriage on the way home, but Mr. Gardiner did not notice as he was too busy expressing his delight at having met Esta Williams.
“What a beautiful voice,” said Mr. Gardiner. “And what a nice lady. For her to invite us as her guests when we are barely acquainted is very kind.”
Elizabeth suddenly looked up. “She is acquainted with Mr. Bingley,” she said sharply.
“So I understand. Do you know how they met?”
Elizabeth shook her head. She had also thought Miss Williams seemed a pleasant woman, but she had seen the wink between her and Mr. Bingley and she could not help wondering what it had meant.
Jane had looked drawn all evening. In the past she had always known what her sister was thinking, but not now. Jane had started to change in the weeks before her marriage, but now she felt as if she hardly knew her. Was Jane worried about this woman and if she was should she be? They were questions Elizabeth could not answer.
“It was an honour to see her,” said Mr. Gardiner. “Her reputation is growing, and it will be lovely to see her on the stage.”
“Lizzy, I thought you and Miss Darcy sang beautifully too.”
“I don’t think you can compare,” said Elizabeth as her cheeks flooded with pink.
“Yes, you can. Everyone said how beautifully you sang,” said Mrs. Gardiner loyally.
“It was lovely and reminded me of when we were at Pemberley,” said Mr. Gardiner.
“William!” Mrs. Gardiner nudged her husband.
“Oh my dear… I am sorry. Elizabeth I should not have said anything. Naturally we did not know Mr. Darcy was going to be there… it must have been very difficult for you.”
Elizabeth tried to sound calmer than she felt. “Father has made it quite clear, I should forget Mr. Darcy and I am trying to do so.”
No one spoke for the rest of the journey and as soon as they were back at Cheapside Elizabeth made her excuses and went to her room.
Seeing Mr. Darcy had been a shock and a mixture of pain and pleasure. She had spoken the truth when she told Mrs. Gardiner she had been trying to forget him. Unfortunately she had not succeeded. Every day since they had parted at Cottingly Lane she had thought of Mr. Darcy and seeing him at the Bingley’s had confirmed for her that her love for him was as strong as ever.
* * *
When she went downstairs the following morning Elizabeth was pleased to receive a letter from Kitty with news from Longbourn. She let a little guilty that she had been so wrapped up with everything that was happening in London she had spared them little thought apart from one letter.
Dear Lizzy
Mother has been very sad since you went away and she spends a great deal of her time in her room only speaking to Mrs. Phillips. She is disappointed that Jane is not at Netherfield though she continues to tell Mary and I that we must find husbands who are as wealthy as Mr. Bingley. I wonder how when we have hardly left the house since Jane married.
Elizabeth sighed. Poor Kitty. She could imagine that life was very dull for her. Kitty still missed Lydia and now with Jane married and herself in London and no resources to occupy herself Kitty would be very miserable indeed.
Thank you for your letter. You are so fortunate to attend parties and balls. I wanted to go to the Assembly Rooms, but Mary has refused to attend, and mother will not allow me to go without you being here.
I have been walking into Meryton to visit Maria, but she caught a chill over a week ago and has taken to her bed and mother will not allow me to visit. I can only hope she recovers soon.
Elizabeth hoped so too. She was very fond of Maria. As Charlotte Collins’ younger sister they had spent a lot of time together. Elizabeth thought of asking her aunt to take her to Mercer’s the haberdashers in Cheapside so she could select some new ribbon and some lace for Kitty and some buttons to send some cheer to Maria.
Do you know when you will be returning home? I do miss you so very much.
Elizabeth winced as she pondered Kitty’s question. She did not know what she could tell her sister. Her father seemed to be in no hurry to return to Longbourn, which she found strange. He had always complained that he disliked London, but now he seemed very happy to reside there. It was very puzzling. Poor Kitty looked destined to be lonely for a while longer.
Elizabeth finished the letter and then put it aside. Her reply would not be easy to compose. She knew Kitty was jealous of her time in London. If Kitty knew the truth she might not have been so envious.
* * *
Darcy was trying to read the morning paper as he ate his breakfast. He had sighed loudly several times as Georgiana insisted on telling her delight of their evening with the Bingleys and how much she had enjoyed singing with Miss Bennet. “I thought we would be seen very poorly in comparison to Miss Williams, but thankfully Miss Bennet’s voice is so strong she was able to cover any mistakes I made.”
“Georgiana, you both sang beautifully,” insisted Lady Frances. “Do you not think so Darcy?”
“Yes very nicely indeed,” said Darcy who was not really listening.
“Georgiana, have you finished ?” asked their aunt. “Is Mr. Howard not coming soon to hear you play?”
Georgiana, suddenly looked stricken. “Yes indeed. How poorly he will think of me. With so many things to do, I have been neglecting my studies again.”
His sister disappeared from the room.
“Thank you,” said Darcy smiling at his aunt.
Lady Frances frowned. “Darcy I try hard not to interfere, but you are becoming more distracted daily. You agreed to come to London in order that Georgiana could enjoy the season and yet you constantly ignore her.”
“It was you who agreed you would take her to these dance
s,” he said a little resentfully.
“And so I did, but it would please her if you agreed to attend at least one ball.”
Darcy raised his eyebrows. To stand around in evening dress making idle conversation with people he did not know, was something was loath to do. He looked at his aunt who was patiently waiting for his answer.
“If I agree to one, do you promise there will be no more?” he asked.
“No Darcy, I do not. Your sister’s happiness is in your hands,” said Lady Frances firmly. “Now will you come to the Duke of Roxborough’s ball with us. You have an invite and it is going to be larger than any other ball this season.”
Darcy inwardly groaned. It did not sound like something he wanted to attend.
“It is a masquerade ball – so no one will recognise you,” said Lady Frances.
Darcy was appalled. He put down his paper. “And you are taking Georgiana?”
“Indeed I am. She is looking forward to it.”
Darcy had only been to one masquerade ball in his life. It had been when he had been down at Cambridge and the party had descended into a scene of debauchery the memory of which still appalled him.
“It does not sound the sort of event Georgiana should be attending,” he said firmly.
“Then you should come and chaperone her,” said his aunt.
Darcy sighed. What a determined woman his aunt was. So very different from his own mother who had been a gentle, almost timid soul.
“So you will come?” said Lady Frances helping herself to another cup of hot chocolate.
“I …. I will consider it!” He rose to his feet. He was eager to get away from his aunt before she tried to press him into doing something else.
“Miss Bennet is going to be there…”
Darcy let his heart jump. He composed his features to give nothing away. He knew the remark had been made deliberately and he had no wish for his aunt to start speculating about Miss Bennet and himself.
“And her aunt and uncle no doubt,” he said quickly. “If I attend it would certainly be an opportunity to see Mr. Gardiner again. I always enjoy discussing fishing with him.”
Lady Frances merely smiled.
Darcy was embarrassed by his reply. He had wanted to divert his aunt, but he was sure he had not fooled her at all.
49
Elizabeth had just finished a letter to Kitty the next morning, telling her all about the opera when Phoebe came to her room to say Mrs. Gardiner had a visitor and as she was not at home the gentleman had asked for her.
“Who is it Phoebe?”
“Mr. Darcy miss.”
Elizabeth hesitated. Why had he asked for Mrs. Gardiner? It was most odd.
She wondered whether to send a message feigning sickness, but she could not. Now he knew she was to be married she owed him an explanation.
“I will be down in a moment,” she said.
She gazed in the mirror, readjusted two hair pins and added a touch of powder to the end of her nose that was looking rather red and then went down stairs, hoping that he would not see how nervous she was.
He was standing by the hearth in the parlour.
“Good morning Mr. Darcy. I am afraid my aunt is not at home.”
Her heart was fluttering hard. It was going to take all her strength to maintain her composure.
Mr. Darcy’s expression was cold. “I did not come to see Mrs. Gardiner. In truth, I wanted to speak to you.”
Elizabeth’s heart started to race. She could not stay in a room alone with Mr. Darcy, especially now she had agreed to marry the viscount.
“Shall we take a turn around the garden?” she suggested.
“If that would please you,” said Mr. Darcy.
Elizabeth called for Phoebe who was hovering outside the door and they went through the garden doors, down the steps into the garden.
Phoebe walked at a discreet different behind them.
Elizabeth asked the first thing that came into her mind. “How is Miss Darcy?”
“Georgiana is well, thank you. She is not aware that I was going to call, but if she had I am in no doubt she would have sent her best wishes to you. She has spoken of her pleasure in being able to renew your acquaintance.”
Elizabeth blushed. “I too was pleased to see Miss Darcy. It brought some happy memories of when we were at …” Elizabeth gazed at the plant in front of her. Staring at it she tried to think of the name of it, but she could not recall.
“Is it true?” asked Mr. Darcy, his voice softening.
Elizabeth did not try to misunderstand what he was saying. “Yes, it is true.” She could not look at him. It was shameful. What must he be thinking of her?
Mr. Darcy did not immediately say anything and they continued to walk in silence, occasionally stopping to admire a plant that neither of them were interested in. It was Elizabeth who finally spoke. “You should not be here.”
Mr. Darcy gazed down at her. “Do you really believe that? It was not so very long ago that we agreed to wait for each other. Now you are to marry someone else.”
Elizabeth wanted to tell him the truth, but she could not. Her father had not forbidden it, but there was enough shame on the family as it was. She did not want anyone to know the true reason for her engagement to Viscount Langley.
She took a breath and tried again to speak. “I did agree to wait, but after some consideration I realised that it was not fair to either of us. Viscount Langley asked me to marry him and I have accepted. I’m afraid there is nothing more to be said.”
Elizabeth jumped as Mr. Darcy made an explosive sound. She looked at him in surprise. She swallowed hard as she saw the pain in his eyes.
“I have always thought of you as someone who would speak the truth. As you are aware there was a time when that caused me great pain, but I have come to admire that quality in you. I do not understand why you are no longer showing such honesty.”
Elizabeth felt a lump in her throat. He had no idea how difficult this was for her.
“Do you love this man?” asked Darcy.
Elizabeth shook her head. Surely he must know that she would not love anyone but him?
“Then why would you marry him?”
The tears started to run unchecked down her face. “I have to marry him. Mr. Darcy you need to accept that, and I would ask if you love me, you will let me go.”
Mr. Darcy’s voice sounded strange. “I cannot do that.”
“Yes you can,” sobbed Elizabeth. She wiped the tears away from her cheek. “You have to sir I am to marry the viscount very soon and in the spring I understand I will be going to live in Cambridgeshire. I would like you to forget any affection you have felt for me.”
Mr. Darcy gazed at her a disappointed expression on his face. “Do you believe I am so fickle that I could just dismiss you from my mind?”
She wanted to believe it. “Miss Bingley told me that you regretted asking me to marry.”
Mr. Darcy made another explosive sound. “And you believed her?”
For a short while she had, but when they had met again and she had seen the love in his eyes she had known Miss Bingley had lied. “No I don’t, but I wish it was true and then I would not hurt you. You have to forget me. You must find someone who can be a sister to Miss Darcy and someone more suited than I to be the mistress of Pemberley. The house, the staff, you all deserve better than me.”
She saw Mr. Darcy clench his fists and she took a step backwards. For a moment she thought he was going to strike her.
He saw the small movement and gave a wry smile. “Do not be afraid madam. The frustration I feel, runs more deeply than you can imagine, but I could never hurt you. I love you.”
Elizabeth could not bear the pain in his voice or the pain in her heart. Summoning every ounce of strength, she looked up at him. “We cannot meet again,” she said firmly. She beckoned to Phoebe who was immediately by her side. “Please show Mr. Darcy out.”
Mr. Darcy hesitated, his eyes locked with hers.
<
br /> “Phoebe…” she broke their gaze and turned away.
She wanted him to be gone before she broke down completely.
She held her breath wondering what he would do.
“Good day Miss Bennet.” She nodded but did not turn around and she heard an impatient sigh.
She stayed where she was but as he left, she suddenly heard the voice of her aunt. “Mr. Darcy. What an unexpected pleasure.”
Elizabeth bent down to smell a bright pink rose She could not hear Mr. Darcy’s reply. Brief words were exchanged, and then he was gone.
She did not move until Mrs. Gardiner joined her. “Lizzy, are you alright?”
Elizabeth tried to speak, but she could not. The lump in her throat and the tears running down her cheeks.
“Oh my dear. I am so sorry.” Mrs. Gardiner put an arm about her shoulder and guided her back inside. Elizabeth wondered if it was possible for her heartbreak to grow any worse.
50
When the day of the Duke of Roxborough’s ball finally arrived, Elizabeth was feeling quite nervous. She still felt unhappy that the only reason why they had received an invitation was on the recommendation of Lady Egerton. It left her wondering whether or not they would be welcomed. They were not acquainted with either the Duke or any member of his family and she worried whether they would feel out of place.
She had been surprised to learn it was a masquerade ball, and masks would be worn. She had never attended one before but thought it sounded rather amusing to be able to hide behind a mask.
Her two new dresses had been delivered with the changes she had requested and having decided to wear the one in pale gold, she had set about with Mrs. Gardiner’s guidance to make herself a mask which she had embroidered with tiny beads and flowers with the same colour thread as the dress.