Another reason it killed me that I’d never give her a family. It was nothing medical, but I’d never let anyone close enough to have that kind of connection with me again and because of that, my mom would miss out, too.
“You guys had it bad, Angel, but you managed to get away. Gigi didn’t, for a long time.”
A look of over protective mother hen and sadness grazed Angel’s face. Angel had been one of the lucky ones. She’d had a bad ride as a kid, but good fortune had found her. JP had taken her in and given her a place, a home, and love with the Black Sentinels. She could have so easily ended up in a completely different space if Chopper, the rogue brother with kiddie fiddling tendencies had survived. The slaying of Chopper was what had separated Angel and Wolf when they were kids, but it was also what had brought them back together. Angel had been a neglected trailer park kid, but what Gigi went through was sheer mental and physical abuse and it was always there, hovering in the background, until she upped and disappeared. Throwing away our life together, where I was going to love her and keep her safe.
Before Angel could get any deeper, I climbed back on my bike and got out of there. All this shit was bringing back too many memories and too many unanswered questions.
Questions I’d had hanging around for so long that at one point I thought they’d choke me. I’d worked hard to push them down into that place where I never intended to open them up again, but unfortunately fate had a way of fucking with you, and Gigi coming back to town proved that point.
I’d thought the lock I had on that place inside me was sealed shut and impenetrable, but now more than ever it was creaking.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Gears
“Ma!”
Due to my unexpected free day I figured we could finish off her remodeling. I refused to call it redecorating. Redecorating implied something could be put back to how it once was. I was determined that wouldn’t be the case with this, so remodeling it was. Mom was finally getting rid of the Dad mausoleum she’d locked herself in, and I was going to make sure she saw it through.
I was pocketing my key in my cut pocket when my eyes hit the devastation.
“What the fuck?”
It looked like a hurricane had swept through the house.
“Ma!”
When she didn’t answer, I begun to get worried that she was hurt somewhere and those useless guards on the gate at the entrance to her street had let in a load of home invaders.
Pictures were skewed on walls, drawers were hanging open with their contents half spilled out and there was a scrape on the wall that became a groove in the plaster the further down the staircase it got. It was then I heard an explosion from the back yard.
“Ma!”
Mom was stood in a bath robe with a greasy old gas cannister in her hand, and the super king size divan that was once in her bedroom was now a burning fireball in the back yard. I rushed forward, grabbed the hose pipe and did my best to put out the fire with a piddly stream of water.
“What’s going on?”
“I was getting rid of some other stuff, cleaning out the drawers and such, and then it hit me. I’m still in the bed that we shared. Do you know that he used to come home to me after he, he—”
“I get it.”
“No, Griffin, you don’t. On those nights when he’d been with her, he used to come home and get into bed, straight into bed. It hit me this morning that the filthy dog never even showered before he lay down next to me.”
That must have killed her. But more than that, to wake up from whatever trance she’d been in and realize that you’d accepted that shit and then carried on existing after it was a whole other level of crap.
“I just couldn’t stand it a moment longer. The rage hit me and then next thing I know, the bed’s out here and I’ve set it on fire.”
They say that humans are capable of extraordinary things when the adrenaline kicks in and it seemed my mom had proved that. When she finally turned to look at me, the front of her bathrobe was all singed and her face was dirty and smoky.
“Guess we’re going furniture shopping again,” I muttered, soaking a bit more water onto the pile of ash. If I didn’t make sure it was completely out, the direct rays of the afternoon sun would set it alight again.
I wanted to be mad at her, but inside I was rejoicing that she’d seen the light.
I was getting my mom back and I’d let her burn the house to he ground if it kept going.
“Shopping. Yes. Great idea. We can nip to the supermarket on the way home and I’ll pick up the stuff for tacos.”
Mom turned to me and smiled, pleased with all she’d achieved. “Oh, Jesus,” I whispered.
“What? What is it?”
I started to giggle, attempted a cough to stifle it and failed spectacularly. “How much did you like your eyebrows, Ma?”
“Uh…” She raised her hands and started to pat her forehead. “Oh my, well that’s unfortunate. I thought I smelled more than just sheets burning.”
I waited for her to have a meltdown, but surprisingly she just shrugged her shoulders and wandered off to get changed.
We went via the nearest bed warehouse and I watched as Mom rolled on and off beds and mattresses in search of the perfect replacement. The funny thing was, this was another version of her I hadn’t seen in a while—the decisive one. I remembered her being like this when I was younger, before she became this compliant housebound robot, before she did whatever it took to keep everyone else happy. I didn’t give a fuck how many beds she jumped on like some dying fish; I was just pleased to see another part of her vibrancy return. The bed would be delivered in a couple of days and in the meantime, she was planning an adventure by sleeping in the guest bedroom.
Then came Walmart.
I fucking hated Walmart.
She needed bed sheets and such.
And of course, the shit for tacos.
Taking Ma to that place was never an in and out trip. I should have protested when she told me where she wanted to go, but just because I was in an MC didn’t mean I wasn’t the same as every other son. I’d do anything for the woman who gave me life.
“Do we have to look at everything?”
“We’re not looking at everything.”
“Then why have we been down every fucking aisle?”
“You and your mouth. We haven’t been down every aisle… yet.”
I looked to the heavens, hoping that a lightening bolt would strike the place and fizz the electrics, and if that didn’t work, as a last resort I’d take a full body shock of volts to get me out of this hell.
“Do you really need a new cool box?”
“I might. I might want to take a picnic to the lake when I start walking again.”
Mom was studying the range of cool boxes, and in an effort to speed the torture up, I grabbed a bottle green tote style purse. “This will do. You can put it on your shoulder while you’re walking to the fucking lake for your fucking picnic.”
I shoved it into a tiny space still left in the shopping cart that was rammed with only some of the shit she needed and a lot of shit she definitely didn’t.
What I noted we didn’t have yet were the goddamn fixings for tacos.
“Griffin, at least grab one of those girlie patterned ones. Khaki green is such a drab color.”
With another look to the heavens, I did as she asked and then pushed the damn cart behind her as she wandered away. With speed and determination, she got further away from me and as I rounded a corner into the goddamn garden aisle, a small body skirted the cart and hit my legs. “Uncagears!”
I looked down at the bundle, immediately recognizing the voice and mass of hair.
“Yo, Liam dude, how’s it hanging?” I rubbed the top of his head, unpeeled his arms from my knee caps and crouched down to his level.
“Uncagears, we’re buying a water slide for the garden.”
“A water slide, hey? Where’s your mom?”
“This way! This
way! This way!”
Liam ran off as I worked to pivot the fucking shopping cart that looked more like a homeless person was moving street corners than a woman redecorating. As I rounded the next corner, I saw Mom stood laughing with Angel who was looking at boxes and boxes of inflatable slides on the shelf.
“Oh! Griffin…” She clapped her hands together. “Angel’s here.”
Angel looked at me, the truck, and then my mom with a puzzled look about her. Unlike me, she hadn’t had a day or so to get used to the new and improved, vibrant Mrs. Geary.
“You got enough in that cart?” she asked, throwing a million questions at me with her gaze. When she covertly touched her own eyebrows, I just shook my head in return and tried not to laugh. Mom had tried to pencil them onto her head, and had managed it but unfortunately, she now had these shapes on her forehead that looked Ronald McDonald had been painting his own golden arches.
“Yes!” Mom interrupted. “Out with the old, in with the new. We’re having tacos for dinner. Would you, Declan and the kids like to join us?”
“Sounds great, but I have a better idea. The weather is beautiful. Come to ours for a grill.” I was about to chip in with an excuse; the last thing I needed was to expose my mother to a full-on club cook out. She might have been rediscovering herself, but she’d never be that liberal minded. Reading my mind, she forged on. “It’ll be at the house. Besides, once I get the kids a water slide set up, there is no chance I’ll get them away from it.”
“Angel—”
“It’d be lovely to see you,” she said, shutting me down and looking at Mom.
“Love to,” Mom rejoiced, shocking the shit out of me.
“Great! Now, which slide do I get the kids? Which one says, ‘I’m fun, but I’m not going to end up at the emergency room?’ The last time I bought a bouncy house, Dec nearly broke his neck. I told him it was for the kids.”
“That one! That one! That one!” Liam jumped up and down in the aisle, pointing at one that looked like an alien space ship.
“Jesus, fuck, it’s four hundred dollars.”
“Griffin, mouth. Liam doesn’t want your potty mouth,” my mother chided.
I decided to intervene. “Leave it to me. Got a better idea than this Chinese plastic nonsense. Little Angel will destroy this crap and if she doesn’t, Wolf will when he tries it. I’ll sort it and bring it with me.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. You provide the food and I’ll bring the entertainment.”
We left Angel and Liam to it after he’d had a small temper tantrum because she didn’t pick up the alien slide. When she explained to him that I was bringing it with me, he looked at me and conveyed a message that told me he’d kill me with his bare hands if I let him down. The kid was a mixture of his mom and dad, and as he got older it was difficult to see whose genes were winning the fight. More worryingly, I couldn’t figure out whose genes would keep him out of trouble.
Mom was beside herself with excitement as we went to collect the stuff for the water slide. “It’s just like when you were a kid.”
I tried not to comment. I didn’t want what I was doing for Liam and Little Angel to bring up memories of my dad that would cause some sort of mental relapse.
Two hours later, after we’d hauled the Walmart shit into the house and sorted it, I loaded up my truck with all the stuff we needed to make the world’s best water slide. Wolf and Angel had a little bit of land at their house and the slight hill was perfect.
I hadn’t even got the engine switched off before Liam was belting towards to us. “Slide! Slide! Slide!” The little guy even had a pair of swim shorts on ready. “Can I help build it?”
“Of course.”
Mom had wandered off with a bottle of wine, dressed like she was heading for a golf lesson rather than a grill with friends, but what the hell? She was out of the house and socializing. When I pulled a small shopping bag from trunk, the kid looked like his world had just imploded.
“Uncagears, you forgot it?” His lip wobbled.
“Not a chance. Go tell your dad to hook up the hose pipe.”
Walking round the back of the house, I could see Angel had set up cushions on the deck furniture and the hood of the grill was up, just waiting to be loaded with food.
“Hey, where’s Little Angel?” I asked as I approached and saw Angel’s frame stiffen for the barest second.
“With Gigi.” I knew what that meant and before I could ask, Angel carried on. “Look, she’s gotta bring my kid home and you said it would be okay. At least you’ll be with friends when you see her again. Might break the ice a bit.”
I pinned her with a look that told her I’d rather gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon than make nice with Gigi whatever-her-fucking-name-was.
I shook my head and decided to leave it. “I’ve got a slide to set up.” I would eat and run.
“Yeah, about that… Where is it?”
“Watch and learn, girl.”
I pulled a big folded piece of tarp out of the bag along with a load of tent pegs and went to work. It took me twenty minutes to unfold it and position it down the slight hill. Once at the bottom, I walked to various points and secured it, making sure the pegs were under the heavy, thick tarp so the kids didn’t get caught on the metal. While I did this, Liam stood expectantly at the top holding the end of a hosepipe that was yet to be turned on.
His face started out confused but slowly turned to glee, watching the magic unfold.
“Just one more thing I need your help with, Liam. Come here, kid.”
He nodded, dropped the pipe and came to meet me. I produced a large bottle of dish soap detergent and put him on my shoulders. “Squirt some there.” I heard him pop the lid and a splodge of it shot forward and hit the tarp. “And there.” He repeated the action. We walked up and down the grassy bank next to the tarp and covered it.
As I was about to tell him to go turn the hose on, Wolf appeared carrying two fully inflated airbeds. “Just in case they over run the end and hit the fence.”
“You mean, when you over run the end and hit the fence.”
“Sssh! I promised Angel it was kids only.”
When we finally got the water flowing down the tarp, the magic happened and Liam was bouncing on the spot, desperate to try it out.
Mom stood next to Angel looking very proud. “And to think I was gonna spend four hundred bucks.”
“What?” Wolf shouted as he walked back up the grassy incline.
“Oh, pipe down, you. It would have been for the kids.” That woman had him wrapped around her little finger. He wouldn’t have even batted an eyelid. His family could have anything that brought them joy.
“What do I do?” Liam had a fisted death grip on my jeans.
Without telling him, I grabbed his little body, sat his ass at the top and gave him a big old shove. The kid squealed and shot off like a rocket. His hair was blowing in the breeze and his arms were scrabbling at the sides to try to slow him down.
“Good call on the air beds,” I managed to get in as Liam bounced off one of them.
I waited. Declan was going to fucking kill me.
Certain Liam was going to scream the place down in terror, I watched as he stood up, lifted his arms in the air and squealed, “Again! Again! Again!”
It had only taken Liam five or six goes to progress to full-on belly slides. The problem was when it was time to come and have a burger, he was having way too much fun. Wolf made the mistake of trying to grab hold of him, but the kid was covered in soapy water and slippery like an eel. Wolf lost his footing and ending up going down the slide with him. We all laughed, none of us as much as Liam, but the sheer beauty in it was seeing my mother howl until tears rolled down her cheeks. I caught Angel staring at me as I was transfixed by Mom’s hilarity and gave her a nod of thanks. I knew she understood just what I was saying thank you for.
We ate a burger and hot dog, and Angel and Mom chewed the fat while Wolf—who was wet
already, so why not? —hurled himself down the water slide with Liam. As I was tucking into a piece of cheesecake, I saw a flash of metal roll up to the house.
It was her.
My heartbeat raced, and I feared my burger might come back up.
This was it. I was going to have to be normal with Gigi.
I was going to have to try to damp down the hurt she’d caused me. But more than that, I was going to have to do all that while trying to forget just how much I’d loved her, just how much she’d fucking destroyed me.
My hearing was operating at a level on a par with Superman. Even Liam squealing didn’t get in the way. I heard the engine turn off. I heard one car door open and close, then a second.
I was on edge.
No, on edge didn’t cover it.
“Gears,” Angel whispered, and I knew she’d seen me go on alert.
I couldn’t tell her I was going to be okay. My anger levels were rising. I should have stood up and left, but dragging Mom out of the back yard like a sack of coal would have given away just how really not okay I was. I hadn’t even warned Mom she was back.
I waited for the punishing blow of watching Gigi walk around the back, but instead Little Angel waddled round first. She took one look at her mom, who had her arms held aloft ready to cuddle her girl but then spotted the fun her brother and dad were having and diverted. “Little Angel, no. Dec, catch her!” His body was now like a wet, soapy fish so he had no hope of getting to her, and like an angel who believed she had wings, Little Angel threw herself, fully clothed at the slide and bombed to the bottom, bouncing off the air bed. Her little body was still, shocked at what had just happened, before she clambered up on unsteady legs and giggled.
I was too busy watching her joy when I shouldn’t have been. When I turned back and saw Gigi stood at the end of the yard, her face pale because not only was I there, but Mom, too, I went against everything I’d agreed I’d do. I’d planned to ignore her, be civil and not let her get under my skin. But all I wanted to do was tell her it was going to be okay. I’d seen that look on her face before. Gigi was fronting up to a situation and never backed down even when it was obvious she was scared.
Gigi: A Black Sentinels MC Novel Page 23