A slow grin curls his lips the longer I talk. I can see the idea growing on him as I lay out the ground rules of our affair. I’m amusing him, but he better be taking me seriously because he will not make me feel this shitty again. I’m taking a huge gamble that the reward will be worth the risk, because the stake I’ve put up to play this game is my heart.
“Agreed.”
His grin makes my knees weak. I wasn’t expecting this to be so easy. He holds my phone out to me, his brow arched expectantly.
“Why are you giving me this?” I ask
“So, you can text Brad and let him know you won’t be meeting him for coffee. You’re spending the day with me and Lily at the zoo. Boss’s orders.”
Before I can balk and tell him that’s not what I meant by business as usual, he dips his head and silences me with a quick kiss then brushes past me as he heads back up the stairs.
Chapter Thirteen
Brody
All morning I’ve been mulling over Amelia’s text message from Brad, and the jealousy gnawing at my gut concerns me. I didn’t handle that well, and my conscience needles me. Is it fair of me to start fucking Amelia when she could be investing in a healthy relationship with someone else? Probably not. But that’s not going to stop me.
Even if I can’t meet her emotional needs, I can sure as hell meet her physical ones. I touch her, and she melts for me. There’s an unguarded innocence about her. It’s as if she’s experiencing pleasure for the first time in my arms, and it makes me feel incredible. I fucking love it.
“Daddy, I want to see the penguins.”
Lily interrupts my thoughts that have taken a rogue turn, and not for the first time today. I push them back, sequestering them in the closet of my mind. “Let Mia finish her ice cream, honey.”
Amelia sets her dish of pecan praline aside and reaches into her purse, pulling out a packet of wet wipes. “Come here, sticky girl.”
Lily scrambles into Amelia’s lap and spreads her ice-cream-coated fingers wide, giggling as she tries to touch her with them. She squeals with laughter, and Amelia joins her as she easily dodges them and begins cleaning the ice cream off her little hands. A smile tugs at my lips as I watch them play, and something tightens around my chest like an invisible band. I shove the feeling aside, refusing to acknowledge it. If I ignore the emotion long enough, it’ll go away.
“All done,” Amelia announces.
Lily scrambles down and grabs my hand, then Amelia’s, and we’re off to see the penguins.
As we enter the exhibit, Lily darts ahead of us, heading toward the glass enclosure. Visiting the penguins is her favorite part of coming to the zoo. That’s why I always bring her to this exhibit last, to build the anticipation. She can spend hours watching them—and has. After Stella died, I brought her here a lot. It was a great distraction for her, and it gave me time to be alone with my thoughts while she watched the animals play.
“Hey, Lily,” I call out before she gets too far ahead of us. “Make sure you don’t touch the glass.”
Alone in the tunnel, I reach for Amelia’s hand. She casts a surprised glance in my direction but makes no attempt to pull away. Lily’s far enough ahead of us that she won’t see. All day, I’ve struggled to resist the temptation to touch her. It’s driving me mad, making me so hot for her I can’t wait to get her in my bed and finally make her mine.
She’s much better at this whole “business as usual” stuff than I am. If I didn’t have the memory of her taste on my tongue and the little breathy sound she makes when she comes, I’d think I dreamt the whole erotic scene playing through my mind.
We take our time making our way to the exhibit. The moment we get within eyeshot of Lily I’m going to have to let Amelia go, and I’m just not ready yet. “Having fun?” I ask, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.
She gifts me with a smile that makes my chest full and my pulse quicken. The effect she has on me is proof that I don’t have nearly as much control over myself or this situation as I want to believe I do. But I choose to remain blissful in my ignorance because the minute I admit what she does to me will be the moment I have to acknowledge I might be falling for her—and that is something I refuse to do.
“So much fun. I can’t remember the last time I was at the zoo. I must have been eight or nine.” A shadow of sadness replaces her nostalgic smile, as if she’s remembering something she’d rather not.
“Hey.” I tug her to a stop and pull her off to the side. “You okay?”
“Of course.”
Her smile is forced. I’ve admired that beautiful grin enough to know when it’s not real.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” she asks.
Whenever a woman answers a question with a question, she’s hiding something. I’ve learned that the hard way. It was Stella’s signature move. “I don’t know. You tell me.”
“I’m fine, Brody. Everything’s fine.”
Only it isn’t. I can see it in her eyes—the pain, the sadness, and it goes soul-deep. Fuck if it doesn’t stir something protective inside me. As we stand there in a stare-off, I realize there’s a lot about Amelia that I don’t know. “You never talk about your family,” I press, grasping for what caused the sudden change in her. Are her parents alive? Is she from a large family, or an only child?
“That’s because there’s nothing to say.”
The tension in her voice tells me she’s lying.
“Besides, I’m not here to talk about myself. That’s not what you pay me for.”
She’s getting defensive and deflecting my questions. “I don’t pay you to be in my bed, either, but you can be damn well bet that’s where you’re going to be tonight.”
There it is. That’s the smile I adore. I’m hesitant to pursue the subject of family. It’s obviously a sore one for her, and I don’t want to ruin our afternoon. But I am curious. Who is Amelia Renshaw?
“You sound awfully sure of yourself,” she teases. “What happened to business as usual?”
“Your rule, not mine,” I tell her before dipping my head and claiming her mouth in a hot, possessive kiss. I can’t get over how good she tastes or how perfect she feels in my arms. Already, my control is slipping. The rush of blood flowing south is making me lightheaded. Or maybe it’s just the effect she has on me. I tell myself it’s because I haven’t had sex in over a year. But what if it’s more than that?
With a strangled groan I break away and rest my forehead against hers, taking a moment to gather my composure. Her quickened breaths kiss my lips, and I’m tempted to dive back in for another taste, but this is not the place to test the limits of my self-control. I take a step back and grab her hand. “Come on, let’s catch up with Lily.”
As we round the bend to the penguin exhibit, Amelia tugs her hand back, but I hold on tighter, giving it a little squeeze and bringing it to my lips for a quick kiss before letting it go. Lily is sitting in front of the enclosure, as close as possible to the glass without touching it. She’s so absorbed in watching the birds waddle around and slide into the water that she doesn’t even realize we’re right behind her.
“Hey, Lily.” Amelia moves up beside her and sits on the floor in a duplicate cross-legged position. They look adorable together, staring through the glass. That tightness in my chest returns, and I rub my fist over the discomforting sensation as I take a seat on the bench against the wall behind them. “Did you know that penguins mate for life?”
“What does ‘mate’ mean?” Lily casts Amelia a quick glance before turning her attention back to the glass, but I can’t take my eyes off the woman sitting on the floor with my daughter. There’s an easiness between them, and it’s beautiful. The affection is genuine; it goes beyond a paycheck. Money can’t buy this kind of emotion. Amelia isn’t my employee. Maybe she was at one time, but not anymore. That’s just a label I’ve stuck on and keep re-sticking in a desperate attempt to make sense of whatever is evolving between us. But if I’m being honest, she’s becoming a part of our family.
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“Mate is when two animals fall in love and they stay together as long as they live.”
Lily looks at Amelia and studies her closely. I almost choke when she asks, “Will you mate my daddy?”
Silence fills the penguin exhibit. She’s shocked Amelia with her question, and I’m equally parts curious and panicked to hear what she’s going to say. I don’t want her misleading Lily or giving her false hope, but at the same time, I don’t want her to deny there’s something between us.
“Come here, Lily.” She pats her lap, and Lily settles into the pocket of Amelia’s legs. Her voice is soft and low as she speaks to my daughter, and I wish I could hear what she’s saying. Lily nods a few times, and Amelia wraps her arms around her, giving her a hug as she places a kiss on the top of her head.
And that’s how they sit for the next twenty minutes, watching the birds and sharing penguin facts. I’m on the same bench where I’ve spent countless hours over the last year, only now, thoughts about my future are muddled together with memories of my past.
I need to move on, to let go of the hurt and forgive Stella, but I just can’t. There’s a wall of anger inside of me, constructed with mortar of mistrust and bricks of betrayal. It’ll take a wrecking ball to bring it down. As much as I wish things were different, I just don’t see that happening.
…
Amelia
I think Lily fell asleep before we made it out of the parking lot. The little stuffed penguin Brody bought her at the gift shop is tucked tightly into her arms.
Brody’s been quiet since we left the penguin exhibit. I’m concerned he overheard Lily’s comment about wanting me to mate with her father.
He’s sensitive to her feelings, as he should be, and he’s worried about her getting too attached to me. He doesn’t need any more reasons to push me away, especially now that he’s finally starting to open up, but I sense the conflict building inside him. I’m giving him time to work it all out and understand it’s not going to happen overnight. But the last thing I want is for Lily to spook him with talk about us falling in love and getting married.
I enjoyed spending the day with him. His stolen glances and forbidden touches have been like day-long foreplay building the desire and anticipation between us. I’m loving this fun, playful side of Brody that I never knew existed. But now, as I glance over at him, he looks tense.
“You’re quiet.” I point out the obvious, hoping to segue our conversation. “Want to talk about what’s bothering you?” I press when he doesn’t respond.
Brody glances into the rearview mirror, checking to make sure Lily’s asleep. “What did you tell Lily when she made that comment about us at the penguin exhibit?”
Yep. He heard her. Dammit. “I told her it wasn’t that easy. That people are more complicated than penguins.”
“And what did she say?”
“She said she wished we were penguins,” I answer honestly.
He chuckles at the simplicity of her response, as I did when she told me the same thing. The deep throaty sound fills the interior of his Range Rover and glides over me like a caress.
“If you’re not ready, tonight doesn’t have to happen, Brody. There’s no pressure.”
His gaze flickers to mine before returning to the road, but it hesitates long enough for me to see the intensity there. I recognize that look. It’s the same look he had last night right before he lowered his head between my parted thighs. A rush of heat floods me. Maybe it’s the memory of how amazing it felt to be touched by him, or maybe it’s the anticipation of what’s to come, but I’m squirming in my seat as moisture collects in my panties.
“Oh, sweetheart, it’s happening.” He reaches over and lays his hand on my thigh and slowly slides it up, stopping just shy of where I’m aching for his touch. “I just don’t want to do anything to hurt Lily.”
Ah, so he is having second thoughts.
“Of course, you don’t. That’s why you’re such a great father.” He chuffs a grunt that tells me he begs to differ. It saddens me that he can’t see what an amazing dad he is. If he had any idea what I grew up with, he’d have a radically different perspective. “Does doing something for yourself make you feel guilty?”
“With you? Yes.”
His blunt honesty catches me a little off guard. “Why?”
“Because you’re here for Lily, not me. And she needs you.”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t be here for you, too,” I counter. “You need me. Just in a different way.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“It will only be as complicated as you make it.” That isn’t exactly true, but I’ve got nothing to lose. If I don’t take a chance on Brody, I’ve already lost him.
“What if you fall in love with me?” he asks.
I think it’s too late. “What if you fall in love with me?” I throw the challenge right back at him.
“I already told you, that’s not going to happen, Amelia.” His expression isn’t matching his words. He’s thought about the possibility, and it’s scaring him.
“Then you’ve got nothing to worry about.” I give him a flirtatious grin, and he exhales a strangled groan.
“I can’t wait to get you home.”
Chapter Fourteen
Brody
I tuck Lily into bed, slip her penguin beneath her arm, and kiss her pale blonde head, which smells like outdoors and sunshine. In some remote part of my heart, guilt needles my conscience. As much as Amelia’s tried to put this into perspective, fucking Lily’s nanny could have disastrous results. But damn if I’m not willing to take that risk. And that, more than anything, is what I’ve been struggling with since Lily’s comment.
For the first time since Stella’s death, I’m putting my own needs above my daughter’s. I feel like shit for doing it, but on the other hand, it’s good to feel alive again. If this were just an issue of getting laid, I would have fucked Mel or a hundred other women over the last year. But it’s more than that. I want Amelia.
With a sigh, I click on the nightlight beside Lily’s bed and quietly slip out of her room. I pull the door shut, turn, and run right into the woman I can’t stop thinking about. She lets out a startled squeak and then softly laughs as my arms come around her to steady her.
“Sorry. We keep doing that,” she whispers. “I was trying to catch you so I could kiss Lily good night.”
“You’re too late,” I tell her quietly, dipping my head close to her ear. “You’re just going to have to kiss me instead.” Tightening my grip, I lift Amelia and carry her down the hall to my bedroom. She wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my hips. The perfect way we fit together dissolves any remnant of guilt slaying my conscience.
As the bedroom door closes, it’s just like Amelia said this morning. In here, she’s not the nanny and I’m not her boss. She’s something completely different, and I fucking want her more than the air I’m breathing. My mouth descends on hers with ravenous hunger. I’ve been waiting all day for this moment, and by the greedy way she’s sucking my tongue, so has she. We’re pulling each other’s clothes off as we kiss, grope, and stumble our way to the bed. There’s no finesse in this, just overwhelming need—and I need Amelia beneath me with my cock buried inside her. Now.
But she has other ideas. “Wait,” she whispers between kisses. “I want to look at you.”
Forcing myself to slow my roll, I lie back on the bed. Amelia climbs on top of me and everywhere her bare skin touches mine, my nerve endings light up. She’s got an incredible hour-glass figure. I love the way her wild hair spills down her back. With those exotic, amber-flecked eyes, she watches me watch her and then slowly drags them over every inch of my body. Her hands slide up and cover my pecs as she lightly scrapes her thumbnails over the flat discs of my nipples. My cock bucks beneath her, and she gives me a grin that’s both wicked and triumphant.
“You got to explore my body last night. Now it’s my turn.”
Her fingers trail
lower, mapping the muscles across my stomach as she scoots lower. She dips her head and presses a kiss to the divot of muscle between my pecs, then moves to my abs. My heart hammers as anticipation builds.
When Amelia slowly licks the V of muscle at my hips, I swear I’m going to die. The pleasure shooting through my groin goes straight into my balls, and everything inside me is coiling for release. Her touch is the sweetest torture. I can’t breathe. My heart is racing so fast I’m lightheaded, and my cock is literally weeping for that sweet mouth of hers.
“Mia,” I groan. I can’t take much more.
“You know what I taste like,” her breath whispers over the sensitive head of my hard-on. “It’s only fair I get to taste you.”
“Do it,” I beg her. My voice is a gravelly rasp I don’t even recognize. Fisting my hands in her raven curls, I grip them tight, resisting the temptation to guide her down. “Suck my cock.”
My breath freezes in my lungs when she locks eyes with mine. She parts her lips, and that moist pink tongue slips out and slowly crests the crown. The pleasure rocketing through me is so intense, my hips fly up, my back arching off the bed. “Fuuuuck…” Every muscle in my body is strung ripcord tight. I physically hurt with the need to come.
She takes pity on me, and before I can draw another breath, she takes me into her mouth and sucks me all the way to the back of her throat. I snarl an unintelligible curse and use my grip on her hair to pull her back up. It’s too good, too intense, and I am too unused to this kind of contact. She’s got the perfect amount of suction working over my length. I yank her up to stop her, but she pulls back down again. The pressure is excruciating as I fight against my release. I’m not sure how she’ll feel about me coming down her throat.
The Nanny Rules Page 9