I smiled back, in spite of myself. I was known for talking endlessly to my attendants.
“Never have I been more nervous,” I whispered. “What if...” My voice trailed off, I couldn’t bear to say my fears aloud, but there was no need. Clarissa always understood me.
“What if nothing,” she said firmly. Clarissa had a stubborn streak that often perturbed me, but was sometimes exactly what I needed. She gently turned me toward her, placing her age-softened hand under my chin and lifting it high. “That’s better. You hold your head high. You are a queen. Your beauty is known throughout the land. If anyone should be nervous, it is that poor boy. Imagine coming here, standing before you and trying to win your heart… it must feel like trying to impress the very sun!”
She squeezed my hands in encouragement, and I nodded. It was time. Keeping my head high and my shoulders back, I allowed Clarissa to lead me from the room, down a decadent hall, and toward the staircase that would deliver me to the ballroom and into the presence of my prince. Prince Elisha Hawthorn.
My heart pounded in my chest as I walked; it felt like the most important day of my life. Each step was bringing me closer to the moment when I would lay eyes on him for the first time. I had seen him from a distance earlier that day. I had ridden out into the hills beyond the castle at dawn that morning, to a secret place where I sometimes went for solitude that offered a view of the main road. I waited impatiently, until just before the noon sun I saw a cloud of dust rise from the road over the horizon. I could make out figures on horses, and while I had no way of knowing which man was him, it didn’t matter. I had an image of him in my mind already. He would have sparkling white teeth, a strong jaw, bulging muscles, and kind eyes. My future husband would be perfect; I was sure that God would grant me no less after all my waiting.
I entered the ballroom and I felt all heads turn toward me as the music halted. My eyes darted from face to face, searching for the prince. There were many new people from his party in attendance that night, but I picked him from the crowd easily. The room was buzzing with motion and excitement, but he stood in the midst of it all, calm and assured. I knew it was him the moment my eyes rested on him; only a prince could look so confident.
Elisha was hardly the man I’d envisioned. He was thin and had some crooked teeth, but he was not without his charms. His smile, though imperfect, was warm, and I found him attractive in a way I wasn’t expecting.
“Queen Emlyn,” he said with a courteous bow, “it is my long-awaited honor to meet you.”
As he stood, he tenderly took my hand and raised it to his lips, kissing it while holding me in his gaze. His lips were soft on my skin and the warmth seemed to radiate through my body, alighting in my cheeks. His interest in me sent a flutter to my stomach. I decided that I could live without the perfect prince that I had built in my imagination. So long as he was good and kind, Prince Elisha would do quite nicely.
“The honor is mine, good prince,” I said softly.
He kept my hand and guided me around the room as we made polite small talk. I was impressed by his poise, the strong set of his shoulders conveyed confidence and his voice was powerful, yet gentlemanly. I felt myself relax almost immediately in his presence. It was like I was drunk on wine; I couldn’t help smiling and I felt like I was floating at his side.
The music had picked back up and couples began to fill the dance floor.
“May I have this dance?” Prince Elisha asked.
I nodded without speaking, too afraid that I would giggle and give away my excitement. Hand in hand, I followed him onto the floor, and he swung me around to face him, closer than we had stood before. I placed my other hand on his shoulder and felt a stirring in my body as he took my waist. When the song began to play, he moved me gracefully to its rhythm. In my periphery, I was aware that all eyes were upon us as danced, but I could not tear my eyes away from his. I was lost in him. I no longer cared at all about the image that he’d failed to live up to. He was refined, handsome, and charming. I already felt certain that nothing would make me happier than marrying this man whom I’d known only a matter of minutes.
After several dances, during a break in the music, a member of Prince Elisha’s party timidly approached us.
“Forgive me, your Grace,” he mumbled with his head down, will you allow me a moment of the Prince’s time?”
“Yes, of course,” I said, surprised to realize that he had been addressing me.
Prince Elisha turned to me.
“I’ll be only a moment, my Queen. Don’t go far,” he said with mischievous smile.
After he had turned away, I took the opportunity to step out on the balcony to get some air. I was flushed from the dancing and the Prince’s attention. The night outside was quiet and still, and I was enjoying the coolness of the air on my skin when I was startled by a voice behind me.
“I thought I said, ‘don’t go far?’ Imagine my dismay to find you’d vanished,” Prince Elisha said playfully.
He must have followed me out so quietly that I had not heard him approach. My initial gasp of surprise quickly turned to a giggle when I realized it was him.
“My poor Prince,” I teased back, “I hope you were not too heartbroken.” My heart slowed as I looked into his captivating brown eyes.
“Why do you hide your beauty out here in the dark?” he asked, his smile telling me that he was more than aware of the effect of his words.
I felt my cheeks color; the silly blush of an innocent, young girl. My heart fluttered delightfully in my chest as I cast my eyes shyly downward at the compliment. It wasn’t how I would normally act, but I wanted to be swept away by him. He was my gallant prince and I longed to be the fairy tale princess.
“I just needed some air,” I replied, while feigning an attempt to hide my blush. “It’s such a lovely evening.”
“It is,” he replied, looking past me to the sprawling gardens. “Would you like to take a walk?”
The gardens, which were truly beautiful during the day, transformed into something almost ethereal at night. Paths wandered through the greenery, dotted by torches that cast flickering light and dancing shadows all around them. It was mysterious and romantic, and the moment he asked me to walk with him, I was desperate for the time to ourselves. Guards were posted at the outer gates to the garden, but it was large and I knew where we could go to be alone. We scurried down the stairs before his family or anyone from my household could spot us and drag us back into the formality of the ball. I was certain to get a scolding from Clarissa later that evening, but it would be worth it.
My prince took my hand the moment we were around the first corner and I could sense him stealing glances at me as we walked.
“Are we near any guards?” he asked me.
“No,” I said breathlessly, feeling a thrill at being alone with him at last.
Elisha pulled me off the path and behind a tree with a quick tug. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his lips against mine. I was so startled by his forwardness that at first, I didn’t know what to do; I just stood there while he tried to kiss me, not responding at all. My body was rigid, my lips half open in surprise, my arms thrown in the air, fingers splayed, almost in a position of surrender. I couldn’t even close my eyes. In those frozen moments, I began to panic. I didn’t want him to think of me as foolish little girl, and I didn’t want him to take my hesitation as a rejection. He had frightened me a little with his suddenness, but I wanted to be here with him. Just as he began to open his eyes, no doubt wondering what was wrong with me, I returned the kiss.
It was my first kiss, and it was much more intense than I’d imagined it would be. In my dreams, my prince had been sweet and gentle, but this kiss with Elisha was both passionate and terrifying. He was holding my body against his own and his hand gripped my hair. In my life, I was rarely touched by anyone, and certainly never like this. It was inappropriate, but I could feel his body responding to me; I could sense the raw desire in his movements and bre
ath, and I delighted in knowing that I hadn’t disappointed him. My anxiety began to fade and I felt myself melting into the kiss. He had one hand on the small of my back; I shivered as he moved it around me. His hand traveled slowly at first, and then more urgently across the front of my body, his touch boldly lingering as he gripped me, his fingers grazing the skin inside the neckline of my dress.
I tried to pull away from him. It was one thing to steal a kiss, but this was too far, he did not yet have my hand in marriage.
“Prince – we cannot,” I said, but he held me tightly and continued to fondle my body and kiss me with no regard for my objections. When he started to lift my dress, I pulled back, more determinedly.
“Stop that now!” I ordered. My voice was low, but authoritative. I was giving him the chance to back off before the guards were alerted, but there was no mistaking the gravity of my words.
I expected that when I spoke, he would return to his senses. Surely, he had merely been lost in the moment and would be filled with remorse, begging for my forgiveness. But instead, an expression of utter annoyance crossed his face, taking me aback. I had been so enchanted by him all evening. I thought he felt the same; I thought he cared for me. The truth was a dagger to my naïve, young heart.
“You seemed to be enjoying things,” he said, his tone reflecting the same annoyance as his face. “Do you not want to be with me?”
“I-I-I do,” I stammered, still confused and not wanting to let go of my hope despite the pain he’d already caused. “But… I don’t want to do this here… not now.”
“I know what the women tell you about virtue, but they conceal the truth. I am to be a king. Don’t you think I wish to enjoy the fruits of the woman I might marry?”
“I’m sorry… I cannot,” I said, trying to fight back tears.
Once again, I expected repentance, but Elisha merely rolled his eyes and grabbed ahold of me by my hair again, wrenching it and pulling me back into his body. My cry of pain was muffled by his lips as he forced another kiss on me. His mouth trailed a path across my cheek and down the side of my neck as he groped me even more aggressively than before. An icy blade of fear plunged deep into my heart. I pushed against him, hard, as a hard as I could; if I could just gain a little space I could run. He did not budge. If anything, he seemed to be encouraged by my struggle. He shoved me back just as hard and I sputtered as I was slammed against a tree.
I was trapped now, helpless, pinned; reduced to nothing more than an animal in a trap. There was a twisted enjoyment in his eyes, a smirk on his face as his hand reached under my dress again and began to ascend the inside of my thigh. He wasn’t going to stop. It was going to happen again.
Again.
Something jolted inside of me.
This had happened before. Long ago. I’d been a little girl, too young to fight, too young to even understand. I’d snuck away from Clarissa and my other attendants; it was a game I used to play. I wandered out alone into the gardens, straight to my favorite hiding spot near the stables. It wasn’t Clarissa who found me; it was one of the stablemen, an older man who had always been nice to me. He was suddenly peering down at me, a big grin on his face.
“Sshhh,” I whispered, “I’m hiding!”
“But I’ve found you! This spot is too easy. Come with me, I’ll show you a better one!”
I followed him, eagerly, innocently.
He led me back into the stable. It was cool and dark. I wasn’t allowed to go there, but I thought it would be okay since he had let me in. I giggled as he laid me down in the hay, no one would find me here!
Then, his face changed.
“We’re going to play a new game,” he said, “one where you have to be very quiet, okay?”
I nodded obediently because I didn’t know what else to do; I was scared and I didn’t know why. He lifted my dress; he began touching me. I started to cry.
“Shut up!” he yelled, suddenly seeming very big and angry. “Remember, you wanted to play this game!”
I stopped wailing. I was afraid he would hit me. Silent tears coursed down my cheeks the whole time he held me there, touching me. Even though I was quiet, he hurt me anyway. When he was done, he got up, towering above me as he glowered down.
“Did you like our game?”
His voice was mean. I was afraid to answer so I just stared at him.
“You’d better go. You don’t want to get in trouble for coming here, right? You’d be in big trouble if anyone found out.”
I nodded. It was true. I wasn’t allowed to come to the stables and if anyone found out, I’d be in trouble. I got up and ran as fast as I could, out of the stable and through the empty gardens, the wind drying my tear-streaked face. I would never tell anyone. I was too young to understand what he had really done to me; I was young enough to lock the memory deep inside, convincing myself it had been a bad dream until it faded away.
Until now.
Until Elisha’s intent to violate me brought it back in a torrent of emotion. I felt his hand creep up another inch and a sob tore through me, as though all the sorrow and fear I’d buried in my childhood had never disappeared at all, but had merely hidden, pooled, waited for the crack that would allow it to come bursting out.
I opened my mouth to scream, but the cry died on my lips as I looked at his face. He wasn’t just enjoying what he was doing to me, he was feeding off it. He saw me as weak; he thought of me as prey. A new emotion began pounding in my heart and roaring in my temples. Rage. My hands clenched into fists. I had let this happen before, but I was not a helpless, scared child anymore. I was a queen. I would not be intimidated into silence by his position. I would not be forced into submission; I would fight him off or die trying.
I pushed hard against his chest and shouted, “Stop it, NOW!” much louder than before.
Elisha’s response was swift; he backhanded me across my cheek so hard I fell. I was momentarily stunned and I could taste blood. He was on top of me in an instant, wrenching at my dress, tearing some of the delicate material in the process. He looked down at me for the briefest moment, an expression of satisfaction on his face, as if he liked seeing me on the ground before him, as if he thought he’d won. He was a true monster.
Mustering my strength, I pushed him back again, and before he could strike, I raked my hand across his face. I felt the drag of my nails as they tore at his flesh. This time, it was Elisha who was screaming as he clutched at the three ragged, red lines that ran from his brow down across his opposite cheek.
“Bitch!” he yelled, his face contorted with fury and savage lust. “You’re going to regret that!”
He struck me once again, hard enough to make my world flicker in and out of focus. I was a child again, staring blankly upward, feeling my dress being lifted over my hips. My mind snapped back to reality. Elisha’s hand was pulling at my undergarments. I tried to push him away, tried to wriggle out from under him, but he was too strong.
“You’re just making this harder on yourself,” he grunted, “but it’s okay, the fight makes it more fun.”
He laughed at me.
My hands were at his chest, his stomach, his hips, frantically pushing and hitting, when suddenly, my left hand brushed over something at his side. It’s identity never even fully registered, I just pulled it from his belt and thrust it into his belly as hard as I could. He rolled to his side with a loud groan. I’d stuck him with his own dagger and I could see the blood on my hand.
With my body mostly free, I scrambled away from him and jumped to my feet, my chest burning as I gasped for air. I could see that he was injured, but it wasn’t life threatening. I was about to go get a guard for help, but as Elisha looked up at me from the ground, I paused. Even in this moment, when he was vulnerable and should be scared and repentant, venom oozed from his stare and he looked at me like he owned me and I had dared to defy him.
“You stupid whore!” he spat at me. “You think you’ve saved yourself? You haven’t! I’ll marry you still, and I
’ll pass you around to my court for all to use as they see fit.”
Something new surged through me in that moment; it was then that I was truly reborn. Men would always do this. Vile, disgusting creatures; thinking my body was owed to them, thinking they could use me, thinking I would just take it. I wouldn’t. Elisha would never touch me again; he would never touch anyone again.
I stepped forward with an icy glare. “You pathetic boy,” I said softly, almost maniacally. “I will not marry you, but I believe I might just kill you.”
“How dare…” he started to say, but I reached down and ripped the small blade from his belly. Blood welled from the wound and for the first time a shadow of fear passed over his face. I relished it.
“Get help,” he sputtered, doubling over at the newfound pain.
“No,” I replied coldly. I felt a grin spread across my face as power burned away all the fear that had filled me just moments before.
“What are you doing?” he asked. “I’ll die. Help me!”
“No,” I repeated. “I will do nothing for you until you apologize.”
“What?!” he croaked, spitting up some blood.
“Apologize to your Queen. You have insulted me, tried to molest me, and threatened me. Apologize, and beg me to spare your life.”
“Get help now!” he screamed.
Kneeling down next to him, I pushed his shoulders back to lay him out flat on his back. I lifted the dagger high over my head and drove it back into his body, just below his chest. I watched his face as the blade pierced him, he believed me now.
“I’m…. I’m sorry,” he stammered through the pain. “P-p-p-please… G-g-g-get… G-get help.”
“Thank you for your apology, but I don’t believe it is sincere,” I responded. I pushed forward on the dagger, changing the angle in his body and tearing through new flesh in the process.
I could feel his heartbeat through the handle of the blade and felt a high wash over me as the arrogance finally drained from his eyes. I pushed harder and harder until the blade could go no further, and then I jerked it down, slicing a line down his body.
Evil Unbound- Death's Mistress Returns Page 2