She didn’t say anything. She listened. But her facial expression told it all.
“Then he flirted with this girl named Angel in my face. He kissed her and was touching all over her. I had a panic attack in the locker room and the EMS was there…” My mother abruptly cut me off and said, “EMS was there for who? You?” “Yes, because I lost it,” I said. “Breana, why didn’t you tell me? When did all of this happen?” she asked. “A couple of days ago,” I replied.
She called for my daddy, yelling his name, “Luke Senior!”
“Mom, please don’t tell Daddy,” I begged her.
“Senior!” she yelled.
I heard my daddy running up the stairs saying, “Is everything alright?”
“What is going on?” he gasped, as he was out of breath.
My mother looked at me and told him, “That damn boy, that is what’s wrong. Have you noticed your baby walking around here, moping about?”
“Yep, but I figured it was boy problems. Bree knows she can talk to me anytime. I figured she would come talk to me when she felt like it,” he replied.
“No, Bree had a panic attack because that damn fool broke up with her and was flirting with some little girl, and the EMS had to come out to the school because Breana lost her mind,” my mother said, still looking at me. She continued, “Bree is going to let this damn boy make her lose her entire mind.”
My daddy said, “Wait. Just wait a minute, Bree. EMS came out to the school for you? When? And why?”
“Yes, Daddy, but I am okay. I just was upset, because Brian broke up with me and started talking to another girl. My head started to hurt and I was dizzy, that’s all. I am okay. It is over. I am fine,” I replied.
“The thought didn’t come to your mind to tell us anything?” he said angrily.
“Daddy, I had it under control,” I answered.
“Where is your phone?” he asked.
“It’s in my dresser drawer,” I told him.
He looked in the top drawer and asked me to turn on my phone. I turned it on, and it was going off non-stop.
Sunday, 11:38 a.m.
“I got your man, bitch.”
Sunday, 11: 40 a.m.
“Don’t even think about asking him back. He is done with you.”
Sunday, 11:41 a.m.
“I can give him what you can’t.”
Sunday, 11:43 a.m.
“If I see you with him I am going to beat your ass. He is mine now. Don’t even think about looking his way, bitch!”
“Who is this? Is it that little tramp he’s talking to now?” my mother asked.
“Babe, you can’t be calling the little girl a tramp. She’s just a child,” my daddy said to my mom.
“She’s a tacky tramp, calling my baby all kinds of damn names,” replied Momma.
Daddy looked at her, “I am going to hush my mouth.”
I answered my mom, “I guess Brian gave her my number or she got it out of his phone.”
“If that girl puts her hands on you, you better beat her ass,” my mom said.
“Wait a minute, Vanessa, she is not going to be fighting over a boy,” Daddy protested.
She was mad as she retorted, “Luke Senior, she will not be fighting over that damn fool. If that girl comes for my baby, Breana’s going to beat her ass. And I mean she’s going to beat her ass good, too. This is some crazy mess. Breana, you better not show her any mercy.”
“Get your butt out of bed. You been lying in bed all weekend over this no-good boy. You should never give anyone power over you,” my mother said as she threw my covers on the floor.
I was looking at my daddy, thinking he was going to help me or something. “Well, I am going to head out and look at my movie,” he said.
“Daddy,” I pleaded.
“Bree, baby, I can’t help you this time around. I am going to let your mother handle that,” he replied.
My mother told me to put on my clothes and told me to come downstairs to help her make breakfast.
5
Chapter five
Summer had a game later that afternoon.
I was in a daze because I felt like Brian had gotten the better of me. My heart was crushed into a trillion pieces. I shouldn’t care, but in reality, I am human. Sometimes I do not want to see what is in front of me, but I see clearly that if it’s not one thing with Brian, it’s something else that isn’t good for me.
I heard the crowd yelling but I was in such a daze that they sounded like they were underwater or at a far distance, but I am front and center in the midst of it all.
I looked around. We all had on sky blue shirts with our yellow mini towels.
The other team colors were dark green and black. However, their supporters had on all kinds of colors. Maybe, our team is too serious when it comes to soccer. We come to represent.
As I continue to think… it amazes me how someone can turn your world upside down and not even care. Brian doesn’t give a shit about my feelings. He doesn’t give a damn about how badly he hurt me. He is carrying on with his life as if everything is just fine. Well, maybe everything is fine in his world. It’s because he never cared. He didn’t invest in as much time as I did. He wasn’t there for me like I was there for him. He is the true definition of a selfish person.
The soccer ball was kicked my way. I had to think quickly because it was coming forwards my face. The referee had his hands up and said loudly, “Out!”
I quickly covered my face and I moved to the side.
“I’m out here, Bree-Bree,” Summer yelled with her hands cupped around her mouth.
That was my key to snap out of it.
My mother laughed, “You know Summer likes all eyes on her during the game. You know she likes to have your attention.” She continued, “Try to get that boy off your mind. Try your best to enjoy the game.” I laid my head on her shoulder for a couple of seconds, “You are right. Thanks, Mommy.”
I told myself as I smiled—I can get used to this attention from my mommy. I love it!
I waved at Summer and gave her the two fingers eyes signal to let her know I see her. I yelled as I continued to do the two fingers eyes signal and yelled, “I see you, Love Bug!”
The other team kicked the ball out of bounds. Summer ran over my way so she could throw the ball in to continue the game. Before she threw the ball to her teammates, she looked at me and said, “Love Bug? Really? I prefer Summer when I’m out in public.” I smirked, “Okay, Love Bug.”
I looked at the time, and goodness, time went by so fast. I didn’t know the game was almost over. Daydreaming had taken up most of my time. I missed ninety percent of the game. No wonder Summer kicked the ball my way. I couldn’t help but think—that’s is what Brian does—he takes up most of my time. He took up most of my time when we were together and he is taking up my time when we are not together. I have seriously got to get it together. ASAP.
Summer threw the ball and ran towards the goal since she was playing an offense position. I was like, goodness how did she get to the other side of the field that quick? Her teammates were yelling, “Summer, try to break free. Find an open spot!”
Summer ran left and then quickly ran to the right. The little girl on the other team was confused, and she fell. Maybe she was dizzy because Summer was moving around so fast! As if she was a tsunami. They passed the ball to Summer. Summer took control of the ball. Her footwork was so fast and perfect. A parent yelled, “Help Summer out!” Another parent yelled, “Defense!”
The game was intense. The other team gained on Summer and managed to take control of the ball. The little girl on the other team who had control of the ball was running really quickly down the field.
Rachel’s mother on our team yelled, “No, do let them score on our field! Not today! Not today!”
Kristen’s dad got out of his chair and yelled, “Knock their heads off! Do not let them score! Defense! Get on them!” As he flung his arms in the air he didn’t notice his T-shirt was too small b
ecause his stomach was showing when he raised his arms. He ran down the field, out of breath, yelling, “Kristen, what are you doing? Keep your eyes focused on the ball.”
For a minute, it sounded like crickets. Everyone looked at Kristen’s dad.
Kirsten’s mother said, “David, really? Knock their heads off! Come on babe. We can’t promote that kind of behavior.” Some of the parents started laughing because Mr. David was serious.
The other team tried to score, but Brenda, our goalie, caught the ball. Our team supporters got up yelling, “Yes! Good job, team! Great teamwork! Brenda, way to go, good catch!”
Rachel’s mother yelled again, “Not on our field! Not today!” She took off her hair bow and put it back on and took it off again. She didn’t know what she wanted to do. She wrapped it up in a bun.
Everyone yelling, “Summer, you got it!” I yelled as loud as I could, “Take it to the goal, you got it! Psych them out!”
My mother’s hair was blowing in her face as she stood on her feet, clapping her hands and yelling, “Run it! Baby, run it! Take it to the goal, baby!” My daddy got out of his chair yelling, “That’s right, baby girl, stay focused and keep control of the ball.”
A girl on the other team was saying something to Summer. My daddy yelled, “Summer, baby girl, block her out. Don’t listen to what she’s saying. Stay focused. Keep your eyes on the ball and score or pass when you are ready.”
The game was tied 4-4. It was so intense and everyone was on their tippy toes.
Summer did all kinds of tricks with her feet. She passed the ball to her teammate Penny. Penny did her thing and passed it back to Summer. Summer paused for a nanosecond as she positioned herself to prepare for a goal. She kicked the ball with all her might. It went slightly over the goalie’s head. The little girl ducked and the ball went in.
Everybody got out of their chairs, yelling, “Great teamwork! Great job, Summer!
The final score was 4-5. Our team won once again!
After they paid their respects to the other team, Summer and her teammates came over and got their snacks. Everyone congratulated them on another win.
Mr. David said, “Summer, you were going to knock her head off.” Summer winked her eye and smiled as she said, “No, sir that wasn’t my intention—she just so happened to be in the wrong position. She was smart enough to duck.”
Summer pretended like she was going to punch me in my stomach. I reacted to it quickly and I had a quick reflex. While she was opening her Gatorade, she said, “Breana Anderson, what was on your mind? Or maybe I should ask, who was on your mind?”
“My bad,” I said as I smiled slightly and gave Summer a side hug.
I continued as we walked together, “You did your thing out there.”
“Yeah, it was teamwork like always. But big sissy, you know I have to hear your voice to get in the groove. You were silent today.” Summer said after she took a sip of her drink.
“I promise, no more distractions,” I replied as I gave her a quick kiss on her cheek.
She wiped it off, “Ugh. What are you doing? That’s nasty!”
I laughed.
Summer said, as she peeled her banana, “For real, Bree, today I missed you while I was on the field. I missed your voice, that is why I kicked the ball your way.”
“I got you baby sis, next time. I pinky promise!” I agreed as I held out my finger.
Summer, gripped her pinky with mine and said, “Okay! I know you do. You always got my back, big sis! That’s why your Love Bug loves you so much!
6
Chapter six
As I was driving to school I read an affirmation that
I’d placed on my dashboard months ago. It said, “At the moment you cannot see it, but everything is going to be alright.” I couldn’t focus because I’d been crying for days; it feels like it’s been months. I always swore I would never be the victim, but I feel like the victim. I cannot wrap my head around how Brian would treat me like this after all I have done for him. Forget about all of what I’ve done, but I was there for him mentally. I kept him afloat with his pathetic and frantic life. That’s the problem, I carried him and he didn’t appreciate anything I did.
I am so angry!
There were many days when I had to push myself to make it through another day because I was talking to him all night, listening to his problems and giving advice. When he didn’t have anyone in his corner, I was there. I cannot understand why he would treat the one he’s supposed to love this way. It is a fact —he doesn’t love me—he just loved what I could do for him.
The pain is weighing on my heart. There are times when I want to be alone, and there are times when I want to talk to someone. I do not feel like being judged. I know if I talk to Chloe, she’s going be like, “Girl, how dare he do that to you? He ain’t shit, and blah blah blah.” I want to talk to my parents, but my mother might be tired of listening to me talk about Brian, and my daddy just might break Brian’s neck.
Okay, Google, call big brother.
(ring… ring……)
Luke answered. He sounded like he was busy. As he answered the phone he was talking to someone before he said, “Hey, little sis, to what do I owe the pleasure for this call?”
Hearing my brother’s voice made me feel at home and comfortable. I busted out crying.
Luke quickly said, “Bree... Bree… what’s wrong?”
I didn’t answer because I was still crying.
He said again, “Bree… Breana… talk to me. What’s wrong? Say something.”
After I blew my nose I said, “Brian broke up with me.”
Luke took a deep breath, “Again?”
Still crying, I blew my nose again. I couldn’t stop crying but I managed to say, “Yes.”
Luke sounded like he was tired of the same shit as he said, “Bree, why do you keep putting up with his no-good ass? I know this is hard to say, but you do this to yourself. Brian has broken up with you, shit, I don’t know how many times and you keep taking his worthless ass back. Why? Why? Bree, why do you keep putting yourself through his bullshit? You know what you’re going to get out of this—unnecessary hurt, pain, tears and stress.”
Still crying, I agreed, “Yeah, I know.”
Luke said, “Well, Bree, why do you keep putting up with it?”
“I don’t know,” I answered.
“Yes, you do know, Bree. Why? I told you he wasn’t a good fit for you. You will get over him soon if you stop taking him back,” Luke said angrily.
“Luke, I called you because I didn’t want anyone to judge me,” I said, as I felt worse than before I called him.
He tried saying something. I didn’t let him finish. “I am so sorry I called you. Never mind. Carry on with your day. I didn’t mean to bother you.”
I hung up the phone.
Luke called me back but I didn’t answer. He called me back again a couple times but I let it ring. I didn’t feel like being criticized.
I parked my car and cut off the engine. I am not up for classes today, but I have an exam at eleven. I am not prepared for the test. I haven’t studied because I cannot focus. My mind isn’t in motion. I feel like my mind is paralyzed from the emotional, physical, mental, and traumatized shock. I really have to get myself together because I look and feel like a mess. I sit in my car and cry. I am tired of trying to cry my pain and hurt away. They say it takes time, but how long? I have about an hour before my class. I need to look over my notes, but I am so sleepy. I am going to lay my seat back and close my eyes for a quick second.
“Breana.” (I heard tapping on the window, but I didn’t want to open my eyes because this was the first time I’d really had some good sleep in days). “Breana.” (I heard my name. Maybe if I kept my eyes closed they would go away). “Breana.”
I kept my eyes closed and slurred my words. “Please go away.”
The tapping continued. That person kept calling my name, but it was more of an out-of-body experience.
The tapping continued.
“Bree. Wake up.” The voice said as the tapping on my window continued.
I opened my eyes. It was T’eo.
I let my seat up, rubbed my heavy eyes, and sat there for a minute to get my mind right.
He was speaking through the window, “Breana, are you okay?”
I rolled the window down, “Yes. I am okay. Thanks for asking.”
I really didn’t want to talk about what had been going on in my life. T’eo was looking at me like he knew I wasn’t going to open the door. I rolled the window back up and unlocked the doors.
He got in the car and sat on the passenger side. He asked, “Breana, are you really okay? You face looks puffy and you look ill.”
“I am okay,” I replied as I looked in the mirror trying to do something with my hair.
“If you say so, because you don’t look too good,” he said in return.
“Yeah, I am okay. Thanks.” I assured him as I turned my head, looking at the bright orange car parked beside me.
I came back to reality, and yelled as I gathered my books, “Wait! Oh, my gosh, what time is it? I have an exam at eleven o’clock!”
I was rushing, gathering papers, my phone, backpack, calculator. I picked up my book and lip gloss off the floor. As I opened the door with my index finger my book and paper fell out of my hand. My phone fell right after and the screen cracked. I fell back on the driver’s seat and yelled, “Why? Why? Why?” I begin to beat my steering wheel and yelled, “Why? Why? Why?” over and over again until T’eo said, “Owwhh, Breana, what is going on? Talk to me.” He gripped my hands and pulled me to him. I hesitated because I didn’t want to be comforted.
“Breana, it’s going to be okay,” he whispered over and over again as he gently pulled me to him. I laid my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes as I cried and cried.
“Bree, it is okay. Let it out. It is okay and it will be okay,” T’eo said as he rocked me in his arms. I opened my eyes and laid my head on his shoulder. His skin was showing through his white t-shirt because of my tears. I lifted my head and said, “T’eo, I apologize for wetting your shirt.” He looked at me with sympathy in his eyes, “No, Breana, it’s okay.”
Unapologetic for My Flaws and All Page 7