by Fiona Murphy
Relief swept through her. “Oh my god, Declan, are you serious? I almost had a heart attack. I’m going to tell you right now, I don’t like your uncle.”
Pulling her to him he rolled her over until she was beneath him. “You don’t want to take my head off?”
“I know you’d never do anything like that. If you were concerned about trust, you would have come right out and asked me. I can’t fault you for your idiot uncle. I’m just relieved.”
He pressed his mouth to hers in a soft, gentle kiss. “I loved that you told them that you would never be afraid of me because you knew I’d never hurt you. When he told me that, I fell in love with you all over again.”
Chapter Twelve
Declan was fighting his annoyance, she could feel it.
“I think you should quit your job. You don’t have to work. I would love to be able to take care of you. Rent out your home and take in income if what I just said bothers you so much your cheeks get pink. You could easily get three thousand or more for it a month. If that seems like too much of a bother, sell it and put the money in safe dividend bearing stocks and bonds, and you’ll get just as much. Damn it, you are exhausted. I know you keep leaving earlier and earlier so you can come home at a normal time. Don’t you know yet that the moment you slip from our bed I know it?
You could also set up out of the carriage house. I can have Robert come and he’ll have it done up in two, three weeks, tops. Take on a few clients at your own choosing and work them part-time. I can’t keep seeing you do this to yourself and stay silent. Please, just think about it.”
Without a word, she pulled him to her and rested her head on his chest. They were on the sofa where she had fallen asleep, and she had just almost fallen off him. Had he not been quick and very strong, she would have woken up in a world of pain. She said nothing, because he was right. She was exhausted. It was now two months since Declan returned from Ireland.
Her boss had finally called her into his office two weeks ago and talked to her about her hours, how her output had decreased, and how concerned he was about that. Vague concern about how it affected the company’s bottom line, which, in turn, affected her bonus—and not to mention, her upcoming review could affect whether or not she received a raise. While vague in some things, the message was clear: her coming in at eight and leaving at five wasn’t going over well. Miranda had gone back to her office and thought long and hard about quitting that day.
Instead, even though things were going so well with Declan, it was like they were already a married couple, Miranda had been too afraid to let go of the security of her job. The thought of Declan telling her to leave no longer hung over her, but she wasn’t so sure about herself. Although she did her best to ignore what Declan did, there was a part of her that could never forget it. One morning she had dropped her towel into the hamper to find a bloody hand towel at the top. There had been no marks on Declan, so where had the blood come from? In the next moment she swore to forget it. Once while they were at the pub eating dinner, a man had approached the table and spoken in hushed tones to Declan. With a quick excuse, Declan was gone, and Paul had seen her home when she was finished. It had been clear there was a gun in the small of the man’s back. The reminders of who Declan was were few, but they were there, just when she thought she could pretend otherwise.
What if Declan was sent to prison? What if Declan was demanded back in Ireland permanently, would he go and would he ask her to go with him, and what would she say? What if violence ever found its way into their home? When it became clear that she was Declan’s woman, she no longer traveled alone. Always either Paul or Mark, and even a few times a man named Harry, dogged her steps, if Declan wasn’t with her.
At first, Miranda had thought it wasn’t a big deal, then it made her edgy. Then she took to staying at home unless it was work or with Declan. When Declan had seen how upset it made her, he’d called a halt to it, but she knew she was tracked by her phone at all times. She also knew he was on edge without someone with her, which, in turn, made her tense.
Still, she told herself that she could live with it, even if it was hard to deal with Declan constantly changing out his own cell phone. He’d admitted it was to avoid tracking and listening in. She’d shrugged and said okay when he told her, and just handed over her own cell phone for him to enter the new number in. Yet, deep down, it wore on her, so she did her best to not think of it at all. Instead, she thought about how she felt in Declan’s arms. How his face got all soft when he saw her when she came home from work.
That night when they got into bed, he only pulled her into his arms and commanded her to sleep. Too tired to argue, she slept.
The next morning, she was up and dressing for work when she felt his arms go around her from behind. Feeling him against her back, she leaned into him.
“Okay, I’ll quit.” Where the words came from, she had no idea. She had no idea she was going to say them until they came out. Still, the moment she said them, they felt right. There was no way of protecting herself from the love she felt for Declan, it was time to stop acting as if there was.
Turning her around, he searched her face, and she stared up at him, her whole heart in her eyes, and he exhaled her name. Leaning down, he kissed her, and right there in their walk-in closet, he brought her down on him and she made love to him, holding nothing back. It was a long time before either of them moved. When Declan made a halfhearted comment about her being late, she only held him tighter, mumbling that since today was her last day, it didn’t matter.
Hours later, she walked into work in one of the bright pink sundresses Declan loved her in most and laid her resignation letter down. It took her only a few minutes to clean out her sadly impersonal office and she was back downstairs with Declan. He carried her box for her to the trunk of the car, and then they went to the planetarium and then wandered the Shedd, and then dinner was at the pub. That night she held him close, knowing that nothing mattered but being in his arms, and that was enough for her.
Rolling over to turn off the alarm, Miranda was immediately pulled back into Declan’s arms. Happily, she snuggled into the heat of him.
“Don’t go, just stay here with me. Let’s stay just like this for the day.”
Her body melted as she felt his hands roam over her body. “Douglas has called twice this week to confirm for today. If I cancel on him now he’ll have a heart attack. It should only take half the day, and then I’ll be back and I’ll make it up to you.”
He grumbled as he allowed her to pull away from him and get out of bed, but his eyes tracked her every movement. “Douglas is more important than me, I see. Why was I stupid enough to suggest you quit your job and take on your own clients? So you’ve finally stopped working almost sixty hours a week, but you still work too hard. And you leave me here suffering for the wanting of you. I had no idea you could be so heartless.”
“Declan, twenty-hour work weeks is not working hard. There are days when I do nothing, and remember, I make you crazy when I’m not busy.” In the month since she quit it hadn’t taken Declan long to insure she worked as few hours as possible. To fill the hours Miranda had decided to learn to knit but it wasn’t going very well.
“No, sweetheart, it’s the watching you learn to knit that makes me crazy. My poor ears can only take so much cursing.”
Miranda laughed as she made her way into the bathroom. Closing the door she leaned in to turn on the shower, and the room swam. Leaning against the door, she closed her eyes and breathed deeply. It only made the problem worse, though, and nausea hit her hard. She couldn’t make it to the toilet, and instead was able to get the shower door open. There was hardly anything in her stomach, but her throat still burned from the bile. As she turned on the shower to clear the mess away, her thoughts were chaotic. It couldn’t be, it just couldn’t be. Six years with Michael and nothing, and it had only been four months with Declan. She started to count and closed her eyes. Two weeks, her period was two weeks late. Her per
iods were never late. She was like clockwork.
Stepping below the stream of water, joy bubbled up and over her. Declan’s baby, a boy with his smile and raven-wing black hair. A baby boy just like his daddy. Then her heart clenched in her chest. Declan had followed in his father’s footsteps. His family was entrenched in a lifestyle that, no matter what he said, wasn’t safe. Often he left their bed at night; she didn’t ask where he went, and he never offered to tell her. She was only ever grateful when he came back. It was fine for her to choose to be with Declan, but she didn’t want their child to grow up in the life Declan had now. Could she ask Declan to give up his life now for her and their baby? What if he said no and left her? When Michael had left there had only been relief, yet at the mere thought of Declan walking away, her legs gave out from under her.
Declan had fallen back asleep when she finally managed to get herself together. Fumbling with her clothes, she dressed quickly, and was out of the room before he decided to join her. Dolly had her normal oatmeal with fruit ready, but at the smell of the coffee her stomach revolted. Making an excuse, she buttered her toast and was out the door. Dolly was far too perceptive for her shot nerves.
Her time with Douglas went far longer than it should have, because it was so hard to focus on the numbers in front of her. It didn’t help that every ten minutes Douglas asked if she needed something or was done yet. Finally, she was finished, and went over what she had found with Douglas. Miranda made recommendations and provided documentation for the reasons behind it. His renovation had helped, but he was still paying down the loan he had taken for it, and at this time wasn’t in the position he needed to be to take on merchandise that wasn’t guaranteed to sell. Her recommendations were roughly what his daughter had said, and it felt good to be able to reinforce to Douglas that his daughter would have what it took to take over when he finally retired.
Walking away from Douglas, she waited for the light, but when it flashed, she turned away. She wasn’t ready to see Declan yet. She needed more time and she needed to know for sure. A drugstore caught her eye, and she began to walk in but was greeted by several people she had met with Declan. With a sigh, she walked back out. She couldn’t buy something like that where people knew her and Declan. Chicago might be a city of nine million people, but the few hundred in this neighborhood all knew of or knew her and Declan as a couple. A pregnancy test purchase would have knitted blankets and booties delivered to their home before the sun was down.
Unlocking the door to her home, there was no sense of rightness in her actions, and as she looked around she realized this wasn’t her home anymore. Declan was home. The tears came from out of nowhere, and she fled into the downstairs half-bath. After mopping herself up, she tore open the test and began to read the instructions carefully.
Her hands trembled as she read the results of the test, and she didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry, so she did both.
Over an hour later, she entered the kitchen to hear Dolly giving orders in the backyard. She watched Declan digging for the herb garden Dolly had been asking for. Now that she had a finer palate to cook for than Declan’s, Dolly had been adamant that it was necessary. In the last few weeks, Declan had found one excuse or another to get out of the digging. The urge to be near him, to touch him, drew Miranda outside. When he caught sight of her, his smile was so beautiful for a moment she couldn’t breathe.
“There you are. I’ve been wondering when you would finally be home.” He drew her to him, and she didn’t care that he was sweaty and dirt-streaked; she went willingly.
Dolly laughed. “More like he’s been waiting for an excuse to stop. Now, you see to it he finishes for me. I need fresh basil.” Dolly went into the house with a smile.
“What took so long, love? Did Douglas make a nuisance of himself?”
It was harder than she thought, letting him go. Pulling away, she looked down at the fresh dirt. “He wasn’t so bad. Actually, I went back to my house to check up on things, and I think... I think it’s time I went home. This has been nice, but I think it’s about time to wrap this up.” The words were out, and she couldn’t look at him. She began to walk back to the house without looking back.
His grip on her arm was unforgiving as he pulled her back to face him. She refused to meet his eyes. “Nice?! Wrap this up?! Jesus Christ, Miranda, where the hell did that come from?”
Miranda gave up trying to get away, and shrugged. “I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to live in your world anymore. I don’t want to be known as the gangster’s girlfriend.”
“Look at me, damn you.” He caught her chin and forced her to meet his eye. What he saw there, she didn’t know, but he let her go. “Come on, Miranda. I thought you knew me better than this. We won’t do this outside.”
Confused, she followed him into the house. Dolly turned to say something to them, but when she saw Declan’s face, she became fascinated with a spot on the counter. He went into his office and waited at the door. She eyed the stairs, wondering if she dared to make a run for it.
“Don’t even think about it. Come here.” His voice was as hard as his face, and she pushed down the thread of fear that ran up her spine.
He closed the door with a click. “You had better be grateful that you are pregnant, because I never considered violence acceptable until I heard the bullshit that came out of your mouth a few minutes ago.” He nodded at her look of shock. “Miranda, I know your body better than you do. I knew weeks ago, and every day I waited for you to share something so wonderful with me. But no, you chose to run scared.” He slammed his hand down on his desk, and the sound reverberated through her. “How could you do that to us?” His voice broke and he turned away, and Miranda felt her heart breaking into millions of tiny pieces.
“I was so scared that I wasn’t enough for you. I can’t bring up our baby in the world you live in, and I was terrified I would ask you to leave it behind, and you would say no—or even worse, say yes and resent me for it in the end. You are everything I never thought I could have, everything I never believed I deserved. It was easier to believe the bad than the good. I figured if I left then, at least I could have a part of you in our baby, and a part of you was enough for me, than to have nothing at all.” She couldn’t swallow around the lump in her throat, and she could barely see through the tears, so it was a strangled cry that escaped her when he pulled her into his arms in a vise grip.
“Please don’t cry, Miranda. I cannot stand to see you with tears. You are my heart, do you understand that? You are my heart. My heart beats because of you. Not for you but because of you. Until you I wasn’t whole. I had no idea until I met you, and you filled me up with your love.” He sat down, pulled her onto his lap, and began to wipe her tears away. “I’m sorry I didn’t show you enough what you mean to me, that wasn’t fair. You deserve to know just how much you mean to me. At first I was so careful because I was worried about scaring you away. When I came back from Ireland I should have been honest with you, but it felt like you were still trying to settle in. I was afraid to push you too fast, but I bought this in Ireland, and every day I looked at it, wondering when you would be ready for it. If you don’t like it, we can pick something else out.”
Opening a drawer in his desk he pulled out a white velvet ring box, and Miranda began to cry all over again. When he opened the box, his hand shook, and she reached out to cover his hand with her own. It was a beautiful oval three-carat diamond set in platinum, with a knot design along the band. She could only nod as the tears flowed. He put the ring on her left finger, and she buried her face into his neck, too overcome for words.
It felt like hours later when she lifted her head from his shoulder. “I’m sorry I made such a mess.”
“Don’t say sorry. I don’t deserve it. I did all this planning but never told you what I saw the end result as being.”
She couldn’t hide her confusion, and he sighed and opened a drawer. He pulled out several thick manila folders.
&nb
sp; “I knew it, Miranda, from all the things you didn’t say and how you would look at a babe with longing, that you wanted one. When you finally told me you loved me, I made a vow to myself that I would do anything to make you happy, so that you would never regret giving me your love. I’ve looked into making your dream come true, and I’ll admit that it was mine too. I wanted us to become a family and see you with a babe in your arms. This was for if you wanted to adopt from here in the States, this was if you wanted to adopt from overseas, this was for if you wanted to give fertility treatments a shot. Pun intended, my love. By the way, we’d have done them in Ireland, giving you a chance to meet my family, and because they are a third of the price there than in Chicago. This is the home that is being redone for us in Denver.”
She gasped, stunned.
Declan sighed and nodded. “I do have a bit of a confession to make, and I hope you will forgive me for it.” He stroked her back at her unease, “I remember you once asked me if I thought of doing something else, and I said no. At the time I still needed to know you were willing to be with me no matter what. The truth is, I have often thought of walking away. There just never seemed a good enough reason to, until you. Several years ago, when the real estate bubble began, I was lucky enough to have quite a bit of money put away, and after a pretty bad argument with my uncle over business, I decided to jump in.
“I did my homework and looked at the markets that were building, but still low enough there would be room for growth. I bought two duplexes and three homes in Denver, Colorado. One of those homes became vacant a few weeks ago, and it’s currently undergoing a remodel and updating for us. It will be finished in a few weeks. If there is anything you don’t like, we can always change it. It’s got a big backyard and plenty of rooms to fill.
“I wanted to wait until the home was done to offer this all up to you. I bought the tickets last week. Now, after today, I realize making all those plans shouldn’t have been something I did on my own. This will be our life together, and I should have let you in on that.”