Chapter 20
Brothers, the police just came to my jail cell early morning and released me. No apologies. No one wished me good luck with my future. No one said be good and don’t come back. The pricks didn’t even serve me breakfast. They just handed my stuff while I signed a form. Not one of them said goodbye as I left the facility.
By the grace of God, the police released me on the morning of my first batch of final exams. Brothers, at least I could finish my first semester at college. Perhaps I wouldn’t earn the highest grades, definitely not high enough to hang out in Dean Tremaine’s circle, or at least former circle since the board demoted him. Sometimes, I feel sorry for the pompous prick. At one moment, the board groomed him to take the position of the university president and who knows; perhaps he would become a future state leader. Now, he only teaches a class or two every semester, a has-been roaming the halls in the business building.
That Friday, after completing my final exams, I tied one on at a Delta party.
Drew asked, “Dude, I can’t believe you were arrested.”
I took a swig of the beer in my plastic cup, “What can I say? I was wrongfully arrested. Wrongfully accused.”
“I’m surprised the university let you come back.”
“What do you mean? They can’t expel me. I was only charged with disturbing the public – just a slap on the wrist.”
“Yeah dude, and you still owe me a hundred bucks.”
I pulled out my wallet and counted out a hundred in old wrinkled tens and twenties. Then I handed it to Drew.
“Thanks dude.”
“I always pay my debt.”
Drew sipped his beer and asked, “Dude, everyone thought you were the master cat burglar. And I said, yup, he’s my roommate who terrorized this tiny town.”
I choked on my beer. Then I cleared my throat and said, “What? It’s wasn’t me. Good thing, the police arrested the real culprit.”
“Oh yeah, that crazy Christian dude from the church.”
“Yup, my Christian brother.”
“So you know this guy?”
“Of course, I know him. We went to the same church, and we worked together for the school newspaper.”
“The papers said the police linked him to several murders. That’s incredible. Do you think he killed those people?”
“I don’t know. He seemed like a good guy, but you never can tell about people from his looks, can you? People present one face to the world, and then they turn around and commit some real wicked shit.”
Drew gave me a strange look, “Yeah, you’re right. You can never tell about a person.”
We heard a commotion as a crowd gathered around the aluminum beer keg in the living room.
I pointed, “A keg stand. Do you wanna try?”
“Dude, that’s too crazy.”
“I’m going for it.”
I squeezed through the crowd as a frat boy screamed, “Who’s next.”
I stood next to the keg and screamed, “I am.”
Someone took my plastic cup. I grabbed both sides of the beer keg with my hands as two frat brothers grabbed and lifted my back feet until my body formed a slight angle.
Another guy pumped the keg to build up the pressure. Then he stuck the beer nozzle into my mouth and released a river of beer that shot through my esophagus like an express train.
The crowd began cheering, “Go. Go Go Go…” while the beer gushed through my mouth and filled my stomach.
After several seconds, I started slapping the hand of the guy who held the beer nozzle. And the whole thing stopped. The frat brothers lowered me to the ground.
The crowd cheered as several guys patted me on the back one by one.
As I stood on my feet, the world wobbled a little.
Someone handed me a plastic cup filled with beer, and I joined Drew again.
“Dude, that was awesome.”
“You’re next.” I said.
“I don’t think so.”
“You always said you’re in college. These are the best times of your life.”
“But. But I have my limits.” Drew stammered.
“Well, suit yourself then.”
“Do you think you’ll join the Deltas?”
“I don’t know.” I said. “They are a bunch of cool guys, but I don’t know. I hope they’ll let me party with them some more before they cut off the free beer.”
“Those membership dues are a killer.”
“Tell me about. Just like our tuition bills.”
After some serious drinking, Drew and I stumbled towards our dorm room. About half way home, Drew stopped walking and grabbed my hand to stop me.
I turned to look at him.
“Jax, no bullshit. Okay.”
“What?”
“You were the town burglary, weren’t you?”
“Oh, come on. I’ve already told you. It was my crazy Christian brother.”
“Dude, serious. It was you. I know it was you.”
“What makes you say that?”
“I’m not a complete moron. Every time a break-in occurred, you were never around.”
I looked to the ground, “What difference does it make?”
“It makes a huge difference.”
I looked at Drew again, “Okay, let’s entertain your idea for a second. What if I were the town burglary? What difference could it make now?”
“I thought about what you said. We’re in college and at the peak of our lives. It doesn’t get any better than this. Then after graduation, it’s all downhill with our gravestone standing straight up at the base of the hill.”
“But that’s true for everyone. What’s your point?”
“I’ve done nothing crazy in my life except get drunk.”
“Tonight, I suggested you do a keg stand, but you backed out.”
“Phew. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about something real crazy. So when I’m sitting on a folding chair at an old folks’ home and chewing bubble gum with the old timers, I could tell a story or two.”
“You mean you want to do something serious, so you will have stories to brag about during your retirement?”
“It’s not just about the stories. Sometimes, I feel like my life is a giant bowl of plain vanilla ice cream. Nothing special.”
I shook my head back and forth, “I serious doubt you’re the only one with a dull life.”
“Well, what about you? What kind of stories do you have to tell?”
“I think I should be like you and wait to tell them when I sitting at a table at an old folks’ home. And, of course, the statute of limitations has run out.”
“See, that’s what I’m talking about.”
“Then what can I do?”
“Help me do something crazy?”
“Like what?”
“Like break into a building somewhere.”
“No.” I shook my head back and forth, “No way.”
“I don’t care about the money. Just a memento for memories.”
“No. Absolutely not.”
“Jax, you don’t have to enter with me. Just tell me how to do it, so I don’t get caught. Just wait for me around the corner.”
“You really want me to teach you how to do it?”
“It can be something simple.”
“I promised myself if I were released, I would never do this again. I’m retired. I’m training for a new position.”
“Just this one time. That’s all I ask.”
“Why do you want to do this? You got a scholarship. Your tuition’s paid for. I had nothing except several dead end job offers and an empty bank account.”
“Then I’ll pay you.”
“No. I don’t need your money.”
We started walking towards the dorm again. Brothers, I looked at Drew, and he looked so pitiful. What could I do?
I stopped, “Okay.”
Drew stopped and looked at me, “Okay what?”
“I do have the last job
, but you can’t tell anyone.”
Drew grinned from ear to ear, “That’s great. What’s the job?”
“I’ll tell you when we get there.”
So, brothers, we walked and walked until we made it half way across the suspension bridge. I stopped to peer at the freezing dark waters passing below. I shivered a little. I haven’t been on this side of town since the police chased me all over town that one unfortunate night.
Drew said, “The waters look cold.”
“You should try swimming across it at midnight.”
“What?”
“Never mind. Let’s go.”
We crossed the bridge and walked up the hillside park. We stopped at the park bench to sit down.
I started, “Here’s the job. Dean Tremaine’s –“
“What? Dean Tremaine’s place?”
“Well, he’s not Dean anymore. Besides, I thought you said you wanted to do this.”
“Okay. Okay. I’m listening.”
“I mean professor Tremaine’s place is the bright yellow Victorian house with white trim. It’ll be on your right when you walk down the street. It has a white porch swing in the front. You can’t miss it.”
“Okay. But what if he’s home.”
“He’s not home.”
“How do you know?”
“He took the whole family to Europe.”
“Alright.”
“So put on your gloves.”
“But I don’t have any gloves.”
I pulled my gloves off and passed them to Drew, “Then take mine. Climb the fence to the backyard and push out a small windowpane on the door. Don’t worry. The house has no alarm.”
“What do you want me to take?”
“Phaedra has a Beatle’s collector album. It’s probably hanging on the wall in her bedroom. And it’s expensive.”
“How expensive.”
“A thousand bucks.”
Drew whistled.
“Yeah, I know. I was stupid enough to have bought it for her.”
“And you’re complaining about the tuition bill.”
“I didn’t say I always exercised the best judgment. So you better go before I change my mind.”
“Okay.”
Drew turned to go, but I stopped him and added, “And look for a black skeleton key. It’s probably in a dresser drawer or jewelry box in her room too. If you don’t find it, then don’t worry about it. She could’ve taken it to Europe with her.”
“What’s so special about the key?”
“It’s my lucky talisman.”
“It doesn’t seem to be so lucky after all, since you lost your girl.”
“Just go smartass.”
Drew walked away.
I yelled, “Good luck.”
Drew raised his right hand and pumped it up and down several times.
Brothers, I waited and waited for this guy for one long, long hour. Of course, I worried the police were patrolling the neighborhood and caught Drew breaking in, but I heard no sirens and saw seen no red and blue flashing lights.
Finally, I heard approaching footsteps. Then Drew appeared.
I asked, “What took you so long?”
“Dude, I had to search for it.”
“Did you find the skeleton key?”
“Yup, I found it.”
He put the picture frame down and handed me my black skeleton key.
“Oh, don’t forget this.” Then he handed me a pink woman’s panties.
“What the fuck?”
“I brought you two gifts.”
“I just wanted the skeleton key.”
“And now, you have something to remember your girl too.”
“I don’t think I need her panties.”
“Well, those are special. And by the way, I didn’t find those in the dresser drawer.”
“What?”
“Take a whiff.”
“Oh no. You didn’t. Oh man.” I said.
“Yup, I found them in the dirty laundry.”
Drew pulled out several slips of paper and said, “I found these too.”
I studied the paper, “Those look like straps someone uses to bundle money.”
“Do you see what’s stamped across them?”
I held them up to the moonlight and saw the University Bursar Office stamped in red ink diagonally across every strap.
“Oh shit.”
“You don’t think she robbed the university?”
“No way. It can’t be her.” I said.
“It looks like your ex is really naughty.”
“I don’t think it was her.”
“Then how did she get those?”
“I wonder where the hockey team was during my protest.”
“So you think the hockey team robbed the university?”
“I don’t know.” I grabbed Drew’s shoulder and looked him in the eyes, “Please, don’t tell anyone. Okay?”
“We should call the police.”
I pointed at the picture frame on the ground, “Then how will you explain to the police how we found the money straps?”
“Jax, that’s a really good point.”
“Let’s go.”
Drew picked up the picture frame, and we headed towards the bridge.
“So where did you find my key?”
“You won’t believe me if I told you.”
“Try me.”
“I looked for that damn Beatles’ album everywhere. No one tosses out a thousand-dollar collector’s item. After I searched her room, I thought I would try the attic where I found the album leaning against a pile of boxes.”
“What about the key?”
“That’s even better. I saw an old workbench in the attic. As I walked by, I noticed an old jar filled with rusty nails and leftover screws and nuts. Your key was in there.”
“Damn, I guess my girl didn’t appreciate my gifts.”
“Dude, you’ve been replaced. She found someone new, and she moved on. Then she put your stuff into storage.”
“Where’d you find the money straps?”
“In her underwear drawer.”
“It figures.”
We started walking across the bridge. I said, “Anyway, the family will know someone broke into their house when they return. You make sure to take that Beatle’s album home to your parents’ house and leave it there.”
“No way. I want to hang it in the dorm room.”
“Drew, you must be smart. Phaedra’s father will call the police when he sees the broken window. Phaedra may spot the missing album and skeleton key and suspect it was me who broke into her house. She knows that I know about her family vacation to Europe.”
“Oh, come on. When someone stores something in the attic, it’s almost as if that person is throwing it away.”
“That’s true. Then do this. Take the album home with you. If the police don’t search our room, and we remain in the clear, then bring the album with you when you return for the second semester.”
“Can do.”
We stopped at the halfway point on the bridge.
Drew asked, “What’re doing?”
“Saying goodbye to my girl.” I pulled out Phaedra’s pink panties and tossed them into the dark, raging waters below.
Paying for College - The Novel Page 39