“Momma?” I whispered, closing the door on us and heading to her bed. “Momma?” I called again when she didn’t move at hearing me get close to her.
As I pulled the comforter back from her head, I knew something was very wrong. Her eyes were open and her jaw was all slack. “Momma?” I whispered, reaching a hand towards her and fearing the worst when her skin didn’t feel quite right. With shaking fingers, I felt for her pulse and couldn’t find one. “No, Momma, no.” My panic was rising as I looked back at her face. Her once colorful eyes had gone dull and listless, the whites around them now milky and not sharp.
“Oh, God, please no.”
I stepped away, my breath coming in short, sharp bursts, and spun around wildly, not knowing what to do before my legs decided for me and took me back downstairs and outside. “Edward!”
“Fuck! Thought I told you to keep your ass inside.”
“It’s Momma. I… I… think she’s—”
“Dead? Yeah, I know.”
What the hell did he mean, he knew?
“What?”
“Fuckin’ bitch finally carked it,” he said, like he was telling me the weather forecast for tomorrow.
My blood boiled instantly. My asshole of a brother had just let me walk into my own home and find my mother’s dead body. For the second time in a few minutes, my legs decided my next course of action.
“You fucking asshole!” I shouted before storming over to him and his crew, and shoving him hard. “Our mother is dead in there and you just let me walk in.”
“Check yourself, Ginny,” he warned, his voice low.
“You were right. She’s got a mouth on her.”
“Fuck you!” I shouted, turning on him.
“Careful, bitch, or you’ll be the one getting fucked,” he replied back, and I didn’t doubt for a minute he’d go there.
I spun back around. “What do you think you’re doing, Ginny?” Edward asked my retreating back.
“Calling… a doctor, a paramedic, I don’t know.”
“No, you’re not. You’ll call when I tell you you’ll call.”
“You gonna let the authorities come onto the property and get her?” one of them asked him, clearly not happy that people would be sniffing around.
“I’d be happy to put her in a fucking hole in the woods, but I’d need to make it big enough for two. That one would never let me get away with it and she’s still got her part to play.”
His words were a warning, but I’d heard enough.
My momma was dead upstairs. No one cared and from the sounds of it, my life was going to continue being the same living hell even without her.
My body was swamped with emotions that I couldn’t process. The sadness at losing my only living parent was more than enough to put me on my knees, but knowing that she’d escaped this life and left me in it was so much worse. If I dwelt on it too long, I could almost hate her for it. I let myself back in her room and decided that if Edward wasn’t capable of showing her some dignity, even in death, then I would. I would brush her hair and get her settled so she at least looked peaceful in her last journey.
My trembling hands reached for the brush. “Oh, Momma,” I wept. “How could you leave me with him?” Tears blurred my vision as I made her presentable for whoever would come when Edward allowed it. I talked and talked to her like she was still here before settling her back on freshly plumped pillows. Seeing her look more at peace in eternal sleep only caused me to cry harder. I knew I should close her lifeless eyes, but I couldn’t. Doing that would confirm what I was trying to fight—she was gone.
I reached for her arms to tuck them back inside the sheets and noticed that she was holding a piece of paper in the one already covered up. Prizing it from her hands, I saw that it was a cream-colored envelope with the words My Gigi written on it.
Once again, my hands were shaking as I looked from the envelope to her still open eyes before tugging at the corner to open it. Breathing deeply, I read the letter inside.
My Darling Gigi,
There is so much that you don’t know. So much about the world around you that has been hidden, and for that I am truly sorry. Always remember as you move forward in your life that for every action there is a consequence.
Firstly, let me say how sorry I am that you were never told the truth about how ill I’ve been. When they diagnosed me with end stage lung cancer, I figured it was the consequence of my actions of long ago. I truly believe that my suffering was meant to be. I am sorry for so many things and that even living until I was 100 wouldn’t make up for the deception.
A long time ago, before you were born, I met a man. A man who was the light of my life. He was a man my parents would never accept was good enough for me. It was a whirlwind romance, but I just knew, deep in my heart, that he was the man for me. I was young and in love, and fell pregnant. The father of my baby was a biker. He wasn’t a law-abiding citizen, but he treated me like a princess, something your grandparents could never understand. I made the decision to leave home and run away with him. On the day we’d agreed to meet, I packed up my few possessions and waited for him at the bus stop. After six hours of waiting I knew something was wrong. Enrique never showed up, but one of his brothers from the motorcycle club did. Enrique had been out on a club run and was hit by a truck on his motorcycle on the way home.
Oh, Gigi, when I found out that news, I thought my heart would break and never heal. I was alone, pregnant and carrying a baby my momma and papa would never accept.
I blamed the club for his death. I blamed them for taking him away from me. When I went to the club and told them about my baby, they pledged to look after me. They gave me money, but I was so hurt that I didn’t want or need the reminders of the man they’d taken away from me. So, I did the only thing I could at such a young age. I found someone else and let him raise the baby as his own. Edward is only your half-brother.
I grew to love your daddy. He was such a good, kind man and easy to love, but it wasn’t the love I once had with Enrique. My world fell apart one day when Edward’s real blood uncle turned up, wanting him to know of his roots and Hermano Del Mal heritage. Your daddy always knew that Edward wasn’t his and that never mattered. What he could never do was share him with the Hermanos.
I’m a big believer in fate, Gigi, and Edward knew he was different all along. It was like the fearless blood that connected the Hermano brothers had been calling out to him since he took his first steps.
That day, they’d already spoken with him and told him that he had another family. He was twelve years old and it was the turning point for your brother. It was like a switch was flipped deep inside him. He wanted to know where he’d come from and your daddy was vehemently against it. We worked hard to keep them away from him. In the end it cost your daddy his life. The stress of it was what caused his heart to fail. Since the moment he knew, he blamed me for keeping him from his true family and he resented your daddy for not being his real father. The more your daddy dug in to keep him safe, the more Edward pulled away. After your daddy died, I knew I’d lost that war. I should have let him go to them, let him understand his father’s family and maybe he wouldn’t hate me as much as he did, and I’d still have your daddy here.
There’s a darkness inside him that I feel responsible for. If only I’d let him connect with them then maybe he would have channeled the hate and anger better than he does at the moment. No matter how many times I thought about it, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t have the Hermanos here back then. They only reminded me of the love I’d lost, and it was already causing problems between your daddy and me.
When you came into our world, you were the light at the end of your daddy’s dark tunnel. He had a child who was truly his, but that just caused more resentment between him and Edward. Edward also transferred that resentment to you because you were allowed to have your real daddy and he wasn’t.
I knew that Edward was lost to me when he rejoiced at your father’s death. Even after
all your daddy had done for him, he still couldn’t find it in his heart to love him for the life he’d given us.
Despite everything you’ve suffered, despite everything I’ve let happen to you, I need you to know that my guilt for never making things better for you was the biggest pain I’d ever felt. Choosing to defend you just caused Edward’s hatred to deepen. Your daddy would be turning in the ground if he could see what had happened to you, and I take full responsibility. I’ve let my grief for both the men I lost weaken me, consume me, and you’ve born the brunt of it. Hell, I’m grieving over the son I’ve lost and that’s worse because he’s still alive.
My wish is that you spread your wings and grow up to become everything I never did. That you find a job you love, a man you love, but more importantly, a man who lives like he needs you to breathe.
When you told me you’d met someone, a biker no less, I should have warned you away, but I couldn’t. I loved my biker with a love so deep he still owns a huge chunk of my heart. You’re eighteen now and you can make your own decisions. Warning you away from a biker—hell, any man—would be hypocritical on my part, and you’d hate me if I made you steer clear of him when you finally learned about my past. I couldn’t have you hating me, too.
It hurts my heart to say this, but I’m tired. I’m ill and being here with you is holding you back. If I wasn’t here then you wouldn’t be, either. I know I was the only thing keeping you here. Make this house, this life, part of your past. Grow from it and get out. Start a new life because I beg you to live for now.
There’s money under the floorboards beneath my bedside cabinet. Take it. Let him have the house and go.
Remember always, yesterday is gone and you don’t know about tomorrow, so live for now.
Love Momma x
I hated this letter with every fiber of my being.
It felt like she was making excuses for Edward’s behavior and taking the full blame on herself. Even in death she was giving him an out.
I had three months left at school and I needed to decide whether to stick it out here and finish my education or do as she advised—take the money and run.
Before I made any decision, I shoved the small pine cabinet to one side and poked at all the corners of the floorboards until the opposite end of one popped loose. Hidden just underneath it was a cotton bag stuffed with money. Peeking inside I saw what had to be tens of thousands of dollars, enough to get me a safe distance away from Edward and start over.
I knew I’d have to be here for the funeral service. It was clear Edward wasn’t going to do right by the woman he hated. Right now, I didn’t even care about finishing school. I’d been given an out to get away from this hellhole and I was certain I should take it. But one thing flicked constantly in my mind.
Gears.
How could I run away from the past horrors of my life when I was absolutely certain that he was part of my future?
Gears
“You done yet?”
“Not even close.”
Wave held the punchbag in the compound’s gym steady because he’d had enough of sparring with me. We were both breathless and sweaty, stood in hand wraps, jeans and work boots, and I still had enough energy to kill a damn elephant with my bare hands. Both of us were sporting bruised cheeks and split lips. To say I went full bore when Wave started to help me work out my anger was an understatement. It was his idea to move to the bag before we both ended up black and blue.
“Can you get past this?”
I’d only kissed her a handful of times, but it wasn’t just the electricity that flowed between us when we did kiss that convinced me I had to keep her; it was my heart. The big fucking thump of muscle beat like she owned half of it whenever she was close by.
“The fact that she’s damaged doesn’t change how I feel about her, Wave. It just makes me more in awe of her. I mean, come on, how is she still fucking standing?”
“I didn’t mean that. Brother, I never thought for one minute you’d walk away from her. I meant am I gonna have to become as close to you as your left bollock is to your dick to keep you outta jail?”
“That fucker is going to bleed for what he did to her.” I punched the bag harder, feeling the sweat run down my back, and my muscles clenched and tightened with rage.
“Which fucker?”
“All the fuckers. The motherfucker who thinks it’s acceptable to force himself on a woman for sure. But that brother of hers, I don’t give a fuck if he’s linked to the Hermanos. He’s gonna get his and regret the day he didn’t love and protect her like he should have done. That cunt is going to get his own kind of special fucked up.”
“Fuck, I am about to be your left bollock then.”
As Wave continued to hold the punchbag that jerked so violently it caused the chains holding it to the ceiling to clank and protest, my cell sprung to life on the floor by my discarded t-shirt.
“It’s her,” I said, looking at Wave. “Gigi?” I’d barely got the word out before she started to sob down the phone. Instantly, I was on red alert knowing that if she’d been touched or hurt again and I’d dropped her back there for it to happen, I was going to need to be put on lock down. I’d burn the fucking town down to avenge her at that point. Me letting go of my control would only put her more in harm’s way. “Baby, you okay? Talk to me.”
“I… she… It’s M…M… Momma. She’s gone.”
Fucking hell she was alone in that house with that animal.
“Gone, baby? Gone where?” I wrestled with my t-shirt, wasting no time because I was certain she was in danger.
Her crying continued. “She died, Gears.”
“Fuck, I’m coming to get you.”
“No, no, you can’t do that.”
“Baby, I wasn’t asking permission. I’m getting in my truck now. It’ll be okay. Hang up the phone and wait somewhere for me. You alone with her?”
“No.”
“Then wait somewhere safe. It’ll be okay.”
I hung up and relayed the conversation to Wave. “We’re going to get her. She ain’t staying in the fucking house with him on her own.”
“Hang on, hang on!”
“No. No fucking hanging on. She’s been in that house alone for too long already.”
“I get it. I just think we should tell Prez what we’re up to.”
“You’ve got as long as it takes me to back the truck out of the parking bay or I leave without you.”
Wave telling Prez turned into Prez coming with us—an unexpected move. Up until now it had been good enough for Wave to keep an eye on me, but Wave must have given him more details and either way, it was obvious to both of them that I was on the verge of going ballistic.
“Don’t fucking stop here,” I told Wave when he stopped on the far side of the woods by her house. “I’m not stealing her away this time. That fucker needs to know she’s protected.”
“Calm down, Gears.” JP’s voice rang clear with his command. “Wave, drive around and pull up front.” He did as he was ordered, and even though I was expecting to face off to her brother, I wasn’t expecting him to be holding court with the Hermanos. This shit was just getting worse by the minute. With an air of authority, JP ordered, “I’m only going to say this once. We are not here to tangle. Clear?”
Wave nodded his acquiescence first, forcing me to clench my jaw and follow suit.
Edward and the Hermanos were both surprised and not in the least bit happy to see us, and the way one of them shifted his cut just a touch, to let us know he was carrying, was rock solid proof of that.
“Get the fuck off my property,” Gigi’s brother barked.
“We don’t want any trouble,” Prez attempted, walking slowly to the group.
“You ignore me and you’ve got it.”
“My prospect has just come for his girl.” Hearing him say that, I felt pride in myself and pride that my president recognized that I was serious about making Gigi mine.
“See, the only girl here is my
sister and no way is she fucking around with a Sentinel without my knowledge. So, last chance. Get the fuck off my land.”
I was done with this.
“Gigi! Gigi, baby, let’s go,” I yelled.
Wave knew instinctively where his support was needed and it wasn’t with me. It was JP, our president who was currently facing off to Edward Livingston and three Hermanos. As Wave walked over to take his flank, I took a step towards the house.
“Swear to fucking God, you take another step and you’ll be eating lead.”
Just as I was about to defy him, she appeared. Her eyes were bloodshot and red, and she had a fistful of tissues in one hand and what looked like an overnight bag in another. She’d never looked more beautiful, more defiant, and more like a girl I could love forever.
“I’m going, Edward. Of all the things you’ve done to me—” her voice faltered “—let happen to me, watching me walk in to find our mom like that was the absolute worst.”
“Get back in the fucking house,” he threatened.
“No. I’m eighteen and I’m done. Keep the house. Keep it all. I want nothing to do with… whatever.” Gigi waved a hand at her brother and the Hermanos. “I’ll make arrangements for Momma.”
“Just how do you plan on doing that?” He laughed at her.
“I…” She looked at me. “I’ll find a way,” she finished, finding all the courage she needed from me.
“You want us to put a stop to this?” came a deep voice with a heavy Spanish edge.
“Cruz, this doesn’t need to get out of control,” Prez reminded them. “The girl’s an adult. She’s made a decision to leave. Sounds of it, you’ll be glad to have her out of your hair anyway. Now, you’re either going to take us all out or let us go. Either way, this is done. The girl comes with us.”
“This is far from over.”
“Get in the truck, Gigi,” I finally piped up. I was over this whole thing.
Gigi: A Black Sentinels MC Novel Page 14