Rude Awakenings

by Jonathan Eaves

appeared to be a friend but for some reason Annabel suddenly had the suspicion that maybe that credited him with an 'r' he didn't deserve.

  'Well,' Theo continued, 'if you are determined on such a course of action then, as I said, I would like to offer you my assistance.'

  'And how exactly can you assist us?' asked Robin warily.

  Theodore moved forwards to put his arm around the outlaw's shoulders. Robin was surprised to find that Mr De Ville felt extremely warm. 'Why, by advising an alternative route,' Theo answered, 'which is not only shorter but also offers, um, shelter from this atrocious weather,' he replied.

  'Really?'

  'Yes. Really.'

  'And what do you expect in return for this advice?' asked Robin doubtfully. This Mr de Ville seemed too good to be true. And when something seemed to be too good to be true...

  'Why, nothing at all,' Theo replied. 'Other than the satisfaction of knowing I've been able to assist such a worthy company of men and, well, pachyderms...'

  And, he thought to himself, to introduce them to a little friend of mine. Theo De Ville could not harm people himself, but he could direct them towards harm, or delay, which was what he needed right now. Of course he could have just left them to freeze here on the ledge, but that didn't seem sporting, somehow.

  'Okay,' said Robin finally, his suspicions somewhat allayed. It didn't seem that they had any choice. This chap had mentioned shelter, without which they would all soon be in serious trouble. He looked up towards the black curtain of the sky. The weather, it was obvious, was indeed deteriorating. He turned his attention back to Theo. 'Alright, Mr De Ville, tell me about this alternative route.'

  Theodore smiled. 'Very wise,' he said. He pointed a gloved hand. 'You must continue along this pass for 400 paces; you'll come to a great overhang under which is a small opening leading into a low cave. The back of the cave opens into a passageway which descends into the bowels of the mountains.'

  'There's an underground passage through the mountains?' Robin asked hopefully.

  'Indeed there is, my young friend.'

  'But why? What is it for? Who built it?'

  'My word, so many questions! Inquisitive as well as determined, I see. Well, it was the dwarves who were responsible for the passageway. They started to build mines. Until they-' He was about to say until they disturbed something from the deep. Something terrible. His own cousin, as a matter of fact.

  'Until what?' Robin prompted.

  'Until they ran out of money,' Theo lied smoothly. 'Their backers ran out on them. You should never trust faerie gold, you know.'

  'Right. I see.'

  'But heed my warning,' Theodore continued. 'After half a mile the passageway forks into two, the left-hand fork going downwards, and the right-hand fork heading upwards. You must take the left-hand route.'

  'The left-hand?'

  'Yes,' replied the devil.

  'Right. So, the left, you say.'

  'Yes.'

  'That's the one that goes downwards?'

  'Yes,' Theo answered, quickly losing patience.

  'Are you sure?'

  'For flaming home's sake, yes!' And with that Theo De Ville seemed to disappear as suddenly as he had appeared and strangely, although there was no flash or cloud of smoke, there was the feeling of a flash and a cloud of smoke.

  'Righto,' said Robin out loud. 'A secret passage, then. How fortunate. I'm not sure I like this but, well, given the weather conditions, I think we should give it a try.' He adjusted his pack and set off once again along the treacherous track.

  98

  Even in the short time it took the band to reach the overhang the weather noticeably worsened. The snow thickened underfoot and swirled around in great drifts that cut the visibility down to inches, and what should have been a brief journey seemed endless. They trudged on, concentrating only on placing one foot in front of the other, ignoring the distant sounds of rock slides and avalanches and praying they themselves would not be swept away in a tumult of snow and rock. A half-hour of this nightmarish hike and they all were coming to the end of their strength, and there was still no sight of the overhang which signalled the entrance to the dwarfish mines. Robin, exhausted and disoriented, was afraid that they had missed it in the impenetrable swirl of the icy winds and started to turn back.

  'No,' gasped Dr Dosodall. 'Annabel says keep going, it's not far now, less than half a cable's length.'

  Less than a hundred yards, thought Robin, just a couple of minutes in normal conditions. But it was a further quarter of an hour before they gained the shelter of the overhang. Unable to go any further they tumbled into the opening of the cave, Annabel only just able to fit and blocking the entrance and thereby keeping the worst of the weather outside.

  The men all lay exhausted upon the cave floor, grateful to be out of the biting gale, and slowly their strength returned. After half an hour Robin stirred. 'We've got to go on,' he muttered. 'We must reach Old Horse Gorse today.'

  The band all groaned but immediately started to heave themselves to their feet as Robin went to the back of the cave to investigate the passageway. He returned presently with a worried look upon his face. 'We have two problems,' he reported. 'Firstly the passageway is low and narrow. There's simply no way that Annabel will be able to travel through it.'

  Dr. Dosodall whispered to Annabel who dipped her head in acknowledgment.

  'She says she'll continue over the mountains,' the doctor announced, 'once the weather has improved. I'll go with her. We will head for Old Horse Gorse.' He paused to consider for a moment. 'Should you reach there before us and need to continue leave a message in a cleft stick. We'll find it and follow you.'

  Robin nodded. 'Very well,' he agreed, 'I don't see any alternative.' He turned to the remainder of the group. 'Our second problem is light. We have no torches, nor even kindling. The passageway is as dark as the devil-'

  'Hello again,' said Theo De Ville. 'I forgot to give you these.'

  'How the-'

  Theodore dismissed Robin with a wave. 'Never mind all that. Here, a torch for each of you.'

  'But they aren't lit.'

  'Oh, silly me.' And the torches flared into light.

  'And how-'

  'Just a little invention of mine. I call them lucifers, they'll be all the range one day, I am sure.'

  'But I didn't see anything-'

  'Well, it is dark.' He passed the torches around. 'Bon voyage. Excuse me, madam.' This last remark was to Annabel who moved aside to allow Theo to pass. But he appeared to be gone before he passed through the opening. And was that a hint of red mist?

  'There's something distinctly strange about that man,' muttered Robin. 'Still, he has been most helpful. He turned to Annabel and the Doctor. 'We'd better get going. So...good luck,' he said. 'We'll see you again at Horse Gorse, I am sure.'

  99

  The passageway was indeed narrow - only one man could walk abreast - but the ceiling was surprisingly high given the fact that it had been carved out of the mountains by dwarves. Of all of them only Ron had to duck his head to avoid braining himself, something he occasionally forgot to do as became apparent by his fairly regular cries of 'Ouch, bloody hell!'

  The passageway remained level and straight for the first quarter mile or so and their progress was good. The shadows cast by their torched danced before them, illuminating the occasional cluster of stalactites which hung from the passageway roof like a half-jammed lime-encrusted portcullis.

  Soon the passageway started to curve towards the left but continued to remain level and shortly afterwards they found themselves standing before the fork that Theo had warned them of. A stream of fresh air flowed from the right-hand passage, and there seemed to be a glimmer of natural light ahead. The air in the left hand fork was foetid, and there was a stale, nauseating, decaying stench emanating from it, with no hint of light ahead, and yet it was down this fork that Theo had advised them that they must journey.

  'This reminds me of a tale I once heard,' sa
id Lott with a catch in his voice. 'Of abandoned dwarfish mines and an unspeakable terror their diggings unleashed.'

  'Balrogs,' replied Robin.

  'No, it's absolutely true,' insisted Lott.

  'I mean that the unspeakable terror the dwarves supposedly unleashed were Balrogs. I heard the tale too. It's just a faerie story, that's all.'

  'What's a Balrog?' asked Ron, removing his hood and rubbing his bruised forehead.

  'Huge, formidable creatures, born of heat and flame,' Robin answered over his shoulder. 'They carry a fiery whip and, so it's said, they're invincible to all but the most powerful of wizards. Supposedly there are no more fearsome creatures in existence. But, as I say, these creatures exist only in faerie tales.'

  'Faerie creatures or not,' Grub commented, shuddering, 'I'd no more like to meet a Balrog than I would an accountant. Well, almost.'

  Robin nodded in agreement before turning back to study the passageways. 'I'd rather be taking the right-hand passageway,' he mumbled to himself, 'yet our friendly Mr De Ville definitely said to take the left-hand path. Oh well, let's go.'

  With that he led Ron, Lott and Grub into the left-hand passage, which sloped steeply downwards. All too soon the stench became almost unbearable and the band pulled their hoods closely around their faces in a futile attempt to filter the putrid reek. The darkness seemed to close in around them, their torches struggling to penetrate the doom. And then suddenly, standing before them...

  'Oh shit,' cried Robin. 'Your worse nightmare is about to come true, Grub.'

  'What?' asked the Brother. 'A Balrog?'

  'No. A damned bean counter!' came Robin's resigned reply.

  100

  The doctor watched Robin lead the Merrie Men into the bowels of the mountains, then turned to Annabel. 'Shall we?' he asked. The huge medium nodded, and proceeded to manoeuvre her massive bulk out of the mouth of the cavern.

  Outside the weather was still atrocious and the doctor balked at the icy blast that greeted him as Annabel turned. 'I don't know if I can last in this,' he murmured, but he pulled his cloak up around his ears, put his head down, and started to trudge forward through the snow, hanging onto the elephant's tail and thereby protecting himself as much as he could from the worst of the weather by the lee created behind Annabel's colossal bulk.

  The snow was blowing horizontally into her face, her long eyelashes iced with the flakes, as she hunched her shoulders and used her colossal strength to fight through the ferocious winds.

  This isn't natural, she suddenly thought, as she clasped her ears close against her body, curled her trunk up under her, and lumbered onwards. She continued in this manner for several minutes before, all of a sudden, she felt the doctor's grasp on her tail loosen, and she heard a shout, abruptly cut off.

  'Doctor! Can you hear me, Doctor?'

  No answer came. The track was so narrow that she couldn't turn to see what had happened. Deeply worried, she cautiously backed up a dozen paces in order to peer over the edge of the precipice, but by now the snow was swirling so much that visibility was virtually non-existent.

  'Doctor, are you there? Doctor, where are you?'

  Still no answer came.

  Tentatively Annabel lowered her bulk by kneeling forward onto her front legs and she stretched her head out over the edge as far as it could go. She reached out with her trunk, and sniffed for the doctor's scent, but all she could smell was the sharp, almost acidic tang of ice. In her mind it smelt... blue and somehow transparent. Something wasn't right, that was for sure, but right now she needed to concentrate on locating the doctor.

  With the finger-like extension at the end of her trunk she gently felt for anything within the arc of her dextrous proboscis and, after a moment, at the extreme limit of her reach, she felt something like the edge of a thin branch. She strained to reach further - yes, the branch thickened, and she could feel a single, solitary leaf which had somehow managed to