by Thomas Hardy
X
Despite himself Jude recovered somewhat, and worked at his trade forseveral weeks. After Christmas, however, he broke down again.
With the money he had earned he shifted his lodgings to a yet morecentral part of the town. But Arabella saw that he was not likelyto do much work for a long while, and was cross enough at the turnaffairs had taken since her remarriage to him. "I'm hanged if youhaven't been clever in this last stroke!" she would say, "to get anurse for nothing by marrying me!"
Jude was absolutely indifferent to what she said, and indeed, oftenregarded her abuse in a humorous light. Sometimes his mood was moreearnest, and as he lay he often rambled on upon the defeat of hisearly aims.
"Every man has some little power in some one direction," he wouldsay. "I was never really stout enough for the stone trade,particularly the fixing. Moving the blocks always used to strainme, and standing the trying draughts in buildings before the windowsare in always gave me colds, and I think that began the mischiefinside. But I felt I could do one thing if I had the opportunity.I could accumulate ideas, and impart them to others. I wonder if thefounders had such as I in their minds--a fellow good for nothing elsebut that particular thing? ... I hear that soon there is going tobe a better chance for such helpless students as I was. There areschemes afoot for making the university less exclusive, and extendingits influence. I don't know much about it. And it is too late, toolate for me! Ah--and for how many worthier ones before me!"
"How you keep a-mumbling!" said Arabella. "I should have thoughtyou'd have got over all that craze about books by this time. And soyou would, if you'd had any sense to begin with. You are as bad nowas when we were first married."
On one occasion while soliloquizing thus he called her "Sue"unconsciously.
"I wish you'd mind who you are talking to!" said Arabellaindignantly. "Calling a respectable married woman by the name ofthat--" She remembered herself and he did not catch the word.
But in the course of time, when she saw how things were going, andhow very little she had to fear from Sue's rivalry, she had a fit ofgenerosity. "I suppose you want to see your--Sue?" she said. "Well,I don't mind her coming. You can have her here if you like."
"I don't wish to see her again."
"Oh--that's a change!"
"And don't tell her anything about me--that I'm ill, or anything.She has chosen her course. Let her go!"
One day he received a surprise. Mrs. Edlin came to see him, quiteon her own account. Jude's wife, whose feelings as to where hisaffections were centred had reached absolute indifference bythis time, went out, leaving the old woman alone with Jude. Heimpulsively asked how Sue was, and then said bluntly, rememberingwhat Sue had told him: "I suppose they are still only husband andwife in name?"
Mrs. Edlin hesitated. "Well, no--it's different now. She's begun itquite lately--all of her own free will."
"When did she begin?" he asked quickly.
"The night after you came. But as a punishment to her poor self.He didn't wish it, but she insisted."
"Sue, my Sue--you darling fool--this is almost more than I canendure! ... Mrs. Edlin--don't be frightened at my rambling--I'vegot to talk to myself lying here so many hours alone--she was oncea woman whose intellect was to mine like a star to a benzoline lamp:who saw all MY superstitions as cobwebs that she could brush awaywith a word. Then bitter affliction came to us, and her intellectbroke, and she veered round to darkness. Strange difference of sex,that time and circumstance, which enlarge the views of most men,narrow the views of women almost invariably. And now the ultimatehorror has come--her giving herself like this to what she loathes, inher enslavement to forms! She, so sensitive, so shrinking, that thevery wind seemed to blow on her with a touch of deference... As forSue and me when we were at our own best, long ago--when our mindswere clear, and our love of truth fearless--the time was not ripefor us! Our ideas were fifty years too soon to be any good to us.And so the resistance they met with brought reaction in her, andrecklessness and ruin on me! ... There--this, Mrs. Edlin, is howI go on to myself continually, as I lie here. I must be boring youawfully."
"Not at all, my dear boy. I could hearken to 'ee all day."
As Jude reflected more and more on her news, and grew more restless,he began in his mental agony to use terribly profane language aboutsocial conventions, which started a fit of coughing. Presently therecame a knock at the door downstairs. As nobody answered it Mrs.Edlin herself went down.
The visitor said blandly: "The Doctor." The lanky form was that ofPhysician Vilbert, who had been called in by Arabella.
"How is my patient at present?" asked the physician.
"Oh bad--very bad! Poor chap, he got excited, and do blaspeamterribly, since I let out some gossip by accident--the more to myblame. But there--you must excuse a man in suffering for what hesays, and I hope God will forgive him."
"Ah. I'll go up and see him. Mrs. Fawley at home?"
"She's not in at present, but she'll be here soon."
Vilbert went; but though Jude had hitherto taken the medicines ofthat skilful practitioner with the greatest indifference wheneverpoured down his throat by Arabella, he was now so brought to bay byevents that he vented his opinion of Vilbert in the physician's face,and so forcibly, and with such striking epithets, that Vilbert soonscurried downstairs again. At the door he met Arabella, Mrs. Edlinhaving left. Arabella inquired how he thought her husband wasnow, and seeing that the Doctor looked ruffled, asked him to takesomething. He assented.
"I'll bring it to you here in the passage," she said. "There'snobody but me about the house to-day."
She brought him a bottle and a glass, and he drank.
Arabella began shaking with suppressed laughter. "What is this, mydear?" he asked, smacking his lips.
"Oh--a drop of wine--and something in it." Laughing again she said:"I poured your own love-philtre into it, that you sold me at theagricultural show, don't you re-member?"
"I do, I do! Clever woman! But you must be prepared for theconsequences." Putting his arm round her shoulders he kissed herthere and then.
"Don't don't," she whispered, laughing good-humouredly. "My man willhear."
She let him out of the house, and as she went back she said toherself: "Well! Weak women must provide for a rainy day. And if mypoor fellow upstairs do go off--as I suppose he will soon--it's wellto keep chances open. And I can't pick and choose now as I couldwhen I was younger. And one must take the old if one can't get theyoung."