by Anna Durand
"You are not a bad person. Beating up the guy who almost ran down your mom is understandable." I rose and took his face in my hands. "I understand why you've been afraid to tell me about the threats to your mother. You've always been different, an outcast. You're used to being self-contained and taking care of everything yourself because you can't trust other people."
He moved his eyes to look at me but kept his head down.
"The other night you said you trust me. Has that changed?"
"No." He lifted his head. "You are the only person I've ever trusted completely."
"I knew from the start you had secrets, and I realized you kept them because you don't know how to let somebody in and ask for help. It's time to learn, Evan."
What are you doing? part of me asked. Can you trust a man who keeps secrets? I'd considered the answer to that question ever since the morning when I'd tied him to the bed and made him talk. He'd refused to tell me why he went along with the blackmail. Today, I finally understood why he'd done it and why he'd been so reluctant to tell me. I'd had friends growing up and parents I trusted. He'd lived with not knowing who his father was, lived with a mother who kept a huge secret from him, and he'd had no friends or close family to rely on when things got tough. He hadn't developed real relationships with his cousins until recently. I was his first real relationship with a woman.
Of course he'd panicked. Of course he'd believed he had to deal with the blackmailers alone. And of course he suffered from intense guilt about pursuing me without letting on about his problems.
Maybe I should run from him. I couldn't. I didn't want to. If my father could be happy again after a devastating injury, if Serena could get back out there after losing her husband, then I had to stick with Evan through this ordeal. He'd been alone in this for too long.
"I've done it again."
His statement pulled me out of my thoughts. I withdrew my hands from his face. "Done what again?"
"Lost my temper, lost control." He shut his eyes briefly. "The day I left for America, Ron Tulloch burst into my office in a rage because I'd ordered an outside audit of his department. It's clear someone is embezzling. He didn't appreciate the implication it might be him."
"He was angry, not you."
"At first. When he called you my American whore, I lost my mind. Threw him out of my office, literally, with my hand around his throat."
"I'm sure he had it coming. That guy gives me the creeps. And what's his deal with you?"
"He blames me for the failure of his company." Evan took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "He tried to start up a computer programming firm, even though he's much better at accounting than programming. The company never got off the ground. At the same time, my company was gaining ground. I don't know why he thinks his failure is my fault. I gave him a job when Evanescent got big enough to need a full-time accountant and now he's the head of his own department."
"Maybe he's not grateful because he's jealous of your success."
"It's possible, I suppose."
"You think you're the villain because you lashed out at the man who hurt your mother and because you want to hunt down the people responsible for all of this. That's bullshit."
"I am a villain." He jammed his glasses onto his nose again and shoved his hands in his pants pockets. "That day, I learned what I'm capable of. No one should forgive me for it. I had no right to drag you into my life and into this mess I've made."
"Sorry, but you're stuck with me." I rubbed my arms, suddenly cold. "Should I be worried the blackmailers will come after me?"
"I don't know. As long as I do what they want, they have no reason to go after you." A muscle in his jaw jumped. "I will never let anyone hurt you."
"Don't do what they say anymore."
He shuffled backward a step. "I have to."
"No. You can't keep giving in to their demands. It isn't right."
"I know, but..." He bowed his head, scrubbing the back of it with both hands. "Maybe you're right, but it's too big a risk. I made this mess, and I have to end it."
The hard tone of his voice and the look in his eyes spoke to the part of himself he feared, the part that had driven him to beat a man. Despite what he seemed convinced of, I did not hate him or fear him for what he'd done. If anyone had threatened somebody I loved, I might've taken drastic action too.
He grimaced. "You're worried. You should be. I've had bodyguards protecting my mother for a year without her knowing. I can hire more men to guard you, but I can't promise you'll be safe."
Yesterday, I'd realized I loved him. Today, I'd found out criminals might come after me to get to him. How did a person react to something like that? I had no frigging idea. "Do you think they would hurt someone? If they missed your mother on purpose, maybe all they wanted was to scare you into giving up."
"Maybe." He plowed a hand through his hair, frowning. "Run, Keely. Get away from me as fast as you can. I've been selfish and reckless, and you should hate me for what I've done to you, not to mention what I did to that man."
"What you did was understandable considering the circumstances. I don't condone violence in general, but what those assholes did to you and your mother is the real crime. I don't think any less of you, though I'm sure you believe I should." I moved closer, tipping my head back to meet his gaze. "You pursued me because I wanted you to do it. I wanted you, period, but I was afraid to feel this way again. You changed my mind, you changed my life, and I am not running away because you punched some guy who deserved worse than what you gave him."
He flopped backward onto the mattress. "I'm sorry, Keely. I'm so sorry."
"Sorry for what? Telling me the truth?"
"I shouldn't have pushed for a relationship you didn't want. I shouldn't have pursued you. I shouldn't have---" He shut his eyes. "Shouldn't have made you fall in love with me."
"Do you honestly think I fell for you because you made me do it? Nobody controls my emotions or my choices. I chose to be with you, and I fell in love with you because of who you are."
His laughter had a bitter edge to it. "You must have a fetish for criminals."
I kicked his foot. "Don't get cute about this. I am not running away, but we need to deal with the situation. Together. As a couple."
"That could make you an accessory." He covered his face with both hands. "I need to think."
"We need to figure this out together."
He heaved his body up off the bed like he had a boulder strapped to his chest. "Give me time to think. Please, Keely, that's all I'm asking for."
I wanted to complain, but the desolation on his face changed my mind. I would give him the space he'd asked for and keep my mouth shut. "Okay."
He shambled out of the bedroom.
I trailed after him, my thoughts spinning with questions I wanted to ask him but couldn't and with imagined scenarios of what the blackmailers might do next.
While he collapsed into a chair by the windows, I lay down on the sofa. No matter what, I had to trust my instincts about him. Since the moment we'd crossed paths in Paris, I'd known he wasn't like any other man I'd ever met. Today, I had gotten what I'd wanted all along---a peek behind the curtain of his secrets.
Careful what you wish for, my rational brain warned. My heart had a different opinion. I loved him, for better or worse.
Even if the truth about him destroyed us both.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Evan
Our jet landed at the Inverness airport late in the evening. Keely and I drove back to my apartment and fell into bed. She slept. I lay awake for hours thinking about what I'd done and how it would affect her. I'd done plenty of thinking on the jet, but none of it helped me figure out what to do. I had called Duncan to check on my mother and ask him to provide a security detail for Keely. Since I would be with her every minute, bodyguards weren't strictly necessary. I wanted the extra layer of protection in case I overlooked something.
I'd made too many mistakes already.
Shortly before we'd touched down at Inverness, I had gotten another text from the invisible masters who'd been pulling my strings for a year. Remember the cost, the message said. It included a photo of me and Keely in the park in downtown Carrefour. The floor had seemed to disintegrate under me, sucking me out into the atmosphere, spiraling me downward toward oblivion.
I could not let them hurt her. Whatever I had to do I'd make certain she was safe.
By the time I fell asleep, it was nearly dawn. In the morning, we stopped in at my office so I could reassure Tamsen and take care of a few business matters. After that, Keely and I drove to Ballachulish. When she noticed the large, metal suitcase I loaded into the car, she seemed confused.
"What's in there?" she asked. "Your entire billion-dollar fortune?"
"No, I brought extra security." I opened the case to show her. "Doohickeys."
She bumped her shoulder into me. "You mean security and surveillance devices for personal and business use."
I winked. "Aye, isn't that what I said?"
"What's that thing?" She pointed to a small black bag.
"A drone. It has onboard thermal and motion sensors, plus a high-definition camera."
"Are you planning to spy on me everywhere I go?"
"These are precautions, that's all."
She seemed to accept my explanation, and we didn't talk about it again.
Keely enjoyed the scenery during the drive, asking me questions about the places we passed by and the history of everything. We stopped occasionally to stretch our legs and get some fresh air, and we decided to have a picnic on the shores of Loch Linnhe, not far from North Ballachulish. I couldn't enjoy the journey the way she did. I knew these places too well, had too many memories of my childhood here, memories good and bad. I did my best to set aside all of that and focus on giving Keely a good impression of my home.
She hadn't noticed the car following us at a discreet distance. The security men knew how to blend in.
I let my gaze roam around the view. This was a beautiful place, especially the spot we'd chosen for our picnic. Trees screened the road from our view where we relaxed on a plaid blanket along the rocky shores of the loch. Across the water, we could see the Ballachulish Bridge with its elegant metal frame stretching across the invisible boundary between Loch Linnhe and Loch Leven. The dark waters of the lochs glistened in the sunshine, but the scenery paled next to the woman sitting beside me. Keely wore a green dress that accentuated her stunning eyes and made them stand out like jewels in a field of bare earth. Her raven hair cascaded over her shoulders and blew into her eyes now and then, thanks to a mild breeze. Every time she swept strands away from her face, she gazed out at the loch like she'd just seen it for the first time, her eyes clear and bright, her lips curving into a faint smile.
How she could be relaxed and happy knowing the dangers around us, I couldn't understand. Maybe she was happier because I'd told her everything. Or because we had a drone.
Our lunch was laid out on the blanket---fish and chips that we'd bought in Fort William, along with a bottle of Ben Nevis. We hadn't sampled the whisky yet.
Keely touched the bottle with two fingers. "Should we be drinking when we're on a road trip?"
"I brought that for you." I picked up a chip. "Since I'll be doing all the driving, you can feel free to enjoy the whisky."
"Oh no you don't." She flapped her wedge of fried fish at me. "I will take my turn at driving after we eat."
I stuffed the chip in my mouth. "If you insist."
She took a bite of her fish and ate it, eying me curiously. "We're going to the place where you were born and raised, where your mother lives. You are taking me home, but only once or twice have you called it home. Why is that?"
"I've told you about my childhood and my relationship with my mother. You know why I don't often say the word home."
She set down her food and wiped her hands with a napkin. "That's baloney, Evan. There's some other reason why you don't call this place home even though you clearly feel like it is."
This woman understood me better than anyone. I loved that about her, and the way she wouldn't let me get away with avoiding my problems. Most of the time I loved it. Today, I wished to hell she'd give up on this line of conversation.
I consumed three more chips, shoving them into my mouth one by one and gnawing on them like a starved animal.
Keely watched me, her gaze sharp and her posture stiff.
She didn't like it when I refused to talk. The lass had tied me to a bed to force me to confess a few of my sins to her. But that had been in Utah, a world away from my world. I'd brought her to my home, and I owed it to her to explain. She wouldn't risk imprisonment by hearing this truth.
"I don't belong here anymore," I said. "My life is in Inverness. My company is there. I come back to Loch Fairbairn to visit my cousins, but otherwise, I stay away from this area. Eighteen months ago, my mother and I had an argument and I walked away from her. I've barely spoken to her since. She wouldn't answer my questions about my father, and I was angry about that."
Keely's stern expression softened into an empathy I didn't deserve. She reached across the blanket to touch my arm. "Evan, you are not a bad son or a bad man. I know what you've done, and I still believe you are the best man I've ever known."
How could she say that about me? I'd kept secrets from her from the beginning.
"I need you with me," I said, "and I don't think I can ever make myself give you up. I've tried to be the sort of man you deserve, but I'm not."
"Aren't you the man who said fate brought us together?"
"Yes, but..." I groaned, and my eyes lifted to look at her even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. She was everything I'd never known I wanted in a woman, and she loved me. I ought to set her free, but I couldn't do it. "I believe we were meant to find each other, but I think fate has a bloody awful sense of humor. It gave me you, and at the same time it sent my worst mistakes crashing down on my head."
Had I spoken those words out loud? I hadn't meant to. With Keely looking at me that way, like she honestly would love me no matter what, I'd let the words come out. I shifted my gaze to the loch, to its dark and deep waters, the depths cold and impenetrable. That's what I'd been before Keely---a fathomless abyss no one could penetrate. She knew everything and hadn't run away from me.
Keely crawled across the blanket on her knees and pressed her warm body against mine, slipping an arm around me. "What we have is not a sick joke fate played on you. It's real. It's complicated and crazy, and I don't know where this will lead, but it is real. Even if fate put us in each other's orbits, we made the choice to be together. You chose me, and I chose you."
"Are you saying you believe in fate?"
"Let's say I'm on the fence."
"That sounds dangerously close to a yes."
She rested her head on my shoulder. "Maybe it is."
I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her snug against me. "I'll take that as a yes."
"Think whatever you like." She nuzzled my neck, her soft lips grazing my skin. "How far is it to your mother's house?"
"Not far."
Movement caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. The car the security men were in was parked a short distance away from our vehicle, but the movement hadn't come from that direction. A strange sensation, something between a tingle and a shiver, slithered up my spine. Someone was watching, my instincts told me. I couldn't see anyone.
My anonymous masters had followed me to America. They could easily have followed us from Inverness to Ballachulish.
I jumped up so fast Keely almost fell over at my feet.
She gave me an annoyed look. "Where are you going?"
"We are going back to the car."
I grabbed her arm and urged her to get up.
"What's going on?" she asked as she stood and brushed crumbs off
her dress.
"It might be nothing, but I want to check in with your security detail."
She dug in her heels when I grasped her hand and tugged. "My what?"
"Your security detail. Bodyguards. Did I forget to tell you?"
"Uh-huh." She gestured at the picnic blanket and food. "Are we coming back for this stuff? Or will I be locked in the trunk for safekeeping? You might've forgotten to tell me about that plan too."
"Not locking you anywhere. We can collect the picnic things after we check in with your---"
"My personal secret service detail. I'm starting to feel like I've hooked up with a world leader."
"Come with me, Keely. Now. Please."
Her lips twisted into an expression halfway between a frown and a sardonic smile. "You're learning from me, eh? Polite and demanding at the same time."
"Will you come with me?"
"Yes, Mr. MacTaggart, I will obey."
Christ, I wanted to drag her into my arms and kiss her until she'd lost her breath and couldn't speak or move, until she went boneless against me with her eyes half closed in that sweet and sensual way I loved.
Instead, I stalked up the gentle slope of the beach towing her along with me. We went through the trees to the road. I checked left and right but saw only the security men's car. Squaring my shoulders, I marched us up to their vehicle, a nondescript beige sedan.
When the two men inside caught sight of me, they exchanged confused looks with each other.
I knocked on the driver's window.
The sandy-haired driver rolled down his window. "Yes, sir?"
"Have you seen anyone else in this area in the past few minutes?"
"No, sir."
Keely glanced around. "I don't see anything either."
I scanned the surroundings but couldn't make out any shapes among the trees or hidden vehicles along the road. "Search the immediate area. I thought I saw someone watching us."
Sensed someone watching. I'd never placed much faith in human instincts. Electronics, yes. People, no. Suddenly, I believed in instincts as well as fate.