by Natavia
“Wait! I can’t run with these shoes on!” Tierra said when we made it to the parking lot. Five more squad cars pulled into Nordstrom’s parking lot. We had to walk through six parking lots to get to her car. As soon as we got in, she cursed me out.
“I cannot believe you were fightin’ over Dream! You could’ve gotten locked up! You got too much goin’ for yourself to be fightin’ over a whore who is carryin’ a child for another fuckin’ man! She didn’t want you until she saw that I’d do anything for you,” she said. I wasn’t in the mood to argue with Tierra. What Adrian said still had my mind gone. But Tierra was right about one thing—Dream didn’t want me until she realized she was slacking. I remembered the first time I asked her to my girl. The signs were there that Dream only wanted a friendship from me…
Last year…
Trell, Naya, Deerie and J-Breezy were sitting on the porch playing spades for money. I’m not the gambling type because it was pointless to waste money, especially since I had a family to take care of. I was sitting on the chair drinking a beer. It was going on midnight and Dream wasn’t home. Matter of fact, the last time I saw her was the night before she went out with Kabella.
“Yo, bro, why you quiet over there?” Trell asked.
“He’s probably worried about Dream. We haven’t seen her since last night,” Naya replied.
“She probably got a nigga,” Trell said and Naya elbowed him.
“She can do what she wants. We’re just homies.”
“More like husband and wife,” Deerie said and they all agreed. They were talking shit to each other while I occasionally checked my phone. I don’t know why I was tripping over her. We both agreed to have a sexual relationship without any strings attached. All we had to do was be open with each other. I didn’t know how to come out and ask Dream to be my girl. We’d been kicking it for two years and I was beginning to get selfish. I wanted Dream all to myself.
I cracked another beer open after tossing an empty bottle in the trash. A few shorties texted my phone wanting me to come through, but I wasn’t feeling it. I had caught strong feelings for Dream and sleeping around made a nigga feel empty inside. At only nineteen years, I knew what real love felt like and it wasn’t the kind me and Jonna had. I must’ve been in deep thought because by the time the spades game was over Dream was walking through the fence. Her eyes were low and bloodshot red from smoking.
“Y’all couldn’t wait for me?” Dream asked when she approached us. She bent down to kiss me, but I pushed her out the way because she smelled like sex.
“What’s wrong witchu?” she asked.
“Yo, Dream, don’t disrespect me like that!”
“I’m just gettin’ home! Are you mad because I came home late? You know I work at a club and the time varies for when I get off!” she said.
“You were gettin’ your back broken in, stop lyin’ to big bro,” Trell said. Naya elbowed him telling him to mind his business.
“Nigga, am I fuckin’ you?” Dream asked him.
“No. And I thank God because I would’ve been put hands on your sneaky ass,” Trell said.
“Yo, chill out!” I said to Trell.
“Pussy-whipped ass nigga,” he mumbled.
“I’m gonna take a shower before I play with y’all so don’t go anywhere,” Dream said.
She rushed into the house, and I followed her. Since she had on high heels, she almost tripped over the cord to a lamp which caused her purse to fall out her hand. Money spilled out of her purse along with a few condoms. Dream looked dumbfounded. I already knew she was fucking other niggas, but it was starting to really get to me.
“Who gave you all of that?” I asked her while she picked the money up.
“It’s tips from the club. What’s up with you? Why are we ready to argue?” she replied.
“I’m not feelin’ this shit anymore. There’s no way I’m supposed to be in the crib before you, that shit is whack, bruh. Plus, you come in here smellin’ like you’ve been fuckin’ all night. You thought I was gonna let you kiss me or somethin’?”
“You fuckin’ other bitches, so what’s the point in this? Do you want us to be more than friends because you’ve been clockin’ me lately?” she said.
“Can we be more than just friends? Cause I think one of us is going to get hurt and to be honest, I don’t think it’ll be me. Naw fuck that, I know it won’t be me.”
Dream put her hands on her hips with her lips twisted up, mugging me. “The hell you mean by that? What you plannin’ on gettin’ a lil’ girlfriend?” she asked.
“Yeah, I thought about it.”
Dream followed me upstairs asking me why I said that to her. Shorty wanted me the same way I wanted her, but I wasn’t the one holding back. Dream could’ve gotten anything from me.
“Let me see your phone!” Dream said when we entered our bedroom.
“What do I look like?”
“You look like a sneaky-ass nigga! Why do you want to pick a fight with me? Do you like seeing me sad? The reason I’m holdin’ back from you is because I don’t want you to hate me. I want better for you,” she said.
“Cool. I’m not gonna force this on you, but don’t walk in this muthafucka again smellin’ like disrespect!"
Dream went into the bathroom to take a shower, leaving me sitting on the bed feeling like a little bitch. I basically told shorty I wanted to be exclusive, but she straight up shut all of that down. My phone beeped, and it was a message from this random chick I ran into when I was at the gas station. She wanted me to slide through to her crib. Shid, Dream was fucking so I was going to continue doing me. I texted the girl back and told her I’d be there in twenty minutes…
“TRYST!” Tierra called out. I zoned out for a little thinking about me and Dream’s childish-ass relationship.
“Yo, what? Damn!”
“Do you want to come in, so I can put ice on your hand?” she asked. My hands were swollen for swinging on Adrian.
“Naw, I gotta get home.”
“Okay, let me know if you need me,” she said. Tierra leaned in to kiss my face. I told her I was going to holler at her later before getting out of her whip. Soon as I got into my truck, I sped off. Dream had me fucked up trying to pin a baby on me.
Dream
“Eat your food,” Deerie said.
I was sitting at the kitchen island, staring at a chicken salad sandwich with a bowl of fruit. Deerie was making sure I ate healthy for the baby that I wasn’t sure about keeping. Tryst treating me like shit and Naya’s death was making me sick. My body was weak and the last thing I wanted to do was eat.
“Eat,” Jasma said, sitting on the stool next to me.
“Yes, eat so we can go to the mall. Time is going by and Tryst wants me to get you out of the house,” Deerie said.
“My sister isn’t in the ground yet and y’all think I can act normal? Nothing is normal, Deerie. I can’t contact my mother to tell her Naya is gone. Go to the mall and do whatever you need to do. I can stay here and relax.”
“I just want you to be strong for your baby,” Deerie sadly replied.
“I’m not sure if I can go through this. ”
“Why in the hell not? I won’t let you go through this pregnancy alone. You’re my best friend. We will fight if you get an abortion,” Deerie said. I left the topic alone before I spazzed out on Deerie for telling me what to do with my body.
“Dream and baby,” Jasma said.
I burst into tears because I didn’t believe in creating a life just to get rid of it. My mind was in a dark place to the point where I sometimes thought about joining Naya. I realized how me and my sister wasn’t as tight as we once were when I started the escort business. We were once inseparable, but I turned into someone else. Tryst and Naya were my heart and I lost them both in the same day. Jasma crawled into my lap which uplifted me a little bit.
“We spoiled her really bad,” Deerie said to lighten the mood.
I heard the front door open then slam. Th
e pictures in the hallway rattled on the wall. I put Jasma on the floor because I had a feeling it was Tryst. My heart beat was racing, preparing to get into another argument. Tryst wasn’t himself anymore and I didn’t think he’d ever be so harsh. He came into the kitchen holding Jasma in his arms while she played with his diamond chain. Tryst was beginning to have that boss appeal. I remember a time when he was first introduced to hustling and wasn’t sure of his position.
“I gotta rap to you about somethin’,” he said to me. He gave Jasma to Deerie and she took her downstairs to her apartment. I wasn’t in the mood for Tryst’s bullshit anymore. Tryst leaned against the fridge with his hands in his shorts. I could see it in his face how much he was disgusted with me.
“I want you out of my crib after the funeral,” he said.
“WHAT!”
“I ran into your country-ass farmin’ lookin’ sugar daddy. That nigga told me that you’re carryin’ his seed. You told me you haven’t been talkin’ to him so how do he know?” Tryst asked.
“I’m not doing this bullshit with you!” I got up from the stool and Tryst grabbed my arm and sat me back down.
“LET ME GO!” I said while he squeezed my arm.
“TELL ME THE TRUTH!” he replied.
“You are hurtin’ my arm!”
“And I’ll break this muthafucka if I have to! You think I’m playin’ witchu, huh? You think I’m still that teenager that was pussy whipped back then? I ain’t that nigga anymore, Yomi,” he said.
“Get off of me, bitch!” I slapped Tryst with my free hand. It was the first time we’d put hands on each other.
Tryst grabbed me around the neck. “This shit hurts!” he said. Tryst pulled away from me when he realized I couldn’t breathe.
“Don’t make me hate you,” I said between breaths.
“Go ahead, maybe you can stop beggin’ me to be a father to your baby,” he said. I left out of the kitchen to grab whatever I could take back to my old apartment. One thing about me, a nigga isn’t going to make me feel like I need him. I’d be homeless before I begged someone for help. I went upstairs to our bedroom to get my things. It was clear that he hated me and after the way he talked to me, the feeling was mutual. In the midst of packing, Deerie came into the bedroom.
“I have money to find you a better place. You can’t go back to Newtowne,” she said.
“I understand your concern, but I can survive in the place I grew up in. I’ll find a way but I gotta get out of this house before I say somethin’ to hurt your brother’s feelings. Can you help me carry this to my car?”
Deerie grabbed the two duffel bags that I packed with my most expensive clothes and shoes. In a smaller bag, I packed my jewelry and perfumes. Deerie came back upstairs to help me pack a little more.
“Do you want to take these?” she asked. Deerie held up pictures of me and Tryst. We took them three years ago, months after David died. I took Tryst to Six Flags because he was in and out of depression.
“Yes, I’ll take that one, but I don’t need the others,” I replied.
“Our family fell apart. Tryst isn’t fuckin’ with Trell and now you two hate each other. I remember when we all used to play cards on the porch of our old house,” she said.
“Tryst only has you now. Treat him good, Deerie. He doesn’t like secrets as you can see and he’s not a forgiving person. You also gotta have his back since Bentley is in his head now.”
“I got him but I’m still gonna visit you,” she said.
“You better.”
“Now put some real clothes on before you go back there. I don’t need those bitches thinking my sister fell off,” she said. She made me realize that I only had on a robe. I grabbed a pair of leggings and a T-shirt out the drawer. Deerie left the bedroom so I could get dressed. Afterwards, I slipped my feet into a pair of flip-flops. Once I had everything I needed, I left out of the bedroom. Tryst was sitting at the kitchen island with a bottle of Grey Goose in front of him. Jasma ran to me with a Barbie in her hand. She wanted me to play with her.
“I’ll be back to play with you. I’m just cleaning up.”
“Okay,” she said then ran down the hall to the living room. Tryst was silent as he drank liquor from the bottle. He couldn’t look at me; he also didn’t offer to help me with my things. I went outside, Deerie was closing the trunk of my car.
“Leave the things in the trunk. I’ll come over tomorrow and help you with it. I’m going to stay back and see what’s up with my brother,” she said. I thanked Deerie again before putting my things in the back seat. She stood in the driveway until I pulled off, heading back to the neighborhood.
The hood was packed as always during the summer. Girls were in the parking lot dancing in the middle of the street while music played from their cars. The fiends were on the strip washing the small-time dope boys’ cars. There was “RIP Naya” spray-painted on the sidewalk in front of our old building. I so desperately wanted out of the hood, but I couldn’t escape it. Latasha, the bitch I hated the most, was sitting on a crate in front of my building watching a dice game. Soon as she saw me, she rolled her eyes at me. Rizzo was so far gone out of my life yet she still couldn’t get over it. I ignored her as I made my way through the small crowd.
“’I’m gonna take that nigga from you, bitch! I don’t know why you keep coming back here!” Latasha shouted after I made it up the steps.
Once I unlocked my apartment door and made my way inside, I let the tears fall. The apartment didn’t feel the same. I sat on the couch balling my eyes out. Naya’s work shoes were in the living room and the TV was on her favorite channel which was BET. I just couldn’t keep it together because I was missing my sister terribly. It was dark outside when I looked out the window. I spent three hours crying about everything. My butt began to hurt so I got up and went down the hallway into Naya’s old bedroom. She had a poster of B2K on her wall from when she had the biggest crush on them. A pair of pink skates sat on her dresser still in the box. I took off my shoes before climbing into her bed. The scent of her hair conditioner was still on the pillow. I wrapped myself up in her blanket and closed my eyes, hoping to wake up from this bad dream.
Adrian
Meanwhile…
My wife Suzanne was throwing my clothes and shoes out of the closet while screaming obscenities.
“You’ve been cheating on me for twenty years and I’m tired of it! I go to church, pray and live by the bible and you do this to me? Let demons into our home by your sins!” she said.
“Shut the fuck up for once! We’ve been together for twenty years, and I can’t even think about you giving me oral sex the same way I do for you. You don’t turn me on anymore, Suzanne. Dream is amazing, and she listens to me whenever I vent. Since the cat is out of the bag, I’m staying at my penthouse from now on!”
Tears ran down Suzanne’s face as she pushed over the dressers in our bedroom. We’d been going at it since we left the mall. That thug Dream was so-called in love with snuck me. I wanted to save Dream from him, so he wouldn’t harm her.
“You don’t care about me, Adrian! I helped you start your real estate business. It was my trust fund money that helped your sorry evil ass. And you got another woman pregnant? I can’t believe you,” she screamed.
“What did you want me to do, huh? Sit around and wait for you to get fertile? We have a six-bedroom house and none of them are filled with kids! I want children, I want a woman that listens to me without being too darn Christian. Let loose sometimes, wear lingerie, fix that awful mushroom bob! Wear heels with a little more length and not those darn kitty heels with the strap in a back. I hate you, Suzanne, and you know I do. I’m tired of staying here to save your feelings. Dream is a young vibrant woman who can give me everything.”
Suzanne wiped her eyes after crying her old heart out. She was only forty-four but looked sixty. Dream made me feel young again—very young. I took her money, so she could come to her senses since I knew how much she loved money. I thought that wou
ld’ve made her come back to me, but it didn’t. All of my threats went over her head. She didn’t take me seriously because I wasn’t a thug.
“I’m going to call my mother; maybe she can bring her friends over to pray for our marriage,” she sniffled.
“I won’t be here when they get here. I’m going to file for a divorce. Please don’t try to stop me.”
“Your sorry ass will regret this,” she said.
I gave her a kiss on the forehead before leaving out of our bedroom. The house was in disarray because Suzanne threw almost everything we owned at me when we came home from the mall. I heard glass breaking upstairs as I headed down the stairs to leave. Before I left the house, I fixed my clothes. The penthouse I had across town was my home—with Dream.
Once in my car, I received a text message from my brother, telling me that he had to see me. I’d gotten myself into some deep shit.
Twenty-five minutes later…
I pulled up into the driveway of my brother’s home. My forehead was covered in sweat because my brother was a dangerous man, he was psychotic. I wanted out of what he had going on, but he needed me because I had the money he needed to make moves.
“Get your punk ass out of the car!” my brother yelled from the doorway. I got out and slammed the door. When I got closer, he cracked a smirk.
“What in the fuck happened to your face, fam?” he asked.
“Me and my wife got into a fight.”
“Let’s talk, and hurry up before my wife comes home,” Connery said.
I walked into the house and it was full of weed smoke. He told me to come to the living room. My shirt was beginning to stick to my back because of the sweat. There were guns and drugs stacked up on the coffee table.
“Have a seat, big brother,” he said.