by Amy Clipston
“That’s gut.” She paused, hoping he’d say more—but when he remained silent, her heart sank. She couldn’t handle this distance between them and needed to clear the air. “Dat, are you upset with me?”
He looked over at her and shook his head. “No. Why do you ask?”
“You’ve been cold to me ever since I told you about my job. I was just trying to help.” Her voice sounded thick to her own ears. “We’re a family, and we should take care of each other. That’s what Mamm would want us to do.”
He blew out a puff of air, and his hazel eyes seemed to shimmer. “I know, but it’s my job to take care of you and your schweschder. Lately I haven’t done a very gut job of that.”
“That’s not true.” She reached out and touched his arm. “It’s not your fault that the factory laid you off or that you couldn’t find another steady job. We’re just doing the best we can, and that’s why I want to help by working at the hardware store.”
Dat’s expression warmed. “You’ve always been such a gut dochder.”
She sucked in a breath as her throat dried, and a tender emotion rolled through her.
“Your mamm would be so proud of you and Anna.” Dat patted her shoulder, then looked out toward the pasture once again.
Marlene wiped at her eyes, trying to stop the wetness that filled them. She and her father sat in silence for several moments, the only sounds coming from their rocking chairs moving back and forth on the porch.
“Does that mean you approve of my job at the store?” she finally asked.
“Ya,” Dat said. “As long as it doesn’t interfere with your chores at home.” His expression became grave. “But don’t forget that this is only temporary. My goal is to get us back to Indiana.”
“Why can’t we stay?” she asked, her voice as hesitant as her heartbeat.
“Because we belong in Shipshewana,” he said.
“But I like here, and I want to stay.”
“It’s not up for discussion,” Dat said, his tone warning her not to disagree.
Marlene took in the lines on his face and rested her head against the back of the chair. Why didn’t he see that Pennsylvania was where they belonged?
As sadness gripped her, she prayed that her father would start to see how Bird-in-Hand was their true home—and that his job at Onkel Leonard’s store was good for all of them.
CHAPTER 4
How was your Sunday afternoon?” Rudy asked Marlene as he stepped into the break room at lunchtime.
Marlene shrugged as she wiped her mouth with a paper napkin. He’d attempted to make conversation with her throughout the morning, but she’d only responded with terse replies. He was determined to encourage her to talk to him since thoughts of her had drifted in and out of his mind throughout the weekend.
“It was gut.” She crumpled the napkin as she spoke. “I visited with mei dat, aenti, and onkel, and then I took a nap.”
He retrieved his lunch bag and two bottles of water from the refrigerator, then sat down across from her at the table. “What did Anna do?”
“Anna?” Marlene seemed surprised by the question. “She and Betsy went to the youth group gathering. She said they played volleyball most of the afternoon.”
He passed her a bottle of water. “Why didn’t you go with them?”
Her blond eyebrows lifted. “I’m a little bit too old for a youth group. I’m not twenty anymore.”
He snorted. “You make it sound like you’re forty.”
“I feel that way sometimes.” She sighed, her shoulders wilting as she picked up her ham-and-cheese sandwich and took a bite.
“I do too.” He unwrapped his liverwurst sandwich, then bowed his head in silent prayer.
“What did you do yesterday?” she asked after he finished praying.
When he looked up and found her green eyes focused on him, happiness flooded him. It was the first personal question she’d asked him all day. Perhaps he was making progress with his efforts to encourage her to talk.
“Neil and I went to visit freinden. We go just about every Sunday. There’s a group of us who are all around the same age who visit, both men and women. We’re the late-twenties singles, I suppose.” He held out his potato chips to her, and she took one. “You should come with us sometime.” Regret filled him as he recalled his conversation with his cousin yesterday. Maybe Neil had been right. Why hadn’t Rudy invited her?
Marlene looked down at her sandwich. “Danki, but that’s okay.”
“Was iss letz?”
“You don’t have to go out of your way with me. I’ll be fine.”
“How is inviting you to meet mei freinden going out of my way? We’re in the same church district, and you and I grew up together.”
“I know.” She absently took another bite of her sandwich. Something was wrong, and his curiosity was driving him to near distraction.
“Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?”
She looked up at him, and he was almost certain he saw tears in her eyes. Worry shot through him.
“Marlene,” he began, “I know we were never close, but you can trust me.”
“I appreciate that.” She sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “It’s mei dat. He’s so bedauerlich, and I don’t know how to help him. When he was laid off from the factory, he tried for months to find another job. He was determined not to lose the little haus we rented in Shipshewana, and he didn’t want to come back here to relive all of the memories of how we lost mei mamm. He found a few jobs in Indiana, but none of them were steady. Coming here was his last resort.”
She looked down at the table and drew circles on the wood grain with her fingertip. “When he ran out of money, we had no choice but to come back and move in with mei mamm’s schweschder. I know mei dat appreciates mei onkel’s generosity, but I don’t think mei dat is froh working at mei onkel’s store. I got this job to help him get back on his feet financially, but I think mei dat is ashamed of needing help.”
She set her bent elbow on the table, then rested her chin on her palm as she looked over at him. “My plan was to give mei dat my paycheck to put toward a rental haus, but that plan backfired. He got so angry with me.”
“He was angry?” Rudy leaned forward as he tried to understand.
“Ya.” She slumped back in the chair. “When I broke the news to him, he was worried I wouldn’t complete chores at home. Thankfully Anna defended me and said she’d make sure my chores were done. Dat says it’s his responsibility to support us, so I guess he thought I was undermining his role.” Her lip trembled. “I wasn’t trying to make him feel like less of a man or a dat. I just want to help take care of my family.”
The urge to reach out and touch Marlene’s hand nearly overwhelmed him, but he tamped it down. He wished he could take the pain he saw in her eyes onto himself.
“Yesterday I finally convinced him to talk to me. He said I was a gut dochder and that Mamm would be proud of me. Then he gave me his blessing to work here.” She sniffed again. “I know he’s not upset with me, but I hate to see him so bedauerlich.”
Rudy sat silently as she spoke, grateful Marlene was confiding in him. But how on earth could he possibly help her?
“But that’s not the worst of it,” she added.
“What is it then?”
“He wants to go back to Shipshewana.” She wiped at her eyes. “He doesn’t see Bird-in-Hand as our home, but I do. I don’t want to go back to Indiana. I want to stay here, and I don’t understand why he wants to leave again.”
“I’m sorry.” He tried to shake off the sadness he felt at the idea of her leaving. She was becoming a friend to him, and he dreaded the idea of losing the chance to get to know her.
She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. “I’m sorry. You didn’t ask me to pour my heart out to you.”
“It’s fine,” he insisted. “In fact, I’m glad you did.”
“Really?” She peered up at him.
“Ya.” He forced a smile. �
��You’ve been so quiet all morning that I was worried about you.”
“You were worried about me?” Her nose scrunched in a funny way, and he bit back a laugh. She was adorable.
“Aren’t we freinden?” he asked.
“Ya, I suppose we are.”
“Well, freinden worry about each other. So you can tell me whatever is bothering you, and I’ll do the same.”
“Okay.” When she smiled again, relief flooded him. “What’s bothering you today?” she asked.
“Hmm.” He rubbed his chin as he tried to fabricate something to share. He couldn’t possibly tell Marlene that his mother had been pressuring him to date her. That would be much too awkward. Then he snapped his fingers when an idea came to him. “I know. We received a huge shipment of fasteners, nuts, and bolts, and I have to price them all and put them out for the display.”
“That’s what’s bothering you?” She laughed, and he savored the sound.
“Yup.” He grinned.
“Well then, I suppose we’d better finish our lunches and get hopping on it.”
“That’s a plan.”
Thunder rumbled as Marlene walked toward the store’s exit later that afternoon.
“I’ll see you Wednesday,” she called over her shoulder to Rudy and Jeptha.
Rudy waved and smiled. “Take care, Marlene!”
“Have a gut evening,” Jeptha chimed in.
“Danki.” Marlene hesitated at the door as raindrops peppered the sidewalk and street in front of her. She fished her umbrella out from the bottom of her tote bag, took a deep breath, and pushed the door open.
The sweet scent of rain filled her senses. She hurried out onto the sidewalk, dodging small puddles as the rain began to beat a steady cadence on her umbrella. As she rushed down the road, the raindrops grew heavier, soaking her black shoes and splashing onto her black apron and blue dress.
She picked up her pace and gritted her teeth as the rain continued to drench her feet and legs. She considered going back to the store and calling a driver to pick her up, then decided against it. The point of working at the hardware store was to save every penny she earned.
She stopped at the corner and waited for traffic to pass before crossing the street. As she stepped up onto the sidewalk, a strong gust of wind blew her umbrella inside out, causing her to stumble as the rain continued to soak her. With a screech of frustration, Marlene struggled to fix the umbrella despite another gust of wind. As she righted the umbrella, a car rushed by, hitting a large puddle and splashing water all over her like a tidal wave.
Marlene brushed her hand down her drenched dress and let out another cry of aggravation. Tears stung her eyes, and her shoulders wilted at the sight of her dripping dress. She was soaked, humiliated, and disheartened. A tear dribbled down her cheek, and she brushed it away. She was certain she looked like a drowned rat. How mortifying!
Get it together, Marlene! You’re stronger than this!
The little voice in her mind took her by surprise. Squaring her shoulders, she started down the flooded sidewalk, her shoes squeaking with every step.
She turned down another road and had to step into the slippery mud to avoid an oncoming car. In her peripheral vision, she noted an oncoming horse and buggy but kept walking. With her head down, she might avoid seeing someone she might know. The thought of a community member seeing her like this sent a swell of humiliation over her.
“Marlene!”
She cringed at the sound of her name. Who had recognized her? Could this day get any worse?
“Marlene! Marlene, it’s me, Rudy!”
She cut her eyes to the side and suppressed a groan when she found Rudy calling to her from his buggy. Her cheeks heated with her rising embarrassment. Why did he have to come along when she was such a wreck?
“Marlene.” He halted the horse. “Get in the buggy.”
Closing the umbrella, she climbed into the buggy beside him and shivered.
“Why didn’t you say you needed a ride?” He pulled a quilt from the back of the buggy and handed it to her. “I never would have let you walk home in this rain.”
She patted her face dry with the quilt and wrapped it around herself.
“I can pick you up in the morning and then bring you home after work,” he offered, guiding the horse down the road. “You only live a couple of blocks from me.”
“It’s okay. Mei dat drops me off in the morning on his way to work. He works later than I do, so that’s why I walk home.”
“Well, I can take you home. It’s not a problem.”
She opened her mouth to respond, but her words were trapped in her throat. A new round of tears overcame her—and though she held her breath to stymie them, her tears broke free.
“Ach, Marlene.”
As the tears fell, she held the quilt over her face to shield her grief from Rudy.
The buggy came to a stop. Then she felt Rudy shift closer to her.
“Marlene. Talk to me.” Rudy’s breath was warm and close to her ear, sending a shiver of awareness cascading up her spine. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”
She took deep breaths in order to calm her frayed nerves. She wiped at her eyes but kept her gaze trained on her lap.
“I’m humiliated that I had to walk home in the rain. I hate that you have to see me soaked like this.” She heard the tremble in her voice but pushed on as she hugged the quilt closer to her chest.
“I’m happy to give you a ride, Marlene.” His thigh brushed against hers, and her pulse skittered. “You don’t have to walk home in the rain anymore.”
“Danki.” She looked out the window to avoid his eyes as fat raindrops pelted the glass.
“Is that all that’s upsetting you?”
Beneath the shelter of the buggy, she felt the urge to share what was burdening her heart. “No. It’s just that I felt terrible when mei dat lost his job, but I was excited when he said we were coming back here. But I also feel guilty because I almost didn’t come with mei dat and Anna. I considered staying behind in Indiana.”
“Where were you going to stay?”
“Right before we left, my boyfriend proposed to me. I almost said yes to him. If I had married Colin, then I’d still be in Indiana, which means I wouldn’t have to feel the heartache of leaving Bird-in-Hand for a second time.”
She closed her eyes against the nagging guilt. She was a dreadful person for even considering leaving her father and sister behind. She was a sinner who didn’t deserve Rudy’s friendship or her family’s kindness.
“Did you love Colin?”
Marlene turned to face Rudy, then shook her head. “Not the way a fraa should love her husband.”
Something that looked like understanding flashed across his face. How could Rudy possibly understand her complicated feelings for her ex-boyfriend?
“I’m a horrible person,” she whispered. “Colin would have been an easy way out.”
“You’re not horrible.” Rudy reached out his hand as if he might touch her arm, but then he pulled it back.
“You’re wrong.” Her voice quaked. “I am horrible. If I had said yes to Colin, then I would be stuck in a loveless marriage. Only a bad person would consider doing that instead of working hard to help her family.”
Rudy leaned back on the door behind him and crossed his arms over his chest. “I almost did the same thing four years ago.”
“What do you mean?” She pivoted her body toward him.
His expression warmed as he held fast to the bench seat. “I dated Laura Lambert for four years. Well, she was Laura Riehl back then.”
“You did?” Curiosity nipped at her. Was that why he seemed surprised when she’d asked about Laura?
“Ya.” He ran his finger over the back of the seat as he spoke. “It was fun in the beginning. We had a great time with our freinden at youth group. We went on picnics, spent days at the lake, played games late into the night, and laughed a lot. We were carefree and life was gut. But then she lost her m
amm and everything changed. It was as if we couldn’t relate to each other at all. We started growing apart.”
His lips twisted into a frown and he looked down at his lap as if to shield himself from her gaze. “I wasn’t much of a boyfriend to her when she needed me most. I was too selfish and immature to realize I was putting my own wants and needs before hers. It’s really my fault that we grew apart. Then she lost Savilla, and she pulled even further away from me. I became even more selfish and thoughtless, instead of asking Laura what she needed from me. Savilla’s mamm was hurt in an accident, and Laura started helping Savilla’s widower, Allen, take care of his dochder. They grieved together and fell in love along the way. Then they got married.”
He paused, shaking his head. “I’m not envious of their relationship, but looking back, I see the mistakes I made. Still, it’s obvious that she and Allen belong together. From what I can tell, they’re really froh and have a gut, solid marriage.”
Her eyes met his, and she was almost certain she saw regret there. “Mei mamm had pressured me for years to marry Laura, and I had considered it for all of the wrong reasons. I knew deep in my heart Laura wasn’t the one for me. Mei mamm wanted grandchildren so badly, but I couldn’t ask Laura to marry me if it didn’t feel right.”
Marlene nodded slowly. “You’re right. I’m thinking about the stability Colin could have given me, but that’s not enough to make a marriage work.”
Rudy held a finger up. “Exactly.”
They both grew silent, and something unspoken passed between them. It was as if Rudy truly understood her, more than her family members ever had. Did he feel that connection, too, or was she imagining it?
“Don’t feel guilty for considering what would have happened if you had stayed behind in Indiana.” His words were soft and warm, like the quilt she held tight around her body. “You’re allowed to wonder what could have been. We’re human and we all wonder about decisions we didn’t make.”
He leaned toward her. “But you shouldn’t worry about what you left behind in Indiana. You have freinden here, and we’re all froh that you’re back.” He pointed to his chest. “You have me. Come out with mei freinden on Sunday. I know they’d love to meet you.” He grinned sheepishly. “Mei freinden really aren’t that bad.”