“Yeah, you’re right,” I agreed. I tried to hold in my tears and keep myself together as I told her, “I look a hot mess. I do not feel like a Superstar.”
She looked at me, opened her arms and said, “Aww, my Bree-Bree, come here. What’s been going on?”
I fell into my best friend’s arms, cried like a big baby. “I know I shouldn’t care, but I am hurting and in pain. I am in so much pain, Chloe.”
“Shhh… Shhh…” Chloe said as she rubbed my back.
She continued, “I know, Bree. Remember, we are Yin and Yang. You are the Yin. You are the light. You will grow from this, Bree. I know you gave so much to his sorry ass, but focus on your passion; and that’s school, and becoming a better you.”
I hugged Chloe tighter and said, “Thank you, Chloe.”
“That’s what sisters and best friends are for.” She hugged me tighter too.
“I can’t breathe,” I said.
She laughed, “You can’t breathe? See, that’s how Brian’s clueless ass is making you feel. Renew your soul. When was the last time you fasted or cleansed your chakras? You know, all that stuff you do to ground yourself.”
I looked at her as I wiped my face. “It is not called stuff—and yes, I’ve been trying to cleanse my chakras. It helps a lot. I am trying to stay focused.”
“Well, it is about that time to cleanse that negative energy completely away, Bree,” Chloe said as she smiled and fixed my hair.
She continued, “Goodness. We need to do something with your hair. You look a damn mess.”
I looked down, “I know.”
“Don’t worry, your bestie is here. I got your back,” she said as she pulled out some black bobby pins from her purse.
Chloe parted my hair with her fingers and she braided it in two and put some pins in it for it to stay in place. She pulled out a mini mirror and said, “Girl, miracles do happen!”
I looked in the mirror. “You did that! Thank you.”
I walked into Jackson-Miles for cheerleading practice.
Guess who was leaning on the lockers talking to Daryl? Ugh, Daryl, he is a boy-ho, he will fuck anything that has a vagina. Both him and Angel fit the bill. Angel was wearing a skank-ass short yellow skirt, with a dark turquoise shirt, and red Reebok’s. I thought my hair looked a hot mess. Her hair looked a hot damn mess. I guess she tried to put it in a puffball, but her hair couldn’t fit in the bow. The back of her hair was sticking straight up. My pinky was longer than her puffball length. Do I need to say more? Her ends were very dry and thirsty (in need of water). It looked like dandruff, but it was white flakes from her cheap-ass gel. She was tore up from the damn floor up. She looked at me as if she was saying to herself, I got your man.
Chloe said, “What the fuck are you looking at, sloppy ho?”
Angel replied, “At a girl who can’t keep or satisfy her ex-man.”
I was going to ignore her ass, but I wasn’t going to let her talk shit and think I am a pushover. I laughed. “Angel, you can have his tired ass. I got rid of my headache. He is all yours now.”
Angel turned her chapped lips up and as she put her hand on her hip said, “No baby. Correction, he got rid of your tired ass.”
I couldn’t help but look at her nails. She was badly in need of a manicure. Her nails had its own design on them as the polish was chipping off in the most horrible way ever.
I dusted my hands off and said, “You’re right, he did, and that was the best thing that ever happened. Be happy, you got him now. There’s no need for shitty talk. He’s all yours now.”
I kept it moving as she kept talking shit. I was saying to myself, girl bye, you are a headache just like his dumb ass.
Chloe said, “You know I had your back.”
I replied, “I know. Thank you.”
Chloe said, “No problem. I am glad you said something back, but you didn’t have to.”
I looked at Chloe as my eyes got big. “No, I had to. It wasn’t like I was trying to prove a point, but I wasn’t going to let her trashy ass talk shit and think I was going to walk away. Nah, not on my watch.”
Chloe hugged onto my arm, laughed and said, “What the fuck she had on? And did you see her ends? They weren’t laying on her scalp, they were sticking up waving, saying hello to us.”
I laughed. “Girl, only you would think of that. Chloe, girl, you are crazy!
We had a good laugh as we walked downstairs.
***
After practice, Brian was waiting by my car.
I said to myself, what the fuck he wants?
I already had my keys out (my daddy always says, before you walk out the mall, school, a friend’s house or wherever, make sure you have your keys in your hands. He preaches to us—never ever try to get your keys out as you look for them in your purse or pocket, make sure they are always ready in your hands to get in the car.
I ignored Brian. I am getting good at that.
“Bree, you see me right here. You know you see me,” he said with his arms open with that, “What did I do?” expression on his face.
I’m looking back at him like, bitch, please. I have no words for you.
A security officer was sitting by the gate. He waved, “Hey, Breana, how are you doing today?”
I waved back, “Hey. I am fine, thank you for asking. How are you doing this evening?”
He said, “I am doing well, I appreciate you asking.”
I smiled, “No problem.”
I pressed the button to unlock my door.
“Bree, I need a ride,” Brian said.
I said to myself, no this busted-ass fool didn’t just ask me that!
I got in my car, locked my door and put my stuff on the passenger side and drove off.
I said out loud, “That dummy got to be an idiot. As if I would.”
My phone started to ring. Google said, “Phone call from Asshole, do you want to answer or ignore?”
I said, “Ignore, Google.”
My phone rang again. Google said, “Phone call from Asshole, do you want to answer or ignore?”
Once again, I said, “Ignore, Google.”
Brian texted me I do not know how many times, over and over again. I didn’t look at them when I had time, I deleted the Asshole thread.
***
I met T’eo for dinner at Juno’s Pizza. I love this place. They have the best vegan pizza in the world! It is a cozy spot, with a 360-degree city view. The windows are beyond huge. After I put my car in park I looked up and saw him sitting in a booth. He was on his phone, talking to somebody. He had on a blue jean shirt, his curls falling in his face, and eww, he just dug his finger up his nose—I mean he’s all the way up in it too!
I texted him. “I just pulled up. About to walk in. Also, go wash your nasty finger. I saw you digging up your nose, lol!”
He was looking at the door, waiting for me to walk in. As I walked in, I was smiling and looking cozy in my PINK light blue shirt, baggy pink sweat pants on with the word PINK spelled out in glitter on the side, and my flipflops. My fingers and toes were painted cotton candy (my favorite nail polish), and my hair was still braided in two, looking cute and fresh.
I continued to smile as I said, “Hey, Mr. Booger Man.”
T’eo laughed. “Ha! Bree-Bree got jokes. What’s a man supposed to do when he has a booger in his nose. Huh?”
I rolled my eyes. “Ugh, what a normal person would do… Go to the restroom, blow it and clean it out. Afterwards, wash your hands and dry them.”
He smiled, “I’ll remember that next time.”
I said in a jokey way, “I’m glad I taught you something new today!”
T’eo pretended to put his finger in his nose, saying, “We learn something new every single day.”
I laughed and said over and over again, “No… No... No… No… That is gross.”
He laughed and asked, “How are you feeling?”
I smiled and replied, “Better. I have my days here and there. Every day is progres
s. Thanks for asking. How was your day?”
T’eo looked down at his phone, looked back up and said, “It was good, thanks. I am waiting on my grade to post.”
“I know you did good,” I said with confidence.
I continued, “Do you remember when we talked at the Treehouse and we walked back to our car you said I made your day too. I meant to ask you. What was going on? I wanted to give you space because you looked like it was getting to you. I thought if you wanted to talk about it you would have that day. Since some time has passed, I hope you are feeling better from whatever it was.”
T’eo smiled. “You remember that after all you went through?”
“Yes, I do. I listen when people talk.”
He said, “Thank you for asking. Well, I had a rough day that day because I found out my mother has breast cancer, but it is in its early stage. With that being said, weeks ago she had surgery and they said they got all of it. Now she’s getting treatment. There’s hope that it will not come back.”
I felt bad and said, “Oh my, T’eo, and you decided to listen to my nonsense and here you had a real situation. I feel so bad right now. How are you holding up?”
He blushed. “Bree, no offense, but you had major problems that day too. If I wasn’t there you would have slept in the parking lot all night and who knows what might have happened. You were in bad shape. Don’t feel bad. I am glad I was there to help.”
He paused and said, “To answer your question, I am doing well. Like always, I talk to my mom every day. She’s holding up, and she’s a warrior. I am amazed by how strong she is. We’re supposed to be strong for her, but she is the one keeping us together.”
I smiled and said, “That is what you call a strong woman who will not take no for an answer. She is going to execute this battle.”
I looked at T’eo and said softly, “And she will win!”
T’eo smiled, “Thank you, Bree. I needed to hear that.”
I smiled back and told him, “I am always here for you, T’eo. Do not hesitate to call me anytime”
I looked around. “Did you order? I know I didn’t because I walked right in and sat down.”
“I ordered you a small vegan pizza and I ordered me a real cheese pizza,” he replied, as he looked down at the menu, knowing he was being funny with his words.
I laughed, “Ohhh, okay, I am going to let you have that one.”
I looked over at our mini jukebox on the table and said, “What do you want to hear?”
He looked at the options and asked, “Do they have In Due Time by Outkast?”
“I see you T’eo! You are an Outkast fan. Me too!” I said nodding my head to the song that was playing (Molly Hate Kestner’s Compromise).
I didn’t see it on the table jukebox so I got in line to see if they had it on the big jukebox in the corner.
I walked back over and told him, “Yep! They had it!”
He smiled, “You are someone special, Breana.”
I smiled back and started singing, “I won’t compromise. I don’t care if you’re satisfied. You’re never going to change me. I won’t compromise”
T’eo said, “I see you love this song.”
I replied, “Yep.” as I got up and started dancing. I reached out for his hand.
He was blushing. “Nooo... I am good.”
As I danced, I said, “Come on!”
He got up and began to move from side to side. I laughed. “T’eo you are off-beat and stiff as a pole.”
I took his hands, put them in mine and made a fist as I took the lead. I danced around him as I held his hands. He loosened up, put his left hand on my back while our right hands were tightly gripped as he dipped me and spun me around.
I laughed and said, “Look at Mr. Tin Man loosening up.”
He laughed too, “What can I say, you were the oil that loosened me up. I didn’t have a choice.”
I looked over at the jukebox because I wanted to pay for another song, but the line was long.
T’eo said, “We can dance to whatever song comes on.”
I smiled, “Oh you’re a pro at dancing now?”
The song changed… JP Cooper’s Passport Home
It’s kind of a slow song, with a nice upbeat. We had a little pep in our steps as T’eo started singing, “Oh, don’t you know you’re my passport home. Keep the light on. Keep the light on…”
I looked at him, surprised, and said, “I didn’t know you could sing.”
He smiled, “There are a lot of things you do not know about me as of yet.”
As we continued to dance. Joss Stone’s song came on, Super Duper Love (Are You Diggin’ on Me). It’s more upbeat and everyone started to do the step. We didn’t know what we were doing, but we were doing something. We had a ball and so much fun!
The songs kept coming back-to-back. I love me some Luther Vandross! Can I Take You Out Tonight came on and I said out loud, “Oh, this is my jam!”
T’eo and a couple next to us started laughing. T’eo began to sing, “Can I take you out tonight, to the movies to the park, or Juno’s pizzas?”
I laughed, “Ugh, you cannot mess up Luther’s lyrics.”
T’eo kissed my hand and said, “You are too cute”
As we continued dancing the lights dimmed and we danced to another Luther Vandross song, So Amazing.
I laid my head on T’eo’s chest and we slow danced the rest of the evening away.
It felt so good to not focus on the time. For sure time got away from us. We stayed on the dance floor for hours. When we walked back to the table our pizza was hard and cold.
The manager came by and said, “Don’t worry about it—I have both of your pizzas in the oven as we speak. You two were showing out tonight!”
We laughed!
T’eo said, “She put me up to it!”
I laughed, “Well, after you were comfortable, you freely led the way!”
He looked at me and rubbed my pinky and said, “Bree, I had so much fun! Thank you so much!”
I looked at T’eo and replied, “You’re more than welcome. I haven’t had this much fun in a long time, and it felt great!”
The manager came by our table and asked, “To go or for here?”
We both looked at the time and said at the same time, “To Go.”
I laughed, “Stop copying me.”
He smirked. “Get out of my head, Bree.”
I said, “Ha! Ha! You are too funny!”
The manager brought our food to the table. He packed them separately and told us, “It’s on the house”
My mouth was slightly open and I said, “Oh wow, thank a bunch! That is so kind of you.”
T’eo agreed, “That is kind of you, but I do not mind paying for our food.”
I said, “T’eo, look at it this way—you’re always giving, now it is your turn to receive and accept.”
The manager told T’eo, “You have a smart young lady here. I will not accept any money from you. It is on the house. It’s always wonderful to see people enjoying themselves and full of light and peace. I was happy seeing you all enjoying yourselves this evening.”
T’eo said, “Thank you. We truly appreciate it. We will most definitely be back.”
I texted my parents to let them know that I would be home within thirty minutes.
T’eo walked me to my car and said, “Bree, I had such a wonderful time tonight. We have to do this more often.”
I replied, “T’eo, I had a blast and I haven’t had this much fun since I don’t remember when. Thank you for tonight. Thank you for willing to pay for my food too. I want you to know, your mother will be in my thoughts.”
T’eo smiled, “Thank you, Bree.”
I gave him a hug and got in my car. He closed the door and said, “Text me to let me know you made it home.”
I smiled, “I will, and you make sure you do the same.”
I waited until he got into his car and once again, we went our separate ways.
I t
hought to myself… until next time.
8
Chapter eight
I was going to cheerleading practice today, but I saw
Brian and Angel outside on the steps, kissing. It was so disgusting—it was one of those nasty kisses, at that. I felt confused because I never understood how someone could move on so fast without healing or giving a care in the world. I shouldn’t care, but in reality, I do. I invested so much time and energy into that boy. I can’t believe it’s been a little over a month and things are still intense. Everyone is talking about the fight. As I walk in to debate club, I hear people whispering as they look at me. I don’t know what they are saying; it shouldn’t matter, but it does.
I can’t stop thinking about them outside. I have to be honest, it hurts. My wounds are still open but they will heal in time. As I continue to think about them out there slobbering each other down—I remember, just a week or two ago, he asked me for a ride.
I looked at everyone in the debate club and walked out. I am not going to sit there while I am the topic for today. I decided to pass on cheerleading practice too.
My heart is broken into many pieces. I got in my car and cried and cried until I felt like I didn’t have any fluid left. I looked over and read an affirmation that I’d placed on my dashboard months ago. It says, “Tears cleanse the soul. Cry if you want too. Scream if you have too. Afterwards, everything will be A.O.K!” When I thought I was done—I cried over and over again. When a girl’s heart is broken sometimes there isn’t any coming back from that. Sometimes we lose hope because dudes ain’t shit. They are so selfish in so many ways.
As I was driving home, I pulled up at my favorite nearby park and sat there in silence for a couple of hours. I cut my phone off and just begin to think about life. I said to myself,
Love is so hard.
Love is so complicated.
Love hurts.
I feel like love doesn’t give a fuck about anybody. Love is so selfish and steals your joy. Love is cut-throat.
Love isn’t fair, because the person who needs you, you don’t want them; you want someone else. Most of the time the person you want is taken or don’t want you in return. Love sucks. Love doesn’t give you who you want, more so, it sends you who you need. Then... That one person who needs you doesn’t give up... but you pull away. As you pull away, that one person keeps walking toward you. That one person never gives up, because he said he needs you. What do you do?
Unapologetic for My Flaws and All Page 9